From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (1a/?) Date: 01 Jan 1999 12:58:29 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on yo= ur own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last epi= sode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then= my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to= all of them. Chapter 1: Basically getting aqquainted to where the characters are now, really. And each of them is mysteriously attacked by something they had thought they had all left behind in the past. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some major stuff to say that is not mine and what *= is* mine. Buffy Summers: Not mine. "Belongs to Joss Whedon, the WB, and ya know the rest. i really hate repitition. It dulls the keys on the keyboard." Jonah Daly: Mine. Buffy's husband. I kinda took the name off of Carson Da= ly from MTV because I was totally lacking in creative inspiration there, for = a moment. Um, Jonah is bascially like the MTV dude. I'm gonna make him out t= o be like that. Elisabeth Sarah "Es" Summers-Daly: I own her. She's Buffy & Jonah's kid. Faith Moss: I don't own Faith. "" I made up the last name because so far,= she is lacking in one. Xander Harris: I don't own him. "" Cordelia Chase: I don't own her. "" Jonathan Peters: I own him. Buffy's Nicholas Peters: I own him. The child of Jonathan and Cordelia. Julia "Julie" and Joshua "Josh" Harris: I own them. They are the product = of Xander and his marriage to his first wife, Emily Longston. Her disclaimer'= ll come later when I use her. Andrea "Annie" Harris: I own her. The child of Xander and Cordelia. Willow Rosenberg: I don't own her. "" I've also based her completely on Alanis Morissette, because whenever I think of who I want Willow to be lik= e when she grows up, BOOM, I get the picture of Alanis Morissette. So be it. Jeremy "Oz" Osbourne: I don't own him. "" I made up the first name 'cause= I doubt his parents were cool enough to actually name his "Oz", unless they = were one of 'em hippy people or something when they had him. Then he probably would've been name something like Clover or another hippy name. ::insert shudder here:: Adriana "Echo" Ruben-Brown: I own her. She's Willow's friend from college= , and they are both members of a coven that they helped start. She is also t= he wife of: Devon Brown: I don't own him. "" He was an original mmeber of "Dingoes At= e My Baby." I made up his last name because I figure that he needs one. He is married to Echo, and is part of the band: "Hellmouth": I own the name. Oh, c'mon, what would be a cooler and more likely name for Oz's band, after "Dingoes Ate My Baby" got tired? My frien= d liked the name, anyway. All of their songs are someone elses, and likewise= , their disclaimer'll follow. Green Leaf Cafe: I hope I own it. It's a little cafe in Greenwich where B= uffy once worked a while back, before she was "discovered" by her husband. Jack Hansen: I own him. Xander's co-worker down where he works. The song that Willow is singing is the first part of Alanis Morissette's = "All I Really Want." I'm not a songwriter, folks. Forgive me for lack of originality. White Rose Coven: I own it. Oh, I hope I'm making the name up. If their i= s an actual coven out there by that name, I did not use that name purposely. So= rry. MoonRaven: I own her. I took he name from the lady witch who runs "A Mystickal Grove", a popular Wiccan site on the Internet. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 1 Part A (Cause stupid AOL won't let me past the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) =09It was a dark and stormy night. =09Outside, the rain pounded against the window in sheets, causing the pan= es to shake and rattle whenever the strong wind came a-wuthering around the hous= e. Three o'clock in the morning, and the rain so clouded the street lamplight= and the radiance of the stars that it was pitch-black outside for yards and ya= rds, lightning providing the only luminance. Thunder was it's companion, boomin= g all around the house, showing off that nature did have a damn good stereo system. Outside, trees and garbage cans were knocked over without much cau= tion from the wind, and anybody stuck out in this storm was not to fare well. =09She was not outside. She was inside, staring outside the fogged-up wall window in the living room, watching the torrents of rain that pounded agai= nst her house with unseeing eyes. She was dressed in a ratty old shirt that sa= id "I work for the Green Leaf Caf=E9" in big, bold green letters, and as she = sat on the armrest of a rather expensive-looking leather couch, a pair of decorat= ive purple panties were visible, along with luxuriously long legs. In her thin= , lithe, trembling little hands was a warm mug of cocoa, quite a comfort to = her throughout the night. =09Upstairs, in the master bedroom, her husband Jonah was fast asleep, pro= bably shivering from the cold because he always kicked the bedsheets to the bott= om of the bed, and he refused to wear anything else besides an amusing pair o= f flannel boxers. Down the hall, past the bathroom, the guest bedroom, and t= he utility closet, her daughter Elisabeth Sarah slept like the little angel t= hat she was in the nursery. They still called it the nursery, she thought with= a trace of humor, although "Es" had just turned six years old a month ago. I= t was still decorated like a child's room, also, and Jonah groaned the other= day about Es reaching the age where *she* would want to decorate her own room.= His wife shared his same fear. =09And, downstairs was her, she who could never get a decent night's sleep= . Yet, "you never get baggy eyes!", as one of her co-stars had once told her. She= had just smiled at them and gave them her little secret-cucumbers, a hot bath, relaxing incense, and most importantly, "tons and tons of foundation!" Foundation, of course, was every actress's necessary tool in her line of w= ork. =09Still, while that made it looked like she got plenty of sleep, her body= still dragged miles behind. Or at least, it used to. Her body had been condition= ed over the years to function without a lot of sleep. It came with both field= s of work . . . both of them indeed, she thought with a sigh. =09There was a flash of lightning, and much to soon for comfort, a rumble = of thunder pierced through the night. She jumped, and then made sure that non= e of the cocoa spilled out of the mud and into the ankle-deep, beige carpeting = of the sunken living room. Tired of nature and tired of the world in general,= she cradled the cup of cocoa to her chest and quickly and carefully made her w= ay back to the kitchen. =09When she entered the large, modern-age kitchen, the first thing she did= was flip on the light switch. She blinked as her eyes became conditioned to th= e sudden change in lighting. Then, with a toss of her waist-length, wavy, di= rty- blond hair, she made her way to the refrigerator. =09Binge-fest, in the middle of the night, and still she kept a good figur= e. Exercise, plently of exercise, both officially with her personal trainer a= nd unofficially chasing after her six-year-old, her brother-in-law, and the family dog. Not even counting her rigerous shooting schedule. It seemed th= at she never had an ounce of free time . . . never time to be herself. She wa= s always either mother, wife, or actress. =09She was never Buffy. =09But now, during the late hours of the night and the wee hours of the mo= rning, she could be herself. So, settling down at the kitchen table with her cup = of cocoa, a slice of apple pie, and the latest issue of In Style, Buffy was content with being Buffy. =09On page 52 there was, not surprisingly, yet another article about her. = It began with the usual line: "At only 32, Buffy Summers-Daly has become Hollywood's favorite darling" or some rot like that. Whenever one of those horrible reporter-persons came around, Buffy just usually rolled her eyes = and made the few quotes and told some funny stories, just wanting to get the d= amn interview thing over with. In fact, she could only remember one article sh= e had actually enjoyed doing. It was for one of those parenting magazines, a= nd both she and Es were featured. That had been entertaining for the both of them, especially Es, who got to show off her collection of Beanie Babies t= o all of America. =09Her eyes were widening in shock as she read a certain paragraph that wa= s not particularly flattering to a certain part of her body when she first heard= the rapping. It was very soft: if not for her Slayer-strengthened hearing, she would never noticed it until five minutes later or so, when it became gradually louder until it was a thumping noise. =09More upset than spooked, Buffy got to her feet and marched out of the kitchen, up the winding marble steps that she had so loved when Jonah and = she had first bought the mansion, and the into the hallway. There was a slight prickling at the back of her neck, a sensation that was associated with something that she *definitely* did not want it to be associated with. =09Tenser now, Buffy stopped in front of the bookcase and pulled several b= ooks off the third shelf, where it was easiest to reach. Behind them, hidden in= the dust and darkness, were the standard issue supplies of a Slayer, or at lea= st the barest minimums. Grabbing a stake and a tiny bottle of holy water, she pushed the books back into place and continued down the hall. She also ask= ed God to keep Jonah in the bedroom, least he pop out to check out the racket during a critical moment. Thank God that he was such a deep sleeper; if he could sleep through that earthquake three or so years ago, he could damn w= ell fall asleep through whatever she was gonna do. =09Buffy was certain that the rapping was coming from somewhere on the sec= ond floor, yet she couldn't place it. She stopped, toes digging into the hall = rug, closing her eyes and concentrating heard, trying to place the location of = the intruder. Vampire alright. She could sense the animalistic hunger, the lus= t, the need . . . she tried not to get caught up in the moment as she tried t= o pinpoint where the feelings were coming from. =09Suddenly her eyes flashed open. The feeling were coming from the last r= oom down the hall . . . her daughters room! As the Slayer, Buffy felt no fear,= no sense of panic or terror. But the mother inside her was feeling all those horribly twisted feelings and more, and the two halves of her conflicted sharply as Buffy hurried down the hall, bursting into her daughter's room. =09The room was such a sweet room. It was decorated in a soft lavender, Bu= ffy's favorite color and not coincidentally, it had grown to be Es's also. There were stuffed animals, rocking chairs, toys, and a tiny television seat str= ewn around the room and all around the center of the room, where the tall, lar= ge canopy bed lay in a place where a tiny crib had once been located. Buffy remembered shopping for the bed: Jonah and she had looked at their daughte= r as though she were insane, but Es had kept politely asking for the bed that s= he wanted. "She's having that bed 'till she moves out of the house," Jonah ha= d said with all conviction as they had set it up together, marveling how the tiny the nursery had grown afterwards. =09Now, the curtains were pulled away from each other and tied to the bedp= ost, and she could see the tiny form of her daughter cuddled under the silk lavender covers, head buried in a pillow, and long brown hair spread all o= ver like a halo. In her arms she clutched a raggedy stuffed pig: Mr. Gordo, wh= ich had once been Buffy's. And, as Buffy could tell and acknowledge with a gre= at amount of relief, she was still breathing deeply; in fact, she was breathi= ng and making soft snoring noises. The mother in Buffy reminded herself that = she needed to take Es to the doctor and find out what the little girl was alle= rgic to. =09Then the thumping sound came again. Elisabeth Sarah snorted and rolled = over in her sleep, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer looked past the canopy bed and = at the large window that had a wonderful view of acres of forest that were pa= rt of the Daly land. =09The only problem was that the breathtaking view was blocked by the larg= e, burly form of a vampire, who was desperately trying to punch in the thick glass door. Buffy chuckled to herself. =09"Nine inches of glass, idiot. How are you going to get in?" she asked t= he moronic vampire, who of course had not noticed her yet. Feeling a little humorous and still with a slight high from the earlier shock of nerves, Bu= ffy carefully creeped up to window, staying tucked away in the shadows. =09When she was right underneath the window, Buffy reached up to grasp the window ledge with the hand that held the stake. The vampire still did not notice her. Good. =09Inside her head, Buffy gave a yelp. She quickly rose up, filling the wi= ndow with her form. The surprised look on the vampire's face was to die for, ba= d a pun as that was. The vampire, shocked, let go of the hold that he had on t= he window, and for a moment he just crouched there on the ledge, hands spinni= ng and trying to keep his balance. Then, it's mouth twisted into an "O", the vampire lost balance and fell down two stories, landing on the grass with = a *thump* that rang true in Buffy's mind. =09She allowed herself a little laugh. What is just her, or were vampires getting stupider and stupider as the years progressed? She turned around, holding the stake and the vial of holy water loosely in her hand, shaking = her head with disgust. Really, it just was worth it most of the time . . . =09"Mommy? What's going on?" =09It was Buffy's turn to be startled now, so startled that she jumped jus= t the tiniest bit before she realized that silky, young-sounding voice was comin= g from her daughter, who was now sitting up in bed with a sleepy demeanor ab= out her. Buffy looked down at her hands, saw the weapons, and then quickly tuc= ked them behind her, dropping them behind a large stuffed rabbit, hoping that = she could get them in the morning before Es found them. =09"Nothing going on, sweetheart," Buffy soothed, walking over to her baby= girl. She sat down next to her, pulling Es into her lap and holding her to her chest, smoothing her long, tangled brown hair that was the same length as = her mother's. "Mommy was just looking out the window, that's all." She gave he= r a comforting kiss on the forehead and pulled back to look her daughter in th= e eye. "Now go back to sleep." =09"But I'm not tired," Es protested sleepily, opening her mouth in a litt= le yawn. Then both mother and daughter giggled. "I guess I am," Es admitted, laying back down into her pillow. Buffy just smiled and tucked the covers tight around Es' body, then smoothing back her hair from her forehead. =09"Sweet dreams," Buffy whispered, slowly getting up. "I love you." =09"Love you too," Es breathed, already half asleep. In a few seconds, she= was back to her steady breathing/wheezing. Buffy sighed tiredly and then walke= d out of the nursery, closing the door softly behind her. She stood in the h= all for a moment, searching for the vampire's presence. He was still out there= , somewhere in front of the house. Should she just go to sleep and pray that= the vampire didn't harm somebody else? Or should she grab another stake from t= he false-bottom drawer in the master bedroom, the one that Jonah had no knowl= edge of? =09As good as dropping into bed besides her husband sounded right about no= w, Buffy could not ignore her duty. Sure, she could run away from being the Slayer, but it follow her until the day she died. At least things weren't = too bad, and she should be grateful for that. Besides, if she didn't do someth= ing about that vampire . . . someone might get killed. Although many deaths we= re on her pretty little head already, Buffy didn't care to have one more adde= d to the list. Dejectedly, Buffy reached for the hidden stash in her bookcase, pulling out just a stake this time. Swift and quick was the plan du jour. =09Just as she was placing the books back in place was when something stra= nge happened. Well, it was not strange as in the sense of it happening-it was perfectly natural, mind you-but why would it choose to happen at that prec= ise moment? Buffy's body went rigid as she felt the vampire suddenly *not be there*. He was totally gone-from this world at least. He had been slayed. = But by whom? =09Buffy felt a slight bit of terror grip her heart again, but curiosity w= as the ruling emotion here. Hurrying down the stairs, Buffy ran to the door, inte= nt on finding out what had happened to vampire, not at all afraid to fling th= e door open, because she had never invited a single vampire into this house. =09She was still stunned, though, at the figure that stood in her doorway,= with the shiny black slicker, and completely drenched it rain, leather, and metallic jewelry. The shock must have been evident on her face, because he= r surprise visitor noticed and laughed. =09"That's not happy to see me," Faith Moss, the Vampire Slayer said as a = bolt of lightning hit somewhere in the next street, raising the hair on the two women's necks and also illuminating her face eerily. "Afraid of the competition, eh?" =09Buffy's mouth suddenly did not work. Why, in fifteen years, did Faith suddenly appear on her doorstep. "What . . . ?" she asked, her mouth hangi= ng ajar at the not-so-quite end of the sentence. =09Faith smiled, her thin, very red lips parting just for a moment, then settling back into a thin line. "My last Watcher gave me an important bit = of information. One of those pesky prophecies." She shook her arms, sending droplets of rain flying off from her coat. "You gonna let me in, or an I g= onna catch pneumonia or what?" =09"Oh," Buffy said, somewhat sheepishly. Then she held the door open, and= Faith marched past her as though she owned the place. "Make yourself at home," B= uffy whispered softly as Faith hung her coat on the coat rack and then walked i= nto the living room, plopping onto the coat and lifted her feet off the floor. =09Before closing the door, Buffy took one last look out the window, in ca= se anymore surprise visitors popped up. Then, assured that there was to be no more, Buffy closed behind the door behind her. Surely, this was going to b= e one interesting night. //*\\ End of Part A //*\\ Feedback is *so* wanted. Tell me what you like! Tell me what you hate! (: ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (1b/?) Date: 01 Jan 1999 13:00:44 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 1: Basically getting aqquainted to where the characters are now, really. And each of them is mysteriously attacked by something they had thought they had all left behind in the past. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some major stuff to say that is not mine and what *is* mine. Buffy Summers: Not mine. "Belongs to Joss Whedon, the WB, and ya know the rest. i really hate repitition. It dulls the keys on the keyboard." Jonah Daly: Mine. Buffy's husband. I kinda took the name off of Carson Daly from MTV because I was totally lacking in creative inspiration there, for a moment. Um, Jonah is bascially like the MTV dude. I'm gonna make him out to be like that. Elisabeth Sarah "Es" Summers-Daly: I own her. She's Buffy & Jonah's kid. Faith Moss: I don't own Faith. "" I made up the last name because so far, she is lacking in one. Xander Harris: I don't own him. "" Cordelia Chase: I don't own her. "" Jonathan Peters: I own him. Buffy's Nicholas Peters: I own him. The child of Jonathan and Cordelia. Julia "Julie" and Joshua "Josh" Harris: I own them. They are the product of Xander and his marriage to his first wife, Emily Longston. Her disclaimer'll come later when I use her. Andrea "Annie" Harris: I own her. The child of Xander and Cordelia. Willow Rosenberg: I don't own her. "" I've also based her completely on Alanis Morissette, because whenever I think of who I want Willow to be like when she grows up, BOOM, I get the picture of Alanis Morissette. So be it. Jeremy "Oz" Osbourne: I don't own him. "" I made up the first name 'cause I doubt his parents were cool enough to actually name his "Oz", unless they were one of 'em hippy people or something when they had him. Then he probably would've been name something like Clover or another hippy name. ::insert shudder here:: Adriana "Echo" Ruben-Brown: I own her. She's Willow's friend from college, and they are both members of a coven that they helped start. She is also the wife of: Devon Brown: I don't own him. "" He was an original mmeber of "Dingoes Ate My Baby." I made up his last name because I figure that he needs one. He is married to Echo, and is part of the band: "Hellmouth": I own the name. Oh, c'mon, what would be a cooler and more likely name for Oz's band, after "Dingoes Ate My Baby" got tired? My friend liked the name, anyway. All of their songs are someone elses, and likewise, their disclaimer'll follow. Green Leaf Cafe: I hope I own it. It's a little cafe in Greenwich where Buffy once worked a while back, before she was "discovered" by her husband. Jack Hansen: I own him. Xander's co-worker down where he works. The song that Willow is singing is the first part of Alanis Morissette's "All I Really Want." I'm not a songwriter, folks. Forgive me for lack of originality. White Rose Coven: I own it. Oh, I hope I'm making the name up. If their is an actual coven out there by that name, I did not use that name purposely. Sorry. MoonRaven: I own her. I took he name from the lady witch who runs "A Mystickal Grove", a popular Wiccan site on the Internet. * AUTHOR'S NOTE: There is something vaguely sexual here, so I give this chapter a PG-13. OK? Nothing graphic at all. Just . . . hinting, I suppose. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 1 Part B (Cause stupid AOL won't let me past the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) This time they were being very careful, very safe. The door was closed. Last time, which had definitely been only a short while ago, Julie and Josh had walked in on them. Definitely not mature for their age of five, the twins had set upon telling the entire tale in vivid detail to the dinner guests later that night, much to their parents disgust and complete horror. After a long talk on the birds and the bees, Julie and Josh had agreed to keep quiet about the incident, although they had both agreed that this little thing was a wonderful blackmail. Yet, the opportunity to use it had not yet arisen. They would be quiet . . . they would wait. Meanwhile, their parents were being a little more cautious as to their surroundings when they "did it." Since the bedroom was always a major factor, with the bed being there and everything, and the walls were thick, there remained the fact that for the rest of the times that they had sex, the freakin' door would be closed. Of course, it did not matter how thick the walls were and if the door was closed and whether they were ten feet for ten million miles away from the twins' bedroom. Nothing in the known universe could muffle Cordelia's screams of ecstasy. She, of course, was done with the screaming part now. They were nearing the end part, and Cordelia was quite comfortable with being silent and letting her husband do his thing under the covers. "Hmm, yes, that's the right spot," she murmured contently as her talented spouse touched her in just the right place. A sob of enjoyment was caught in her throat as she kept herself in check. "Oh . . . yeah." She was just sneaking under the covers to pleasure her husband a bit when the phone on the nightstand let out it's annoying, piercing ring. Rolling her eyes, Cordelia climbed out of her "position" and reached for the phone. "Hello, you've reached the Harris residence," Cordelia said cordially into the phone, realizing how much she sounded like a secretary. "This is Cordelia. May I please ask the name of whoever is suicidal enough to be calling me at-" she reached out one long, bare arm to turn the digital clock to face her-"six o'clock in the freakin' morning?" She ended the sentence in a honeyed tone, trying to sound as sardonically polite as she could be. "Um, hello Cordelia," said a pleasant male voice, sounding as tired as Cordelia sounded pissed. "This is Jack. Can I please speak to Xander, if he's there?" "Oh, he's here alright," Cordelia said icily into the phone. Next to her, Xander popped his head out of the covers, his hair mussed and his face flushed. "Unfortunately, Roger, he's busy right now." Xander tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned to look at him with narrowed eyes. He made a big "no" sign and then held out his hand for the phone. "Never mind, here he is," Cordelia grumbled into the phone, begrudgingly handing the phone over to her husband. "Obviously, you've got your priorities crossed," she mumbled crossly, ducking under the covers. Xander just sighed and turned his attention to the phone. "So Jack, what about that ca-" Xander stopped mid-word, sucking his breath in sharply. He closed his eyes, his lips curving upwards into a smile, which quickly grew to a frown. He cupped on large hand over the receiver, and then whispered harshly, "Cordelia, not *now*!" All he got in response was a muffled giggled, and more of what she had begun to do. "Roger, ah . . . I'm gonna have to call you back," he managed to get out, and then slammed the phone back into his handle. "Are you trying to embarrass me in front of my co-worker?" Xander said teasingly, sliding back under the covers to that he could further enjoy this special attention. Mid attention-giving, there was a sudden crash from outside. Two tousled heads popped out, both very upset and one slightly paranoid. "I think that came from the shed," Cordelia said in a tiny voice, looking around the bedroom. Her eyes landed on the door, then they flicked to Xander, and then back to the door. "Ahem," she said, clearing her throat loudly. Xander groaned, and then sat up. "Where are my boxers?" he said, looking frantically around for his under-shorts. Spotting them a good toss away from the bed, he climbed out of bed naked, only then realizing how damn cold it was in the small bedroom. "I wish you didn't have such a good arm," he chuckled, remembering just how far she had tossed in his clothes 30 or so minutes ago. "Oh, you *like* my good arm," Cordelia said teasingly, sitting up in bed also. She wrapped the covers around her upper and lower body, even though she was very comfortable displaying her body in front of Xander. "You so know you do." "Of course I do," Xander said, pulling up his boxers. He picked up his undershirt from the back on the desk chair and pulled his on over his head. With a smile, he reached behind the computer monitor that rested on his desk and took a long while in pulling out a black, lacey bra. "Is this yours, Mrs. Harris?" he asked, dangling it in the air and wiggling his eyebrows at his wife. Cordelia laughed, a lilting sound that sounded like music to Xander's ears. The words {I can't believe she's my wife} flashed through his mind a million times, even though she had been his wife for a good four years now. Every time he looked at her body, every time that she spoke aloud, and every time that he looked into her eyes, those exact words ran through his mind. He just couldn't believe his amazing luck. {You're blessed, Harris} he told himself, believing every word he thought. "Yes, it's mine," she said sultrily, letting her eyelids half-close over her eyes as she continued staring steadily at him. When she did that it always turned him on, and they both knew it. "But you can keep it for a souvenir, if you like." "Hmm, I'd like that a lot," Xander said, and he stuffed the bra into the back pocket of his boxers, making sure that a bit peeked through. "Now, while I be the man and check on whatever raccoon happened to take shelter in our shed, don't go anywhere, ok? I learned something new that I'd like to show you." His voice clearly hinted at something. "Yeah, and I'd be even more interested in who you learned it from!" Cordelia called after her husband as he closed the bedroom door behind him. She could hear his laughter, the soft laughter that always sent shivers up her spine. {You don't deserve him at all} Cordelia thought to herself, laying back down in the bed and patting her pillow. {Or, you do deserve him, and you've finally got him}. That thought made her grin. Only four years ago she was in the hospital, deep in a coma she had been brought into from the severe beating her first husband, Jonathan Peters, had given her earlier that evening. She could still remember his angry voice, the sound of his baseball bat crunching her bones, and their child, Nicholas, who was only three or four years old at the time, screaming for Daddy not to hurt Mommy-yes, she still remembered that horrible night. And then, the next day, she was lying in a hospital bed, totally unconscious. She had lied there for two straight weeks, completely alone and unable to tell her story-she wouldn't, anyway, because she was the classic beaten wife case, totally unable to admit that anything was wrong with her marriage. Jonathan was off doing computer programming in Asia and totally refused to come back to L.A., which was becoming mighty suspicious for the social service workers that hung out on the fourth floor. Poor Nicholas, who they might have extracted information from, was completely in shock. He refused to speak, and he didn't regain his speech until an entire year later. Even now he was still a shy and quiet boy, with a dark and brooding expression, and brown eyes that were much too old for a seven-year-old. When she finally came out of the coma, two weeks after she was admitted to the hospital, she had extreme amnesia, only able to remember two words: "Alexander Harris." These two words brought such mixed feelings, such as anger, hate, betrayal, but strongest of all, an intense feeling of love, of actually feeling that he completed her. Not a face, not a recollection as to where these feelings came from were available to Cordelia. Then a lucky break came. The nurse who take care of her, a kind women somewhere in her late forties, named Celeste, recognized the name. It seems that a man by the same name had checked in to the hospital, asking for a nurse to take care of his twin newborns while he spent his time here in L.A. Celeste's friend, Maggie, had been chosen for the job, and she could get this Alexander Harris to show up. If he recognized her, they could continue getting her memory back, because although there were picture and evidence of her present, any and all before her marriage to Jonathan was a complete blank to her and everyone else. The next day, Alexander Harris showed up. Cordelia still remembered the first time she saw him, standing in the doorway, such a sad, depressed face on. Then, when he saw her: bandages, crutches by her bed side, bruised all over the place, his face had dropped into one of complete shock and sympathy. He had sat by her hospital bed, demanding to know who had done this to her so that he could give whoever it was a damn good thrashing. Cordelia didn't answer him, but instead wondered why this man, this strange man with the gorgeous face, great build, and light British accent felt the need to protect her so. Least to say, the following week was a week of immense learning, and Cordelia gained her memory quite quickly, though it was mostly from actually banging her head on the side of her hospital bed than the fine-toothed experiments most of the doctors and Xander had made her through. The first thing she did was freak out because the things that Xander had been telling her about her past was indeed true. The second thing she did was report the still-away-on-business Jonathan to the authorities and demand a divorce and also a restraining order. The third thing she did was ask Xander if he would consider a relationship, taking in consideration what had only recently happened in England. Xander had agreed nonetheless, and in less than six months or so they wed, and nine months later their daughter, *their* daughter Annie was born. They were a family, now and forever. And, as Cordelia waited for Xander to return, she thought he was a mighty fine act in bed, too. *** The air was chilly, mainly because it was December and it was Virginia, and Xander knew that he just asking for a cold, going outdoors in his kind of clothing. But all he had to do was take a quick look in the shed, run the stupid raccoon out, and then go back up to the bedroom again. Simple, really, and if he did it fast enough, he wouldn't have to down a bottle of Triaminic afterwards. Honestly, Cordelia had the strangest way of avoiding colds. But at least the Triaminic tasted rather well, for medicine. The sun was just peeking over the horizon, and Xander was overtaken by the sudden fear that he would have to go to work soon. Then he calmed down, reminding himself that it was Saturday and they were letting him take the weekend off. Thank God, too. Xander planned on taking the kids camping, even Cordelia and Annie, though they would have to deal with taking care of a three-year-old. Luckily, Annie was turning out to be much of a tomboy, like Julie had turned out to be. There would be no misgivings while Xander, Nicholas, Josh, and Julie went out trekking in the woods, although Cordelia would most likely stay inside the tent, mothering Annie to death. She meant well, anyway . . . Xander reached out to pull the shed doors open, and he grunted in surprise when they didn't open. He put his feet in the ground and then pulled hard on the doors, and still they did not swing open. Dammit, he was a big man, and he tons of muscles from working out, and he was very, very strong. So why weren't the doors opening? They opened fine yesterday; they couldn't possibly rust shut overnight. For a second, Xander wondered if something other than raccoons were his shed, but he was no longer someone who was content to just wonder. He went to the back of the shed where a few shovels were lying around, and praying Cordelia didn't come out screaming "Xander! What are you doing to the shed?!", he went back to the front and began to pound on the front doors. When he heard the satisfying *clang* of the lock being broken inside, he shoved the doors open, and the rosy pink light of the sunrise flooded the shed. Something moved along a pile of some unnamable metal parts, and Xander was quick enough to see that it was indeed a raccoon. "Oh, get the hell out of here," Xander grumbled, throwing the shovel at the metal parts, careful not to hit the animal. He did succeed in scaring it, though, and the mammal quickly scampered past Xander, running out of the shed like it was crazed. The strange behavior puzzled Xander; that and the fact that something seemed so *wrong*. It was just in the air. Cautiously, Xander entered the shed, walking all the way to the back, where the sunrise's light did not shine. He looked around, but he saw nothing. Suddenly, something skittered up the back wall, and Xander stepped back and looked up high, sighing when he realized it was just a lizard. "See, nothing," he told himself, crossing his arms over his chest. "Some imagination." He was totally caught off guard when something did indeed grab him from behind and pulled him up against the wall. Startled, Xander gathered himself as his attacker grabbed a good hold of his neck. Squirming out of his attacker's strong grip, he fell to the floor and quickly rolled under some old mats. Whoever jumped on top of the map, but Xander rolled back out just in time. He got to his feet while the attacker was still rolling around, still tangled up. Xander laughed and grabbed the person by the back, intent on punching the lights out of this asshole. How surprised-how very surprised-was he when he looked into the horrible, misshapen face of his attacker. A forehead creased together in a ridge down the center, horrible yellow eyes as though it had hepatitis, and a mouth full of big, sharp, teeth, and a pair of long, elongated . . . fangs. "Oh *shit*." Xander said aloud, and the vampire, seeing that Xander was momentarily stunned, took the chance to try punching him out. He knocked Xander to the floor again, and then proceeded to get on top of him, heading right for his neck, growling with intense hunger. Xander, realizing just what the heck was gonna happen here, grabbed the vampire by the neck and threw him off. All those years of physical therapy and self defense weren't for nothing . . . Xander flipped over unto his back and quickly glanced around the shed, and finding what he wanted, grabbed it off a shelf. The vampire, with his back to him, tried turning around to capture his intended victim, but Xander was armed with the handle of a broken hammer. In a rage, Xander shoved it right through the vampire's heart, staring in disbelief as it disappeared into dust. Then he let the handle clatter to the floor. "Oh *shit*," he repeated, walking backwards out of the shed. He closed the door quickly behind him, and then lay against the doors for support. A vampire, in the daylight, in *his* shed, intent on making him his breakfast-or dinner. Why, after 15 years of being left alone, did they choose to bother him now . . . Well, if they were in his shed they were probably damn well everywhere. Xander looked around him in a controlled panic, and then ran towards the house, not caring what the neighbors or the children thought. "Cordelia!" he yelled loudly as soon as he entered the house and the front door banged behind him. "Get down here quick! We need to talk!" //*\\ End of Part B //*\\ Feedback is so requested. Tell me whatcha like, tell me whatcha hate. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (1c/?) Date: 01 Jan 1999 16:56:30 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 1: Basically getting aqquainted to where the characters are now, really. And each of them is mysteriously attacked by something they had thought they had all left behind in the past. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some major stuff to say that is not mine and what *is* mine. Buffy Summers: Not mine. "Belongs to Joss Whedon, the WB, and ya know the rest. i really hate repitition. It dulls the keys on the keyboard." Jonah Daly: Mine. Buffy's husband. I kinda took the name off of Carson Daly from MTV because I was totally lacking in creative inspiration there, for a moment. Um, Jonah is bascially like the MTV dude. I'm gonna make him out to be like that. Elisabeth Sarah "Es" Summers-Daly: I own her. She's Buffy & Jonah's kid. Faith Moss: I don't own Faith. "" I made up the last name because so far, she is lacking in one. Xander Harris: I don't own him. "" Cordelia Chase: I don't own her. "" Jonathan Peters: I own him. Buffy's Nicholas Peters: I own him. The child of Jonathan and Cordelia. Julia "Julie" and Joshua "Josh" Harris: I own them. They are the product of Xander and his marriage to his first wife, Emily Longston. Her disclaimer'll come later when I use her. Andrea "Annie" Harris: I own her. The child of Xander and Cordelia. Willow Rosenberg: I don't own her. "" I've also based her completely on Alanis Morissette, because whenever I think of who I want Willow to be like when she grows up, BOOM, I get the picture of Alanis Morissette. So be it. Jeremy "Oz" Osbourne: I don't own him. "" I made up the first name 'cause I doubt his parents were cool enough to actually name his "Oz", unless they were one of 'em hippy people or something when they had him. Then he probably would've been name something like Clover or another hippy name. ::insert shudder here:: Adriana "Echo" Ruben-Brown: I own her. She's Willow's friend from college, and they are both members of a coven that they helped start. She is also the wife of: Devon Brown: I don't own him. "" He was an original mmeber of "Dingoes Ate My Baby." I made up his last name because I figure that he needs one. He is married to Echo, and is part of the band: "Hellmouth": I own the name. Oh, c'mon, what would be a cooler and more likely name for Oz's band, after "Dingoes Ate My Baby" got tired? My friend liked the name, anyway. All of their songs are someone elses, and likewise, their disclaimer'll follow. Green Leaf Cafe: I hope I own it. It's a little cafe in Greenwich where Buffy once worked a while back, before she was "discovered" by her husband. Jack Hansen: I own him. Xander's co-worker down where he works. The song that Willow is singing is the first part of Alanis Morissette's "All I Really Want." I'm not a songwriter, folks. Forgive me for lack of originality. White Rose Coven: I own it. Oh, I hope I'm making the name up. If their is an actual coven out there by that name, I did not use that name purposely. Sorry. MoonRaven: I own her. I took he name from the lady witch who runs "A Mystickal Grove", a popular Wiccan site on the Internet. * AUTHOR'S NOTE: There is something vaguely sexual here, so I give this chapter a PG-13. OK? Nothing graphic at all. Just . . . hinting, I suppose. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 1 Part C (Cause stupid AOL won't let me past the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) "Ok, now listen to this, alright? Here goes . . ." Willow Osbourne sat up on one of the couch cushions that had been thrown on the hardwood floor for comfort. Her legs were cross-legged like Buddha, her hair, which reached down to her ankles when she stood up, was sprawled all over the floor, and in her beautiful manicured hands was a small cup of herbal tea. She wore a pair of loose-fitting, ragged old Levi's that once were her husbands, back when they fit him. He had grown quite a bit since he had bought these pants, so now they were Willow's. Her top was a loose-fitting, copper, velvety thing with a dangerously low neckline. A beautiful choker with a silver half-moon hanging from a ribbon beautifully accented her pale, elegant neck. Her hair, thick and dangerously wavy and colored "Terra Cotta Shocked", hung over in her eyes and she bent forwards, scribbling furiously in a notebook. She rocked back and forth to an imaginary rhythm, never taking her eyes of the paper and writing with more and more ferocity as she neared the bottom of the page. Then, with a little exclamation of triumph, she dotted her last period and then jumped up, the couch cushion swaying dangerously. "Done! I think I got it!" she exclaimed excitedly, shaking with joy. Then she cleared her throat and opened her mouth, and out came these words: "Do I stress you out? My sweater is on backwards and inside out, And you say how appropriate. I don't want to dissect everything today, I don't mean to pick you apart you see, But I can't help it. There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off. Slap me with a splintered ruler, And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already If only I could hunt the hunter!" Then, done singing her little diddy, she sat back down on the cushion, crossed her legs, and waited for the response. Before her sat her husband, a fellow coven member, and an ex-boyfriend. Also known as Jeremy "Oz" Osbourne, Adriana "Echo" Ruben-Brown, and Devon Brown. Also, to most of America, they were known as the extremely popular and successful alternative music band, "Hellmouth." "I thought that was really good. I like the lyrics, but the music could be worked on," Oz offered after a long pause for careful consideration. He was wearing an old checkered jacket over one of his many bowling shirts, this one a cheerful light blue that said "New York City" in script above the left pocket. He wore a pair of brand new khaki's that Willow had gotten him for his birthday. His hair was its regular brown this month, but if Willow was going to the supermarket like she said she was, it wouldn't stay this shade for long. "Where's the rest of the song?" Echo asked abruptly. She wore a tight black shirt that had a gorgeous silk-screened rose on the front, and on the back the words "White Rose Coven" were scripted, along with the name "Echo." As for the lower part of her, she had on a skirt with a dangerous slit down the side, which had been caused when Echo had caught it on the side of the door and ripped it. Her shaggy black hair framed her pale china face and her delicate feature, and ended somewhere below her shoulder blades. Everyone gave her an exasperated look. "What, I want to know!" When nobody else said anything and just glared at her, she scowled a little and shrunk back into her seat on the couch. "Oh, what do you expect," she grumbled, "I'm just the drummer." Next to her, her husband Devon shifted in his seat and shifted the position of his arm, which rested on Echo's shoulders. He was wearing an old, faded t- shirt that had a picture of a skater dude, and baggy blue jeans. His brown hair was in a style reminiscent of Ben Affleck when he was young. "I really, really liked the lyrics, and I have a suggestion for the music . . . more of an uppity thing, instead of so mellow." "Ok," Willow said cheerfully, wanting as much feedback as she could get. She was absolutely dying to get a new record out, especially after the success of their first two albums, and as the songwriter of the group, she had to make some big contributions. Like writing the songs themselves. "I also have the chorus part down already, but I don't like how it goes right after this certain paragraph. But I'm thinking, if I think of another paragraph, then maybe it'll fit . . ." The whole band dove right into the song, adding their own lyrics although it was Willow's job, adding percussion although that was Echo's job, and the boys remained pretty true to them making the decisions about the guitar. Echo, though, was all for the electronica part of the song. She loved working with the keyboard, and making all sorts of weird music and noises to use in the song. The whole team was really involved in the process when there was the sound of glass breaking from outside. They all lifted their heads up, Oz and Willow exchanging looked. Oz's ears twitched back, extremely unnatural for a human, and then concentrated as though he was listening to something far away. Echo and Devon turned to watch him carefully: he was the best bodyguard, what with the ability to tune into his wolf senses whenever he liked. "There's someone outside and . . ." Oz shivered, and that fact was clearly visible to the other members of the band. "I actually think it's . . . something." "Oh darn, I'll get the supplies," Echo groaned, getting up off her arse and walking over to the little kitchen they had going in this apartment. She reached up for the top cabinet and opened it, starting to pull out all the ancient Christian relics. "Really, Willow, I remember you scaring MoonRaven so bad when she opened this cabinet," Echo chuckled, remembering a certain episode when their coven leader had come to visit the apartment. "I can just see the expression on her face. 'I thought you were *Jewish* and Wiccan, child! Not three whole religions! How do you split your time so?* Hmm. Quite memorable." "Yeah, well, I'm not surprised if she buys the whole 'it's to ward off vampires' thing," Devon said wryly to Willow. "She took it pretty well when you broke the news about you and Oz being werewolves and all." "Well, she did tell me she was a witch," Willow said, shrugging. "I say fair and fair." Oz was slowly walking towards to the door, his ears still contorted forwards. Any person that was not used to seeing them like that would definitely be sick to their stomach. "Gimme a stake," he murmured, finally arriving at the door. "Here." Echo closed the cabinet and tossed out some wooden stakes, teeny nail-polish bottles of holy water, and crosses to the three other people in the apartment. Then Willow, Devon, and Echo came up behind Oz, armed and ready. Ever since Oz and Willow had left Sunnydale behind, the vampires and other supernatural forces (not counting Willow's interest in the Craft) had never bothered them. When they had moved down here to Old World Mexico, however, evil still pretty much had somewhat of a reign over here, stepped in ancient traditions. After telling Echo and Devon (heck, they had taken tons of the truth in, already) the four had gone out, bought the supplies, and generally knew what to do. It also helped that Oz was able to tap into his werewolf aspect at any time, Willow and Echo were trained in all aspects of being Wiccan, and Devon having a black belt in Tae Kwon Do. They were pretty much prepared for anything. "It's by the fountain," Echo noted, sensing the empty pocket in the energy that flowed all around the small apartment complex in Southern Mexico. Willow nodded in affirmation, feeling the emptiness also. No doubt that Oz sensed it, for dogs and cats had always been able to spot the paranormal. Once, Willow and Echo had to perform an exorcism of the house because Oz was being driven nuts by a ghost living in one of the pasts apartments they had rented. "I'll take your word it," Devon said as he looked out the window, pushing the vertical blinds out of the way so that he could see somewhat clearly. "I really can't tell anything in this dark. It looks like no one is there." "Well, no one isn't there," Echo said, matching Devon's earlier tone of wryness. "Some*thing* is there." "Give you that," Devon admitted, shrugging. Oz opened the door and the four of them stepped out, Oz immediately changing his eyes into the werewolf form so that he could see better in the dark. "It's there alright," he admitted, feeling his hair standing up straight on end. "Who wants to get it?" Willow was about to open her mind to call her dibs on slaying the intruding vamp when a shadow dropped from atop the porch roof and landed straight on Oz, knocking him over the banister and sending him flying three stories down to the fountain, where the other vampire waited. "OZ!" Willow shrieked, turning to the wrought-iron stairs and quickly running down the winding steps, tightening her hold on her stake and ignoring the pain as her feet pounded against the metal. In a few seconds she had made it to the first floor, and she quickly hurried across the square to the fountain, barely registering the fact that Echo and Devon were right at her heels. Oz was not stupid-no human being could survive behind thrown three stories down into the unforgiving earth. But his werewolf form could at least recover quickly, and the only misgiving that he had was that he had really messed up his shirt. He quickly morphed in mid-air, silently thanking Willow's friend SilverDragon, who had so meticulously shown him how to change from werewolf to human in just an instant. It had felt rather . . . good, to know that there were others like him, others who also had to live like he and Willow did. Anyway, back to the point. The vampire was extremely surprised that when they reached the ground, he held in his clutches not a somewhat scrawny human, but a big, strong, and angry lycanthrope. The vampire released his grip and tried to jump off the werewolf, but Oz wasn't about to let this guy go. As the vampire crawled away, Oz jumped on his back and slashed it open with his paw, causing the vampire to let out a cry in agony. In the building across the square, a light flicked on. A woman came to the window and tossed it open, noticing the commotion outside. Sigh, another vampire. Since this part of Mexico was still very rural, they were very much into the old beliefs, and this woman, like most of the others around these parts, knew of the existence of ancient evils. This woman was not scared. All she did was take the cross that was hanging over her bed and place it on the window, and then picked up the phone to call her aunt that lived across the street, in the apartment above the one where the werewolves/witches lived. Then she went back to sleep, not afraid at all, knowing that whatever vampire stupid enough to attack anyone in these parts would soon be annihilated by the nice people who had moved in a few months ago. Devon and Echo, what with their experiences in Chinese/Japanese fighting, set to beating the pulp out of the vampire by the fountain, not staking it until it cried for mercy. Willow just sat by the edge of the fountain, waiting for Oz to do his stuff. Now that the vampire was in some pain and not up to his full strength, Oz changed back into something resembling more human. He rolled away from the vampire, and then grabbed him by the shoulders. The vampire growled with ferocity, and then kicked Oz hard in the shin. Oz winced, but he just lifted the vampire off from the floor and flung over to where Willow was. Willow smiled and pushed the vampire face-first into the water, instantly setting off smoke. The vampire squealed and screamed as she plunged him fully into the deep, watching him writhe and cry out with pain. Not for nothing had she and Echo blessed all the water in this fountain. Oz came up behind her, gathering the bits of clothing that still hung off of him around the places that needed most to be covered. Echo and Devon, done torturing their vampire, gathered around Willow. None of them made any move as to pull the vampire out of the blazing water, Willow and Oz stared with grim satisfaction as the vampire screamed for a mercy, and Willow felt extreme pleasure at seeing such an evil being suffering so. It deserved it. "Ok, we can kill it now," she announced, crossing her arms over her chest. She was content enough already. Oz made no move whatsoever, because his human self was still healing. Devon, stronger than Willow or Echo, reached out and pulled the vampire, who's skin had turn black and smelled faintly like a building did after it had been incinerated by a house fire. He easily shoved a stake right into the heart, and then he was left clutching at dust and air. They were silent for a moment, collecting their thoughts. Then Echo shifted the weight on her feet. She was tired. "G'night," she told the rest of the group, heading back towards the stairs. "We can work on the song tomorrow. Ok?" The rest of the group shrugged. //*\\ End of Part C and Chapter 1 //*\\ Feedback is so way wanted and needed and loved with tenderness and care. Both Pos and Neg. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (2a/?) Date: 02 Jan 1999 01:45:21 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 2: Stupid Xander screw up things for the Scooby Gang, in a majorly weird way. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some stuff to say as to what is not mine and what *is* mine. Rupert Giles: Don't own him. You know who he belongs to. You know who he is. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 2 Part A (Cause stupid AOL won't let me post the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) As 17-year-old Willow Rosenberg sat in front of the computer in the library, she thought to herself {Love really does make you do the wacky}. It had started out as a stupid clothes fluke-as least, that's what she and Xander had thought. It was just the rush of him seeing her in a dress and her seeing him in a tux-they had never seen each other like that before, and they had been taken by surprise. I mean, they had been best friends forever, and seeing each other look so . . . different, had come quite as a shock to their raging & changing hormones. The whole thing was just an accident that would happen only once. Or so they had thought. They had continued to meet, to touch, to kiss . . . and at least Willow was feeling overwhelmingly guilty because she was doing all of this behind Oz's back. She had no idea what Xander was thinking, or not thinking, about Cordelia's feelings. All she knew was that she felt this amazing love and compassion for Oz, and what she felt for Xander was-well, even now, weeks after it had happened, she had still now idea about what exactly *had* happened. Her emotions were . . . aurggh! She couldn't even think of a word for what she was feeling for Xander. Lust . . . need . . . want . . . passion . . . ? Was that what Xander had with Cordelia? Was that what Xander had first had for Cordelia, before it blossomed into some kind of strange and twisted like (love?)? Would Willow and Xander, if they had a relationship, turn out like Cordelia and Xander did? And what about Oz . . . Oh, they couldn't have kept up the charade anyhow. Sooner or later somebody would have figure out what was going on. But did it have to be such a spectacular finish? Jeez, what did the Hellmouth's rays *not* effect in their lives? And poor Cordelia had suffered the worst . . .imagine being impaled like that. Willow shuddered. For some reason, out of sheer luck, she had gotten back with Oz. Of course, things didn't turn out as planned for the night . . . they had turned out better. She still had her virginity and self respect, and Oz thrown in for good measure. But now things were *so damn awkward* that she had no idea how she was gonna deal. Things were not back to being perfect, before . . . that thing with Xander. Oz was with her alright, but the look in his eyes . . . she didn't have to look too deep or far to see the pained expression of hurt and betrayal whenever he looked at her. Or the way that he was so stiff and a little bit more quiet than usual. Or how he smiled more often like he was only smiling for show. And how he didn't touch her as much. Or he had yet to say the words that she had held so dear . . . "I love you." And she didn't even want to think about what was going on between her and Xander. After she and Oz had broken up, and Cordelia and him were no longer an item, they had remained friends, although things had been SO majorly awkward. And now that she was back together with Oz . . . Her mother had given her odd looks, but she agreed to tell Xander whenever he called that Willow was not home, or in the shower, or studying, or out with Oz. Those were reasonable activities. Whenever Xander came knocking on her door, she ignored the knocking until he went away, or told her parents not to answer the door. She ignored Xander at schools, ate lunch solely with Oz, and pretended he didn't exist in the classes they had together. Xander had tried to confront her about this avoiding, but she had just shrugged him off, practically running down the hall to get away from him. When Buffy was brought up to talk to Willow, Willow had told her that everything was fine, and that she was just going through a "healing process," although that was a bunch of shit because it was she who had inflicted the pain, not received it. Now she allowed herself in the library, confident that Xander was not coming because he said he had a dentist appointment. She had thought that was strange, because he already had had the "two-a-year" thing happen, but he ate so much junk food she was not at all surprised that he had to go to the dentist's more often. It was . . . a normal thing. Giles was in his office, going over a new shipment that a Watcher friend of his had sent him from somewhere in Switzerland, from a town who's name Willow could not pronounce if it depended on her life. She was busy in a chat room, talking with other teens who were facing relationship problems . . . probably not as weird or twisted as hers, but she felt a strange kind of solace in seeing that other people were somewhat as screwed in the love department as she was. She was busy typing her sympathy for a boy named Tim when she heard someone come up behind her. "Interesting book, Giles?" she murmured, not taking her attention off of the computer screen. "No, not Giles. Me, Xander." Willow was so surprised that she slammed her fingers down into the keyboard, hard enough so that she felt the pain minutes afterwards. She jumped out of the chair like it was on fire, and then backed away from the computer, pushing her shoulder-length red hair behind her ears. Then she just stood around, staring warily at Xander, and trying not to show it. "Um, so, Xander . . . I thought you went to the doctor-uh, dentist! The dentist, yeah." She was wringing her hands nervously and flicking her eyes towards the front door. "I lied," Xander said, simply and clearly. He rested his hand on the chair Willow had just evacuated. "I need to talk to you." His face and voice changed to one of hurt. "Why are you avoiding me?" Willow bit her lip. "Um, ah, well . . . you know what happened. Between us. Yes, you know. You were there." She took in a deep breath. "What I, you, we, us, did . . . we hurt a lot of people. And I hurt Oz. And now I have him back and . . . I don't want him to get any ideas, or anything. Like I told you before . . . I need to be just for him." Xander creased his eyebrows. "So . . . that means you can't talk to me. That means that you constantly have to avoid me. That you can barely be in the same *room* with me? Do you think I'm gonna just go ahead and jump your bones or something? Because I'm not thinking about that anymore, Willow. What we did . . . we did, and it's over." Willow opened her mouth to protest, but Xander just continued on and didn't give her a chance to speak. "So then where is he gonna get these ideas. Unless you are . . . look, I know that there's after effects. Of course there is. And I understand that now that you have Oz back, it's going to be a little more awkward. But *this*? Willow, we've been best friends since forever, and although this changes a lot, it certainly can't change *everything*. Everything doesn't have to change." Willow face softened. "Xander, you don't understand. Everything does change . . ." There was the sound of someone clearing their voice from behind Xander. Xander turned around while Willow stood up on tiptoe to glance over his shoulder. It was Giles, holding several book in his hands. "Am I interrupting . . . anything?" Giles asked, saying each word slowly and carefully. "No!" Willow said too soon and too loudly. She cleared her throat and looked down at the books in his hands. "Um, interesting books?" Her voice squeaked. "Um . . . yes, quite." He piled the books near at the computer, bristling at actually being so close to the idiot box. "Ancient books of prophetical lore. Actually, most of these texts are a bit outdated, and most of its prophecies have already come to past. Still, there are some that have yet to be fulfilled . . ." He picked the top most book up, opened it, then scooted a little past Xander to hand Willow the book. "I would like you to look through some of these books, Willow, if you have time. And Xander,"-Giles briefly shot him a look-"since you are here anyway, could you help Willow look through some of these texts?" "Sure," Xander said, sounded as enthusiastic as he always did about doing research. Giles just nodded and handed him a book, and then disappeared back into his office. Xander sighed, and then looked at Willow, who was avoiding his glance. He sighed again, and then his eyes fell onto the computer screen. "Relationship Problems?" he inquired about the chat. Willow's eyes widened expressively and she lurched forward, shutting the monitor off. "Nothing," she said meekly, very, very embarrassed. Xander as about to say something when somebody else made their entrance. The original Slayerette turned towards the double doors to greet their new visitor. "Hi Buffy! You came just in time for research!" Xander said cheerfully, far from the actual emotion that he was feeling. Just because he wasn't getting along with Cordelia or Willow didn't mean that he had to take I out on Buffy. Dammit, he had one girl friend left, and he was gonna take care of her. "Goody for me," Buffy said with her usual wryness. "Where's Giles? I need to talk to him." "Right here." Giles appeared out of his door again, looking around the library as though he were searching for something along the walls. "What is it?" he asked, giving her his attention. "It's about . . . a dream I had last night," Buffy said, a thought flashing through her mind. Oh, the last dream that she had had been her with Angel, with them making love . . . she didn't permit herself to think of the end part of the dream at all. "Um, it was pretty weird, so I figured that was right up your alley. No?" "Oh, yes, well, come right into the office," he said, glancing over at Willow and Xander. They turned back to their books, Xander flipping just too earnestly to actually mean it. Willow shot him a look when he wasn't looking, thinking about the conversation they had just had. Everything did have to change. Muffled voices came from the office, but Xander ignored them as he squinted at a word on the page before him. "Hey, this may be just because I'm really hungry, but does this word say "taco?" The text he pointed to was written in some ancient language. Willow took a moment to decided whether she was going to pay attention to him or not, and then decided she was. She peered over his arm and at the book, noticing that it did say taco. Then she looked at the bottom of the page, where a key was that more or less told you how to pronounce the language, if not tell you what it means. "It does say taco, but the key says that the 'o' is pronounced like the vowel 'u' in this language. So it's really saying 'tacu' instead of 'taco.'" "Oh," Xander said, shrugging. Willow went back to her page as Xander continued studying the page. When she turned around again, she could see him whispering some of the words on the page softly. "Don't do that!" she said suddenly, slapping his hand. He looked up at her, startled. "For all you know, you could be reading a spell! That you do not know what it does! Read in your head!" {Fine} Xander thought, a little bit tensely. All week she acts like a bitch (well, kinda) and now that they were talking again, she was being harsh. "Fine," he said aloud, turning back to the book and reading loudly in his head. Of course, what Xander didn't know and what Willow *should've* known that even a spell read loudly in the head of the spellcaster, willingly or unknowingly, still pretty much damn worked. *** "So . . . I was standing at the foot of my bed, staring down at me. I was sleeping really soundly, and at first I thought I was having one of those out- of-body experience thingies, but then I noticed that something was wrong. I was staring at myself in the face, and my body was lying down on the bed, so I was pretty short. Mom just put in a floor-length mirror, so I rushed over there to check out what had happened to me. And what stared *back* at me was a little girl, about six or so years old. She had long brown hair and these really dark green eyes, like the cover of that book over there." Buffy pointed at a small Watcher Diary that was sitting on the corner of Giles' desk, showing him the color of the girl's eyes. She leaned forward in the rolling office chair that she was sitting backwards in, a new chair that replaced the old one Giles used to have. He had complained forever that the chair fell over, so Snyder finally got him a new one, although it came out of his paycheck. "So anyway, I'm staring at myself, and then the image kinda fades away and then I see my normal reflection in the mirror. I turn back to my bed, and try to get back into my body, but the little girl is lying in my bed instead of my body, staring back at me. Staring at me with those weird green eyes of hers. And the covers of my bed keep changing from their regular peach to this really pretty shade of lavender. Then I walk over and ask what her name is. And then she says 'I'm not suppose to talk to strangers.' And then I wake up." Giles made a "hmm" noise as he thought about Buffy's dream. "Well, it may be prophetic," he told her, not an unusually dissection on her nightly dreams. "You are the Slayer, after all. Actually, Xander and Willow are researching some volumes that may be able to tell you what the dreams are about, whether it is a minor or major prophecy . . ." Giles was drifting off into Gilesdom, his little land of book and researching and lore. A land that was hard to get him back from. "Woo-hoo, Giles, back to Earth," Buffy said, waving her hand in front of his face. Giles blinked, and then stared back at Buffy, this time her face registering. "Hmm, alright. Lets go research some of those book for ourselves." Giles stood up and walked to the door, waiting for Buffy to join him. Then he held the door courteously open for her, a gesture that did not go unnoticed. There was a special bond between Watcher and Slayer, and ltitle things like that really did make the world go round. Now only if Buffy would be a more thoughtful Slayer . . . Giles held doors open for her, and Buffy had sex with her vampire boyfriend so that he turned into a vicious killer who went and killed Giles' girlfriend and tortured Giles himself. Not good. She had a lot to make up for. *** Willow was busy reading, again, when she felt a soft shiver go throughout her whole body, originating somewhere between her belly and her chest, then crawl up her spine, and the enter the back of her mind. The feeling was somewhat chilling, still very enjoyable. Willow creased her eyebrows in frustration. Where was . . . "WHO'S USING MAGIC?" Willow demanded, her tone much louder than she had mean it to be. She whirled around, and then noticed Xander still holding the book open, eyes darting from line to line and his lips moved softly, not making a sound. Willow reached out and knocked the book out of his hands, causing Xander to jump and then look at her, caught off-guard. "What are you doing!" she shouted, this time her voice in check. Xander, who didn't really know what he was doing (poor boy) just shrugged and said, "What?" Willow glared at him, and then bent over, grabbing the book from where it had landed on the floor, still open the page where Xander had been reading from. She quickly looked it over. If Xander had indeed cast a spell, surely there would be some indication of what exactly he had done . . . ///***\\\ End of Part A ///**\\\ Feedbaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Need Feedbaaaaaaaaack! ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (01/16) Date: 02 Jan 1999 00:03:31 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 01/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG-13 Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". Abel is now unconcious, but attracting vampires like flies to honey. Buffy is caught between protecting her enemy and helping her friend Willow find her beloved Oz. Meanwhile, Willow gets deeper into magic and the occult in order to find a way to restore Oz to human form. DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Opening "In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer." Willow Rosenburg sat alone at a bench in front of Sunnydale High. The brightness of the cloudless sky and cheery teenagers didn't bleed into her overcast world. Her beloved Oz had been taken from her, that thought haunted her wherever she went no matter with whom she held company. As if being separated from her boyfriend wasn't bad enough she had to deal with the fact that Oz was now a werewolf on a permanent basis. She couldn't imagine what he could be doing unwittingly and how it would tear him up if he knew. "Hey," greeted Buffy as she joined her friend at the bench. Buffy examined Willow's gloomy expression with compassionate distaste. "Still thinking about Oz?" Buffy inquired softly. Willow nodded and frowned in acknowledgment. "You don't know what's it's like to lose the one you love under such horrible circumstances. . . oh. . . uh. . . oh, yeah, you do," Willow said, ending apologetically. "Don't worry, we can brood together," Buffy comforted with a dab of humor and an unhealthy dose of sobriety. "Have you figured out a place to store. . . him?" asked Willow. She still couldn't say the name of the person who had caused this terrible situation to come about. The others had developed a curious sort of pet rock affinity to the body of their fallen foe, but she was still apathetic. "Not yet," Buffy answered. Willow looked up and scoured the horizon sharply, quickly she returned to hanging her head. Buffy had noticed Willow do this several times a day. "Are you looking for him?" Buffy queried. "Every now and again I get the sensation he's standing there," Willow explained. "We'll find him and bring him back," assured Buffy. Willow gazed out once more and said, "I just can't believe what Oz might be doing out there as a werewolf." Many beastly shaped footprints away in another town a group of elementary school children had decided to play hooky that day. They scampered around a couple boxes to arrive at their destination: an abandoned warehouse. "It's in there," one declared. "It's probably just a stray dog," one of his cynical friends replied. "It's not just a dog. I've seen it, it's a huge mother-" a foul mouthed companion affirmed, but his statement was cut short. "Shut your mouth!" the disbeliever interrupted. The group of kids stood there each waiting for someone else to say or do something. "Well," the cynic said. "Well, what?" the one who had led them there asked. "Go inside," said the skeptic hearted child as he gestured toward a rickety door. "You go inside," replied the lead kid. "You're the one who brought us here. You go in first," bartered the cynic. "Ok," agreed the leader. He took brave hearted step after brave hearted step until his Nikes were within one pace of the warehouse. Intimidated, the boy reached out slowly and he strained to push the door aside. With a gulp he stepped forward into the run down building. "Is there anything in there?" a cautious friend called out. His bold companion had no chance to reply. A growl and flash of movement brought about his disappearance into the darkness of the warehouse. The assembled children scattered in hysteria, letting out terrified screams of horror as they ran. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (02/16) Date: 02 Jan 1999 00:04:45 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 02/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG-13 Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". Abel is now unconcious, but attracting vampires like flies to honey. Buffy is caught between protecting her enemy and helping her friend Willow find her beloved Oz. Meanwhile, Willow gets deeper into magic and the occult in order to find a way to restore Oz to human form. DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 1 Giles looked quite dapper and orderly while he worked away in the Sunnydale High library. His mundane world job would be interrupted once again by the supernatural, however, as Xander peeked his head through the duo of doors that gave entry to the library. "Do you have. . . er. . . Abel?" questioned Giles. Xander nodded quickly before his head disappeared behind the double doors. He reentered backwards, duffle bag in tow. Giles rubbed his hands together in anticipation as Xander brought his baggage to bear. With a squat and a hefty lift from Xander the duffle bag lay on a table. "Hey," Buffy greeted. She, Willow, and Cordelia entered the library together. Willow left the trio in favor of a solitary corner when she saw the item that was on display. "Did anyone see you dragging a body through school?" asked Cordelia. "Just a freshman named Chris," answered Xander. "The kid with the posters of aliens in his locker who thinks the CIA is flying black helicopters over his house?" inquired Buffy. "That's the one. I don't think anyone will be too quick to call the cops when they hear his story," replied Xander. "So you've found a place to store him then?" asked Buffy. "Yes, there's a mausoleum in the graveyard that's missing it's occupant thanks, ironically enough, to Abel himself," Giles explained. "Oh, yeah, the one with big iron gate on the south side?" Buffy blurted out. "Ok, I spend way too much time in the graveyard," she added. "As I was saying, the occupant doesn't have any relatives locally so I don't think anyone will mind if we borrow it. It's sort of fitting anyway," Giles continued. He opened the duffle bag to find Abel with a pair of joke glasses proudly seated on his face. All eyes immediately went to Xander. "Hey! I've been looking for those," Xander declared as he quickly retrieved his gag. He inadvertently knocked Abel's head back, opening his jaw. "Oops, sorry about that, big guy," apologized Xander. He went about rectifying his mistake by placing his hands top and bottom on Abel's head and performing an exaggerated clamping motion. "His hair is all messed up," observed Cordelia. Now she was the one who began to attend to their comatose enemy. She bumped Xander out of the way and went about fixing Abel's hair. "Cordy, stop grooming the evil arch villain!" facetiously chastised Xander with a laugh. Buffy noticed Willow escape quietly into a side room. Concerned, she followed her friend. Among the tidily kept office, Willow turned her back to the main library. "It's not every day you have to handle an unconscious necromancer. They're just coping with the awkward situation," offered Buffy. "I know," said Willow, still facing the far wall, "It's just. . . I'd rather not be around him even if he is practically dead." Understanding, Buffy nodded empathically and rejoined the conversation in the main room. "I don't get it," Cordelia said, "Why do we need to put him under lock and key anyway?" "It seems that vampires are attracted to his body because of the dark energies it channels, rather like how flies are attracted to honey," explained Giles. "This way we can keep him in a place where vampires tend to hang anyway and where Buffy can check up on him when she's making her rounds," added Xander. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (03/16) Date: 02 Jan 1999 00:06:00 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 03/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG-13 Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". Abel is now unconcious, but attracting vampires like flies to honey. Buffy is caught between protecting her enemy and helping her friend Willow find her beloved Oz. Meanwhile, Willow gets deeper into magic and the occult in order to find a way to restore Oz to human form. DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 2 A slightly glazed over Buffy patrolled a chilly Sunnydale night with stake in hand. The graveyard was such a lonely place this time in the evening. The odd vampire that popped up every now and again wouldn't be very much company, well not for long anyway. She came upon two such vampires, snooping and clawing around the crypt that Abel had been stashed in. Stealthily, Buffy snuck up behind the two vampires with ease. It was kind of amusing the way they were drawn to the mausoleum without knowing what they were looking for. One rattled the iron gate on the crypt. He gestured and grunted to the other one to help him pry it open. It was time for the Slayer to make her move. "Didn't you read the sign? No loitering after seven p.m.," sarcastically quipped Buffy. The two turned and snarled simultaneously. To her surprise one actually spoke before the melee ensued. "We want to know what's in there," demanded an ugly vampire. "Oh, of course. That's where they keep the Beanie Babies. Which one's your favorite?" replied Buffy. The two vampires looked at each other in mutual disbelief then pounced. Unfortunately for them, one of them pounced right into Buffy's awaiting stake and dissolved into ashes. The other one managed to get a claw at Buffy's other arm, ripping a chunk of her jacket off. "Do you know how much this jacket cost me?" questioned an annoyed Slayer. She attacked the remaining vampire with a fierce kick to the stomach. Winded, the vampire couldn't return blows. Buffy followed with a backhand to the head. With her victim on the ground she plunged her stake into his chest. This vampire didn't turn to ashes so quickly, however. Surprised, Buffy soon caught a glimpse of a flailing foot followed by a close up view of the neatly trimmed graveyard grass. The resilient vampire jumped onto Buffy, taking care to place his knee painfully into her back. Countering his grappling maneuver, she managed to roll over and put her opponent in a prone position. This time Buffy made sure to hold the stake in place as she thrust the new weapon into the vampire's chest. A brief struggle later, she was sitting on a pile of ashes instead of a kicking and growling vampire. "You and your new and improved vampires," Buffy yelled toward the crypt, getting up as she talked. Abel had a way of being annoying even when unconscious. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (1b/?) Date: 02 Jan 1999 03:26:14 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 2: Stupid Xander screw up things for the Scooby Gang, in a majorly weird way. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some stuff to say as to what is not mine and what *is* mine. Rupert Giles: Don't own him. You know who he belongs to. You know who he is. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 2 Part A (Cause stupid AOL won't let me post the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) After the vampire scare, Xander had been afraid to go, much let the children out. He had gathered the whole family in the living room, and then spoke secretly to Cordelia while Julie and Josh had tried to listen it. Then, Xander had proposed that they stay in the house for the rest of they day, since it was the safest place that he could think of. "Brain-trust, Xander," Cordelia had told him gently, in her own version of gently. At least she had become slightly more caring over the years. "It's daylight outside. The vampires can't possibly get us." She then had waited quietly as Xander once again steered Julie and Josh back to the couch where their older stepbrother was waiting patiently and their younger half-sister was busy painting herself and the couch with her lollipop. "Besides, it's the 21st. Almost Christmas. We've got presents to buy and things to do. We just can't drop it because you're afraid vampires are going to magically appear in the sunlight. I promise, we'll be home a good hour before sunset, and pick up Nicholas from his violin lesson. And Julie and Josh from their soccer game. And Annie from Natalie's house." Xander had given her a wary look, but then gave in. They had breakfast, drove the kids to their respected places, and then took the subway to Fifth Avenue, right to the place where Cordelia had ended her torture yesterday. "Ooh, look at that dress!" Cordelia squealed for the fiftieth time that morning, tugging on Xander's arm, since his hands were full of packages and bags. Amazing that such young children could think of so many things that they wanted for Christmas. "Buy me that for Christmas?' Cordelia sighed, walking up to the window. She touched the glass lovingly as she imagine that she was touching the ice blue, slinky, sleeveless dress that was hanging on a display mannequin just inside. "Ooh, will you Xander?" She turned towards him, her eyes begging. It almost wanted to make him break out in laughter, although he knew that it would be rude. Women. Definitely the weaker of the sexes. "Sure, honey," he told her sincerely, coming up and with his free hand, caressing her right arm. She smiled warmly at him, liking his touch and the little PDA. "But that would mean we either a) return most of the kid's presents or b) narrow down your lists of 'All I Want For Christmas', because it's definitely just not teeth." Cordelia laughed, and then gave his a quick pop kiss on the mouth, and then walked down the street ahead of him, swinging her hips the way he liked it. "I guess we'll have to get rid of those toys I wanted . . ." she said a bit wistfully. "Hey, wait, I thought those were on my list!" Xander said jokingly, coming up behind her. He grabbed her in a hug, and soon they were surrounded by a little circle of packages and very close to each others faces. The other New Yorkers around them wasted no time in passing by them quickly, or stopping to stare at the two people so obviously in love. "Xander, you are such . . . aurggh," she teased, reaching up to grab the collar of his jacket. She tugged playfully on it and then set to buttoning the top button. She was close enough to feel his heart increase in it's rate of beating. Men. Definitely the weaker sex. "Such a complete idiot!" "I'm not a complete idiot," Xander protested, watching his wife do her little wife-y thing. "I have a few missing parts." Cordelia laughed again. "I know." That made Xander laugh along, though he was interrupted when Cordelia leaned in for another kiss, one that lasted a bit longer than the first. When she pulled away, Xander whispered, "People are staring." "You're eyes were open?" she admonished. "I like looking at you, even when we kiss. I can't take my eyes off of you." {Oh, how romantic}. She was melting. Cordelia whirled out of his embrace, something very hard to do on Fifth Street, 5 days away from Christmas. She smiled, her dimples showing, and held out her hand. Xander grasped hold of hers, running his fingers over her knuckles and over the wedding ring, the one identical to the one he wore on his own ring finger. They huddled close, because of the cold and the crowd and something more, and they continued walking. That was when Xander ran into the wall. *** "Shit!" Xander swore loudly as he felt his noise connect with the wall. He closed his eyes and grasped his nose, trying to see if he had broken anything or if blood was coming out. When the hell was there a wall in the middle of Fifth Street's sidewalk? As the pain subsided, Xander opened his eyes to find out where the wall had sprung from. Then he noticed that he wasn't on Fifth Street anymore. "Shi . . ." he started, but ended up trailing off. His eyes roamed up the wall, and as he stepped back, his eyes continued to rove over the double doors. "Where the . . ." Then he turned around, and saw a sight he'd thought he'd never, *ever* see. "Holy hell," he murmured, as he looked into the very frightened face of his younger self. *** After Willow had begun to urgently read through the book, Buffy and Giles had come up behind Xander, asking what had happened. Xander had gotten flushed and said that he might had made a boo-boo. Giles, more than a little upset, yanked the book out of Willow's hands and set to deciphering what the heck Xander had done. A few seconds later, Buffy had whispered urgently to the other three, "Hey, who's that?" They all stared at the stranger who had appeared out of nowhere, and then Xander had gotten the oddest feeling. He found himself walking, his feet like lead, to where the stranger was. Imagine his shock and surprise when the stranger turned around, and he found himself lookig into an extremely familiar, but quite different, face. "Xander, what did you do *now*?" came the exasperated female voices from across the room. The two Xander's turned to look at the girls, the same exact things on their minds. ///***\\\ End of Part B. I know it's a bit short, but . . . ///***\\\ Me need feedback. Me want feedback. Pwease . . . ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (2c/?) Date: 02 Jan 1999 16:11:17 EST The author is sorry that she screwed up majorly. Ignore that last 1b thing. That was supposed to be 2b. I'm so disorganized. It was like, 3:00 in the morning or something. Forgive me? * TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 2: Stupid Xander screws up things for the Scooby Gang, in a majorly weird way. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some stuff to say as to what is not mine and what *is* mine. Rupert Giles: Don't own him. You know who he belongs to. You know who he is. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 2 Part C (Cause stupid AOL won't let me post the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) After Faith's surprise entrance ("Afraid of the competition, eh?") she had jumped onto the leather couch and practically melted in with her surroundings. Dressed in matching black leather, she was also wearing tons of silver jewelry, and she showed lots of skin. Even after her twenties, Faith could still pull the Goth thing off and look totally gorgeous. Of course, Buffy knew how she kept in shape. Buffy had sat down in the loveseat directly across from the couch, after coming back with more cocoa for herself and Faith. Faith didn't seem a bit cold; you worked a lot in the rain, being a Slayer, and your body grew stronger and more immune with every passing night. Buffy, though, was chilled by the subject matter at hand. "Prophecy?" she had asked, her voice barely audible. "Um, yeah," Faith had said. Then she had yawned, something she clearly wasn't planning on doing, because she clapped a hand over her mouth in surprise. "My Watcher-my last Watcher, anyway-told me something disturbing before I, ah, got rid of her. She was really into the book-learning thing-such a turn-off-but the women did have something useful to say." "Like what?" Buffy had urged, wanting to get everything over with. The last time she and Faith had ever spoken, or seen each other, was not under good terms. In fact, the terms were as far from good and they could get. Faith, though, was not acting openly hostile, much like Buffy remembered her to be. Always. Faith had inhaled deeply. God, this cocoa smelled good. Not like the instant coffee she had so grown tired of when she was on the road, and she was on the road a lot. {The story of my life}. "Like-" She was interrupted by the faint, childish wail of "Mother!" that came from upstairs. Faith looked at Buffy, raising her eyebrows. "I better go check on her," Buffy had said, getting up. Faith, although she had to personal contact with Buffy, knew every little intimate detail about her life. Entertainment Weekly and People would make a stalker proud. So, as Buffy raced up the marble steps, Faith understood. In a way. She, herself, had never been able to experience the joys of living in a house she actually owned, much less one this big. Or falling asleep in a bed that didn't change every week or so, next to a man who also didn't change every week or so, or to a man at all. And having a daughter . . . it must be a female thing, because even though Faith hated to admit it, she ached for the children she could never have. {Buffy, that bitch . . .} she had thought, clenching her fists in fury. She practically shook with long-repressed anger. {I can't believe I'm talking to her. I can't believe I'm sitting on her couch. I can't believe I've stooped to getting help from that traitorous runaway}. *** Upstairs, Buffy had pushed the door open to her daughter's bedroom and stood in the shadows of the doorway. Elisabeth Sarah was sitting up in bed, her face not so sleepy anymore, and nervously clutching the bedspread. Buffy strode across the living room and plopped down next to Es. "Another nightmare, sweetheart?" she had asked her, afraid of the answer that she would get. She put a comforting arm around her daughter and drew her into her lap. Elisabeth Sarah snuggled closer to her mother and rested her head on her chest. Buffy rested hers on her daughter's head, wrapping her arms tight around the little bundle of love. "Yes," Elisabeth Sarah had said in a small voice, afraid of admitting the truth. She buried her face in her mother's t-shirt. Jonah knew nothing of Elisabeth Sarah's "nightmares." Once Buffy had found out, she had been vaguely frightened that it would develop into a running theme, that sooner or later these prophetic dreams of her daughter's would lead to the conclusion that Es was a Slayer. The discovery that Es was turning out to be a very meek little girly-girl strayed far from that conclusion, and since Buffy was still alive (and as she had just found out, so was Faith), it seemed highly unlikely that Elisabeth Sarah was going to be a Slayer. Still, Es' clairvoyance bordered very much on the paranormal and strange. Come to think of it, it was just plain paranormal and strange. She did not want Jonah involved in any of those happenings. She did not want Jonah to become a "Slayerette" of sorts. Consequences would be too severe. "Do you want to talk about it?" Buffy had whispered, and she felt Elisabeth Sarah relax in her arms. "I'd like to," Es had murmured, pulling her face out of her Mom's t-shirt and sitting far back enough so that she could look her mother in the face. "It was weird. I was lying in my bed, and then I was in another bed, another nursery. And there was this pretty lady looking down at me, and she asked my name. I said I wasn't suppose to talk to strangers . . . I'm not, Mommy. Daddy told me so. So I didn't. And then I woke up . . . I don't know who's the pretty lady. Do you know?" Buffy had paused to think carefully, to put on a show for Es, but inside she had been bubbling with happiness. This didn't sound like one of Es' prophetic dreams; just something very regular. For all they knew, the lady Es dreamed of could have been anyone: ranging from a character made up from Es' subconscious to a lady of the supermarket that said something vaguely of interest to Es and it stayed in her mind. Just a regular kid. Buffy sighed. "I think I saw the lady at the supermarket," Buffy had told her gently, and Es had closed her eyes and smiled. Buffy wasn't the only one relieved that this wasn't some vision of portent. Back when the earthquake happened . . . Es couldn't sleep for nights before. All those terrible visions, and when she was awake too. She remembered three years ago, sitting at the lunch table, feeding Es some leftover pizza from last night, and the toddler was happily gnawing on the crust, ingesting more saliva than bread. Buffy was heating up some slices for herself in the microoven, when Es suddenly started to cry. Buffy rushed to her side, reached out for her daughter's hand, and asked what was wrong. In between sobs, Es choked out the words "Mr. Harlen! Mr. Harlen! Oh Mommy, don't let him go!" Mr. Harlen was a man somewhere in his early 60's who had offered to fix a leak in the Daly house. Jonah had agreed, a contrast to his usual "I'm a man, I can do it" behavior, because he would be staying at work late. Jonah had ended up coming home early and gone to bed, but that was besides the point. Mr. Harlen had been up there went the earth began to shake. Buffy had gone outside and crawled up the tree besides the house, trying to rescue him. He had fallen off the roof, but Buffy was there just in time to grab his hand. She had a good grip . . . but then the tree had fallen over. She buckled herself in the right position to land without breaking any important bone, slightly awkward because she was holding on to Mr. Harlen. And then, she had let go, and the last thing she had heard from him when he was alive was his screams as the tree collapsed over him. Es could be eerily accurate. "I'm tired, Mommy," Elisabeth Sarah had said, yawning. She pulled away from her Mommy and crawled over to her pillow, diving under the covers. "Tuck me in," she giggled childishly. Buffy had laughed and shifted her position so that now she was beside Es. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and pulled the covers up to her chin, careful to keep Es' hands over the covers. Then she had picked up Mr. Gordo and a stuff monkey called Ms. Jumbles and place them on alternate sides of her daughter. Es had smiled contently. "Night-night, Mommy," she had whispered, her eyelids already heavy with sleeps. "Sweet dreams," Buffy repeated from earlier that night. And as she stood up to leave the room, she realized that she really meant it. For everyone's sake. *** Now Buffy stood in front of the couch, watching the deep, even breaths of Faith. Fallen right asleep while Buffy had gone upstairs to check on her daughter. Buffy wondered for a moment if it was all a trick. Faith had always seemed to be on the road, even before Buffy had left Sunnydale again, and she might have just wanted a place to stay for the night. But no, Faith would have come right out and demanded it. She wouldn't have lied about a prophecy to get in. Would she? Buffy didn't know. She didn't know anything anymore . . . and that lack of knowledge really bothered her. She heard a padded behind her on the carpet, and then heavy breathing. She smiled, and turned around, dropping to her knees. "Hey Giles," she said affectionately, grabbing Giles in a big bear hug. The golden retriever panted happily, and licked Buffy's face with his large, rough, red tongue. "Ew, doggy kisses," Buffy laughed, rubbing the top of Giles' shaggy blond head. Then she closed her eyes and kissed the dog on her nose. "You know just how to cheer me up, Giles." She could've sworn the dog grinned. But instead, Giles opened his mouth to bark, but Buffy grabbed his snout and pointed over to Faith. "Sleeping," she told the dog, who had grown to know the meaning after the nights she had trained to be quiet around Es, who as a baby started to cry in fear whenever Giles barked at her. "Ssh." The dog looked back at Buffy, nodding his head sagely. The gesture was so human that Buffy smiled again. This dog had been around people for too long. Sometimes he reminded her of the real thing. "I'm not asleep," came the voice of Faith. Buffy turned around again, and saw Faith lifting her head off the leather couch. "You named the dog after your Watcher?" she said groggily, a faint smile on her face. Buffy blushed. "Uh . . . yes," she admitted, feeling a bit foolish. She put one arm around her dogs back and began to carefully run her hand over. Giles lay down, enjoying the feeling, and put his head on his front paws. He looked straight at Faith with that knowledgeable expression, blinking his big brown eyes. "I named a beagle after Xander once," Faith said, drifting off to nappy land again. She allowed herself a yawn. "It was a stupid dog. Damned horny, too." Buffy giggled. "Sounds like the Xander I remember." Faith didn't answer, because she was already snowing. Buffy cast a glance at her dog and raised an eyebrow. "Think we should do the same?" Giles snuffed heavily through his nose. His ear flicked back and Buffy took that s a sign of his distress. "Sorry Giles, reports of ancient prophecies are to be held off tomorrow due to sleepage," she told the dog. "Now how 'bout you and me snoozing a bit ourselves?" Giles snorted and quickly rose up to his feet, tail wagging and tug hanging out of his mind. "That a yes?" Buffy asked, rising up to her feet, grabbing the arm of the couch to steady herself. "Mommy?" Buffy whirled around, nerves taught-jeez, what the hell else was gonna present itself tonight?-when she realized it was only Es, standing at the stairs, holding the railing with one tiny hand. The large, lavender nightie seemed awfully big on her, and she seemed like the whisp of a ghost. She was so pale . . . she hadn't gone out much, lately. "What is it, Es?" Buffy asked for the fiftieth time that night, as Es climbed down the remaining steps and down into the living room, lost in the carpet. She walked over to where her Mom was and stood before her, her bottom lip jutting out just slightly. "Can I sleep with Giles tonight?" Es asked, looking at the dog. Giles, happy as ever to see her, quickly bounded up to her and licked her hand. Es allowed herself a tiny smile on her perfectly full lips. "You'll have to ask Giles," Buffy said. "And it seems to me like he totally agrees with you." Giles yipped softly, and nodded his head emphatically. Es smiled and patted her dog around the folds of his neck. Then she looked past Buffy, to the strange woman who was splayed out on the couch, snoring softly. "Mommy, who's that?" Buffy turned to meet her gaze, and then swallowed the lump in her throat. How was she gonna explain Faith to Es? How was she gonna explain Faith to *Jonah*. {Think, Buffy, think. A mind is a terrible thing to waste}. "She's a friend of Mommy's. She's sleeping over here . . . because she needs a place to stay for the night." She took Es' hand. "Maybe when she wakes up, you can talk and play with her." Yeah right. Buffy did not want any of Faith's "personality" to rub off on her daughter. "Oh," Es said, letting her gaze drift over to the coffee table. She seemed slightly worried. "Es?" Buffy asked, prodding gently. "Is that the lady you had a dream about?" "No," Es said quickly and flatly. Buffy was relieved, until Es let go of Buffy's hand and pointed at a picture frame on the coffee table. "*That's* the lady from my dream." Buffy looked to where she was pointing, and quickly drew in her breath. It was a picture of her, taken outside the old house in Sunnydale. Her mother had taken the photo, a month or so before graduation. The graduation Buffy had never showed up for. "Um . . ." Buffy was at a total loss for words. What did *this* mean? ////****\\\\ End of Part C ////****\\\\ Flattering feedback is great! Constructive criticism is better! 'Nough said. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (2d/?) Date: 02 Jan 1999 16:50:05 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 2: Stupid Xander screws up things for the Scooby Gang, in a majorly weird way. * DISCLAIMER: Ok, I have some stuff to say as to what is not mine and what *is* mine. Rupert Giles: Don't own him. You know who he belongs to. You know who he is. Mr. Harlen: He owns himself. He's my neighbor, and Buffy's fictional neighbor. Such a nice man. Sorry for killing you off, Mr. Harlen. * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 2 Part D (Cause stupid AOL won't let me post the whole darn thing in one e- mail!!!) Xander watched as the vaguely familiar stranger open his eyes wide and drop the bags that he was carrying. There was the sound of glass breaking, and then the stranger winced, muttering something about a carousel. Then the man lifted one hand up, reaching out to Xander's face as though he was going to touch him to see if he was real, and then drew his hand back sharply. He backed away, up to the wall, looking at the library setting around him. He looked at the people in the back, and as his eyes settled on Giles all the color drained from his face. A colorful string of swear words erupted from his mouth. Then there was silence. Nobody seemed sure of what to do. Then the man, leaving the bags and much of his sanity behind, walked right up to the computer and peered at the others. Buffy was getting a little nervous, and the way that this man was staring at her was making her more nervous. "Hey," she snapped, "what're you looking at?" Actually . . . besides the fact this man might not even *be* a man, what with him appearing out of thin air, but he was rather good-looking, what with those muscles and that chest and . . . yummy. Even though he was way too old for her. The man blinked, and then tried to get his mouth working again. "What date is this?" he asked, his voice cracking like a teen-agers. Then he cleared his throat and asked a bit more forcefully, "What date is today?" Buffy was still staring/glaring at the man, Willow wasn't the world's greatest speaker, Xander was just joining the, so it was Giles' responsibility to answer. "Um, today is the 21st. Of December," he quickly added. The man rolled his eyes. "I mean, what *year*," he asked. "Year?" Willow's asked, her voice up in the high decibels. "1998," Buffy said quickly, filling him in. "Or, at least, until next week. I think" The man took this information in, looking down at the ground and his eyes growing a bit darker. Then he looked up and saying the following very slowly and very carefully, as though he did not believe that he himself knew what he was saying: "Now, none of you are going to believe this." A pause. "OK, maybe you will, living on the Hellmouth and all." Another beat. "My name is Alexander Harris. I'm 32 years old, and just a few seconds ago, I was walking down the streets of New York, Christmas shopping with my wife. In the year 2013. So if any of have any ideas about how the hell I just went back 15 or so years in time, I'd be open to hearing them." The whole group just stared at him, wide-eyed. Then Giles cleared his throat again. "Xander," he said, staring at the young one. Both turned to look at them, faces drawn tight in fear and confusion. "I'm afraid that you've messed with something quite powerful." "What's new," growled the older Xander, shooting a glare at his younger self. ////****\\\\ End of the very short Part D, and end of Chapter 2 ////****\\\\ Feedback requested. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (04/16) Date: 02 Jan 1999 21:04:12 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 04/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 3 Avoiding other students as she went, Buffy turned a hall of Sunnydale High to come upon the school's computer lab. She had not seen her friend Willow at all that day and was starting to get concerned. Her worries were quieted somewhat when she saw the redhead in question diligently hacking away at a keyboard. Interested, Buffy approached. "Hi, I've been looking for you," she said pleasantly. "Hi," blandly replied Willow without even averting her eyes from the computer screen. "What 'ya working on?" casually inquired Buffy. An awkward amount of time passed before Willow spent energy to give a reply. "I've been going over some of Miss Calender's documents and some necromancer books to come up with a way of changing Oz back to human," she replied. "If we ever find him that is," Willow added pessimistically. "Willow!" Buffy said in shock. "I told you we'd find him," reaffirmed Buffy. "Yeah, well, you like to say that, but you're not doing much about it," commented Willow. Buffy was shocked even more. Willow finally looked at Buffy, irritation and contempt showing. "It's just that you haven't done a thing to try and find Oz. All you do with your slaying time lately is guard. . . him," Willow boldly said. Amazed to say the least, Buffy had no idea that this kind of angst had been brewing with her best friend. She looked away and thought for a second or two, cocking her slightly in a hurt, confused gesture. "I know this must be hard for you. I guess I didn't really look at things from your point of view. I'm the Slayer, I've learned to accept it," explained Buffy maturely. Willow looked away and listened to Buffy with her ears, but not her heart. Buffy continued, "Part of the job description is having to slay vampires when you'd rather be out or shopping, or having a life, or even rescuing your friends. Right now every vampire and his mother seem to be flocking to Abel's body, so that's where I have to be." Clicking away with the mouse, Willow saved her work to a floppy disk. She put it in her backpack and got up to leave. "It's nice to see you're so grown up and mature and have all your priorities straight. Don't bother trying to call me tonight, I'm going to be going through. . . his library to find something that can help Oz," said Willow while leaving. "Hey," called out Buffy after her, "If you want I can go with you." Turning, Willow stopped mid stride. She answered sarcastically, "I'll be fine by myself. Abel could use some company anyway." Now alone in the commotion of the computer lab, Buffy's jaw dropped astoundingly. It felt strange to be on bad terms with Willow. Slowly and bitterly, the reality of the conversation that just occurred seeped in. Buffy searched for a silver lining to the bleak cloud that just drifted into her life. Willow finally said Abel's name she realized, but it was little consolation. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (05/16) Date: 02 Jan 1999 21:05:24 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 05/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 4 None of Willow's exploits into the dark arts had been as black as her current interest. Necromancy, the study of death itself, had been a lost and forbidden calling even among those who had outcasted themselves from society by practicing witchcraft. In order to find out how to undo what Abel had done to her lost love, however, she must first find out what exactly happend to her beloved. Therefore into the darkness she went. Determined, Willow tread into the underground lair, reassuring herself that her endeavor would not go unrewarded. The air was heavy with the stench of decaying corpses, obtrusively foul and nauseating. The bodies that lay there were once reborn as zombies, ready to toil tirelessly, but when their master fell their puppet life was lost and they returned to their state of worm feeding and maggot breeding. The disgusting scene hit Willow's senses like a wet blanket, but she continued on with cringed face and without hesitation. Stepping over the odd corpse, Willow made her way to an all too familiar room. She looked over where she remembered being strapped down to a table. Thoughts of sheer fright gained here had since been repressed into an abstract memory. Every now and again they would break through and manifest into refound terror, causing Willow to break into a cold sweat and eye the horizon in search of her assaulter. Abel may have looked like a normal, if pallid, young man, but in Willow's mind he stood eight feet tall, had horns, and bore a resemblance to Lucifer. She had thought she could never happen to hate someone so earnestly, but Abel had found the blackest parts of her heart. How dare he use people as if they were lab rats, something to be experimented on without regard for their feelings? The repulsiveness of being one of Abel's guinea pigs was nothing compared to what Willow almost faced: a helpless victim for his sexual amusement. Thank goodness Buffy had stopped him in time to spare Willow's chastity, but, it was too late to prevent him from letting Oz loose as a permanent werewolf. The spot where their enemy had his last conscious thought looked conspicuously plain, devoid of significance. She walked over to an open book. Presumably these were the directions that Abel followed in order to be able to attain the sense of feeling. Written in an archaic, cryptic language, Willow had no use for it. The potions, flasks, and bottles in the far corner of the room caught Willow's attention. She remembered Abel mixing something together, arrogant as he was, and it being needed to turn Oz into a werewolf. Hopeful, Willow herded a couple marked bottles into her backpack. Perhaps she could use these to change Oz back. With this room's helpful potential exhausted, Willow made her way out. She continued down the halls, remembering her way so she could backtrack, until she came upon a room that caught her eye. The desk in the center of the room was covered by a sea of books and documents while an equally impressive cache of materials lay neatly tucked away on a bookshelf. Willow entered, shifting her eyes side to side. To her delight, Willow realized that although the manuscripts were in an unknown language most of Abel's notes were in English. The scribblings ranged from humorous to disturbing. "Typical Maldini, always trying to do things the hard way. He'd write a fifty page step by step description of the technique one can use to locate one's own ass. Much like one's own ass, Kragen Demons are easier to feel for than to search for as he prescribes," one note read. Another note made Willow feel uneasy. Abel had written, "A werewolf! How exciting! It will be good for me to handle one in my research. Also, the girl with the amber hued hair that's with him will suffice for my less studious interests. I can grab them both while their together and kill two birds with one stone." Willow was frustrated at not making any progress. She was leaving when she noticed a few roughly written lines on a small scrap of paper. It read, "From all I can discern, the same procedure outlined in Bhadoven's Anomalous Beastiary for 'curing' a werewolf can be used to make a periodic werewolf more permanent. A few common reagents mixed in equal portions, spread on the subject, and ignited with a focused blast of hellfire should do the trick. I'm rather dissatisfied; it's like playing with a child's toys." Rejoice, that was it! Willow enthusiastically shoved the scrap paper into her pocket. Then a thought hit her, who was she going to get to summon a blast of hellfire? She slumped her shoulders back down, disappointed to say the least. After a few moments thought, she perked back up. It was resolved then, she'd just have to learn the whole hellfire thing herself. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (06/16) Date: 02 Jan 1999 21:06:40 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 06/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 5 Standing innocently in the doorway, Buffy lingered outside of Giles' library office. Giles himself had his attentions buried in an particularly interesting read of a book. A few pages went by before Giles finally donned his glasses to look over a sheepish, quiet Slayer. "Oh, Buffy, I hadn't noticed you there. Is something a matter?" questioned Giles. "Well, I don't know how to say this, but I was talking with Willow yesterday," slowly articulated Buffy. "Are things not all well between you and Willow?" Giles inquired softly. "No," quickly replied Buffy with an unsure expression. After some pause she finally admitted, "Yes." Buffy explained, "You see it's just that I've been spending so much time with the slayage around Abel's crypt and Oz is still out there." "Ah, and I suppose you want me to tell you it would be fine for you to neglect your duties and pursue locating Oz with more of your time," guessed Giles. "That'd be perfect," smiled Buffy. "You do realize that this is not only a choice opportunity to slay vampires, but that if a vampire did feed on Abel and consequently killed him that the gateway Abel sealed would be reopened, giving way for more necromancers to come into our world. As your Watcher I can't very well endorse you forsaking your responsibilities," reminded Giles officiously. Buffy dropped her head and remained silent. "As an adult and dare I say father figure, however, I can tell you that there are times in one's life when the welfare of those close to you are many times greater in your heart than responsibilities that one doesn't even want," added Giles gently. Her head now raised, Buffy quizzically glanced at the grin on her Watcher's face. She answered it a small smirk of her own. "Thanks," said Buffy plainly. Giles nodded in awknowledgement, his inner character showing through his simple gesture. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (8/?) Date: 03 Jan 1999 19:33:39 EST TITLE: Torn AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com DISTRIBUTION: Ask and ye shall receive. SPOILERS: Through Lover's Walk, one slight reference to Amends RATING: this part, PG, mild language SUMMARY: Willow's caught between Xander and Oz DISCLAIMER: Buffy & Co. is Joss & Co's. No copyright infringement intended. DEDICATION: To all of you who wrote and told me how much you loved this story and for encouraging me to keep writing it. Here's the next part! If you need any earlier parts, let me know, it's not up on my website yet. Torn - Part Eight Willow tiredly pulled back the covers to her bed and crawled under the warm blankets, burrowing deep. She was so tired. Buffy had taken care of Spike's minions and gotten them out of the factory unharmed. Even Buffy was bewildered as to why Spike had wanted her that night, because the master vampire hadn't even given the Slayer a reason. But it must have been something. Willow was too tired to think about it right now. Let Buffy and Giles deal with Spike. Xander, Oz, and Willow hadn't exchanged a word since Buffy had come through the door. They'd silently parted ways, Oz going in one direction, Xander in another, and Buffy and Willow in a third. It was on the walk home that Willow had confessed to Buffy all her crazy, jumbled, mixed-up feelings. Buffy had been totally sympathetic, but of course, she hadn't been able to help Willow make a decision. Willow wished Buffy could just tell her. Xander or Oz. At the rate things were going, she might as well flip a coin for them. She was right back to square one. Xander or Oz. Oz or Xander. Willow groaned into her pillow and rolled over. She couldn't think anymore. She'd worry about it tomorrow . . when she could think more clearly . . . yes . . tomorrow . . . ***** Willow walked into the Bronze. The club was empty, closed. The sound of Willow's footsteps seemed to reach into the far, dusty corners of the converted warehouse. Willow wandered through the maze of tables and chairs. A movement to her right caught her eye. Willow turned, and a single spotlight illuminated the stage. The musical instruments belonging to Dingo Ate My Baby were scattered across the wooden floor, except for one, the guitar. Oz sat on a stool, softly playing the guitar. Willow recognized the melody as the song he'd written for her. Oz looked up, right at Willow. His lips turned into the smile he got whenever he saw Willow. "Hey, baby," he said. "Oz," Willow said, stepping towards the stage. "Don't come closer," Oz told her. "Why not?" Willow asked. "Oz . . I love you! Why can't I come closer?" "You don't love me, Willow," Oz said sadly. The last strains of the song died out and Oz put the guitar down. " But I love you. I'll always love you." "Oz, no! I do love you! I love you so much!" Willow protested. Oz got up and headed offstage. "No, Oz, don't leave!" "I have to," he told her. "No," Willow whimpered. But Oz was gone, vanished into the swirling shadows of the club. Willow was alone again. "Oz?" she cried out. "Where are you?" "I'm here," a voice said. Willow whirled around. Xander was sitting on a loveseat in a small alcove near the bar. "I'll always be here, Willow." "Xander? Where's Oz?" Willow asked him. "Why did he leave me?" "I don't know," Xander told her. "But I'm here. Don't you want me here?" "Of course I want you here. You're my best friend," Willow said. "Oh, really?" Xander asked. "Is that all I am? Your best friend?" "Yes. . no. . I don't know. Xander what's going on?" Willow said in confusion. "You know what's going on, Willow," Xander said cryptically. "You always know." "What do I know?" Willow asked. "Xander, tell me!" "You know. You'll see," Xander said. "I can't tell you, but you'll see." With that last statement Xander started to fade away into the darkness. "Xander! Don't leave me!" Willow cried. "I'll never leave you. . . I love you," Willow heard Xander's voice, but he was no longer there. She was alone. Alone . . alone . . alone. ***** Willow bolted awake. "Xander!" she cried out, not quite realizing what she was doing. The feeling of intense lonliness and abandonment still lingered. Willow took a deep breath. She looked around her room . . she wasn't alone . . she was safe in her room. Her parents were down the hall and her fish were in their tank and her stuffed animals were still surrounding her. She wasn't alone. Slowly, her heart rate returned to normal. Willow lay back down, haunted by her dream. Haunted by the images of Xander and Oz disappearing. Was her subconscious trying to tell her something? That she could be with neither of them? That she was going to be alone? ***** Xander climbed the stairs to his bedroom with a heavy heart, ignoring the shouts and sounds of destruction coming from the kitchen, where his parents were engaged in one of their weekly drunken brawls. He didn't care about that anymore. He didn't care about anything. Except Willow. Once he'd admitted the truth to Willow in the factory basement, he hadn't had the faintest idea what to say to her. Apparently she had no idea what to say to him either, because the two hadn't exchanged a word. The only communication between them had been a simple goodbye nod. He wanted so badly to call her, even though he had nothing to say. He just wanted to know that she was connected to him, to hear her breathing through the telephone wires. Maybe if he did the words would come to him. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but he didn't know how to form the words. Xander entered his bedroom and slammed the door behind him, venting his frustration on the door. His eyes looked around the room and he took in the chaotic state of his surroundings. He let out a sigh as he glanced toward the bed. There was no way he'd be able to sleep. He picked his way across the floor to his stereo system and turned on the radio, turning the volume to low. The music playing softly in the background, so softly it was almost inaudible, did little to soothe Xander's frazzled nerves. He had so much pent up energy. He bent down and picked up a dirty pair of jeans, balled them up, and threw them across the room in the general vicinity of his clothes hamper. The jeans fell through with a dull swish. Two points, Xander thought halfheartedly. He scooped up another armful of dirty clothes and deposited them in the hamper. For the first time in eight years, Xander Harris was cleaning his room. Once the dirty clothes were cleared away, Xander could see the clutter around his room. A pile of stakes and a bottle of holy water had been unearthed under a pile of dirty underwear. Better hide those, he reminded himself. Not that anyone came into his room other than him anyway. The shiny glint of a picture frame caught his eye. Xander stepped over and picked up the picture. It was of him, Willow, and Buffy, taken on a carefree day at a nearby amusement park. They'd accosted a stranger to take their picture. He was in the middle, one arm draped around each girl, grinning crazily. Buffy was laughing, and Willow was smiling that big smile of hers, looking up at him. For the first time, Xander noticed that the look in Willow's eyes was almost adoring. Loving. Harris, you idiot, he told himself. Right there, right in that picture. Willow was looking at him so openly, so obviously in love. And he hadn't seen it? Worse, he'd been flaunting his the girls he did see in front of her? Buffy . . Ampata . . Cordelia . . god how could he have done that to Willow? It must have killed her. He wished he could go back in time, to make things right. He wished Buffy had never shown up that night she returned from Los Angeles, the night he and Willow had been walking with ice cream. If Buffy hadn't shown up . . maybe that kiss would have happened. And he would have known. Before Cordelia. Before Oz. Before everything. Maybe he'd be happy right now if it had. He dusted off the picture and set it on the table next to his bed. A reminder. Of what he could have had. And what he had lost. End Part Eight, Part Nine coming soon! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (07/16) Date: 03 Jan 1999 21:07:43 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 07/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 6 "Wow," said an intrigued Willow, her voice tapering the one syllable word. She eagerly punched away at the page down key of her laptop. Curious, Xander leaned over from the other side of the Library table. "What are you looking at?" he asked. "Well, I found out a way to hopefully change Oz back to a human, but it kind of needs a little hellfire to work," explained Willow readily. "So are you reading up on hellfire?" further asked Xander. "Well, no. There wasn't much known about hellfire, so I started reading on how a necromancer becomes a necromancer. This is pretty sad," Willow said, eyeing the screen in front of her. Xander comforted, "Come on, Willow, you're not being that desperate." "I meant how they become a necromancer is sad," Willow chastised. She questioned, "Did you know that when a necromancer seeks an apprentice he looks for people in the most vulnerable, frustrated walks of life?" "No, but it makes sense. Who better to become an ultra bad villian guy then someone who can't even get a girl to notice him," Xander commented. He continued, accelerating into a ramble, "And then when she does she only thinks he's a pathetic loser. Finally, when she get's over how demeaning it is to be seen with him she puts him down at every opportunity to make herself feel important. But, I'm a man who has feelings, too. I'm not just her whipping boy-" Xander interuppted himself, "What were we talking about again?" "Like I was saying. They find someone who's already sick of the world and come to him in a nightmare. They torture that person in his sleep by showing him the most grusome horrors of man's inhumanity to man. By the time the dream is over he's an even more broken soul. Only after that do they offer apprenticeship," described Willow. "Wow, and I thought colleges had aggresive recruiting programs," wryly joked Xander. "This is like our first villian with a sob story. I mean, vampires get sired and then they're vampires. Demons are demons. But, this guy is a human being who's had a past and a childhood and developed in the monster that he is," Willow observed with a touch of compassion. "Well that doesn't change the fact that he is the monster that he is. Right now, this guy being a vegetable is justice," redirected Xander. "I guess. But, can you imagine how horrible his life must have been for a necromancer to pick him for an apprentice and, more importantly, for him to accept," offered Willow. "You're not getting all soft on him are you?" Xander questioned. "No. It's just that the more I learn about where Abel's coming from, the harder it is for me to hate him," answered Willow. Xander nodded empathically and closed with Willow in friendship. "Will, you've got a bigger heart than most," he earnestly complemented. "Hey, guys," greeted Buffy, emerging from Giles' office. "Buffy-" began Willow, but she was cut short. "I've thought about what you said and I've finally really got my priorities straight," interjected Buffy. "I'm sorry for being so stuck up before," apologized Willow sincerely. "It's cool. Anyway, there've been reports of a 'bigfoot' type monster in Weberton. It sounds promising so I figure after school tommorrow we can head up there for the weekend and see if we can bring Oz home," said Buffy, a mixture of emotions bled through at different times during her statement. "Great! I'll brush up on some witchcraft stuff, it might help us find him," Willow said excitedly. "What's this? My two best friends going on an overnight trip? Since I've got no plans, big surprise there, I must come along," Xander said happily. "I'm sure Giles would want to come, too. I mean, he likes Oz," added Willow. "Alright, it's a big Slayerette adventure then," commented Buffy. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (08/16) Date: 03 Jan 1999 21:08:54 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 08/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 7 "Are you sure Oz won't mind us borrowing his van?" quieried Cordelia from behind her omnipresent sunglasses. She and Xander were snug in the back of the aforementioned V.W. wagon, relishing the German proclivity toward comfort and Oz's sense of exotic decor. "Considering the fact that we're going to use it to rescue him from a life of chasing cats and sniffing rears, I don't think he'll mind one bit," quipped Xander. He surveyed the front of Buffy's house idly. "Where did the Buffster go off to?" Xander asked curiously. "Willow needed some help carrying some magic paraphenalia. They should be back shortly," answered Giles, authoratively seated behind the vehicle's steering wheel. "What do you think about Willow getting into the whole witch thing? I mean, sure if you don't have that great of a social life you need something to pass the time, but witchcraft? Whatever happend to collecting stamps?" inquired Cordelia. "Nothing better than a hobby straight from the Patridge Family to keep you awake into the wee hours of the night," humorously commented Xander. "Ok, so she could collect Backstreet Boys posters or something. But, you get my point," appended Cordelia. "I don't know if it's very healthy," replied Giles. He gazed out the windshield thoughtfully and continued, "The black arts can be a slippery slope into untold darkness. Perhaps encountering this necromancer has shown her what evil lies at the arcane art's most extreme." "Mr. Giles," called out Buffy's mother. The front driver's side window rolled down swiftly at her greeting. "Oh, hello, Joyce," responded Giles plesantly. "Now, Buffy already gave you her part of the motel money. Is there anything I can give you towards food?" questioned mom. "Don't worry about it, hopefully we won't be more than a day. We're all eager to retrieve Oz and revel in his company once more," Giles explained. Buffy's mother was hardly comforted; she didn't seem very pleased with this road trip at all. "Who would of thought Willow would be dating a werewolf. She seems like such a nice girl," mom commented. "I can assure you that Oz is quite a decent young man," said Giles. "Of course," affirmed Joyce, she broke her pessimistic glare with a polite smile. "Oh, here come Buffy and Willow now," Joyce said with a gesturing glance. One could hardly make out the image of the duo of friends as they strolled up the quiet Sunnydale street for they were practically buried in various bags, boxes, and backpacks. Joyce openend the van door for her daughter and friend, their cargo threatening to eclipse its capacity. "Whoa, what is all this stuff?" cried out Cordelia as she moved to make room. "I wanted to be as prepared as I could," Willow said, tossing her heavy burden onto the van floor. "And them some," Buffy added while doing the same to her load. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (09/16) Date: 03 Jan 1999 21:10:14 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 09/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 8 About an hour into the drive most casual conversation had been exhausted. What was left entailed mostly intense window staring punctuated by brief moments of thumb twiddling. The sleepy late afternoon sang Giles a lullabye while sluggishness crept in and affected Giles' driving. "I don't want to sound too mature, but do we have much of a plan?" Xander asked of no one in particular. The question awoke most of the occupants of the van, including Giles, which was fortunate because he finally noticed the sedan that had been trying to pass him for the past half mile. "What do you mean?" questioned Buffy. "Finding him is the easy part, but what happens once we do find him? 'Here's a milkbone, now be a good boy and don't be a werewolf anymore'?" Xander wondered. "Oh, don't worry, we can use that ritual that I discovered in Abel's dungeon. Well, it's not really a ritual, it's more of a potion splattering," answered Willow. "You went through the necromancer's lair?" inquired Giles with a touch of concern. "Only to find out how to change Oz back," assured Willow. "I thought you said you need hellfire for that ritual to work," Xander said, slightly abashed. "Yes, we do," replied Willow. "Don't tell me you've attempted to summon hellfire," asked Giles, concern mounting. "No. . . well. . . I tried researching it, but there wasn't much written about it; other than it's really nasty stuff," Willow conceded. "Very nasty indeed. You must be very careful with your endeavors into the black arts. Hellfire, the whole of necromancy for that matter, is a very dangerous vocation. Legend has it that few survive learning to summon hellfire, let alone wielding it," chastised Giles. "Speaking of which, why is it that Abel had his hellflame backfire?" wondered Buffy. Giles zealously jumped to answering the question, "To be honest, I'm not entirely sure. I have speculated in my head about it-" His speculations were cut short. "It's because he made himself able to feel," interrupted Willow. She explained further, "When a necromancer artificially induces a sense of feeling he becomes susceptible to his own hellfire." "Where did you read that?" inquired Giles obstinately. "In that book 'The Lost Art of Necromantics'," answered Willow. "Oh," said Giles, proverbial tail between his legs. "So where are we going to get hellfire other than eating something with a lot of garlic?" questioned Cordelia. "Even if Abel were capable of having an actual thought right now I don't think he'd be too keen on giving us a helping hand," observed Xander. "Well if he were awake, let's just pause for a moment to mention how we so do not want that, then maybe we could set something up," Buffy offered. "Yeah, all it takes is for Oz to be doused in a few reagents and hit with a small blast of hellfire and he'll be cured. I'm the last one who would want Abel up and running, but what if there's no other way," Willow speculated. "Let's just worry about one thing at a time, shall we? We still need to find Oz," reminded Giles. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (3a/?) Date: 04 Jan 1999 21:10:48 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 2: Xander, Willow, and Faith get a little . . . well, ok, a BIG blast from the past. or blasted into the past. Whatever. 8 NOTE: Since I don't want to write "Young Xander" and "Future Xander" over and over again, and it doesn't look good, all characters from 2013 will have a F- preceeding their name, like F-Xander, F-Willow, and F-Faith, once they are in the past. The characters from 1998 will continue to be spelled like they always are. Or maybe I'll spell Xander with a "Z" just to spite all you ture watchers of the show (hmm, overused pun unintended). * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 2 Part A The library fell into silence. Xander looked at F-Xander with wariness. Buffy and Willow looked at each other with a sense of dread. Giles looked at Xander and made up his mind that Xander was to do no more research for awhile. "Wait, he can't possibly be me!" Xander blurted out with conviction, pointing at the imposter. F-Xander blinked and put on a stunned expression. "Why do you say that?" he asked, genuinely confused. Xander set his jaw. "I mean, look at him." F-Xander spread his arms and glanced down at his body. Loose black jeans and a form-fitting white shirt with an unzipped black winter jacket over it. "Those clothes match. I never match. And the body-just look." It was true; F-Xander was definitely taller, with broad shoulders and muscles, the kind of build that Angel had. "Honestly, would I turn out like that? And the face is completely different." The face *was* different, almost nothing like young Xander's, but the one thing that was the same was the eyes. Those were Xander's eyes, definitely. But Xander wasn't about to admit that. This was just too damn weird. "And the accent," Xander finished with bravado. "I'm not British." The other Slayerette's turned imploring eyes to F-Xander. He just looked back at them. "You don't expect me explain myself, do you?" When there came no answer, F-Xander turned to Willow. "Willow . . ." Willow took a protective step behind Buffy, afraid to look F-Xander in the eye. Buffy looked at him warily, not sure whether to wait and see if he would calmly and peacefully tell her why they should believe his claim, or whether should she force it out of him. F-Xander sighed. "Why should I expect anything else?" He moved back to the computer desk and sat on the edge where there was room. He held out his hand and began to tick off the things he said on his fingers. "A: Today was a lucky day. I dressed in the dark-again-and the clothes actually matched. My family was very proud of me. "B: I grew up. Rather well, don't you think? And I work out. Physi-um, much working out is done." He swallowed uncomfortably as an unpleasant thought surfaced from the recesses of his mind. "And the face . . . I had a car accident. It got bashed up pretty bad." His hand touched his face like it was a tangible reminder of the doctor's work. "And as for the accent-I'm always quizzed on that, I don't know why, it's not even that noticeable. I spent four and a half years in England. Never went away, the accent, I mean. But I don't say 'bloody this' and 'bloody that', or drink tea or eat crumpets, and I don't wear tweed. Ew. Never had a thing for crumpets, and god knows how many times I was made to eat those back in Britain." At that, F-Xander smiled, and the skin around his eyes and mouth crinkled in their tell-tale Xander way. Xander's already wide eyes looked like his eyeballs were going to pop out right on the floor, and Willow muffled a gasp. This really was Xander. "If you are who you say you are," Giles said, getting over the shock, "then we'll have to return you back where you came from immediately. Was it just him, or were they treating him like his younger self had brought home a puppy from the streets and an annoyed parent was casting the dog out again? "I was just about to say that," F-Xander said, keeping the question to himself. "But the word of the day is-how?" "W-well," Giles started, moving a hand to reach for his spectacles. "Research, huh," F-Xander said dejectedly. His shoulders slumped further. "I hate the library." ***** It was the night of the Winter Solstice, and she should be out there with Echo right now, right in that beautiful, empty, magick-filled prairie that had made them choose to live here in the first place, celebrating the birth of the Sun King. Unfortunately, most of the members of the White Rose Coven were spread out around North America, and they had had a hard time getting together this year. The coven was planning to celebrate together some time around the new year, in the ballroom of some unsuspecting hotel in a city that it was snowing. Possibly Chicago. MoonRaven had always had a yen for Chicago. A quiet shudder ran up the spine of Willow's back. Chicago . . . she remembered the last time she had been in Chicago. Hellmouth had been touring just after their first CD, and Willow was freshly scarred from that ordeal with her parents and still trying to get over from what had happened only three years ago. Her therapist was back in Florida, and both Oz and Echo had been a bit shaky on the decision to let Willow tour. Willow said she was ready, though, and that she could handle it. So off she went. She still remembered the scene. She and Echo were at the mall, window shopping because they had left their purses at the houses and hadn't felt like going back, since they discovered that little setback halfway to the mall. Their stomachs had been growling loudly, so they stopped by the food court, where they mooched off a ton of test foods. They were just coming out, licking the food from their fingers and giggling widely, when a wild eyed man in his late thirties had stopped them. "Have you seen a little boy?" he had asked them frantically, his hands flipping nervously at his sides. "He's about up to here-"he put his hand somewhere by his hip-"and he has shaggy blond hair and the sweetest blue eyes." He reached out and gripped Willow's arm, his eyes half-crazed. "Please, I've lost my little boy. You've got to help me find him." Echo had gently peeled the man's hand off of Willow's and dropped it, but Willow's arm was still heavy with it's feel. "I'm sorry, we haven't seen your son," Echo had said sympathetically, and then began to walk away, dragging a motionless Willow behind her. "Will you tell him to come back, if you see him?" The man called to them, his voice filled with despair. Willow couldn't help but look back. "If you see him, tell him to come back. I can't lose my little boy . . ." Obviously, something was wrong with this man's mind, but Willow was stung by his words nonetheless. Emotions had been hard to handle for her lately, and people were always in some state of depression or hunger or sorrow or despair or grief . . . she just couldn't handle it. That's what Echo and Oz had been so hesitant about permitting her to tour. And that's why she had fainted right then and there, and had to be taken to a hospital because she was having seizures, brought on by her fragile mental state. And that's why when Hellmouth toured, Willow always stayed in the hotel room. And that's why the only people she ever made contact with was fellow band members, close friends, coven members, and the occasional chip and cheery reporter. That's why she didn't like to be around people. So now she was standing on the balcony, hand and hand with Oz, staring at the horizon where the sun, in just a few minutes, was sure to make it's appearance. The sunrise was not only symbolic to the holiday, but a very romantic setting. Too bad that she was being plagued by unwanted memories. Next to her, Oz mistook her internal shiver for external cold, and took off his jacket and draped it around Willow's shoulders. It wasn't really cold, but the air conditioner that whirred away inside was blowing quite a current of air throw the open French doors (Echo had them installed: "Ooo, aren't they just gorgeous, guys? I want French windows in every apartment we're gonna live in!"). She knew that Oz was a bit chilly, what from him coming out with a jacket and all, and snuggled against, returning the little gesture. "Who needs a jacket when I have you," Willow said dreamily, closing her eyes for a moment as she listened to the beat of Oz's heart. It raced. "I was just thinking the same thing," Oz said, smiling and holding her close. He casually encircled his wife's slim waist with one hand and stroked her beautiful long hair with the other. He loved her hair, loved playing with it, loved touching it, loved seeing the light reflect off of it. It was his most favorite part of her . . . well, that and her lips. {And her heart}. "Same thing." Willow's smiled widened and blushed deeply, something she still did around Oz, even after all these years of being married. The sun was close to rising- she didn't have to open her eyes to know that the nighttime sky was already an array of deep oranges and pinks and blues. She could sense the magickal energy, like a train of power coming at her. It was a wonderful feeling-almost as wonderful as Oz's love. Almost. Oz was stroking her face now, ever-so-tenderly as though she were made of china and he was afraid she would break. "I love you, Willow," he whispered, and then rested his head on her chin, something that Willow's father use to do when she was a little girl. Her father was her big protector and hero when she was young; now that she was older, Oz was her hero, her protector. And so much more. "Oh Oz, I love you so much," Willow said, snuggling closer to . . . a rock? Willow opened her eyes wide and pulled away in terror. She didn't give a glance to her surroundings, just looked at what she had just been hugging. A marble angel, a beautiful piece of artwork that stood on top of a gravestone. Now Willow looked around, wide-eyed. She was in a graveyard. And not just any graveyard. She recognized this place. Sunnydale City Cemetery. "Oh darn," Willow said meekly, hugging herself and looking around wide-eyed. Graveyards creeped her out. Graveyards were spooky. She hated graveyards. Ok, so she was in Sunnydale. She could . . . perhaps, deal with that. She was a stronger, healthier person, but this was bad. Despite the fact that she had just been magically transported to Sunnydale, this was not Sunnydale, 2013. No, Willow knew that the city cemetery was most definitely burned to cinders. Yet, the cemetery which she beheld with her own eyes was most definitely *not* burned down to cinders. It was very non-cinder-y. Willow took a step back, and realized that her bare feet were digging into soft, fresh soil. She looked down and saw that her feet were covered in the dark brown stuff. Willow pulled her feet out one by one and shaked them free of dirt, stepping into the clean grass to the right of the grave. Then she leaned over to read the tombstone, one hand on the angel's wing to steady herself. She definitely needed the angel's support. Willow leaned heavily on the wing, her mind dizzy, her head spinning, her heart racing, and a cold pit of fear replaced what was once her stomach. This was too much to be bargained for. As Willow fainted across the grave, a shaft of moonlight from the almost-full moon above trickled unto the gravestone, shedding light on the marker. It read: ~Shelley Shovanak~ January 1st, 1974 - December 19th, 1998 ~May her guardian angel guide her to peace and eternal rest~ Uh-oh. ////****\\\\ End of Part A ////****\\\\ Feedback is, like, so way wanted. Especially from Marc, who's practically half-writing this story, what with all his questions that I have to answer! ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (C. Catherine) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1c/1) Date: 04 Jan 1999 19:05:10 -0800 Disclaimers and such in 1a... *~*~* "How long has it been?" whispered Buffy to Willow as they sat in wait in the second pew. "An hour," Willow whispered back, "What do you suppose happened?" "You don't think she…" "…left him at the altar?" the redhead said with raised eyebrows, "I don't know, but as it seems…shh…Oz's coming back." "Where's Xander, then?" Oz whispered a few words to the reverend that was presiding over the wedding ceremony. The older man nodded and walked to a nearby chair to sit down. Oz coughed lightly before speaking into the mike, "Um…I guess it's my official duty as the best man to tell you all that the wedding has been cancelled. The groom wishes me to tell you that he apologizes for the time that he's taken from your day and he wishes that wherever Grace Wright is right now, he hopes that she's very happy and content in her choice to marry her high school sweetheart. Thank you." The wedding guests murmured loudly as they stood up to walk out of the church. Buffy and Willow followed Oz who had directed them to go out of one of the side doors to another portion of the ancient, pious edifice. "Oz, what happened?" Willow asked of her husband. "Grace called and told Xander that…" "That she doesn't love me, or at least, she's not in love with me," Xander finished and his eyes fell to Buffy for a fleeting moment. Buffy fiddled with her purse and recalled her past words, <"I do love you, but not like that…not how you want me to love you."> With a sigh the former groom continued, "And also that she's gone to marry who she was initially in love with and forever would be in love with, her high school sweetheart. A high school sweetheart in which I insisted that she invite to the wedding. Guess why they met up?" "Uh…I think I'll straighten things out with the caterer and the florist," Oz said. "I'll help," volunteered Willow as she followed him. The married couple left Buffy and Xander in silence. Buffy took a seat on the chair beside Xander's. "Are you going to be okay?" He turned to meet look at her and nodded slowly, "Yeah, in the eventual, I guess, but it's not exactly every day that you get left at the altar." "No, I guess not," she replied smiling lightly at his slight joke, "Xander, I'm sorry that this happened to you…I know how much you loved her." "Thanks," he said looking at her for a moment and then continued, "I guess I'm cursed, huh?" Buffy frowned, "What are you talking about?" "My big moves always somehow end in big failures. I tell the one girl I've loved since I first saw her how I felt, and almost ruined a friendship. I move on and get hitched, only to get jilted. Cursed in love…that is I!" She chuckled softly, "No, Xander, it's just that you haven't found the…y'know…one." "And what would this elusive 'one' be?" he said raising his eyebrows. She sighed and thought for a second, "The one where when you're near that person, you want to be nowhere else…" "Ah…and when you're away, there's no one else you want to be near," he said nodding. "Exactly…" *~*~* <…the way I feel about you,> thought Buffy. She thought back on that singular moment when she just knew - felt - that Xander was her 'one.' That moment had occurred in one of his many LA business trips, of which after the wedding, he had made sure to visit her and the rest of the gang whenever possible. It was a moment that wasn't anything special or out-of-the-ordinary. Yet, it caused this incredible wave of warmth to succumb her, all the while, making her shiver. It was filled with this crystal-clear clarity of this feeling, and yet, it clouded her mind. It was just singularly…incredibly…indescribable… *~*~* "I don't know how you do it," said Xander in amazement as he looked at the painting that Buffy had just completed. "And I can possibly understand how you can compile many-a 200-page novel in that brain of yours?" she prompted with raised eyebrows as she washed the paintbrushes in the sink of her studio. He laughed and stood beside her with a grin, "I guess not. Well, as always, you have your thing and I have mine. Alls I can say is they both beat slayage any day." "I definitely agree to that," she said with a nod and then glanced at the singular brush she left on her easel and rolled her eyes, "Do you mind getting me that?" "No problem," he said and walked to the easel to hand her the brush and smiled a smile that she had long ago dubbed his smile for her… *~*~* …and strange as it was, that was when she knew. This realization wasn't fireworks and it wasn't a magical experience that overwhelmed her, but rather it crept slowly into her acknowledgement. The moment was fleeting, but the impact everlasting. An almost gradual state of bliss had fallen unto her, but unlike the fleetness of the moment, it seemed to have come upon her within years, not seconds. But even that couldn't describe how she felt and although it was months later, she *still* couldn't pinpoint the exact enough - the perfect enough - words. Not that it really mattered. She was content with her awareness, but what troubled her was that *he* wasn't aware of it, and so altered the purpose of coming to New York. Initially it had been about her life's work, but days before her arrival, she had determined it to also be about coming to terms with her life's heart. And as it was, tonight was the night. *~*~* Buffy and Xander walked out of the restaurant laughingly. "That was truly an interesting dining experience," he noted with a silly grin. "It's not every day I see a grown man shriek at the realization that he ordered fish eyes," she replied. "And like you didn't do a little shriek yourself." "I didn't say I didn't, I only said you did…and you did," she pointed out and continued, "I can't believe you actually ate it though!" "My mama always said, life's like a plate of food. You never let it go to waste," he imitated and returned to his normal voice, "And I technically didn't eat it, I only tasted it." "Eating…tasting…however you word it, you *still* consumed!" Xander shook his head and sighed, "One thing I've learned after all these years, never argue with the slayer even if she's of the former kind. You win." "Good. So, um…do you want to call a cab or should I?" Buffy replied with a satisfied grin. "Uh…the hotel's only a couple of blocks away, we could walk this time," he suggested. "Walk?" she said glancing at her feet, "In these shoes?" "Buffy, you've slayed in those shoes," he said, "Well, maybe not the exact same pair, but of a similar kind. Besides a few minutes of walking can't kill ya and I promise if it does…I'll give you a nice funeral." She laughed, "Thank you, Xander. Somehow knowing that…makes me appreciate you a little more." "Aw…come on, humor me? I ate fishy stuff, tonight. If not out of pity, than save the environment from a little exhaust?" he asked. Buffy sighed and smiled, "Only for the environment." They walked towards the hotel and Buffy wondered how she was going to tell him what she had wanted to tell him. She had rewound her words over and over again in her mind, but it wasn't the words that mattered as much as the when. Before she could contemplate any further, Xander's voice broke into her thoughts, "Uh…y'know there was a hidden reason for me wanting to do the walking thing." "Oh?" she said looking at him curiously, "and what was that?" "Uh…there's something I've been meaning to tell you all night," he said and paused. Her heart told her mind not to jump to conclusions, but she wondered if he would tell her something that she had wanted him to re-tell her for a long time. "And what's that?" she asked as they continued to walk on the sidewalk. "I met her." Buffy frowned, "Met her? Met who?" "Y'know…the one." She felt her heart sink and lump grew in her throat, but she held her composure and replied calmly, "You did? T-t-that's great…it's really…really great. So how l ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (C. Catherine) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1b/1) Date: 04 Jan 1999 19:05:05 -0800 Disclaimers and such in 1a... *~*~* "Willow, that girl hanging on Xander's arm…a friend of yours or Oz?" Buffy questioned with raised eyebrows as she peeked out of the bride's dressing room and saw a tall, dark-haired and dark-eyed beauty beside the best man. The redhead adjusted her veil and glanced out through the tiny opening and shook her head, "No…I've never seen her before. He told me he was dating someone awhile back. I guess that's her, maybe that's what Oz and he were talking about yesterday. I mean, one more extra guest wouldn't matter since a few aren't even going to be able to come to the reception. Whoever she is, she must have flown down from New York with him because he's only been back a week." "She definitely picked the generous guy…trips to L.A. from NYC? Must have cost Xander a pretty penny," Buffy said. "Xander's never been big on money…I know that he's given a lot to a few organizations of some of my colleagues," Willow said and she handed her one of his latest books. "What's this for?" she questioned holding the book. "Take a look at the dedication…that might be a clue to who she is," hinted Willow as she placed an earring in her right lobe. Buffy opened the book and turned the page to the dedication. In a cursive script read: ~~~To my one and only, the ruler of my heart~~~ Ignoring the sad feeling that overcame her and the fading optimism of what else the girl might have been, she mustered a smile, "That's really sweet…Xander's turning a romantic on us, should we fear?" "Xander's always been a romantic, you just know it more now," she replied as she placed the book she handed to her on the table. "I remember how he used to talk about you back in high school. Side from some guy commentary, he said some really sweet things, even after, he had a major soft spot for you. Still does." "Could have done you better as a gal pal to give me a little idea that he had a thing for me," said Buffy as she placed a bobby pin in Willow's hair to help the veil stay. "Oh, right," she replied, "At what time? When you were crushing over Angel and pretty much unintentionally trashed Xander when you said no to his one and only attempt of asking you out? Or when you were brooding over losing Angel and he was dating Cordelia? While you were in pursuit of an art career and he was racking his head to get a publishing agent that could get him published?" "Okay, you have a point, even when you were playing, 'Ms. Hands-off-my-particular,' I was having it bad with my major Love Wacky thoughts over Angel," Buffy said as she adjusted the veil critically in the mirror, "There." Willow turned to her and smiled, "Thanks. Would you have wanted me to tell you? I mean, when I had a pretty good idea he was crushing over you? What would you have said?" "I'd probably tell you, I'd talk to him. Let it plague me for awhile, and then pull the Spring Fling incident all over again," she admitted as she remembered their conversation so long ago. "Well, what about now?" Buffy frowned, "What do you mean, Wills? What about now?" "Hypothetically speaking, I mean. If I did know he felt that way now and told you, what would you do?" "Willow, he has a girlfriend," she said trying to ignore the question. "Say he doesn't." "Why are you asking me this? Now?" The redhead looked at her friend thoughtfully and replied, "I want to know if the two main reasons I gave up on my schoolgirl ideas of Xander - one being Oz and two being that I've always thought you and he had something - were really facts than reasons. I know the first one," she smiled softly, "and I kinda like to know the second." The former slayer fiddled with the brush in her hand and sat down. She fell silent for a moment and looked up at her best friend, "What if told you that I'd go out with him in a heartbeat? What would you say?" "I'd say, when did you realize that?" "Not too long after he told me he was in love with me…" "But then why -" "Not too long after he told me he was in love with me," Buffy repeated with a sigh and continued, "Not too long after I told him I didn't and couldn't ever feel the same." "Buffy, I don't understand." "And neither do I. Willow, I can't tell you that I'm in love with him because I don't know." "Then why would you be so inclined as to date him?" and Willow hid a smile as she recalled Xander's "Date me," statement years ago. "I mean, after all this time, to risk a friendship by dating him, would kind of mean that you had some pretty serious feelings for him…right?" "I…uh…" Cordelia Chase, who had somehow named herself the wedding coordinator, peeked into the room, "Everything's ready to go…that is…if the bride's not getting cold feet." "Me?" Willow said with a smile as she stood up, "Never." The so-called coordinator walked out to cue the organist as Willow and Buffy walked out of the room. Before Buffy's cue as maid of honor was made, the bride squeezed her hand and whispered, "We'll talk about it later." Upon seeing her cue, Buffy smiled and nodded silently before walking down the aisle… *~*~* Somehow, however, that later never came. Of course, it might have had something to do with the announcement that Xander was engaged… *~*~* "Oz and Willow, I know it's the honorary customary for the best man to do the toasting, but for once, I have to say I'm speechless." Xander began as he held up a glass of champagne and the crowd of guests laughed at the joke. "Well, I guess I've known you guys for a long time and Willow, here, the longest, and I wish you the best of years and a marriage filled with happiness and success that I know that you'll have no trouble in accomplishing. I can only hope that my engagement and, of course, marriage, to Grace will be a near equivalent of yours." Xander sat down as the crowd of guests looked at him in surprised silence and with a nudge from his fiancée, he stood up again laughingly, "Oh, didn't I tell you all?" His eyes met Buffy's who sat across the way and he smiled softly, "I'm getting married…" *~*~* Even today, Buffy still felt the shock the news had brought to her system. She supposed that it had to do with thinking so much and so long about what she would say to him at the wedding, and realizing that all of her contemplation didn't matter much - that all of her feelings - didn't matter much at all. Despite his announcement though, she had determined that she would talk to him that day and sort things out, and with a another contemplative sigh, she supposed that his announcement made talking all the more easier. *~*~* Buffy looked around the room carefully. The bride and groom had long ago left, but the party was still in full swing. Although she saw Xander's fiancée talking to some of the quizzical guests, Xander was nowhere to be found. She finally thought to look at the balcony and low and behold, he was there. Seeing him there reminded her of the last time she had talked to him and as she walked towards him, she hoped the outcome of this balcony conversation was better than the first. "Hey," Xander said as he turned around to see her. She smiled, "Hey, yourself. Long time no see." He nodded slowly, "Yeah, it has been awhile, hasn't it?" "I guess time flies when you fall in love," she said. Xander chuckled softly, "I guess it does." After a thoughtful pause, he continued, "Buffy, I'm sorry for…well, I'm not sorry that I told you what I told you, but I am sorry that I didn't keep to what I said about us being friends in spite of that." Buffy shook her head, "It's okay…really. I'm just glad that you found someone who can love you, and who you obviously love…I'm just happy that you're happy, and whatever happened in the past doesn't matter as long as everything's okay now. Everything is okay, right?" "More than," he replied. "So, tell me about Grace. Tell me about the girl that really stole your heart." "I met her not soon after our…um…talk and well, Grace Wright is a wonderful actress, a wonderful woman, a wonderful person and much more. There's so much to say and not enough words - even for a writer - to say it in," he said simply. "Funny, he said the same thing about you…well sub the actress with artist," said Grace as she entreated on their conversation. She took her fiancé's arm, "For a writer, he's not very original." "Well, I could have told you that," Buffy said with a soft smile. "I must say, it's a pleasure to finally meet you after hearing so much about you from Alexander," the actress said. "Well, I wish I could say the same, but…um…Alexander and I haven't been able to get in touch with each other in awhile," she replied the full name felt foreign to her native tongue. "I guess a lot can happen in a short while, and in your case, something wonderful. Congratulations." "Thank you," Grace said and she turned to Xander, "Honey, it's kind of late, we should probably head home." "Uh…yeah…" he said nodding his head in agreement, "We'll see you, Buffy." "Yeah…see ya around." Buffy looked on at the two as they walked away hand-in-hand. She supposed that she was happy for him…happy that he found the happiness he deserved to have. Yet, the thickness in her throat, the heaviness of her heart, and the tears that she held within, spoke of otherwise. *~*~* She wasn't sure what made her decide to come to the wedding. The first thing she had decided when hearing the wedding date was that she was going to avoid it all cost. Yet, as the date drew nearer and conversations with Xander grew to an almost daily concept, she knew she had to go. She had to move on and she had to be a friend, and seeing Xander happy and his relationship with Grace in a real-to-life perspective than just through the descriptive tendencies of Xander, would cause her to do just that. Of course, that might have happened if indeed he had gotten married… *~*~* ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ong have you known that she was the one?" "For awhile. One day it just hit me out-of-the-blue that if I were to never leave her side, I'd the happiest man in the world." "And…have you told her that? Have you told her how you feel?" "Buffy, there aren't enough words in the English language for me to use to say how I feel. What I'm feeling for her is indescribable and I just can't seem to find the right time to tell her, or rather, attempt to tell her. And…I don't even know if I *should* tell her." "What?" She asked with a frowned as all of these concepts hit just too close to home, "Why would you - I don't…" "Fear…I guess. I've been hurt too many times, Buffy…I mean, I know Grace was a mistake and I'm not even sure if I could have gone through with the wedding if it had occurred. But when she told me that she didn't love me - wasn't in love with me - so much like that night you told me the same at Oz and Wills' party, it brought a lot pain back to the surface… a little too much pain…" "I'm sorry that I hurt you, Xander, and I'm sorry that you've had to feel so much of the bad part of love, but what happened in the past, shouldn't stop you from telling her how you feel." Buffy glanced at the hotel that they had stopped in front of and continued, "Xander, if you know in your heart that she is the one, if you love her, and if you know that it isn't a matter of wanting her, but a matter of needing her, then I suggest you let her know. If you don't, you may regret it until no end…if you wait, it might be too late." "So, you think I should tell her." "Yeah, I think you should," she said and sighed, "I better get inside. Thanks for dinner." "No problem," he smiled, "Good-bye, Buffy." "Good-bye, Xander." With that, she walked into the hotel and quickly approached the elevator. As she waited for the door to open, the tears that had been threatening to fall, fell and wetted her cheeks. Her throat tightened and her chest ached. And it wasn't so much the physical that plagued her, but it was the emotional of the before and the middle and the after. She had gone through too much for it to end this way, and the irony of that was that all that she had gone through didn't make a singular difference. It didn't change anything of how that conversation ended at Willow and Oz's party. It didn't change her relationship with Xander for better or for worse. All it did was made her heart see, her mind know, and both disappointed. The doors opened and she walked into the empty elevator and watched the doors close with the ding of the elevator, but they didn't close. She blinked as she saw the doors open again when a hand had stopped them from closing. "Xander…?" "Buffy…" he said breathlessly and before she could even comprehend the events, he stepped into the elevator and kissed her. The kiss spoke of feelings long contained and of love and of the long journey they had endured to reach this far - to make this kiss. It spoke of heartache, of emotional suffering, of pain that somehow didn't matter because of this moment unlike the rest. It was a moment that marked something difference, marked a level that could only become something better with each moment thereafter, marked the time to the second when they became one. Finally, they pulled away and Buffy leaned her head against his chest with a sigh. It felt so right to be in his arms and her arms around him. It felt so right to be there and be there forever. She heard him whisper into her ear, "You're my one and only, the ruler of my heart. That dedication was yours when I made it and I knew then and before and thereafter that it was always going to be you. I tried to move on…I tried to find love, but I left my heart to you that night you told me you didn't love me and I never took it back. I never intended on taking it back. Buffy…you're the one…" ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (C. Catherine) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Becoming One (1a/1) Date: 04 Jan 1999 19:05:00 -0800 TITLE: Becoming One (1a/1) AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint) DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic AUTHOR'S NOTE: Becoming never happened. DISCLAIMER: The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for this story. Copyright infringement not intended. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Becoming One By: Taygeta Buffy Summers leaned back on the hotel couch with a sigh, it had been a long day…a long, exhausting day. she scoffed to herself It's not that she disliked her career field, she loved it with a passion because it was place, a realm in its own, and a state of singularity that she had learned in her youth as her comfort zone. However, it was one thing to paint and a whole other thing to host an art show. she thought of the slayer skin she had shed not too long ago when the Watcher's Council had given her a retirement, something few slayers ever had to call their own. She had the deaths of Druscilla, Spike, and Angelus, and not to mention the Master before, to thank for that. Angel…the name hadn't crossed her mind in awhile, or at least she hadn't let it, as she had spent days like this one - chock full with busy work - to try and forget. She had long forgiven herself for the circumstances surrounding the soul-encumbered vampire, and although she remembered him and a part of her would always love him, he no longer chained himself to her thoughts, unlike Xander had for the past year. She remembered that night at Willow and Oz's engagement party vividly…the laughter, the congratulations, the toasts, the dancing, the music, etc., but somehow the meaning of all that was lost as she thought back. What held itself with meaning in her mind was a conversation she would change in a heartbeat with what she realized now. *~*~* Her eyes scanned around the crowded room for Xander and frowned when she couldn't find him anywhere. Excusing herself from one of the many confining, boring conversations that she had participated in the entire night, she went out to search for Oz's named best man. Dodging away from more approaching guests, she thought and quickly walked out onto the balcony, closing the French doors behind her. "Xander," she said in surprise to see him standing against the railing. He turned to see her stand beside him and smiled, "Decided to bail, did you? You were always the strong one, lasted a hell of a lot longer than I did. Do you know how many of those people had a copy of my latest book? You'd think Oz and Willow had given them out as party favors or something." "Oh, come on," she said, "Don't tell me that the attention grabber with his 'I am Mr. Writer Man' front can't take the fame that comes with being a world famous author." "Hardly world famous," he gibed, "More like 'Local Boy Gets Some Respect' after a few cheesy novels." She gave him a Look and replied, "Hardly cheesy, Xand, more like 'Local Boy Writes Good Stuff.'" "Really?" he said with raised eye brows, "Interesting perspective, Ms. Artist, I didn't even know you read any of my works." "I've got a couple books lying around, of which haven't been signed with your scrawl of a signature," she hinted, "And I think I have your latest novel somewhere like in my hand." "Accompanied with a pen?" he asked as he took the book. "Sorry, I only provide the book, seeing as how I was going to try and finish the last three chapters," she said as she eyed the book carefully. "Ah…out for some late night bookage," he said with a nod as he pulled a pen from his pocket and stood in thought. Buffy stared at him and smiled as she noted how the awkward youth had grown to be at 24. He had always been handsome, but in his Italian suit, he added stylish and mature to the word, and the goatee that he sported added to that maturity. Realizing that she was staring just a little longer than necessary, she quickly turned away and glanced at the sky, "It's nice out here, don't you think? A nice night for our two happy friends in there." "Extremely happy friends," he said as he glanced up, "It's kind of weird that they're getting married, I mean, it seemed that just yesterday we were worrying about vampires and creatures of the night. Now, it's wedding plans for the wolf and the witch." "The wolf and the witch, I'm not sure how far you can actually say we've come from the creatures of the night," Buffy said, "But it is definitely a beautiful, peaceful night, especially when you don't have hoards of guests talking to you at every turn." "Peaceful…yeah," he said and then he looked at her and said, "And definitely beautiful." She crimsoned and smiled under his glance and the looked at the closed book in his hands, "Um…are you done?" "Yeah, here," he said handing her the novel with some hesitance. Opening the cover, she read the neat scrawl: To Buffy: With all the love in my heart, with all the love that is within me. Xander She stood in silence with the opened volume and a slightly agape expression and then glanced at him, "Xander…?" "I know it's sudden, but I had to tell you. I've wanted to tell you that for so long, I've wanted you to know for so long, and there never seemed to be the right time or the right place and I'm thinking now that this is neither the right time or place. But, I don't care. You have to know that I love you. That I've been in love with you ever since that day I first saw you. Ever since then, it's never been anything but that. " "I - I don't know what to say," she stammered, "This is beyond sudden, this is like instantaneous." "I know my timing for romantic announcements are always off-key, and this is certainly not an exception, but keeping this from you for all these years, feeling this way, my audacity can't exactly surprise you. As to what to tell me… Say you love me," he said, "Or say you don't…say anything…just tell me where I stand. I'm 24-years-old, Buffy, and although that isn't exactly Father Time, I want to be able to move on…if I have to." "Xander, I do love you, but not like that…not how you want me to love you," she said wondering how all of this had suddenly come into play. "You're my best friend, you know more about me than even I know about myself, but I don't think I can…love you…in that way…ever. I'm sorry." He shook his head, "Don't be. I thought that maybe - well - doesn't really matter what I thought 'cause I thought wrong, and I'm really embarrassed, not to mention disappointed, slightly hurt, and I think I'll go inside now before everything gets decidedly worse." "Xander, don't be like this," she said as he approached the door, "Tell me we're still friends?" Glancing at her before he walked in, he said, "Of course, we're still friends, and at this rate, we'll always be friends. I'd rather lose my heart than lose you forever. It's just not what I want us to be, but hey…I can deal. This is what I wanted to hear. After all, there are a lot of things in this world I can't have and now I can say you're one of them. Although I wish to God you weren't because try as I might, I'll never find anyone else like you…ever. And for that, I'm sorry…" *~*~* And try as she might, she couldn't forget that night and what had been said. She avoided him at all costs and he did the same by flying back to New York a week or so later. They didn't see each other until 6 months after, where avoidance was impossible at the wedding of Willow and Oz. Within those six months, Buffy found herself thinking a lot about Xander, and analyzing what exactly it was she felt about him. Although what she said to him that night hadn't exactly been a lie, it wasn't exactly true, either. The truth being that even before that incident on the balcony, she had had doubts on the premise of her feelings for him, but apparently her contemplation didn't really much matter on their friends' wedding day. She sighed and realized that if there was anything she learned that day, it was that the ability to find someone else wasn't as difficult as it was made to sound. ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (10/16) Date: 04 Jan 1999 22:18:26 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 10/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 9 "We're here," announced Giles after carefully parking in a rather cramped motel lot, using the dwindling dusk light and a few tacky neon signs as his only sources of illumination. "Finally," yawned Cordelia. "How about if I drive on the way back and cut down on the travel time," she suggested. "A good idea in all respects except one: I'm sure Oz would appreciate us keeping his prized van in one piece," declined Giles, exiting the vehicle as he spoke. He called out from over his shoulder, "Don't forget the luggage." To Willow's dismay both Buffy and Cordelia began to leave the van, carrying only their own relatively trivial cargo. She looked over the mass of items she had brought with concern. "Guys," pleaded Willow, "What about all of my stuff?" "I think it's only fair if Cordy helped you out this time," reasoned Buffy. "Please," rebuked Cordelia, "Just because Willow is trying to be miss voodoo princess doesn't mean I have to do hard labor." Cordelia marched off following Giles after her selfless declaration. "Will, why don't you get Xander to help you out?" Buffy suggested. She, too, went in the direction Giles had gone. Slightly peeved, Willow leaned over to a snoozing Xander. She prepared her most tender, helpless voice to beseech him with. After a moment's hesitation she opted for another approach. "Xander," Willow said with a couple well aimed pokes to the rib cage. Xander shook himself from his sleep and fought to regain his bearings. "Xander," reiterated Willow. She paused until she thought Xander was listening to some degree and continued, "Giles said you should bring the luggage." Without a moments delay, she scurried off to join the others. Willow found the trio of Giles, Cordelia, and Buffy huddled outside their potential lodgings. It was a rather disconcerting sight; dingy when applied to the motel would be a complement. Broken windows, rotting doorframes, and grimy exteriors were the best features of this establishment. "Ok, Giles, now I know you don't want to waste money, but you're pinching one too many pennies with this," said a disgusted Cordelia. "I was told these were the best accomodations in Weberton," said Giles in reply. "I hate to see what the bad places look like," commented Buffy. "Yeah, I mean, this thing is a star short of being a one star hotel," criticised Cordelia. "Weberton isn't the most affluent community in California," informed Willow. "Well, let's enter, shall we?" sighed Giles. The group of slayerettes entered the check-in office warily. Behind the front desk sat a man who looked like he frequented fast food establishments, clad only in a wifebeater undershirt and beaten-up khakis. A seemingly ancient television set was his only company. "Well look here, you must be the English guy who called," observed the front desk clerk. He introduced, "My name is Eddie." "Very nice to meet you, Mr. . . uh. . . Eddie," greeted Giles. "And how are y'all doing this afternoon?" inquried Eddie with a working man's charm. "Fine, thank you," answered Giles. "How about the classy ladies you got here, how are y'all doing?" Eddie asked while addressing Buffy. "Fine," simply replied Buffy. "Just fine?" Eddie questioned further. Buffy answered impudently, "Just fine." The ill feeling in her stomach continued to grow worse. This was her first major road trip in her Slayer capacity, she was hoping for it to make a better impression. Buffy quickly cut short her train of thought and attributed it to her insatiable need to make her dislike of this ogre behind the counter painfully aware, but deep down she knew it held more signifigance. "Now if I remember right you needed two rooms for the evening," said Eddie, speaking to Giles once again. "That's correct," Giles affirmed. "That'll be thirty-two dollars then," said Eddie. Giles pulled out his wallet and stumbled through it to retrieve the desired amount. "For another twenty I'll make sure the cops don't come by tonight and do the whole vice routine," offered Eddie. Giles looked quite offended and replied angrily, "The only thing we'll be doing in the middle of the night shall be sleeping." "Of course, of course. This is a class establishment," agreed Eddie. "Speaking of being a class establishment, all these gals are eighteen, right?" he appended. "That's of no concern of yours," chastied Giles, he placed a handful of cash on the counter top. "Ok, if you want to play it that way. Far as I know, jack, they're all legal," said Eddie as he handed over a few keys and a receipt. "Thank you very much," said Giles with a touch of sarcasim. The four turned to leave with a colorful first impression of Weberton on their minds. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (11/16) Date: 04 Jan 1999 22:19:26 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 11/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 10 "Everyone get decent in there, here come the males," warned Xander through a shotty motel room door. He walked in with a boyish grin that could barely fit in the tiny room. "Disappointed?" questioned Cordelia with a smile that threatend to match Xander's. "I'm only disappointed from the waist down. I'm stoked to get Oz home," Xander replied candidly. "Speaking of which," segued Giles, entering with newspaper in hand. He continued, "According to this, there have been a string of sightings of a 'large feral dog' around an abandoned warehouse here in Weberton. It matches the description of a werewolf." "This is of the good," observed Buffy. "Yes, but, the bad news is there has also been a young boy that has disappeared in conjunction with these sightings," added Giles. Obligatory silenced ensued as the possiblity of a child dying at the hands of their friend sunk in. "Well, it was to be expected. After all, werewolves hunt, it's what they do. It's not like Oz can help it, he's not in control," rationalized Xander with a worried glance towards his best friend. "We're going to go down to the warehouse where the boy disappeared after we unpack, right?" inquired Buffy. "Forget unpacking, let's go now," boldly stated Willow. Mutual agreement was received with the group's common lack of a reply. "Hey, hey," yelled a voice accopanying a palette of exhuberant noises from the outside of the lodgings establishment. Out of force of habit, Buffy quickly found herself poised at the motel doorway. The others peered through a tarnished window to see what was going on. Outside was their beloved landlord Eddie embracing another equally indigent looking man as if he were his long lost brother. The gathered onlookers caught Eddie's attention and he called out happily, "Hey, take a look at my pal Steve here." "Steve," addressed Eddie, "Meet Mr. . ." His sentence tailed off as he searched for a name. "Hey, what was your name again, pops?" hollered Eddie. "Giles," came a shout back. "Meet Mr. Giles, he's a new guy, an English dude with a very lovely vintage in chicks," introduced a still excited Eddie. "Steve just got out of jail," joyfully yelled Eddie with a makeshift dance step and a playful grapple on his reunited aquaintence. "How very sweet," Giles said, bathing in sarcasim. "Let's go, shall we?" he added with grumbled disgust. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (12/16) Date: 04 Jan 1999 22:20:32 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 12/16) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 11 "So this is the place?" said Cordelia rhetorically, standing before an extremely run down building that dwawfed her in size. It seemed to come straight out of the Depression, complete with peeling paint and roofs decorated with gaping holes. Aparently, the locals had used it as an impromptu dumping grounds; trash in various forms littered its sides, providing visual breaks amongst the weeds that ringed the warehouse obstrusively. The abandoned decor of the warehouse blended right in with the unkept neighborhood, which's reason for being had long since forgotten. If any building in the area had seen use in the past twenty years there was no noticible signs of it. Indeed the warehouse was right a home, its foreboding nature augmented by the still darkness of the lonely Weberton night. "What's up with the soup bowl, Will?" asked Xander curiously. Willow carefully held a small, rough stone bowl between her hands. In it was a clump of hair suspended in a clear, if pungent, liquid. "This is a little something I enchanted the other night. It'll help us find Oz. The clump of Oz's hair will be pulled in the direction that he is in, we can use it like a compass to find him," explained Willow, shifting her feet discretely, half out of anticipation and half out of frustration. "Oh, cool. Wait a minute, where'd you get a clump of Oz's hair?" questioned Xander. Willow shrugged off the question as she examined her apparatus in disappointment. "Darnit, it's not working!" she exclaimed, frustrated. "Maybe he's out of range," offered Buffy. "No, the lady at the shop said it has a range of over a mile. I probably screwed up the incantation," said Willow bitterly. "Willow, don't beat yourself up," Xander comforted warmly. Giles added himself to the group, hauling a burden of a half dozen chains and restraints. "I'm very glad that Eddie fellow didn't have occasion to see these. I don't think I could have tolerated the cracks he would have made," commented Giles. "Well, Buffy, since you're everyone's favorite ass kicker, you get to take the point," wittingly said Xander. Buffy abliged dutifly, walking toward the spooky building with the greatest of ease in her step. She hadn't realized exactly how jaded with abandoned buildings she had become. It felt as though she were right at home in the creepy backdrop that her latest adventure had visited upon her. The behemoth door was no match for the uncommon strength of the Slayer, she easily brought it of its rusted hinges and tossed it to the side. "Flashlight," requested Buffy as she peered into the expansive darkness, reaching out her hand back casually. "Uhhhh," garbled Giles as he searched his pockets. "Don't tell me with all that junk we brought no one bothered to bring a flashlight," said Cordelia disapprovingly. "I could go back to the van and get some sulfur to try to cast an illumination spell," offered Willow in a nervous attempt to mitigate the group's shortsightness. Buffy had noticed her friend had been quick to offer to cast spells like they were going out of season. She decided on making a mental note to mention it later. "How long will that take?" inquired Buffy. "I don't know exactly," replied Willow timidly, avoiding the other's eyes. "Have you ever even tried such an incantation?" asked Giles. "Well, no, but I've always wanted to," Willow answered with a sheepish expression, gripping her bowl insecurely as if hanging on for dear life. "Great, we're looking like such losers right now," commented Cordelia. "Oh, wait, here we go," Xander said as he produced a key chain from his pocket. "Xander, the keys to your hope chest won't help us here," said Cordelia sarcastically. "No, look," replied Xander as picked out a small red cylinder among the assortment of keys and held it between his thumb and index finger. Out of what seemed to be a pinhole came the most insignifigant, pitiful light that all those present had ever laid their eyes on. A wide, if sheepish, grin graced Xander's face while he glanced at the surrounding onlookers expectantly. No one said a word, however. "Stylin' huh?" questioned Xander through his smile. Not a reply was given, all merely stared on in disbelief. The assembled souls that had collectively slayed vampires, vanquished demons, kept the undead in check, and fought an assortment of insect like creatures now found themselves huddled around an underpowered pen light that threatend to exhaust its battery at any moment. The mass of humanity led by an undaunted Slayer made its way through the spacious warehouse, attempting to find their way through the dark and avoid obtructing clutter. "Wait," warned Buffy a few moments before halting in her tracks. Regardless of her warning, the assembly of wary Slayerettes soon found themselves walking into each other's backs. "What's the hold up?" asked Giles with a whisper. "It's the wall," answered Buffy. "Already?" idly asked Xander. "There's a light switch over there," declared Giles. He gave the switch a good flick and much to his surprise a few dusty old lightbulbs hummed to life, causing a rather comprehensive representation of the rodent family to scurry away for cover. The interior of the warehouse lived up to the expectations cast by its exterior. The dirty, yellow tungsten lights caused the entire scene to be made of various shades of brown. A square, hollow box of rotting wood with a few windows was all the warehouse amounted to. The contents were just as plain, a upturned broken crate here, an old magazine there, the inside of the building was the spitting image of inconspicous. A worn out odor cast the scene in an overall pitiful mood. "Well, let's see. One watcher, check. One Slayer, check. Her cold and tired friends, check. One werewolf, nope. On to the next building," said Xander wryly. "Why would an abandoned building be serviced with electricity?" wondered Giles aloud. "If it makes you feel better you can call the electric company and let them know they are wasting all of 40 watts. Come on, we have a werewolf to find," Xander said hurriedly, turning to leave. "No, wait. Is it just me or is the inside of the building a lot smaller than outside?" inquired Willow. "You're right," agreed Buffy, "You think this place has a houdini room?" "Yeah, and I think we're in it," answered Willow. Cordelia a strangled cry, the wall she was casually leaning up against had collaspsed away. Buffy and Willow exchanged looks before running over to survey what was beyond the newly found entryway. "I'm fine, thanks for asking-" facetiously began Cordelia, gazing through the opening she had just created she blurted out, "Whoa, look at that!" ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: ChaseDKota@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Snowball's Chance" (5/?) by Chase DeKota Date: 05 Jan 1999 22:59:00 EST TITLE: Snowball's Chance AUTHOR: Chase DeKota EMAIL: ChaseDKota@aol.com FEEDBACK: Please. Don't make me beg, 'cause I will. DISTRIBUTION: Just let me know. RATING: PG-14 SPOILERS and TIMELINE: The story pretty much carries itself. Haven't seen "Amends" yet, but I'm pretty sure this is just prior. Or maybe just after. Spoilers all the way through "The Wish" just to be safe. SUMMARY: Thus far - Benefit concert at the museum. The Scooby Gang has bee= n 'volunteered' to help with it. While chasing a strange girl she met during patrols, Buffy discovers that Ethan Rayne is back in town. DISCLAIMER: The world of BtVS belongs to 20th Century Fox, with nods to Jo= ss Whedon and company; I'm only visiting it. 'Mac' and her magick appear cour= tesy of J.J. Benike. A salute to my army of proofreaders (all four). To those who= 've offered feedback on previous parts: Thank you!! Thank you!! Thank you!! An= d please, keep it coming! =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Snowball's Chance By: Chase DeKota Part: 5/? =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Buffy checked her watch and frowned. There should've been a big yellow bus. There should've been a crowd of students milling, avoiding boarding for the trip back until the last possi= ble minute. There should've been Principal Snyder, clipboard in hand, calling off names and daring anyone to be late. There was only the empty curb. < Did I miss it? > she wondered, but quickly decided she hadn't. Her watc= h read 1:34pm, nearly an hour and a half before the scheduled departure time= . The clock inside the museum confirmed she still had plenty of time. Problem was, her watch had read five minutes to three just moments ago. B= uffy was dead certain of this. She was beginning to suspect something terribly wrong with the whole 'big picture.' Also, she was beginning to suspect sh= e was losing her mind. But first things first. Hurrying back to where she'd last seen Ethan Rayne - who *had* to be at fa= ult, somehow - Buffy found the office as deserted as the curb out front had bee= n. Not surprising. The surprise came in the office's state of array. She could recall books scattered across every inch of the small room, volu= mes stacked on every flat surface, more piled precariously on the desk. What = she saw now was a small office neatly organized, with the books in their proper pl= aces on the shelves. A fine layer of dust had begun to settle; it looked like = it hadn't been touched in weeks. Not quite ten minutes had elapsed since she'd made that run for the bus. = It would have taken hours to put all those books back on their shelves. Buffy knew this from experience. She needed a second opinion. Her friends smiled with relief when they saw her coming. "Buffy! Where h= ave you been?" Willow asked. "Snyder noticed you were gone." "But we covered for you." Xander winked conspiratorially, catching the slightly worried look that came over the Slayer's face. "So, where've you been?" Pushing a stack of folded programs aside, Buffy flopped down across from h= er friends. "I'm beginning to think Xander's right," she remarked. "Yes!" The boy grinned wide, then grew confused. "About what?" "Bad things happening every time we come to the museum," she explained, "although, I'm not sure how bad it is this time." The two teens leaned in, curious, as Buffy explained. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Air didn't circulate well in the library. Dust removed from countertops resettled within minutes. That was partially why no one ever bothered to dust. Besides, that was part of what made it 'the library' -- dusty, dimly lit, and smell= ing of old books. And it was quiet. Usually. "Giles! Where are you?" The feminine voice rang out simultaneously as its owner burst into the roo= m. A few seconds later, two more teenagers plowed through the still-swinging doors, out of breath from trying to keep up. "Giles? This is important." How the librarian could not have heard the entrance of the Slayer and comp= any was beyond comprehension. Yet, Rupert Giles stepped out of his office and smiled at the group as if he were surprised to see them standing there. "Oh, you= 're back! How was your, um, community service?" he asked. "I wish the judge had sent us to reform school instead," Xander quipped. Willow stifled a giggle. "Oooh=85like we're a bunch of juvenile delinquen= ts," she said, her voice deepening with a bit of attitude. Her grin faded quickly as she realized something. Many people did, in fact, regard the Slayer and Slayerettes as troublemakers. "We've got a problem," Buffy announced, and the others looked to her expectantly. "Guess who's back in town. Ethan Rayne." That got a noticeable reaction from Giles. "You saw him where?" "At the museum." "Did he give any indication as to what he's up to this time?" Buffy paused. "I didn't get to question him for long but," she paused and took a deep breath. "He said he was looking for a book." She spoke the words as= if they sounded completely ludicrous. For the most part, they did. "A book=85?" Giles was not so much as bothered by this as puzzled. "Tha= t's all?" "Well, it's not like we talked over cappuccino. My watch lost track of ti= me and I thought I was going to miss the bus. By the time I realized it was off, E= than was gone." "Of course. You did the right thing." Giles was drifting off mentally, trying to piece the puzzle together. He was getting that 'look' that said: 'I have a theo= ry about what's going on, but I'm not going to share it with anyone.' Buffy frowned as he retreated into his office. "I need to make a phone call," he said and closed the door. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Jill Kirby Subject: BUFFYFIC: Admin: IMPORTANT. Please read. Date: 06 Jan 1999 19:41:21 -0600 (CST) Effective January 23, 1999, the Xmission Buffy discussion list and the Xmission Buffy fiction list will stop operations. This was not an easy decision for us to make, but real life is becoming increasingly intrusive. One of us is writing her dissertation, one is rehabbing a house, all of us have jobs and personal lives-- and all of these things get in the way of running the kind of list we want to run. So, reluctantly, we're giving it up. There are numerous other great Buffy lists out there, as well as a very active newsgroup. We'd encourage people to post about these other lists so that no one becomes "Buffy list deprived" after this list stops functioning. :) You don't need to do anything if you want to stay onlist until the end-- the list will just go away, and you'll be automatically uns*bbed. Or, as always, you can uns*b any time before the 23rd. Needless to say, we will not be processing any new subscription requests as of this date. In terms of the list rules-- we'll continue to enforce the rules on flaming, spoilers and the four-line quote rule. ALSO: As of the 23rd, all archives will go away-- and this includes the fiction archives. If there's something you want, get it now. Thanks to all of you for making this a list that we were proud to run. Jill & Sharon, listowners Lisa Rose, assistant listowner Jill Kirby ~~ jtkirby@mcs.net www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/4107 "Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. Big, undreamed of things - the people on the edge see them first. I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over." - -Kurt Vonnegut Jr. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: KylenRevik@aol.com Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Admin: IMPORTANT. Please read. Date: 06 Jan 1999 21:35:51 EST Yowsers...well, here's my questions: 1) Does anyone have any suggestions for good buffy fiction lists? 2) What's the URL of the archives? Thanks, Rachel ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Ian and Tiff" Subject: BUFFYFIC: BBETA Fic List... Date: 06 Jan 1999 18:47:21 -0800 Just a quick note for anyone looking for a new Fic list to join since buffyfic is going away. :( I highly recommend the Buffy Beta (bbeta) fiction list. I've put sub info for it below. Take care! -Tiff ============ The beta-readers' group for *Buffy, the Vampire Slayer* fanfic! This list is for beta readers and fanfic Not Quite Ready for the ASH list, your page, etc. If you want opinions on fic, this is the list for you. If you want to read fic, this is also the list for you; just keep in mind, you *are* supposed to comment on it, give suggestions, etc. List stuff: Subscribing - To Real Time 1) To subscribe: a. Send mail with your e-mail address to buffy-beta-request@eskimo.com. b. Put "s*bscribe buffy-beta" in the body of the message. (replace the * with a u) Subscribing - To Digest 1) To subscribe: a. Send mail with your e-mail address to buffy-beta-digest-request@eskimo.com. b. Put "s*bscribe buffy-beta-digest" in the body of the message. (replace the * with a u) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Admin: IMPORTANT. Please read. Date: 06 Jan 1999 21:33:44 -0500 At 09:35 PM 1/6/99 EST, KylenRevik@aol.com wrote: >2) What's the URL of the archives? The regular list is archived at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffy/archive/ The fiction list is archived at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ --sah sah * romana@mindspring.com * romana@aol.com NatPack * Jungle Patrol * Bishop * BBPG:TGLIL * BTVS Colistowner "IE took over my entire PC and I had to delete it, while chanting an exorcism ritual. It's an evil, evil thing and must be stopped." --jtk ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (3b/?) Date: 06 Jan 1999 22:36:50 EST TITLE: Can't Hide the Past * AUTHOR: Shadows * DISTRIBUTION: Will ya do me a favor and agree to post this somewhere on your own little archive? Just ask me first. E-mail me at Titanic437@aol.com * DESCRIPTION: Ok, as I sit down to write this fic, "Amends" is the last episode that I have seen. I will be following the show from only up to there. Then my mind will have it's own play. Story: 15 years after my own little season three finale, the Scooby Gang finds themselves thrown together after something *very* strange happens to all of them. Chapter 2: Xander, Willow, and Faith get a little . . . well, ok, a BIG blast from the past. or blasted into the past. Whatever. 8 NOTE: Since I don't want to write "Young Xander" and "Future Xander" over and over again, and it doesn't look good, all characters from 2013 will have a F- preceeding their name, like F-Xander, F-Willow, and F-Faith, once they are in the past. The characters from 1998 will continue to be spelled like they always are. Or maybe I'll spell Xander with a "Z" just to spite all you ture watchers of the show (hmm, overused pun unintended). * * * Can't Hide the Past Chapter 2 Part B She was so tired. She'd been on the road for so long, in that truck of hers (well, the truck driver that she had taken it from didn't deserve it, after what he'd tried to do to her) which had broken down about a mile from where Buffy lived. She had walked all the way to the Daly {god it's so hard to accept that Buffy's married} house in the rain, probably catching a cold, and to top it all off, had to fight a vampire. And now, when she was in a nice, comfy room in a nice, comfy setting, the air between Buffy and her was not the only thing uncomfortable. The damned leather couch was pretty uncomfortable, too. Ok, ok, so she'd sleep on anything, but something was really wigging her out about this place. Not the actual place, just this house. She knew how to sense mystical forces, and they were very near to here, however dormant. For a second, she wondered if this Hollywood suburb was on a Hellmouth. "Wouldn't that be interesting," Faith said wryly, propping her head up on the arm of the couch and stretching her legs. She wondered if she could watch TV here, since she was just itching to see the picture on the enormous DigiTel. The energy she sensed grew louder. The prophecy that her Watcher had warned her of flicked through her mind. Could it . . . no way. Faith shrugged the thought away. In the morning, when Buffy came back down to shoo her out of the way of her husband and daughter, faith would bluntly drop the information on her, and then leave. She didn't want to stay *here* for too long. She was just leaning over to reach the remote, precariously balanced on the sofa's edge, when she felt as though her body had been dipped in ice-cold water. The shock ran like needles throughout her whole body, gripping her mind in a state of panic. She screamed- -and gasped in surprise as water flooding into her mouth and choked on her closed passage. Faith's eyes widened, and then sensation turned into an image around her. She in the water, blue-green water, and the sunlight was playing all over the sand by her feet. *Sand*. And the water that had gotten to her mouth was salty-sea water. Oh god, she was drowning in the sea. Faith did a scissors kick, reaching up vainly with her arms towards the sunlight that was visible above. She was never a good swimmer, and she had always swum in rivers or really, really peaceful lakes. Oceans were big. Oceans were unpredictable. Oceans were scary. The fact that she was strong and hadn't had to float all the way down to the floor had done her good. She had broken the surface in just under a few minutes, gasping for breath and trying to clear the hair out of her eyes while keeping afloat. She blinked, trying to get the stinging feeling out of her eyes. She rubbed them, but it only made it worse. There. A strip of shore. Beach. Sand. Land. Faith remembered a long time ago, when she was 13, and the really cute instructor was trying to teach her how to swim. "I want to swim just like those Olympic people," she had told him, and he had taught her the move with her hands, the butterfly or chest something- or-other. She couldn't remember the name, but for the life of her she'd better remember how to do it. God she was freezing, and her legs were aching. *Deal* Faith told herself angrily, and began to swim towards the bit of shore. Did she mention how the ocean was unpredictable? She didn't feel the large wave come up behind her, hardly noticed the little ripples that proceeded it. Then she was up in the air for a brief moment, carried on the lump, and then she was dashed down into the water like a stone, suddenly losing all sense of where up or down and left or right were. Her brain, not knowing how to deal with being cut off from everything, pumped adrenaline into her brain. She kicked furiously, driven by the frenzy created in her veins, but she couldn't match the swirling waters of the wave, and she let her body go slack as the wave tossed her like a rag doll towards the shore . . . ***** As Faith groggily came back to awareness, the first thing she noticed was that she was freezing cold, and that while her mouth was not moving, her teeth were on the verge of chattering frantically. The next thing that she noticed was the small bit of water that kept soaking her hair, and then disappearing. Waves. The third thing that she noticed was that she was lying on sand, rocks jabbing uncomfortably into her spine, bits of beach caked to her bare arms and legs. The final thing she noticed was the warm, cozy body that was snuggled next to her. The hell . . . Faith opened her eyes wide and was greeted by a starry night sky, gorgeous if she had been star gazing instead of being the victim in a game of Pickle between waves. She sat up, pain wrenching in her back as she realized that the rocks were also in her shirt, not just on the sand which she had been lying on. Then, blinking the sting away from her eyes, she turned around to her side. Curled up in a ball was the shivering form of Giles, Buffy's dog. "Gripes, could this get any weirder?" Faith asked, wondering if she should kick the dog awake. Instead, she just reached over and nudged his head a little. Giles' eyes instantly flashed open, and with one look at Faith, bounded up. Her earlier appearance of being dead had frightened him very much, and now he was overjoyed that he had a friend in this strange place that he had been dropped off in. He barked happily, and then placed his front paws on her stomach, trying to reach up and lick her face, but Faith shoved him away. "Stupid dog, let me find out what kind of mess we're in here!" she reprimanded him. She was never fond of animals, except for Xander the beagle. Eventually, though, she had given Xander the beagle away for adoption, because beagles weren't the ideal pets for travelling conditions. Maybe she'd get a husky and name it after Willow or something, considering the dog was female. She was thinking about that as she surveyed her surroundings. She was on a little strip of beach, very, very tiny, and surrounded by thick walls of the kind of grass that grew around the beach. Grumbling, she began to climb the walls, noticing that Giles was eagerly falling in step. "When I find out where we are," she told the dog as they climbed, "the second thing I want to know is how the hell you got here. Then I'll ask about myself." In return, Giles sneezed. Had the dog gotten sick? He didn't look wet, but she didn't look that wet either and she had gotten a good dunk in the sea. After she found out where they were, they should find shelter and dry themselves off. Possibly with a towel lying around, one that some beach-going freak had left behind. God, why did people go to the beach? The sand always got in everything and anything, the sun was a killer, and the ocean was always after you. Not even counting the man-o-wars and jelly fishes and sharks and all those other things in the deep. Faith had never been scared of anything; she'd always been the tough girl, never believing in monsters under her bed, never afraid of confronting the beyond. But the ocean was another thing entirely-her one true childhood fear that had carried itself onward into her adulthood. When she got over the ridge, she recognized nothing. This land, these buildings . . . all foreign to her. She peered closer, using her enhanced sight, and spotted a couple nuzzling each other on the other strip of beach. As Giles nudged her in her side, she pushed his head away and climbed out of the hole, dragging the golden retriever along with her as she made her way towards the couple. When she got there, the boy was busy sticking his tongue down the girl's thorat, and Faith had to clear her throat several times before they noticed she was there. The girl, who was topless, quickly wrapped a beach towel around her upper self as the boy jumped up with a flashlight and shined it on Faith's face. "Who are you?" he demanded, the fright in his voice not enabling him to sound in charge of the situation. "Your conscience," Faith snapped, not the best of moods. She put her hands on her hips and passed a look between the couple. "How old is that girl, anyway?" "Fifte-hey, why do you want to know?" he said angrily, cutting himself off before he revealed that he was with a minor. The flashlight was still in Faith's eyes, and she shielded her gaze with one hand. "I told you: I'm your frickin' conscience. And I want to know where the hell we are. Mind telling me?" The boy seemed hesitant to answer, but the girl, wanting very much to get rid of this woman, quickly spoke up. "Sunnydale Public Beach," she said in a small voice, embarrased at being caught mid make-out session. Faith's icy glare crumbled into an expression of unbelieving shock. "No way," Faith said immediately, shaking her head furiously. "No way is this place still open to the public. No one's allowed anywhere near Sunnydale, or even the surrounding towns. Jeez, do you know what risk you guys are taking, being here on the beach and all that??" Faith was goggle-eyed. The couple looked at her, and then laughed. "You're crazy," said the guy, flicking his flashlight off. "We live in Sunnydale, lady. We can definitely be where we are." Faith eyes widened even more. The only things that lived in Sunnydale were, well, *things*. And these people, *people*, were not things. They were very much human, and very much not afraid, and very much confusing her. "Ok, what's going on?" Faith said. "Have I, like, been suddenly transported to another dimension or something? Back in time? What? What year is this?" They continued looking at her like she was a loony. Maybe she was. "1998, lady," said the guy, fingering his flashlight again. "And now that you know that, can you leave?" 1998? Huh? *What* was going on? "Uh," Faith managed, and then composed herself. Obviously, this had to deal with that prophecy her last Watcher had vaguely told her about. "Gimme a towel." "Lady, the one towel we got is on my date over there." The guy jerked the flashlight over to his date, who was blushing and pulling the towel up higher to conceal cleavage. "Why the hell are you swimming without a towel? And why the hell in your clothes?" "Don't ask questions," Faith growled. "You'll exhaust yourself. Just give me the towel and ask your kiddy date to cover herself with that t-shirt of hers that is lying around *somewhere* were you guys tossed is away in the throes of passion. And if you give me that towel, I won't report you to Sunnydale Police." Yeah, if they were telling the truth and if there still *was* a Sunnydale Police Department. "Here," the girl said quickly before her date could speak for her. She tossed the towel at Faith and then covered herself with her arms. Faith took the towel and started to walk away, drying her hair and mumbling thanks to the strange couple. "Hey, wait!" called the girl. Faith turned around. "Where's your dog?" Faith's jaw dropped, and then she looked to her side and around everywhere. Giles was no where to be seen. "Damn," she cursed, gritting her teeth. Then she set out at a fast pace towards Sunnydale, and she would hopefully run into that mutt along the way. //**\\ He couldn't get that day with Buffy out of his mind. It was a Christmas miracle, truly. He had planned to kill himself, planned to totally annihilate his worthless, evil being, but the sun had not risen because of snow. Snow in Southern California. Obviously, there was some otherworldly intervention in this. So, as he did his own nightly rounds around Sunnydale, he thought about how he had spent that day. It was wonderful; whenever he saw Buffy, it was only for that short period of time during the night. Now, he had the opportunity to spend the whole day with her, and they enjoyed it to the fullest. Nothing like playing in the snow to cheer any suicidal person up. Now, though, they were staying apart, swearing there would not be another day like, holding hands and being together and contemplating kisses. No, it was dangerous to be tempted like that, to dangerous to ever fall in love again. It was very clear as to what the consequences would be. Buffy . . . completed him. Made him feel human. Made him feel whole. Every day of his undead life was plagued by thoughts of her, and he was almost certain that Buffy was experiencing the same thing. Could they deny their passion? Could they keep away from each other, even if they knew the consequences? Could they not . . . Angel didn't finish that sentence in his mind, though very clear memories of that night flashed through his mind. It was his most happiest moment-he shivered with happiness just thinking about it. This was dangerous. This could no longer continue. He kept *telling* himself that . . . Suddenly, his hyper-sensitive, preternatural hearing picked up a soft moaning sound. Moving like a shadow between the tombstones and the grave plots, angel quickly hurried to wear the moaning was coming from. There was a figure, a figure dressed in a long red nightgown, strewn across a freshly dug plot. For a second he thought she was a vampire, and then Angel realized that he did not sense her as one of his kind. She was very human, but with a strange . . . scent, of sorts. At least to him. Since she was human, she was most likely in trouble. Angel leaned over and brushed her red hair out of the way, exposing her neck. He was expecting bite marks, but there was nothing. The neck was clean. Even stranger. Angel slid his hand under the woman's body, grabbing a firm hold around the waist. Gently, in case she had any broken bones, he turned her over. Her long red hair still covered her face. Angel gently brushed it away, and the female stirred. Angel would have drawn his breath in sharply, if he had breath. Instead, he mimicked the motion as he stared at the face. The recognizable face. "Willow?" The woman stirred once more at the mention of the name. Angel looked on in amazement as she opened her eyes and looked up dreamily into his face. "Where am I?" she asked, reaching up to rub her eyes. Then she frowned and looked up. "You're not Oz . . ." she said quizzically, yet not really grasping what she was saying. Then she recognized the face that was staring back at her. "Oh joy," Willow said, her eyes rolling up in her head once more, and she went limp in Angel's arms. ////****\\\\ End of Part B ////****\\\\ OK, what's this about the list ending or something? Feedback is wanted, too. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Jill Kirby Subject: BUFFYFIC: Admin: Note on posting stories Date: 06 Jan 1999 21:42:17 -0600 (CST) We'd asked people to post no more than three story parts per day, so the list didn't get overburdened. However, with the list ending as of January 23, if you have a story to post-- post away, and just use common sense about the number of posts you send (for example, if it's a 50 part story, please break it up at least a bit!). Jill Jill Kirby ~~ jtkirby@mcs.net www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/4107 "Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. Big, undreamed of things - the people on the edge see them first. I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over." - -Kurt Vonnegut Jr. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Miamcdavid@aol.com Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Admin: IMPORTANT. Please read. Date: 07 Jan 1999 23:37:46 EST Jill and Sharon, and Lisa Rose, Thank you so much for your hard work and dedication to this list. You have maintained a civil level of discourse for the entire year-plus that I have been a member, and there's lots of lists where that's not true. We appreciate all that you have done for the fan community, and I am sure we wish you well in all you do. Mia Member WPWP Keeper of the Opening Wolf Howl I *LOVE* this show! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Jill Kirby Subject: BUFFYFIC: Admin: One more note Date: 08 Jan 1999 13:37:12 -0600 (CST) Sharon and I have gotten a number of questions (understandably) regarding the lists. To reassure some people and as an FYI to others, please note the following. 1. The lists will no longer exist as of January 23. 2. We will not-- repeat, not-- give out our s*bscriber list to anyone. Please don't ask us for it. As we've said, we feel very strongly that giving out the list would be a breach of our listmembers' privacy. 3. As stated previously, if you have a list, or are starting a list, please post information about it to this list before January 23. People may then make their own informed choices about where, if anywhere, to go from here. Neither Sharon, Lisa or me will be "authorizing" or "recommending" that current Xmission Buffy listmembers go join any other specific list(s). Any questions, please let us know. We want very much for this transition to be as painless as possible for everyone, and we'll do whatever we can to make that happen. We have been touched by everyone's good wishes and good feelings about the list (both what's been posted here, and the many notes sent via private mail) and, again, feel very proud to have run this list for the past 2+ years. Jill Jill Kirby - jtkirby@mcs.net www.geocities.com/SoHo/Lofts/4107 "Hhhmm... maybe THAT'S what's missing from my life: health-threatening sex with household appliances." --AC ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: fanofsw@juno.com (Marc E Goldberg) Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Admin: IMPORTANT. Please read. Date: 08 Jan 1999 19:01:20 -0500 Jill, Lisa Rose, and Sharon, As a long-time lurker, I would also like to add my thanks for what you have done. When all of us were wondering what had happened after Becoming, you provided that opportunity. When we wondered what the characters were thinking, you were there. When we desired two characters to get together, there was always someone who wanted the same thing and you let them "publish" their work. When we wondered what's up with Washington, CNN took your place. Somehow, I don't see anyone crying over that, the historical-making moments aside (g) I would also like to thank the many wonderful writers who have contributed and given me, and many others, many hours of fun-filled grammar corrections (g) They provided stories that made us (please don't ask why I'm writing in the plural) laugh, cry, shake our heads in anger at the characters, and wonder why Joss didn't hire them. I would also like to thank Joss himself for providing us an entertaining series that provided so many opportunities for us to make his work better (g) If you're reading this, Joss, remember...nothing thanks a fan like doing 32 new eps a year (g) May the future be bright, may the Hellmouth not open, may the economy grow even stronger (hey, I'm a graduating college student--I need a strong economy if I want a job! (g)) To our list managers, we'd proudly offer you a copy of "How Computers Can Ruin Your Life, a.k.a. Why Books Are Gonna Make a Big Comeback," but, uh, we can't figure out how to steal it from Giles (g) He's got that Slayer, you know, and we like the no-bones-broken thing (g) Good luck! Marc ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (3c/?) Date: 10 Jan 1999 21:13:13 EST Title: Can't Hide the Past Author: Anna Perez (Shadows) E-mail: shadows@buffymail.com Feedback: Please? Rating: PG-13 to R Disclaimer: Characters seen on the Idiot Box belong to Joss Whedon & the WB Distribution: Just ask for permission Summary: 15 years after my own season 3 finale, the characters of BtVS find themselves thrown back together under unusual circumstances. Note: The last episode that I have seen is "Amends". I will follow the show from up to there, and then it's my playground. ***** Can't Hide the Past Chapter 3, Part C He wasn't sure he should go in. He wasn't sure about anything anymore. God had it hurt when he saw Willow with Xander, kissing each other on the bed like that . . . his heart had broken into a million little pieces. What was worse, though, was not being together with Willow. He missed her . . . half of him had gone with her, the part of him that could love, leaving an empty, cold shell behind. He needed that half, and he needed Willow. He thought, perhaps, that having her back would fill that emptiness. It didn't fill it at all; all it did was show Oz how wide it was. Whenever he looked at Willow . . . he saw not the girl that he had loved so deeply, but the girl that he could no longer trust as deeply. He still loved that smile, he still loved her touch, and he still loved her kisses, but to know that she had given the same exact pleasure to Xander made him jealous. He had been jealous before . . . but now he had reason to. And dammit, he was. So now he stood outside the library, hands hovering next to the thin piece of metal that when pushed, would open the door. Open the door to the library. The place where he and the other Slayerette's had gathered so often, chatting about how they were going to revert the next day's apocalypse. Except now there was an apocalypse of a different kind. Oh well. Tomorrow was the beginning of his days as a werewolf, and he wanted to spend this night with Willow. Perhaps try and fill the void that stood between them like the Grand Canyon. Try to reach out to her . . . try to reach out to her without instinctively drawing back, afraid of being hurt like that again. He didn't want to be hurt like again. Pain was not the top emotion on his favorite's list. Heck, it wasn't even on there. {Sooner or later I have to go in} Oz thought to himself. {If I'm going to do it, now is as good as any other time}. Slowly, he touched the door. Then, the hinges creaking, he opened the door softly. Everyone turned to him with a surprised expression, as though they were expecting someone else. "What?" Oz asked, feeling a little out of place. Then he noticed the stranger sitting on the computer desk, staring at him with a cocked head. Oz was wondering what he was staring at when the doors opened behind him. Angel came in, carrying a woman in his arms who's face was covered in hair. Her red nightgown was stained with dirt, and her slightly pale and willowy frame hung limp in Angel's embrace. Oz was forming the word "what" again when the man sitting next to Xander rose and strode quickly towards the vampire, scowling all the way. Angel looked just as confused as Oz did, and was startled when the man grabbed the woman out of his arms. Muttering curses, the strange man lay the strange woman down on the table, clearing a bunch of books out of the way first. Oz moved closer to Buffy, as much to get away from Angel as to figure out what was going on. "What's up?" he whispered in her ear. "What would you say if I told you that that man right there was Xander, fifteen years into the future?" Buffy asked pointedly, taking her eyes off from watching the man for just a second to gauge Oz's reaction. Oz was pretty cool about it. "Well, I'd guess I'd believe you, because everything else has happened here in Sunnydale, and I don't think I have much choice in the matter." Buffy nodded and turned back to F-Xander, who was sucking on his teeth and cradling the woman's head, whispering something softly in her ear. "I-I think she was waking up when I brought her in," Angel said, for the lack of having anything else to say that sounded remotely intelligent. F-Xander muttered something very vulgar under his breath and then reached up with one hand to the side of the strange woman's neck. He grabbed a bit of flesh and then pinched her, really, really, hard. The woman let out a gasp and she rose with a shriek, facing her stunned audience. Shivering either from shock or cold, she put two trembling hands towards her face and parted her long red hair. The others were not completely surprised by the sight, except perhaps maybe Oz and Angel. Since F-Xander had come back from the future, and Willow had felt the magic, then it was completely possible that she would come back too. Besides, which *other* Slayerette had red hair? What the gang *was* shocked at was the face. F-Willow seemed not to have aged a day beyond her seventeen years. The smooth, pale, oval face was still the same, and despite the increase in her, ahem, chest, this pretty much looked like young Willow, frail form and all. Pretty blue eyes blinked at the troupe, not recognizing their surroundings. Then she turned around, looked at F-Xander, looked back at everybody again, and then back to F-Xander. She uttered a moan and prepared to faint once again. "Oh-oh," F-Xander muttered, catching her as she fell into his arms. "*No way* are you fainting again. Wake up, Will, c'mon. Everything's ok. Just deep, even breaths." F-Willow opened her eyes quickly and sat up woozily. "Ok? Everything's *ok*? Xander, clue into reality here." She pointed to her younger self, and let her finger roam around the library. "*This* is not ok. This is definitely not ok. This is not even *close* to ok here. This is very far from ok. This is bad. This is bad and wrong, wrong, wrong. You can't get any farther from ok than this, even if-" F-Xander grabbed her shoulders and clapped one hand around her mouth. F- Willow looked suddenly very frightened as F-Xander spoke with deadly calm that he sometimes used in his line of work. "Willow, you know I hate to do this, but you're babbling. Your *really* babbling, and we don't need this right now. What we need to do is to be stop babbling and be cooperative, and find out from them how to get back where we are." He leaned forward and looked into F- Willow's eyes. "Do you understand, Will? Get what I'm saying?" F-Willow nodded, eyes wide in panic, but they were drooping to regular size. When F-Xander removed his hand, F-Willow took one look around the library, laid her eyes on her younger self standing next to Giles, and found just the right spot on F-Xander's shoulder to cry. As F-Xander awkwardly wrapped her in a hug and patted her on the back, Oz felt a surge of anger and jealously flow through him. *What had gone wrong?* After everything, Willow did end up with *Xander* after all? Was the universe up to slapping him upside the head every time the shiniest bit of happiness was in his life. I mean, there he was when he was five, the perfect family, when his dad decided to run off with the postwoman. Later, after moving to Sunnydale and all that, he had hooked up with Dingoes Ate My Baby and looked towards the bright future of getting signed . . . and then nothing. Willow entered his life, and everything seemed like bliss . . . until she started smooching and who-knows-what-else with Xander behind his back. Oh, yeah, and the werewolf thing was pretty bad too, although he was dealing with it well enough and the only thing bad was that he regularly missed Dingoes gigs. But this certainly topped the charts. You couldn't tell that Oz was angry on the outside, though. His expression remained the same, if just a bit stonier, and his clenched fists were shoved in the pants pockets. He hoped to God he wasn't made to say anything, because then he'd surely blow. Willow and Xander were surprised themselves. They looked at each other, blushing until their faces were the color of F-Willow's dyed hair. {How did we end up together} Willow thought to herself. {How could I have let go of Oz?}. Oz. Willow snuck a peek at him. He seemed perfectly fine, if not a bit tense. {But I just know he's so not ok with this} Willow thought, her emotions so confusing that she wanted to burst into tears like he double. "Um, I think this may be a bad time," Angel said, clearing his throat, "but what's going on?" He looked imploringly at the Scooby Gang. "*Very* bad time, Dead Boy," F-Xander growled, shooting a glare at the vampire while continuing to sooth a very disturbed F-Willow's hair. Angel took a step back, obviously recognizing the nickname. The vampire mouthed "Dead Boy" silently, and then his eyes lit up as he understood the connection. "Xander?" the vampire asked, wondering what the Hellmouth had done this time. F-Xander ignored the question and instead tipped F-Willow back so that she had to look at him. "Do you think you're ok now?" he asked softly, wiping a tear away with the side of one finger. F-Willow smiled weakly. "As ok as I can possibly get at this moment." She slid off the table and regained balanced on her two feet. She then turned to look at Giles, her bottom lip quivering at intervals. "Um, alright . . . since something has obviously happened, does anybody mind explaining to me how this anomaly came to pass? Or has no one found out exactly how yet?" F-Willow brought one delicate fingernail to her lips and began to chew away her nail polish. Her eyes turned away from Giles and flicked back to Xander. "Um," Giles said, unsure of how he was going to explain this over and over again to all of tonight's "visitors." "Xander was overlooking a book that contained a spell, and he must have intentionally cast it, because you are here, and in all cases, it must be connected to the spell. I don't believe that everyone's future selves would just back if they had not a push." "Well, it's not everyone," F-Xander pointed out. "Last time I counted, it was Past: 4 and Future: 2. Our side's missing some players." F-Xander glanced at F-Willow, and she nodded enthusiastically. Then F-Xander turned back to the group. Oz couldn't stand this. They both were being so . . . affectionate. He wondered if he was red, or green, or some other color that your skin was not suppose to be when you didn't feel like killing somebody because they'd stolen the girl of your dreams-twice. Why was he still standing here? Buffy blinked. "Um, uh, do you have any ideas as to how we could get you guys back . . ." Buffy, making the matching motions with her hands. She raised her eyebrows, not even wanting to look at the three very tense, very awkward- feeling people around her. "An idea . . ." F-Willow closed her eyes and sighed loudly and sharply. "I suppose I could divine something, only I wish Oz was here with me. Ever since we had our handfasting our ability to wield magick has worked so much better together." "Oz?" Willow asked, the voice coming out as a high-pitched sound. She covered her mouth self-consciously, but she then drew it quickly away. "Oz?" she asked, everyone understanding it now. "Oz, yes, handfasting, husband . . ." F-Willow trailed off, and her eyes flittered to the three people. "Oh, no way." She turned to look at F-Xander and for a moment something silent passed between them. Then they both started to laugh. "You didn't think . . . us?" F-Xander asked as F-Willow giggled cupped her hand over her mouth. "No way, we would never . . ." Then he stopped mid- sentence and mentally backed up. He grabbed the back rung of a chair and leaned a bit heavily on it. He remembered what year it was, what month it was. "What's wrong, Xander?" F-Xander turned to look at her, and then she got it. "Oh . . . *oh*." She stopped laughing. "Sorry for laughing," she whispered softly. Then she slumped down into the seat that Xander was still attached to. Willow shot a glance towards Oz, and he gave her a weak smile. Willow took that as a sign that he was able to stand her now, and she slowly inched next to him. "Ok, let me look at the spell that, um, uh," F-Willow looked up at F-Xander, "Xander did, and I'll see if I can undo it and send us back-" She was interrupted by the sudden sound of raucous barking coming from outside. The whole group turned, puzzled, towards the sound. "The hell is that?" F-Xander asked. He was soon answered as the double doors burst open and a dirty, wet, seaweed-covered dog came bounding into the library. The dim lighting shone off it's golden, shaggy coat, and it skidded to a stop right in the center of the decorative floor-tile pattern, letting out another sharp bark. Then, tongue lolling out of its mouth, it turned to where Angel was still standing. It's matted fur bristled up, and it's mouth pulled up in a snarl, showing it's long, white, sharp teeth. Angel backed considerably to the doors. He was getting no answers as to what was going on, the people in the room weren't exactly his best buddies, and the dog was ready to rip his preternatural being apart. Time to go. Yeah, time to go if the woman had not burst into the room, tripping over her tow and falling head first into the floor. Despite the fall, she rolled herself into a tight ball and hit the floor on her back, somersaulting next to the dog. Then, grunting, she pulled herself up again and grabbed the dog by the nap of it's neck, lifting the large animal off the floor. "Damn dog," she growled, and then realized where she was. She dropped the dog to the floor, and then started to edge near where F-Xander and F-Willow were, her large, expressive black eyes rolling around. "Faith?" F-Willow asked, her hands curling up to her neck, cradling herself. F-Faith turned to look at her, and nodded. "What on the Hellmouth is going on here?" Faith asked, jerking her head towards Buffy & Crew. "We're trying to figure that out right now," F-Xander answered. Then he grinned, sizing her wet, ragged-looking self. "Talk about all washed up," he added, not able to resist. He ducked as a stake-turned-missile came flying at his head. "Not in the mood, Harris," F-Faith growled, giving him a glare that made vampires cower. F-Xander gulped and just grinned lopsidedly. F-Faith, content at shutting up Xander, put her hands on her hips and turned to look at everyone. "Ok, so . . ." Her voice trailed off as she noticed that the dog was still growling. "Shut up, Giles," she told the dog, kicking it in the side. D-Giles didn't even notice, staring straight at Angel. F-Faith turned to see what he was looking at. The next thing Angel knew, he was pinned against the wall, F-Faith with a good grip on his neck and a stake held high in her right hand. "Goodbye, Angelus," she told him sweetly, bringing her arm back and then swinging it towards his heart. Angel squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the End to come. ////****\\\\ End of Chapter 3 ////****\\\\ The rest of this story will be posted to the BBETA list. ~Shadows~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (13/17) Date: 10 Jan 1999 20:38:28 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 01/17) I know I said sixteen parts before, but there was a last minute modification. AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 12 "What is it?" Xander called out, running to catch up with Buffy and the others. "This place isn't as abandoned as we thought," observed Giles, looking through the opening in the fake wall intelligently. Xander joined the onlookers to see a startling contrast to the warehouse they had seen previously. Several large, space-age looking chemical vats were the prominent feature of the orderly, modern factory that hid inside the rotting building. They spanned floor to celing and were accessed by a sturdy catwalk that ran consistently around the spacious area. A host of high-tech machinery intertwined amoung the vats in a methodical chaos. No sound could readily be attributed to the extensive plant that sprawled within, instead an eerie silence maintained the intergrity of a secret operation. The sterile odor of the place lended to the feeling of careful maintenence. "It seems to be a biochemical factory," declared Giles. "Duh, but what is it doing in the middle of dumpsville?" questioned Cordelia. "I say we find out," suggested Buffy. "What about looking for Oz?" reminded Xander. "For all we know he's in there," responded Buffy, more to Willow than to Xander. The former gave an approving nod and Buffy entered the factory stealthily. Xander was fresh on her heels and the others followed with matching dilligence. A lighting system made up of clean, flourescent units illuminated the manicured interior walls and cast multiple shadows on each of the intruders. The group, led by a competent as usual Buffy, made their way around the perimeter of the room. Ducking from cover to cover, they stopped at a useful vantage point and snuggled in between a large pipe and the wall. "Duck," advised Buffy simply. An unusally fit security guard walked by with a face that alluded to his mind being elsewhere. A handgun firmly fastend to his belt cast his dopey demeanor in a threatening shadow. "Did you notice that?" whispered Buffy in the wake of the passing guard. "His uniform didn't have any identifying markings on it," replied Giles under his breath. "This place is giving me the wiggins, I'm getting out of here," advised Cordelia as she began to stand. "No!" barked Buffy as loudly as softly could get. "Why not?" whined Cordelia. "You'll give us away." "How are you so sure?" "Cordy, you're a lot of things, but discrete ain't one of them," informed Xander affectionately. "Hey, look over there," interrupted Willow. Cordelia resigned herself to popular opinion and reassumed her crouch. Willow gestured to a group of large cages that were piled against the wall a few paces away in an orderly manner. They looked quite secure, solid steel on the sides and heavy gauge grating on their fronts. Excitement brimmed in Willow's petite frame as speculations of reuiniting with Oz ran through her head. The contents of the cages couldn't be perceived from her current vantage point, but for the first time in awhile she felt optimistic. Willow's incantation to locate her boyfriend showed no signs of his presence, but she had long since disregarded its validity. "Wait here," said Buffy protectively, but she couldn't even start to get up before a friend's hand met her shoulder. "I want to see for myself," said Willow assuredly, abandoning her enchanted bowl to the cold, concrete floor. Buffy didn't see it fit to disagree and together they crept to the steel cages, Willow in anticipation and Buffy in a reserved caution. They would have to step out from behind the machinery that provided relative cover in order to achieve their objective. The Slayer was wary of being discovered, but there was no stopping Willow. A crawling pace quickend into a minature jog as Willow came upon the nearest cage and peered inside. Buffy assumed position next to her friend and also gazed in. At first glance the twisted creature inside could've been mistaken for a werewolf, but any sustained look would reveal this abomination to be a hideous mutation of an ordinary dog. The expression of this poor creature's tormented face was both threatening and pitiful. A mouthful of its elongated teeth poked in and out of gums in various directions and its coat only existed in isolated patches. Various bones that could be likend to spikes protruded from the mangy animal's hide, giving it the appearance of being subject to callous experiments rather than mere neglect. A permanent expression of fright had fused itself around the animals maw, which was colored blood red from licking its own wounds. Disappointment chilled its way down Willow's spine and she roughly shrugged off Buffy's comforting arm. She could only stare at the floor as Buffy looked over the rest of the cages and discovered they held a menagerie of equally deformed common animals. Buffy shook her head at the others, still huddled behind their cover, and they received the bad news with appropiate silence. "Don't move!" commanded an overly aggresive voice, coming from behind Buffy and Willow. The Slayer beligerently turned to face a particularly edgy security guard leveling his cocked gun at location in Buffy's torso. Remaining calm, she quickly put a ditsy look on her young face. Willow noticed Buffy's expression and also turned with a look of mischievious innocence. "They're just some teenagers," the guard called out, maintaining his eyeful watch on the pair of intruders. "Whoa, don't shoot. We thought this place was abandoned," said Buffy in her best stoner voice. She began to compliment herself mentally for her quick cover story, but she soon realized her statement was true and lacked any ounce of deception. "You girls are in big trouble," advised the guard, his tense neck stretched a collar saturated with persperation. He looked more worried about Buffy and Willow's fate then they did. "Hey, Bubba," yelled a now standing Xander. The guard sent only a moment's glipse Xander's way, but it was enough time for Buffy to disarm him with a precise, well timed kick. The Slayer wasn't about to settle with a single kick and quickly followed with several more meaty blows. The guard met a backhand to the face, a kick to the stomach, and a punch squarely on the jaw with no counter. Staggering to keep balance, he returned a bewildered look to Buffy. "Not expecting moves from some teenager girl?" questioned Buffy with a smug smirk. The guard answered with his own set of precision attacks, the first blow hitting its mark on Buffy's abdomen before she could block the ones that followed. Surprised, Buffy did realize that such martial arts training was standard for security guards, but she was beginning to believe these weren't ordinary security guards at all. "Make a run for it!" exclaimed Buffy, losing faith in her abilities to get out of the situation with a quick fight. Not wanting to abandon their friend, all of the gang remained when Buffy glanced over next during a short lull in the security guard's skilled assault. "I said go!" reiterated Buffy. The others finally complied, hearing the mounting gravity in Buffy's voice. The fight looked to turn against Buffy and she finally disregarded the safety of her human opponent in favor of self preservation. As the security guard lunged a right cross at her, she countered gracefully and sent him into a brutal collision with the side of some steel machinery. After a short moment for pain to be realized the guard fell to the floor unconcious. Without sparing any time, Buffy started on her own timely escape. "Halt!" ordered another guard with the click of a cocking hammer, this time from the catwalk above. "You imbescile! Don't use firearms in here! Do you want to get us all killed?" interrupted a man dressed in a plain, black business suit and tie. Also on the catwalk, he walked a few steps toward the security guard and brushed away the readied gun. "Go get Freeman!" barked the business suited man. The security guard obeyed without question, holstering his weapon and scurrying off to complete his assigned task. "You don't know what you've stumbled into, little girl," advised the mysterious man. "Why don't you enlighten me then?" requested Buffy, postponing her egress for the moment against her own better judgement. "This is much bigger than your little MTV wasted brain can comprehend, young lady, it doesn't matter anyway, you won't make it out of here alive, or perhaps we can recruit you into our little fold, your fighting skills are quite impressive," said the suited man, running his sentences into each other like a tragic train wreck. "Behold, the entire lack of puncuation," quipped Buffy. "I doubt you will live to enjoy your insult, indeed, I think the rebellious nature of your youth wouldn't bode well in our operation, it's a pity to strike down such a lovely specimen of the female half of humanity in her prime, but we cannot afford luxuries such as mercy," the man answered. After finally puncuating his speech with a pause he added, "Kill her." Buffy had no time for a witty comeback, in quick response to the malicious order an ominus whirring noise of an electrical circuit warming up hummed from a short distance away. Instinctively, the Slayer hit the ground to dodge whatever was coming away. A odd swirling, blue light playfully danced above her head, hitting the metal apparatus next to her with no adverse affect. Regardless of the weapon's appearance of impotence, Buffy rolled away until the row of cages impeaded her progress. Just as Buffy got to her feet, a man clad in a peculiar orange jumpsuit and wearing a backpack that fed into an odd weapon he carried turned a corner to face his prey. A pair of nerdy glasses that seemed to come straight out of a NASA Apollo documentry added to his humorous appearance. "What are you, a reject from the Ghostbusters?" questioned Buffy, shortly before diving behind cover as the weapon hummed to life once more. She again suceeded in avoiding a blue stream that this time hit the poor, mutated dog, putting it out of its misery in a cataclysmic puff of organic mass. With the idea of disintegration floating around her mind, the Slayer opted for a different strategy. When the orange-suited man rounded the corner this time he met a sharp jab to the face and struggled with a focused adolescent to maintain hold of his futuristic weapon. Buffy pulled with all her enhanced might, gripping the cylinder shaped device with both hands. "Let go!" demanded Buffy's adversary, but she continued grappling for control of the weapon. Eventually, the Slayer's strength proved too much to handle and it slipped out from his hands, ripping the various cords that connected it to the backpack unit. Amid cries of "Freeman, you idiot!" and with the odd device in hand, Buffy pursued her plans of escape with renewed vigor. She ran to the makeshift entrance briskly, sparing not a single iota of energy as she went. Whatever evils lurked in this place would have to be dealt with after regrouping. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (14/17) Date: 10 Jan 1999 20:39:43 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 01/17) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 13 Giles hung the phone up after a disappointingly uninformative conversation. He and the adolescents in his charge had gone back to the motel and, after barely noticing a warm gretting from Eddie, settled in one of their rooms to chew over their course of action. "My friend at the County Recorder's office said the property belongs to a 'Armstrong Holdings, Inc.' He couldn't tell me much about the company and they didn't own any other property in the area. It would hardly help us to find out about them anyway, it's probably just a shell for a larger company," informed Giles. He returned to the circle of curiousity that had formed around the peculiar weapon that was the bounty from their adventure. Willow remained partially removed from the group, sitting on the side of a bed in the corner of the room. "We seem to have crossed the line from Fantasy-Horror to Science Fiction," wryly commented Xander, looking over the large cylinder absently. "Just like Xander's love life," sniped Cordelia to little acknowledgement. "What do we do now?" asked Buffy. "Well, seeing as how this appears to involve neither the occult or the supernatural perhaps we should notify the authorities and be rid of the matter," answered Giles to Buffy's surprise. "I'm with Giles. I mean, this isn't our department, this is like Mr. Spock material right here," agreed Xander, poking the cold exterior of the object. "It's settled then. I'll return to the tele," concluded Giles, removing his glasses in anticipation of several long, tedious phone calls. The do-gooder within her aside, Buffy was glad to not have to deal with the matter. She turned her attentions to Willow and approached as gently as possible, sitting next to her friend warmly, but not intrusively. "What'cha thinking about, Will?" inquired Buffy softly. After a moment's hesitation, Willow replied, "I'm not really thinking about anything, just wallowing." "We've tried one lead, we're not going to just give up looking for Oz now." "I know, perseverence and all that," said Willow mutely. "It almost feels like it's not just Oz that's gone. I'm missing the Willow I used to know. You've repressed yourself into this hole where the only time you speak to another human being it's to offer to cast yet another spell," diagnoised Buffy with deeply seated concern. "It's just that ever since that night when we got kidnapped I've felt so helpless. Magic gives me a way to feel like I'm actually doing something, like I'm not just watching events unfold." Willow didn't look directly at Buffy as she spoke. "It's ok to miss Oz, Will, but it's also okay to not feel like finding him is your solitary life mission. You're allowed to think about other things every now and again and you're not the only one on the planet who's missing him. We're all in this together and we won't rest until he's back," Buffy said with a warm tone. "I know I don't have to feel bad all the time, it's just that I want to feel bad all the time. I don't want things to not suck until he's back," remarked Willow, emotion manifesting in a restrained sour face. "You're allowed to feel anyway you want about this, Will. I just can't stand by and let this destroy you. Take some time out from thinking about Oz to think about Willow once awhile. You can't shoulder this all yourself," commented Buffy, deliberately looking directly at Willow's eyes. Willow didn't reply and sat as still as she could, twinges of expression breaking onto her face intermittenly. "How about if you at least let me think about Willow every now and again?" requested Buffy tenderly. Finally, the bottleneck Willow had put on her feelings broke, letting a gush of emotion pour out. With a choked weeping, she placed her head on Buffy's shoulder. "I'm so sorry about blaming you before, I was just-" "Don't worry about that now, it's okay," said Buffy softly, putting her arms around her friend in a comforting hug. Xander and Cordelia had looked on in silence up until now. After a glance at Cordelia, Xander decided it was a safe enough time to butt in and approached his distraught friend with hands in pockets. A supportive Cordelia followed his lead maturely. "Buffy's right, Will, we're all in this together," proclaimed Xander in mellow sincerity. Giles finished his phone calls, but decided to wait before returning the group to matters at hand. After a few sensitive moments Giles walked up to the others timidly. "The local police were quite rude and unfavorable, but I aquired the phone number for the state and federal authorities. I'll call them in the morning," he announced softly. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Slayer Subject: BUFFYFIC: Announcing a new Buffy FanFic list (BUFFYFIC2) Date: 10 Jan 1999 20:23:21 -0800 >3. As stated previously, if you have a list, or are starting a list, >please post information about it to this list before January 23. I've set up a new list on OneList called buffyfic2. It's rules were closely based on the ones for this list. It was created as an easy option for continuing the fine flow of FanFic this list has provided. One thing it won't have though, is the TLC that has been provided by Jill, Sharon, and Lisa Rose. All are invited to join... go to http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/buffyfic2 or send an email to: buffyfic2-subscribe@onelist.com NOTE: The list probably won't show up in the OneList directory until Monday, but the above will work. Mark Mark - ripper@conk.com -or- becomings@usa.net -or- slayer@cheerful.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (15/17) Date: 11 Jan 1999 21:18:37 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 15/17) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 14 "Did you hear that?" asked Willow, awakening in the darkness of an early morning. After waiting for a reply that was never received, she strained a glance over to the adjoining motel room bed. Cordelia lay there oblivious beneath a silk, black blindfold trimmed with lace. The headphones of a walkman droned out its looped tape of sounds marketed for their ability to bring out one's inner beauty into her ears. Willow shifted her widend pupils to the sleeping bag spread out on the floor in search of a slumbering Slayer. Instead she found the sleeping bag unoccupied and not a single Slayer to be found. Willow began to worry, but had little time to exercise her concern. With a loud crash two figures plummeted to a clumsy fall, bringing Cordelia out of her catatonic state. The embattled silhouette clad in plain night attire Willow recognized as the vampire slaying adolescent she had looked for earlier. The other wore an unusual orange outfit and seemed to be getting the short end of the fight. Both of the bedside lamps that the motel had hospitably furnished came to life as Willow and Cordelia sat upright in their beds and groped to switch on illumination. Light found the orange clad intruder pinned beneath an angry Buffy, who's grip on his neck suggested he had better cooperate if he held his larnyx in high regard. The demeanor of surprise that the man had featured moments earlier disappeared in favor of a look of resignation. "I suppose you'd like to know what I'm doing here," Freeman struggled to say through Buffy's death grip. Just then a concerned pair of male slayerettes stumbled through the unlocked door. "Actually, Egon, I thought I'd beat you to a pulp then you could make with explaining," replied Buffy, catching her breath. "Please, I'd like to talk," implored Freeman, ignoring the crack about his nerdy appearance. "Let's hear the man, shall we?" agreed Giles as he closed a few paces with his Slayer. Freeman looked relieved at Giles' comment as if he was about to get a load of his chest that he had been bearing for much too long. "Could you let go a bit? I have an odd fallibility: I like breathing," requested Freeman. Relunctantly, Buffy complied after exchanging looks with her Watcher. Leaning back against the dingy motel wall, Freeman explained, "I was supposed to reaquire the weapon you took from me last night." "Looks like you didn't factor me into your plan," commented Buffy smugly. "Hardly," retorted Freeman, pushing his glasses back with an index finger to their center in a cliche of dorkiness, "I could've easily retrieved it undetected if I had wished by engaging my hazard suit's stealth mode." "What are you, Bill Gates' guido?" questioned Xander from safely behind Buffy's shoulder. "I am a scientist," refuted Freeman, "At least I was. I worked for an arms technology corporation that had a contract with the Department of Defense. I was assigned to their main research installation when one of the top secret experiments had. . . unforseen side-effects. The base was overrun by a variety of horrible. . . creatures, attacking the science staff and security detail mercicessly. The powers that be decided it would be best to maintain the integrity of their operations and erradicate the creatures. . . as well as the surviving scientists." "Next thing you'll be trying to give us that Roswell crap," sniped an impatient Buffy. "I'm telling you the truth," insisted Freeman, "I was fortunate to survive both the clean-up squads and the marauding creatures to destroy the source of the incident. Aparently, it impressed someone enough for them to spare my life and offer me employ in their covert operations. Since it was accept or face certain death I've been living under the thumb of No-Puncuation-Man ever since." "No-Puncuation-Man?" asked Giles while Buffy nodded empathically, recalling her encounter with the individual in question. "I don't actually know his name," explained Freeman, "I figured by your resourcefulness and fighting skills that you weren't simply a group of troublesome teenagers and could possibly aid me." "Even assuming we believe your story, do you really think we can help you?" Giles inquired. "Perhaps," answered Freeman, "At the least you could help me throw a cog into my employer's machinery." "That we shall do. I will inform the authorities as to the illicit operation in the morning," Giles. "You don't understand! The Weberton factory is just one of many. After the Black Mesa incident it was decided it would be wiser if all eggs were not placed in one basket. Regardless, you'll be reporting its existence to the very government that will stop at nothing to cover it up," chastised Freeman. "What does the factory do exactly?" inquired Giles. "In layman's terms, it researches the ability to exploit common animals as killing machines through various forms of mutation. We had thought one such product had escaped and mauled a young boy, but the creature we captured turn out not to be one of ours," replied Freeman. "Was this creature a little taller than me, covered in fur, and sporting some nasty fangs?" questioned Xander with peaked interest. "I believe so, why?" answered Freeman. The assembled adolescents traded cautiously expectant glares, anticipating a plan to finally locate Oz. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (16/17) Date: 11 Jan 1999 21:19:37 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 16/17) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. ============== Scene 15 "I'm still not sure about this," worried Freeman, sitting uncomfortably in Oz's van as it chugged along in anticipation of arriving at the warehouse. "You said he agreed to exchange Oz for you, right?" asked Xander, wrapping a rope around Freeman casually. "Yes, but he's not the most trustworthy of individ-" Freeman cut short his reply. Annoyed, he questioned, "What are you doing?" "If we supposedly kidnapped you, you should look restrained," reasoned Xander as he contemplated a knot. "I could break out of this ridiculousness in seconds," argued Freeman. "I didn't say you should be restrained, I said you should look restrained. Pay attention, bucko," Xander replied with a dose of sarcasim. "As I was saying this will most certainly be a trap," Freeman advised. "Yeah, well, I seem to have a knack for escaping traps," informed Buffy. "What is it you do exactly?" inquired Freeman. "Oh, I'm a vampire slayer," answered Buffy casually. "And this friend of your's that you are trying to rescue is a werewolf?" questioned Freeman. "Yup," replied Buffy. "And I thought I had stories," Freeman commented to himself. "There's the warehouse," announced Giles, parking the VW wagon as he had grown accustomed to doing. "Wish us luck," requested Buffy as she hopped out of the van with Freeman at arm's reach. "Buff-" began Willow. "We agreed you're staying, remember?" interrupted Buffy. After some thought Willow conceded and wished a simple, "Good luck." "Ready?" inquired Giles, the chains draped over his shoulder clashing with his tweed jacket. Buffy nodded a yes and grabbed Freeman by a bicep, dragging him along as roughly as she could. An odd aesthetic was cast as the trio's contrasting appearances met the run down neighborhood's street. They entered the warehouse formidably, concious of the potential threat that this place held. Passing the outer door, Buffy was surprised to see the place gutted with no trace of a complex high tech operation left. In its place was a rotting shell of a building that looked as if it had been untouched in the past few decades, complete with requisite layers of dust and mold. The vast expanse that made of the inside of the building was broken up by No-Puncuation-Man standing sharply at the end opposite Buffy and company. A disoriented, seemingly drugged werewolf was crouched at his left, toying with several space-age looking objects that kept his interest engaged. "Aaaah, Freeman, I see you didn't achieve your objective as easily as you had promised, my faith in your abilities to handle such situations has just been diminished, you needn't worry about the state of your employ, however, you still have a place in the organization, it's just a slightly less trusted one," called out the No-Puncuation-Man. "You can debrief your crony later, let's make the trade," yelled back Buffy, forsaking any questions as to the fate of the secret factory. "Of course, I believe it's traditional for your captured party to walk toward me as my captured party walks toward you simultaneously, that is how it's done in the movies after all, you know, you needn't bother with those silly chains, our restraints make them look rather juvenile, speaking of which, I should unlock them for you," babbled No-Puncuation-Man. He reached over and tapped out a sequence on a futuristic keypad that a clamp around one of Oz's wrists bore. "You only need to push the red button to release him now, you are capable of that I assume, of course, I would not advise doing so after the sedative wears off, that is, unless you don't value your own good health, shall we proceed?" rambled No-Puncuation-Man. Buffy released her grip around Freeman's arm and he walked forward warily. A few paces into the journey No-Puncuation-Man gave Oz a shove, sending him dopily forward in compliance. Tension mounted as Buffy surveyed her surroundings for any hint of a double cross. Giles nervously went over the chains he bore with his hands while Oz and Freeman passed each other roughly halfway without sparing a glance. The latter resisted the urge to turn and run away from his entrapped life, knowing any such effort would be in vain. Oz came within only a few steps of his destination, as did his counterpart at the other side of the warehouse. Buffy and Giles exchanged equal expressions of anxiety while No-Puncuation-Man gave a stern-faced Freeman a machinatious smile. Finally, both walks were finished within seconds of each other. Buffy grabbed at one of Oz's restraints authoratatively, causing a mellow growl to be attempted, but abandoned as sleepliness ran its course. Freeman took his place by his unwanted boss' side, turning to face the same direction as his master. No-Puncuation-Man's smile widend to ridiculous levels, causing Buffy ran her eyes over the scene to see what caused her enemy to have such a happy. To her horror she now realized she was surrounded by an uncountable amount of gun-toting masked men. Buffy didn't have time to reason their impossible entrance and looked eagerly for an escape, but found none. "I'm very sorry to have to say this, well actually I'm not really sorry at all, either way it doesn't matter. Kill them!" commanded No-Puncuation-Man. The small army of thugs leveled their weapons at a terrified Buffy and Giles as well as at an unwitting, dazed werewolf. Buffy swallowed and bit her tongue, ready to met whatever fate would befall her. "Stop or he gets it!" yelled a valiant Freeman as the peculiar weapon he held to No-Puncuation-Man's head hummed to life. "You just forfeited your own life, Freeman!" growled his victim in terror. Freeman's previous threat did little to deter the firing squad who were still intent on following their order. Realizing this, he tried a new approach. "Ok, stop it or you all get it!" barked Freeman, aiming his weapon this time toward Buffy and Giles' aggressors. In a resounding clanking sound all dropped their firearms to the ground, fearful of the destructive capabilities of Freeman's humorous-looking weapon. "Make a run for it, I'll make sure no one follows," nobly insisted Freeman. Buffy spared an expression of sincere thanks before trotting off behind Giles, dragging an awkward werewolf behind her like a domestic pet. They would waste no time in making their getaway. ============== ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "J. Jericho Born" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Flies to Honey" sequel to "The Necromancer" (17/17) Date: 11 Jan 1999 21:22:05 -0800 TITLE: "Flies to Honey" (Part 17/17) AUTHOR: J. Jericho Born E-MAIL: traction@sirius.com FEEDBACK: Please let me know what you think of my fanfic with some feedback. DISTRIBUTION: The author reserves rights on this story. Please do not distribute without expressed permission. RATING: PG Contains violence. SPOILERS: Spoilers to previous fanfic. If you would like to read the preceding story you can download it at < http://www.sirius.com/~traction/buffy >. DESCRIPTION: The sequel to "The Necromancer". DISCLAIMER: The writer of this unauthorized fan fiction is not affiliated with any of the parties involved in the making of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The characters are the property of Joss Whedon and whomever else the lawyers may deem fit, they are used without permission. Technically that is not legal, but I'm not anticipating any law suits. This work, the plot line, and the characters introduced that are not already featured on Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the work of Joshua Jericho Born, Copyright 1998. I'd like to take this opportunity to give a big thanks to the moderators of this list. I hate to see it go, but I understand. Wish you well on everything that's keeping you busy. -JB ============== Scene 16 A tired scene was cast within the VW wagon that plugged its way home that morning. The atmosphere during the car ride home took the silence of its predecessor to an emotional extreme. No one dared speak, for the owner of the vehicle they traveled in was chained down and whining in the back. Willow looked over the werewolfian Oz with mixed emotions brewing deep in her gut. In the haste of their departure from the warehouse they didn't have a chance to have a proper reunion, judging by the nature of the ferocious creature that shared her ride it would be some time before there would be such a reunion. Browsing through the magical regeants in her backpack, Willow contemplated restoring Oz to the human state she had grown to love. A feeling of helplessness overcame her as she realized she lacked the one property that a restoration procedure required: hellfire. To her knowledge the only qualified wielder of hellflame in his world was a bigger vegetable then the carrot she had eaten the night before. Fortunate, since he would be predisposed to using that hellflame for manical plans of world domination rather than coming to the aid of a lonely adolescent. Buffy had left with her friends on this trip with the hope of retrieving Oz. They did achieve their objective, but not without great peril and many an unanswered question. On top of that, the idea of reverting Oz back to human was daunting task. Gazing out the window, Buffy had a hard time discerning if they were traveling forward or backward. Observing a "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign blur by, Buffy felt an uncertain thought spring to life. This endeavor had left her feeling small, pouring both time and effort blindly into a sludge that eventually gave her what she wanted. She began to wonder how well she could function outside of the backwater town known as Sunnydale to most, the Hellmouth to those enlighted in the archaic. This was her senior year and the prospect of going off to college hung like a banner above her mind. Reflecting, Buffy thought over her past with a contemplative mind. Before coming to Sunnydale, Buffy had felt lost and suffered through bouts of lonliness and depression. Even before she found out she was the Slayer the only life she led was a hollow, pretentious one. When she had run away she assumed the life of a pitifully empty soul. In contrast the turmoil of her family and the constant danger of her life's calling seemed to reach an uneasy peace above the Hellmouth. Strange considering there seemed to be a new threat to world safety every week, but as each new problem arose she faced it with a peculiar upbeat attitude. In a minor epiphany, realization came to Buffy. What brought the chaos to a feeling of order? It wasn't the mystic forces of the Hellmouth, the challenge of the Master and his minions, or even the loving arms of her star crossed lover, Angel. What kept life on its rails was the friendship and camraderie she shared who those she held dear. The prospect of meeting another threat to humanity was transformed from a hellish tramatizing experience to a youthful adventure by the reliable expectation of Buffy's friends gathered together and joking in the library as Giles held back smirks at juvenile quips. The Slayer could expect to look back at this period in her life with nostalgia instead of repressing its horrors under a blanket of self doubt like preceding Slayers. Therefore, this trip had more signifigance that just reuniting Willow with Oz. Buffy had endured another tempest with her friends and melted together in ways that those with more stable lives could never do. Who else could say they were there for one of their friends during their adolescence in such profound ways? It was a small comfort, but one that directed her thoughts in more lucidity then she had been able to achieve in a long while. As long as Buffy had those close to her to support her, times may not always be cheerful, but they would be resolute. The importance of friendship in Buffy's life gave her a new perspective on finding Oz. Her friendships are what kept her going from day to day; she needed to risk life and limb for her embattled friends not just for their sake, but for her own. Buffy shifted her idle stare from the van window to Willow, who didn't notice her friend's affectionate eyes. She couldn't put her thoughts into words just then, but she took comfort in knowing there would be many an opportunity to share words to come. "Why are we stopping here?" blurted Cordelia, snapping Buffy out of her daydream. Tired eyes peered out, taking in the scenery of a quiet graveyard. "I thought it'd be appropiate to check on the crypt we secured Abel in before we returned to our homes," explained Giles. "Good idea! Nothing like dancing on fallen enemies' graves for a pick me up," commented Xander as he briskly pulled open the van's side door. Giles gave him a slightly contemptable look as he climbed out of the driver's seat, his motives more pragmatic than Xander's. "Willow, you can stay in the van," suggested Buffy, turning to her friend before following the others. "No, I want to. It'll be comforting to see him safely tucked away all unconcious and unable to do any harm," said Willow genuinely, trying to push the presence of a werewolf to the back of her mind. That being said, the two walked along a graveyard path side by side, anticipating their destination mildly. Buffy flashed a smile Willow's way as they walked and Willow returned a smaller one diplomatically. Stopping dead in her tracks, Buffy first looked over the gloomy faces of her friends then at the mausoleum's open gate, ripped apart like tin foil. "Did a vampire get to him?" questioned Buffy grimly, running the scenario through her head. "No," replied Giles, emerging from the interior of the crypt, "It has been broken from the inside out." "So that means-" began a trembling Willow. "Abel's up and about," finished Buffy. ============== THE END - Obviously a sequel is in the works. Interested? Send e-mail to traction@sirius.com. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Date: 12 Jan 1999 13:44:29 -0500 Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. To ensure that we all get to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following guidelines, and please save them for future reference. 1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related to Buffy. Crossovers are great, and expected, but general vampire/monster stories that aren't in the Buffy universe and don't use Buffy characters belong somewhere else. 2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist. Please put "DISCUSS" in your subject line. 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If you have any questions about these rules, please contact either one of us offlist. If you have subscription problems or questions, the fastest way to get help is to e-mail one of us at the addresses below, at the kirby@xmission.com addy which is the "official" e-mail owner of the list. Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: How to (un)s*bscribe Date: 12 Jan 1999 13:44:32 -0500 Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe from the list. TO UNS*BSCRIBE FROM ANY BUFFY LIST send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message put uns*bscribe buffy (or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (1/18) Date: 12 Jan 1999 17:44:48 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine’s amazing story, ‘The Wildest Times in the World’ although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven’t read it, e-mail me and I’ll send it to you although you can read this story even if you haven’t read hers. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there’s still more I could thank you for. :) Cordelia Chase's apartment May 28, 2005 Cordelia stared blankly at the door her husband had just slammed behind him, one lone tear marring the perfection of her face. Leaning back in her chair she sighed deeply, her eyes closing as she reached up and pushed her thick hair back from her forehead. She opened her eyes slowly, taking in the emptiness of her home, the quiet that surrounded her. Closing her eyes again she let her mind drift back to happier days. A half-smile flitted across her face as she remembered the danger she had faced in every one of those days she now recalled as happy times. Those days, those years, were all that sustained her now, in the hollow perfection of her life. She felt the familiar ache in her stomach as she remembered the only true friends she had ever known and the only true love she had ever felt. The things she had traded for the life her parents wanted for her; the life she had grown up knowing would be hers. She had been so close to having everything. To having love and friends and happiness, until one moment of weakness and mistrust had shattered it all. Wrapping her arms tightly around herself she decided to finally face the memory. To look at the past from a much different vantagepoint then she had first seen it, starting with the prom, five years ago tonight. The night she considered the happiest of her life. ******* Prom night May 28, 1999 "Are you guys ready yet?" Willow's voice was plaintive as she stuck her head in Cordelia's large bathroom, where both Buffy and Cordelia were putting the finishing touches on their make-up. "The guys will be here soon." "I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I don't want to go to the prom." Buffy muttered as she struggled to place one errant strand of hair. "And with Larry? He's such a pervert. I'm going to spend the whole night fighting him off." "Xander swears that won't be a problem. He said Larry will be a perfect gentleman and to just trust him." Cordelia spoke into the mirror as she finished putting on her lipstick. Turning to look at the other two girls she shrugged her shoulders. "Xander said Larry wasn't exactly who we thought he was, whatever that means." "Well, it's only for tonight Buffy, you don't have to see him again after this." Willow spoke comfortingly, her face sympathetic. "If you would date then maybe you could find someone you like to be with." Buffy ignored her as she walked over to her kitbag and fished through it. Finding what she was looking for she smiled down at the large silver cross resting in her hand for a moment before placing it around her neck. The other two girls stared at her silently, waiting for her explanation. Buffy looked up at them, her face both defiant and sad. "Giles won't be at the dance." Her shoulders slumped slightly, before she straightened them and stood up. "I just need more time, Angel's a pretty hard act to follow. Just...just let me have this, okay?" The two girls continued staring at Buffy, then nodded. Cordelia spoke first, her voice deliberately cheerful. "It really sets off the neckline of your dress, and the color. You look beautiful Buffy." Buffy looked down at her dress, a shadow of the pain she still felt passing over her face. Turning to the full-length mirror Buffy smiled into it, taking in the image of the three girls standing there. Holding her hands out to both of them she let out a sigh. "Thanks. We're total hotties. The guys will be babbling idiots." Cordelia let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding as she took Buffy's hand. Looking into the mirror at Buffy and Willow she felt a fresh burst of amazement that these two people were her friends. And real friends, not like Harmony and the others who had practically dumped her when she first started dating Xander. Her stomach clenched at the thought of him, her heart speeding up a little. She still couldn't quite believe how deeply she felt for Xander and how lucky she was that they had made it this far. She remembered their first kiss in Buffy's basement and her horror at the passion he aroused in her. Who would have thought they would still be hiding out in closets two years later? "Earth to Cordelia, come in Cordelia." Buffy's laughing voice broke through her memories. "What? Oh, what?" Cordelia blushed slightly as she realized that someone was ringing the doorbell. "Well, are we ready girls?" "We are." Buffy and Willow spoke in unison as the three girls quickly headed downstairs to answer the door. ************ May 28, 2005 Cordelia opened her eyes with a start as a loud pounding on her door interrupted her reverie. Quickly jumping up from her chair she walked over and looked through the peephole. Seeing her husband swaying in the hallway she swallowed her sudden rise of fear. Pulling the door open she put on her best fake smile as he pushed past her, heading to the bathroom. She stood helplessly outside, listening to the sound of her perfect husband's retching. Pushing away the disgust that rose in her throat she knocked on the door asking him if he wanted any help; the timid note in her voice disgusting her almost as much as the man that was on the other side. At his harsh rebuff she turned and walked away, hoping that, for tonight at least, he was home to stay. Wandering into her private dressing room her eyes restlessly searched the room. She stared sadly at the make-up piled on the table, the closets filled to capacity with all the latest fashions, the jewelry that should be in a safe. Tears began to fall slowly down her face as she tried to choke them back. Slipping down to the floor she lay curled up in a ball, wondering how it had all come to this. ******** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (2/18) Date: 12 Jan 1999 17:50:12 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. rating: Not sure. I'll say PG-13 for now. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine’s amazing story, ‘The Wildest Times in the World’ although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven’t read it, e-mail me and I’ll send it to you although you can read this story even if you haven’t read hers. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. Wow, and there’s still more I could thank you for. :) Sunnydale High School Prom May 28, 1999 "Cordy...wow. I mean wow." Xander repeated himself for the fiftieth time since he had first seen her at the door. Slipping his arm over her shoulder he pulled her closer to him and for a short moment Cordelia could swear that everyone else disappeared. Laying her head on his shoulder as he kissed her forehead she had no doubts that she had made the right choice when she had given up everything to be with him. Smiling to herself she realized that she had gotten so much more than Xander in return. She had real friends, who, although they had a shaky start, actually liked her for her. She stole a glance at Willow who was gazing adoringly at Oz, and then her eyes were dragged, almost unwillingly to Buffy. It was still hard sometimes to forget how much Xander had once loved the beautiful Slayer, hard for her to believe him when he said that he was no longer in love with her. Cordelia stared at her friend, noticing the tightness in Buffy's jawline, the slight darkness under her eyes that no amount of make-up could hide. Mostly she noticed the pain that hid just under the surface of every expression on Buffy's face. Looking away from Buffy, she lifted her head to kiss Xander's neck, thankful that no one would ever ask her to give him up. She still marveled at Buffy's strength, to send Angel away for Giles. She closed her eyes, offering up a silent prayer that Buffy would find someone who could help her through the pain the Slayer was still struggling with. "Well Cordelia, you seem very cozy with your freak friends." "Harmony. You look....cheap." Xander tossed back, without moving his arm from around Cordelia. "Excuse me, but I was talking to Cordelia." Harmony spoke coldly; her eyes fastened on Cordelia's face. "What do you want?" Cordelia's voice was guarded. She had taught Harmony every trick of belittling she had ever known, and Harmony was very good at practicing on her former mentor. "I just wanted to suggest...to spare you the embarrassment...that maybe you should take your name out of the running for prom queen." Harmony had the grace to look slightly uncomfortable while speaking, but behind her discomfort Cordelia could also see her enjoyment at causing pain. Relieved, Cordelia smiled broadly at her, thankful once again for the escape she had made from being exactly like Harmony. "I'll take my chances." Turning her face away from Harmony she began talking with Willow and Buffy, dismissing Harmony. Her once friend had stood there for a moment, and Cordelia could feel the anger radiating from her. Cordelia let a small bit of satisfaction run through her, what good was having all the skills of a bitch if you never used them. Harmony should have remembered who taught her to be the bitch she was now. A tiny light shone in her eyes for a moment as Harmony stalked away, her head flung high into the air. "Why do you want to be prom queen anyway Cordelia?" Willow's voice held no judgment, only curiosity as she leaned against Oz. Cordelia looked at her, surprised at the question, and even more surprised that she couldn't think of an answer. She had just dreamed of being prom queen for so long that she had never stopped to think of why she had wanted it in the first place. Leaning closer to Xander, a puzzled expression on her face, she thought back to the first time she had ever heard of the prom queen. She had been six years old and looking through photo albums with her mother. They had come to a picture, obviously formally done, of her mother and father at their prom, the crowns shining on their heads. They had looked so wonderful to Cordelia and she had pestered her mother about the crowns until her mother had spun the whole night into a wonderful fairy tale for her. Her mother had told her it was one of the happiest nights of her life, dancing with the man she would later marry. Cordelia had dreamt of it ever since, knowing that on the night of the prom she would be crowned queen and her future husband would rule beside her. She grinned, feeling silly over her fantasy now, but unable to stop wanting to stand on the stage with Xander by her side. Almost as if she could be crowned with him, then they would be protected from the danger of their life, and get to be together forever. Noticing that Willow was still waiting patiently for an answer, and that the rest of the table had become silent, Cordelia chuckled softly before speaking. " I don't. Not like you think. I mean..." Cordelia broke off, staring at the people who had become so important to her. Gripping Xander's hand tightly she continued speaking. "I mean, after I fell for the geek here." Cordelia grinned at Xander, removing any sting from her words. "Nothing that was important to me before means much anymore." At Buffy's mocking grin Cordelia flushed then smiled knowingly. "Well, I do still think important to look your best. And I'll never be able to say that I adore Xander's taste in clothes, but he's got other assets that more than make up for his horrible fashion choices." "I protest your unfairness. Look at me, I'm perfect." Xander said, his hands running over his tuxedo. Cordelia took a moment to look at him, enjoying how good he looked. "For tonight, I'll have to agree. But to get back to Willow's question. I'm still in the running cause it makes Harmony mad." Xander grinned as he kissed her forehead. "That's my girlfriend, mean, mean, mean." "I don't know." Buffy spoke thoughtfully; her sad eyes fastened on Cordelia. "She's got way more heart than I ever dreamed of." Cordelia smiled quickly at Buffy before ducking her head so that the Slayer wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. Of course Buffy wouldn't believe the easy answer, she had seen too much in her short life to ever take anything at face value. Cordelia looked up into Buffy's eyes again; knowing the other girl wouldn't push for the truth. The look in Buffy's eyes still made her stomach feel hollow. The pain Buffy couldn't erase even when she was trying with everything she had to seem happy. Cordelia wondered if she would ever look at Buffy again without being reminded of the night a soaking wet Buffy had shown up outside the window of her car after she had said her good-byes to Angel. The sobbing wreck who had sat shaking in the back of her car as Cordelia had driven Xander home before he let any of his venom towards Angel show. Then she had quickly called Willow, stopping to pick the Hacker up before taking Buffy to her house. They had let Buffy talk all night, letting her mourn for the man she loved. The man she had given up for her Watcher. The three of them had bonded that night while sharing the Slayer's pain and saying farewell to the vampire who had been their friend. It was that night that Cordelia had finally accepted that she would never again be able to be the shallow person she once was. Shaking her head Cordelia pulled herself from her thoughts, Buffy was going to be okay, and Willow had received an e-mail from Angel telling her that he was doing fine. They would both do fine, she told herself, shuddering at the thought of losing Xander. She jumped when everyone at the table started clapping wildly. Xander was pulling her to his feet, a huge grin on his face. She looked at him, her expression perplexed, as he pulled her to him and kissed her. Pulling away she looked around the room, her eyes stopping when they connected with Buffy's. The Slayer grinned at her, looking almost truly happy. "You won Cordy. Chalk one up for the freaks of the world." Shocked into silence, Cordelia had let Xander pull her to the stage, barely noticing Harmony seething as she walked by. She didn't say a word as the crown was placed on her head, and Xander made a goofy speech that made everyone laugh. Then he led her to the dance floor and for once in his life Xander Harris passed over his patented Xander dance in favor of a slow waltz, holding her tightly to his chest. Cordelia leaned against him, surprised at the relief she felt. Things would be okay; she felt that now with a certainty that had always evaded her in the past. She danced the night away, wrapped in Xander's arms, so sure that things were exactly as they were meant to be. ************* May 28, 2005 Cordelia drifted off to sleep, her arms wrapped around herself as memories of dancing in Xander's arms soothed her. She woke abruptly a few hours later, the hardwood floor cold against her cheek. She pulled herself to a sitting position, leaning back against the wall as she tried to figure out how the certainty of that night had faded. How she had let the love of her life go, no, how she had pushed the love of her life away. Standing up she walked through the connecting door leading into her bedroom. She walked in quietly, not surprised to find it empty. She would have been shocked if her husband was even sure which room she slept in. Trying to remember the last time her husband had touched her at all, she slowly lay down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Letting her mind drift back again, to the night of the prom. ************ Room 115 May 28, 1999 "Are you sure?" Xander said, staring intently at the floor as they sat, not touching on the edge of the bed. "Totally. You?" Cordelia could hear the slight quiver in her voice as she answered him. "I've been sure since...well...for a long time." Xander broke off, his eyes wandering around the room. "It's not exactly the Sunnydale Inn." Cordelia checked out the room, a slight smile on her face. "A Motel Six seems perfect somehow. I mean, it is you Xander." "You wound me with your words." Xander spoke mockingly, as he fell backwards onto the bed; his hands holding an imaginary hole in his chest. Cordelia shook her head in amused tolerance before laying down beside him, her stomach wrapped in knots. "This is nice." Cordelia whispered as she snuggled closer to Xander. They curled up together, neither willing to make the first move. "Nice? I'm freezing here." Xander spoke against her neck sending chills down Cordelia'a spine. A soft laugh escaping her she pulled the blanket from the bottom of the bed up and pulled it and his arms tighter around her. "But we are alone." Cordelia whispered, her lips trembling. Xander nuzzled his chin into her neck for a moment before mumbling his agreement. Then slowly he began kissing her neck and tickling her with the stubble on his face. With a helpless giggle Cordelia fell back into him, turning over in her struggle to escape. Suddenly Xander was leaning over her, his face contorted into a caricature of himself, "Mee Luv, how can a poor simple farm boy argue weeth such a wise and sopheesticated lady such as yourself?" Cordelia looked up into the dark eyes of her boyfriend and felt herself drowning, "You shouldn't." Her voice was breathless, the longing in her stomach that seemed to grow every time she was with him stealing her ability to breathe. Xander took in her flushed cheeks and clouded eyes, and with a proprietary grin he leaned in and claimed her mouth. Pulling back slightly Xander stared down at her, his eyes filled with more than desire. "I love you." Cordelia stared back at him, her heart pounding in anticipation. "I love you." Her hand reached up to caress his face, amazed that she could feel this way. Xander kissed her then, the passion in it taking her breath away. His hands slowly pulling the straps of her dress down. Cordelia shivered as his fingers brushed her chest, a slight gasp escaping her lips. She slipped away from him and moving to stand in front of him, she unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor. She grinned at him, feeling self-conscious, until he smiled slowly at her, his hands reaching out to trace a line from her neck down to her waist before pulling her to him. His lips traced the path his hand had taken, light kisses covering her body. She had woken early the next morning feeling more content than she had ever been. A smile lit her face as she looked up at the man whose arms held her. He looked so peaceful, his breathe slow and even. She snuggled closer, enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. A wicked grin formed on her face as she considered the best way to wake him. ********* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (3/18) Date: 12 Jan 1999 17:51:41 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. rating: PG-13 summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine’s amazing story, ‘The Wildest Times in the World’ although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven’t read it, e-mail me and I’ll send it to you although you can read this story even if you haven’t read hers. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. Wow, and there’s still more I could thank you for. :) May 28, 2005 Cordelia stuffed her fist in her mouth, trying to stifle the sobs that wanted to escape. She was the one who had done this, had chosen the safe life over the one she wanted. That night had been everything to her, all the love in the world was hers and she had let it go. She hadn't fought, hadn't cried, she had just stepped back into her shell and let love pass her by. She was grateful for that night though, she always would be. Every time her husband ignored her, or came home drunk, even the times that he brought home one of his girlfriends she remembered that she had once been loved by a man who would have given her anything. She had once spent a night in heaven and nothing could take that from her. Once again she thought of Buffy, and how she had held herself together when Angel had lost his soul, and later when she had lost him again. Cordelia had never understood how the Slayer had gone on, how she had ever laughed again. It was only when she lost Xander that she understood the power Angel's love had given Buffy. It was the same power that Xander had given her that night. No matter how much Xander hated her now, he had loved her then with everything and that gave her something to hold onto. She wished she could talk to Buffy now, tell her how stupid she had been to give Xander up. Cordelia laughed at her thoughts, Buffy couldn't fix anything for her, none of them could. They had believed her when she told them her choice. They had believed that she wanted to be the Cordelia they had hated again. Willow, Buffy, Oz and Xander, they had all believed her so easily. It had torn her heart out that they hadn't thought better of her after all the time they had spent together, but it had made the parting easier, the anger covering the hurt. She had lived on the anger for a long time. It had carried her through her last years of college and through all the preparations for her wedding. It had carried her up the aisle and it had placed her hand in the hand of her husband-to-be. It had made the words come from her mouth and helped her hand sign the certificate. It had traveled with her on her honeymoon, and moved into her new penthouse apartment. It had helped her open the letter Willow had sent her, and then it was gone, leaving her alone in a nightmare she had made for herself. A nightmare that she hadn't woken from yet, and probably never would. It was only when she read Willow's words that she had realized how wrong she had been about everything. Looking back over the events now, she couldn't forgive herself for the mistakes she had made, even if she had thought she was doing the unselfish thing for once in her life. ********** Sunnydale Cemetery July 15, 2000 Cordelia slammed on the brakes, coming quickly to a stop just outside the Sunnydale Cemetery. She couldn't wait to tell Xander the good news, and she knew this was the most likely place to find him since he liked to help Buffy with her first patrol of the evening. Grinning to herself she wondered just how much help Xander was, although she had to admit he had definitely gotten in much better shape than he was in high school. Pushing away the thoughts that threatened to cloud her mind she grabbed a crucifix and her spray bottle of Holy water from her glove compartment. "Never hurts to be prepared in this town." She muttered to herself as she straightened her skirt before entering the graveyard. She thought happily of her news as she wandered through the graveyard. Xander would be so happy that she wasn't going to be so far away next year. Her first year at design school had been really hard on them, and she had the phone bills to prove it. Plus, she could be here to help do research and stuff when Buffy had a really bad guy to fight. Thank God for the internet she thought, unable even now to believe that she could complete her education online with only three visits to the college during the year. Twirling the crucifix around in her fingers she stopped when she heard the sound of sobbing. Following the noise she came upon Buffy crying in Xander's arms. Cordelia stopped, wondering what had happened, if someone had been hurt. But she had just been with Willow, Oz, Giles and Joyce and she couldn't think of anyone else whose death would cause Buffy such pain. Unless Angel... Cordelia let out a soft gasp, as she stood frozen to the spot, unable to move towards the clasped pair. "I can't do this anymore Xander." Buffy's voice carried clearly across the graveyard, the pain in her voice chilling Cordelia. She moved to go to the pair, but was stopped by Xander's voice. "You can Buffy." Xander spoke confidently, his shoulders taunt. "I miss him so much. If only I knew where he was, if I could see him..." The Slayer's voice trailed off as she stood looking miserably at Xander. Cordelia let out a breath, relieved that Angel still existed. "You don't need him. You have us, Willow, Oz, Giles, Cordy and me Buffy. You have me." Xander's voice was panicked. "You have me Buffy." Cordelia watched horrified as Xander took Buffy into his arms and held her. She couldn't move as Buffy moved her lips to cover Xander's. She said nothing as Xander kissed her back, just silently watched as her life slipped away from her, doing nothing at all to stop it. Xander broke the kiss, pulling away from the Slayer to look into her eyes. Cordelia moved backwards slowly, not wanting to see the scene in front of her, but not knowing how to look away. Xander's mouth opened to speak and Cordelia turned and ran. She could handle everything she saw, she could know that Xander kissed Buffy, but if she heard him say the words of love that he had said to her only the night before she wouldn't be able to live through the pain of it. Cordelia walked away from the graveyard; her stomach churning so badly she thought she would be sick. Tears streamed down her face as the betrayal sunk in. Her love and her friend in each other's arms. She had trusted them, would have died for them. She walked quickly, her pain hardening into blind rage. She had given up the life she had wanted for Xander. She had risked her life countless times to help Buffy. She had cried with her over the loss of Angel, had supported her as the Slayer learned to live without him. She had given Xander her heart and her soul and her body. She had trusted him, loved him in a way she never thought was possible. She sunk to the pavement, sobbing wildly as all the dreams she had for the future evaporated. Cordelia thought back to the beginning of her relationship with Xander, when she knew Xander had wanted more from the Slayer than she was willing to give him. Cordelia shook her head, it had been years since Xander had felt anything more than friendship for Buffy. She had been sure of it. How could she have been so wrong? Wiping her face Cordelia stood and walked towards her car, wanting to fix her make-up before she confronted her former boyfriend and his friend. She would not give them the satisfaction of seeing the pain she felt. She would find them and tell them what she thought of their friendship and their love and then she would leave this town and never look back. She sat on the hood of her car, waiting for them to exit the cemetery; every hair in place and her face clear of all signs of pain. Breathing deeply she planned elaborate revenge fantasies that she knew she would never carry out, but they gave her the strength to keep from sobbing. Only a few more minutes, she told herself, a few more minutes and then you can cry. She felt Xander coming before she saw him, her heart leaping before settling painfully back. The Slayer walked out of the cemetery with her head low, her face ravaged by the crying fit she had suffered earlier. Cordelia slid off her car, wanting to be standing when the pair reached her. She looked up into Xander's eyes and saw the love she always seen there. Turning to Buffy she saw the shame in the Slayer's eyes and the new guilt that lived there. She sighed softly, knowing that she couldn't add to Buffy's burden. Her life was filled with enough guilt already. Cordelia watched them walk towards her, one so tall and dark and the other so little and fair, their steps in perfect sync. They look wonderful together she realized, as her heart shattered. She understood what she had to do as they walked towards her. Knowing with a strange certainty that puzzled her that she would give up Xander for Buffy, step away without a fight. Her heart raged against the thought of letting Xander go and with him her happy life. But when she looked at the Slayer who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders she couldn't bring herself to hurt her any more. Xander had loved Buffy since he had met her, and with Cordelia gone he could love her without feeling any guilt. Feeling something shut down inside her she silently bid him good-bye. Pasting a brittle smile on her face she spoke in a tone she hadn't used for years, cringing at the sound of her own voice. "Buffy. You're looking a little...ragged. You should really try waterproof make-up, it really does stay on better." Ignoring the voice in her head that screamed at her to stop, she watched as Buffy's eyes hardened, losing some of the guilt that had been there. "Cordy." Xander said, his expression a mixture of confusion and anger. "Buffy's had a really hard night." "And what about me? I've been waiting for you for over fifteen minutes." Cordelia said, unable to believe how easy it was to slip into old habits. Looking at Xander she realized how much she had depended on him to give her the strength to be herself. Swallowing the lump in her throat she continued. "Can we go now? This place creeps me out. I don't know why you can't hunt in a nicer spot." Xander stared at her, the confusion on his face changing to hurt. "Can we give Buffy a drive home first?" Cordelia turned to Buffy, her lips curled in distaste. "But I just had the car vacuumed." Cordelia stopped, the pain on Buffy's face preventing her from saying anything else. "I suppose so." The occupants of the car were silent on the drive to Buffy's house. Cordelia kept checking in the rearview mirror, feeling horrible about the words she had said to Buffy. Reminding herself that she was giving everything up so that the Slayer could have Xander, her eyes hardened. Buffy could handle a little pain, it was the guilt she couldn't take any more of. And Cordelia knew better than any of them how easy it was to dismiss her when she acted like a bitch. Let them all think that she had reverted. Lost her soul like Angel. She pulled to a stop in front of Buffy's house, barely glancing at Buffy as the Slayer thanked her for the drive, her voice hurt. Hurt, Cordelia thought to herself, she's hurt and I'm the one who saw her kissing my boyfriend tonight. Aloud she only muttered something about getting her car cleaned as she squealed away. Xander said nothing as she drove towards his house; just glanced at her every few seconds, looking puzzled. When she stopped in front of his house he turned to her. "Are you okay? Did something happen tonight?" His voice was concerned as he slipped his arm around her. Tell me Xander, please, she thought as she relaxed into his embrace for a split second. "Nothing's wrong. Why? Did something happen with you?" "No." Xander spoke quickly, his arm tightening around her. Cordelia ducked her head into his shoulder for a moment, wishing with everything she was that he would have told her. Fighting back the tears she lifted her face to his and kissed him. Putting every ounce of feeling she ever had for him into her kiss. He kissed her back just as deeply and she melted into his embrace. Finally pulling away he whispered for her to come in. She shook her head, then loosing herself in the thought of a life spent without him she slipped out of the car and followed him into the house. He undressed her silently, seeming to understand that there was no time for words. They fell into each other's arms, and joined together one more time. Cordelia felt tears slipping down her cheeks as Xander fell into a satisfied sleep, his arms wrapped tightly around her. She lay there as the night passed, memorizing every line on his face, every curve of his body. Finally as the dawn broke she moved from his embrace and walked away. She drove for hours that morning, planning her gift to Buffy. She realized that she would have to be more than rude to Buffy, she would have to act like the girl that they had all hated. Her heart broke a little bit more as she finally understood that she would have to give all of them up, not just Xander and Buffy. She straightened her shoulders and hardened her resolve as she turned the car and headed to the library to begin carrying out her plan. She had walked in on Willow, studying with Giles, the weight of training to be a Watcher still weighing heavily on the redhead's shoulders. It hadn't taken much to shatter the friendships she had worked so hard to build. A few veiled comments and some outright insults; all delivered with a smile on her face. It got easier as she went on, the fact that no one questioned her new behavior adding to the pain she already felt. They seemed to pull away from her so quickly, not asking if anything was wrong or trying to talk to her. They just shut her out as if she had never been one of them. Conversations stopped when she came into a room, dirty looks followed her as she walked away. Two weeks was all it took. Two weeks to destroy every bond she had made with them. The pain she felt wrapped itself tighter around her every minute, choking all emotions except the anger that held her together. She said good-bye to Xander on a Saturday night. A quick peck on the cheek and she was gone. She never told him that she wasn't coming back and he never asked. She drove away from Sunnydale barely able to see through her tears, but by the time she reached Boston her tears were gone. Replaced by the anger that would sustain her through the next few years. ******** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (4/18) Date: 12 Jan 1999 17:53:19 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. rating: PG-13, there is some swearing in this part. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine’s amazing story, ‘The Wildest Times in the World’ although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven’t read it, e-mail me and I’ll send it to you although you can read this story even if you haven’t read hers. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. Wow, and there’s still more I could thank you for. :) May 28, 2005 Cordelia wiped the tears from her face, the pain of losing them still fresh after all this time. And the pain of losing them was nothing compared to the pain she still felt without Xander. She stood and walked over to her desk. Sitting down she opened a locked drawer and pulled out Willow's letter, holding the tear-stained page in her hand. Smoothing it open on the desk she began to read. Cordelia, I saw your wedding announcement in today's paper and I felt I had to write. I once thought of you as a friend, and in memory of that I want to wish you all of the best. No, scratch that. I don't want to wish you anything good at all. You almost destroyed Xander when you left, when you changed. He loved you so much and you threw it away. I hope someday you regret what you did, but I guess with no emotions it's hard to feel. How could you do that to Xander, Cordelia? I would have bet my life on the fact that you loved him. We all would have. He's going to be fine though, finally. His first book will be out on the shelves next month. Yes, that's right, the loser you were so embarrassed to be with is a success. He'll be rich and famous and everything you ever wanted. Too bad you didn't wait, you could have had everything without destroying him. I want to tell you of a night, soon after he heard of your engagement. He walked into a pack of feeding vampires armed with only one stake. He went to die because of you. Because he thought he wasn't worth anything. Buffy saved him at the last minute. A vampire was biting him when she arrived. He begged her to let him go, that without you nothing seemed important, certainly not his life. I hope you know what you gave up Cordelia, and I hope you live with it for a long, long time. Willow Cordelia folded the letter again, carefully sliding it back into its hiding place, remembering the horror she had felt after reading it the first time. Cursing herself again for ever believing that Xander would live happily ever after with Buffy once she was gone. She stood shakily and walked over to the shelf that held all of Alex Harris's books. Pulling the very first one off the shelf, she opened it to the dedication and traced her fingers over the words. Dedicated to the girl who gave up everything for me. I hope you got it all back. Cordelia broke into loud choking sobs, pleading for understanding in an empty room. "I didn't want it. I didn't want any of it. All I wanted was you." Falling to her knees she cradled the book in her arms, holding the only piece of Xander she had left. Cordelia lay on the floor for hours after she had stopped crying, just lying with her eyes closed and her mind empty. There was nothing left for her in this life, she had lost everything that meant anything to her and it hadn't done anyone any good. Buffy was still alone, and unhappy. All she had done was to cause them more pain. She just wanted to sleep forever, to forget everything about that time and the hope she had then. "On the floor is where you belong my darling wife." The voice coming from the doorway was filled with contempt. Cordelia stiffened, realizing that she hadn't even heard him open the door. Rolling up into a sitting position she looked at her husband, his insult not even registering in her mind. She stared at the still handsome face that only showed slight signs of the life he lived, the drinking and partying. And all the women she reminded herself. The women he never even bothered to lie about or try to hide. He stared back at her, his eyes not angry for once, just sad. Pulling herself to her feet she quickly put on her robe and a cheery smile on her face. "Doug. Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" Walking quickly towards the door she tried to slip past him. "Do you hate me?" His voice was low, as he leaned against the doorframe and blocked her escape. Cordelia stopped, surprised at his question. "What? No, of course not. You're my husband." He smiled then, an evil smile that ran down her spine. "Then why do you cry for him every night?" She swallowed, not knowing the right answer to tell him. She just continued staring at him, trying to keep her expression blank. "Do you want him Cordelia? Want him to touch the ice queen's body? Did you move for him honey? Or did you just lie there like you always did for me? Cordelia Chase is too good to enjoy fucking? And Chase, you were too good to even take my name. Would you have taken his? Would he have let you? Or was he smart enough to insist on sampling the goods before signing on?" He looked at her with such hatred that Cordelia wanted to close her eyes to hide from it. Instead she hid behind the wall that had protected her before. "Maybe if you hadn't slept with my maid of honor on the wedding day I might enjoy being touched by you more." "She certainly liked it. She did have quite a glow during the ceremony." He laughed at the memory, before his face hardened once again. "I could make you like it." "No." The word flew from her mouth and she couldn't stop it. But there was no way his hands were going to touch her ever again. She would spend the rest of her life in this apartment as his wife, but if he touched her with his filthy hands she would die. "Never again. You have your whores and your booze. Live with that." "And what if I want my wife?" He moved closer to her, his hand reaching out to touch her face. She backed up into the room, looking around for an escape. "Then you find a new wife." "But you'll never leave me Cordelia. You think this is your punishment don't you? I'm your purgatory for a mistake you made with him." His hand grabbed the book from her hand before she could stop him. Opening it to the dedication he read it aloud. "To the girl who gave up everything for me. I hope you got it all back. Well, he certainly sounds like a sap. Maybe he actually felt something for you? Is that even possible? Can you love an empty shell? Even if it is a very pretty shell." Her leered at her as he dropped the book carelessly to the floor. Cordelia wanted to run and pick it up, but she was frozen to the spot. Standing in her room, with the man who had sworn to love, honor and protect her forever she had never felt so alone. "Why did you marry me?" "Because I had to." Her husband spoke casually, almost smiling. "Why?" Her voice was haughty, and she kept her head high. "My father threatened to cut off my trust fund if I didn't settle down with an acceptable woman. He picked you out." Smiling openly now, her husband walked over and sat on her bed, watching to see her reaction. "Picked me out? What, did you give him a list of women you knew with the right credentials?" She asked him, her mask firmly in place. "Basically. He thought you would make good breeding material. And as long as I'm married to you he doesn't care what I do." Cordelia stared at him, finally understanding why he hadn't even tried to pretend he felt anything for her after the wedding had taken place. She had taken it for almost two years because she believed it was her fault, something in her that turned him away. That her love for Xander had hurt him in some way and made him into the person he was. She felt a great weight lifting off her shoulders as she realized that she had done nothing to make him the jerk he was. "So, I'm your ticket to a free ride?" "Yup." He leaned back on his elbows, grinning at her with hate. Cordelia smiled back at him, feeling the first stirring of pleasure she had known since she had walked away from Xander. This marriage wasn't her punishment for losing faith, and she didn't have to stay. "Last stop then Doug. This ticket's marked void." He jumped to his feet, fear showing in his face. He stared at her, his face showing his realization that he had pushed to far, and given too much away. "Cordelia, honey, I didn't mean it. I love you, I really do. We can make this work, go to counseling. I'll stop drinking. I promise. We can be happy together." Her smile grew even broader as he begged her. "No we can't. Because I never meant any of it. When I promised to be with you forever I lied. I was punishing myself and now I'm done." "Cordelia.." His voice trailed off as his eyes pleaded with hers. Turning away from him she walked into her dressing room and quickly shut and locked the door behind her. Sitting down at her make-up table she considered her reflection in the mirror. Slowly she began brushing her hair, not responding to her husband's pleas from the other side of the door. "He won't take you back. This Alex Harris guy won't want you. No one will. You'll be alone forever. He hates you now. He won't take you back." Cordelia answered his words, softly enough that he wouldn't be able to hear her. Speaking sadly to the worn looking woman in the mirror. "Probably not. But I can handle being alone, I've been alone for years now." She stood up and began throwing stuff into her suitcases, only taking a fraction of her clothes. In less than an hour she had collected everything that she wanted to take. Everything except the letter from Willow, the reminder of the horrible mistake she had made that she wanted to keep with her always. She walked into her bedroom, expecting him to be waiting for her, to beg her to stay, but the room was empty. Quickly getting the letter and all of Xander's books she walked out of her bedroom for the last time. Her husband sat in a chair by the door, an open bottle of whiskey in his hand. "You'll be back. There is nothing for you out there." Cordelia turned to look at him one last time. "There's nothing for me anywhere. I'm a shell, remember?" "What are you going to do?" She stopped with her hand on the doorknob, suddenly realizing she hadn't even considered anything beyond leaving the apartment. "I'm going home." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop to think. But she knew that she would go home. She would go home and she would apologize for the pain she had caused. ****** Feedback, please? ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (0/6) by Mace Date: 12 Jan 1999 21:15:32 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their families' holidays (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to mace@digitechs.com ***** PROLOGUE ***** Angel sat in the large manor with a frown marring his angelic visage. Hi= s eyes were slightly moist with tears he would *not* allow himself the grac= e to shed. It wasn't bad enough that he'd lost his soul, spent months as Angelus, went to *Hell*, fought with another Slayer, and nearly got kille= d, but now, his one reason for . . . existing wanted nothing to do with him. And, for a brief moment, Angel recalled, he wasn't even existing. Lying with the Slayer, he *had* been alive. Alive. It caused more heartache that he thought a demon could cause. In the beginning, when Angelus was in charge of his body, it had been a heartless killer killing. Somehow, it was different, him knowing and, in time, becoming friends with his victims. It had driven the demon insane, spending one-hundred-years trapped with a tortured soul. Lump living wit= h Angel brooding and in love << Madly, passionately, and completely lost in love . . . >>, Angelus was driven completely nuts. Now, she didn't even want to be friends. Not that he could blame her. H= e'd treated her like trash when he was Angelus, killed Jenny Calendar, stalke= d her and her friends. It's not as if he would have settled for being =91j= ust friends,' anyway. Spike. Spike knew. He knew there wasn't anyway they could be just frien= ds. Angelus suspected, Angel knew that Spike was aware of just how much Angel really *was* in love with Buffy the vampire Slayer. He recalled the fain= t dust of . . . flushing . . . coloring Buffy's face when Spike was relatin= g to them exactly what he knew about immortal love. And that's what it was= . . . . "Um=97 Angel?" came a female voice from the door. Angel was dismayed to think he hadn't heard her. It had been like that since he got out of Hell. He'd been able to *sense* Buffy, but not hear her. He hadn't been able to *sense* Spike or the other Slayer. . . . "Wh=97 yes?" Angel asked. It was the *other* Slayer. The one that resulted from Buffy's death. It was always the *other* Slayer after him. First Kendra. Now . . . whoeve= r she was. "I'm Faith," she said without preamble. "Faith," Angel said aloud. "Here to kill me?" "That was harsh," Faith said as she stepped into the room. << What'd you expect? Roses? >> "Last time I saw you, your Watcher was trying to destroy the world, you w= ere trying to ram a stake through my chest, and fighting Buffy. What do you want?" Angel asked. "To=97 uh=97 apologize. Xander Harris decided to use me as his personal-vendetta-seeking-weapon. I've been avoiding him, so I won't . . . drive a stake through his heart when I see him," Faith replied. "I don't think I'd stop you. He's never done anything except cause problems. You've apologized. Anything else?" Angel asked quickly. "From what little I've heard from B, you were kinda . . . reserved. What happened?" Faith asked. "B=97? Buffy. Oh, yeah. I guess you haven't heard about everything tha= t happened. Spike came back looking for a spell to get Drusilla back. He kidnaped Willow and Xander. Looking for Buffy for . . . something, he en= ded up in Buffy's house having coffee with Misses Summers. Buffy, Spike, and= I went to look for a book, and we got ambushed by a bunch of vamps. Xander and Willow were caught kissing. Oz, Willow, Xander, and Cordelia all bro= ke up =91cause they couldn't keep their hormones in check. Oh, and Cordelia= was nearly killed," Angel said. "I missed a lot, huh?" Faith asked with a grin. "You can't *not* be around and expect to keep up with everything. Things change *so* quickly," Angel said. "So, what's wrong with you?" Faith asked. "Nothing's wrong with me," Angel lied. "You should go. Spend too much t= ime around me, and you're likely to make enemies." "S'okay. I brought my own to Sunnydale. And you're lying, by the way. = I'd say it has something to do with Buffy, from the expression on your face. What happened, Ang?" "Don't call me Ang. It's worse than Deadboy. And, no, nothing's wrong w= ith me," Angel said. Faith nodded. "I guess I should let you get on with your mopping. I do wanna warn you, though. If you don't take care of your problems, someone messes with you= r business and does it for you," and, with that parting shot, Faith exited = the mansion. ***** Willow Rosenberg was absorbed in her own thoughts. It wasn't bad enough that Buffy and Angel were having serious trouble, that Miss Calendar was dead, and there was obviously *something* wrong between Misses Summers an= d Giles, but now she'd messed up Oz's, Xander's, Cordelia's and her own lif= e. "Hey, Willow," Faith said. "Oh, Faith, hi," Willow said as she was startled out of her reverie. "All's not happy in romance-land, is it?" Faith asked. "So, Buffy told you?" Willow asked softly. "No, Ang, but he didn't give me details," Faith replied. "Angel? When did you see Angel?" Willow asked, frowning. "Went to apologize for trying to stake him. I thought it was only fair. He's not happy. What happened?" Faith asked. "Buffy told me that they . . . she ended their friendship. Spike started talking about how they could never be *just friends*, and it kinda hit Bu= ffy close to home. So, they aren't friends anymore," Willow said. << Poor Buffy. >> The two girls continued to stroll down the sidewalk, conversing casually about Buffy's ex. "Oh=97?" Faith asked, purposely in a strange tone. "It shouldn't take hi= m too long to find another girlfriend. He is *seriously* hot." << Take it, Willow, C'mon, defend your friend's territory. >> Willow gave Faith an odd look. "I don't think he's gonna want anyone but Buffy. Girls came onto him a l= ot in the Bronze, and he only wanted and fell for Buffy," Willow said with a= n edge of warning. "Skipping over to other things. What happened with you and Xander. I'm = not trying to pry, or anything, just wondering," Faith said, quickly changing the subject. "It's okay. Well, I've always had this thing for Xander, that is, until = a few months ago. . . ." ***** Faith walked in the library to witness Buffy knocking the stuffing=97 or stuffy=97 ((**HE-HE-HE**)) out of Giles. Her face was tightened, concentrating, not on Giles, but on something . . . or someone else. "Ah=97 good=97 Faith," Giles said as he barely ducked a kick at full-Slayer-strength. "I have some research to do. Why don't you and Bu= ffy train together? =97Good." He never waited for a response as he fled to hi= s office. "What's his problem?" Faith asked as she eyed Giles's path, like she didn= 't know. "I think I scared him away," Buffy admitted as she took a swig of her wat= er. Faith examined Buffy's eyes and face. It was obvious to anyone with half= a brain Buffy had been crying. A plan had been forming in the back of her mind since she left the mansion. Upon seeing Buffy, she got the rest of plan in her mind. And, it just might work. "So, B, who were fighting?" Faith asked. "Giles," Buffy said as if Faith was insane. "Not from what I saw. You were totally not focused on Giles. So, who we= re you fighting? Angel?" Faith asked. "=97Angel? Uh=97 no!" Buffy said, her voice a pitch or so higher. "Why = would I be fighting Angel?" "Just an observation. Sorry, Buff, not tryin' to pry. What's his proble= m? He seemed, I dunno, upset. What happened this week?" Faith asked nonchalantly. "You=97 you saw him?" Buffy asked, slightly surprised. "Well, yeah, I tried to kill him. Doesn't exactly make for the closest o= f relationships. I apologized. You don't mind that I saw him, do you?" Fai= th asked. "No. Why would I? You=97 you're just friends, right?" Buffy added quick= ly. << Bingo! >> Faith thought. "I wouldn't call us friends just yet, or anything," Faith said. ". . .We= ll, I gotta go, Buff. Kinda wanna get some vamp-dusting done. See ya later." "Want some company?" Buffy asked as she slid off the table. "S'okay. Don't worry =91bout it," Faith said as she left the library. She could barely hold her smirk back as she strolled out of the library. ***** END PROLOGUE ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (5/18) Date: 13 Jan 1999 07:39:01 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you although technically this story takes place before hers so you can read this story even if you haven't read hers. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) Sunnydale August 21, 2005 Cordelia leaned in the window of her car, trying unsuccessfully to grab the mannequin that she had left sitting on the passenger side. Shifting her weight she tried to keep a grip on the armful of stuff she was already carrying, but failed miserably. She pulled the mannequin out of the car and stood staring at the mess in front of her. Pushing the hair that had escaped from her ponytail off her face she bent down to start picking things up. Struggling into her little shop Cordelia dropped everything just inside the door. Shaking her head she looked down at her wrinkled shirt and the stain on her newly dry-cleaned skirt. Noticing a long run up the front of her nylons she sighed, wondering where all her poise had escaped to. Her first client was coming in this morning to pick up her order, and Cordelia needed to look like she was in control. Walking into the little dressing room she quickly peeled off her nylons, dumping them into the trash can. Looking around at the clothes hanging all around the room she pulled a simple dress off a hanger and quickly changed. Pulling a brush through her hair she peeked in a mirror and decided that it was the best she could do, dropping the brush she went back out front to straighten up before her client's arrival. Nervously tapping her fingers along a table she checked her watch one more time, ten minutes late now. She cursed herself for not insisting on payment up front. But her old pride had kept her from doing anything that might imply that she needed any money to keep this shop going. She pictured herself having to ask her father for help, seeing the condescending look on his face as her wrote her a check. Blocking the thought from her head she took a deep breath and calmed herself. Twenty minutes later Mrs. Brooks walked in through the door, her daughter trailing behind her. Cordelia hid the relief she felt as she showed them the dresses, helped them try them on and took the check Mrs. Brooks held out to her. She saw them to the door and once it closed behind them she turned around, walking shakily over to her chair and sitting down. She looked at the check in her hand, quickly subtracting the money she had spent on material and the money she needed to pay her rent. It would cover everything and then some. She smiled, Mrs. Brooks would tell all her friends at the country club and soon she would have more business than she could handle. As long as she kept the illusion alive that was, if anyone actually thought that Cordelia Chase needed their money she wouldn't get one more penny of it. But if they thought that she was just another socialite with too much time on her hands she was set. They didn't need to know her father wouldn't give her a cent unless she moved back into his home, or that she would rather die than do that. She needed to prove to herself that she could do something on her own, maybe even be good at it. And that she could be alone, with no one to protect her and still she could survive. She didn't understand exactly why it was so important to her that she be totally self-sufficient, but it was. If she ever saw Xander again, ever got a chance to explain to him , she didn't want him to think that she was the shallow person she once had been. She laughed bitterly to herself at her thought that she may see Xander again. She had been in town for almost three months and hadn't seen any of the old gang. She wasn't even sure if he still lived here, if any of them did. She assumed that Buffy and Giles were around, because of the Hellmouth. But it was probably better if they weren't here anyway, they would never forgive her, Xander would never forgive her and it would be hell to see him living his life with someone else. Her life continued much the same over the next few weeks. After Mrs. Brooks she had more clients than she could handle; and everyone wanted a Cordelia Chase original. She worked until late every night, careful to always carry a cross and a squirt gun full of holy water. She worked every day, never taking a day off, using the work to block out the choking loneliness and the urge that grew stronger every day to seek Xander out, to try and make him forgive her. She worked even later on the nights when the feeling was strong, hoping that one day it would fade, or that one day she would have the courage to actually do it. To go and find him and try to explain and apologize for the pain she caused him. She couldn't do it though, the thought of seeing hate in his eyes freezing her. It was one of the nights when the pain was almost unbearable that she saw one of them again. "Cordelia Chase doing manual labor. Now I have seen it all." Buffy's voice dripped sarcasm as Cordelia dropped the piece of material she had been pinning together to the floor. Putting on her best Cordelia face, the one she usually reserved for her haughtiest clients she considered the Slayer. She felt her stomach lurch at the coldness in the Slayer's eyes, and the expression of distaste on her face. Cordelia stood and waited for the Slayer to continue, not knowing what to say to her. "I heard a nasty rumor that you were back in town and I had to check it out. I guess Giles was right when he said that Sunnydale attracts all sorts of bad guys." Buffy spoke harshly. Cordelia watched Buffy speak, unable to understand the words over the roar in her ears. She knew she would cry later, feel the pain of the words, but she was unable to do anything more than stare mutely at Buffy. "What, no witty comeback. No insult on my outfit, or hair? Are you slipping Cordy?" Buffy walked around the shop, examining the dresses that hung on racks all along the walls. Turning back to Cordelia she looked her up and down before speaking again. "Did hubby not have enough money to satisfy you? Or was it that you didn't satisfy him?" Arching one eyebrow the Slayer looked at her. Cordelia could only stare in shock as the girl she had given up everything for threw insults at her. She moved forward then, her mouth opening to speak, to scream at the Slayer. To tell her of everything she had given up for her. To tell her that she had seen her kiss Xander and instead of hating her, she had given him up so that the pain in Buffy's eyes would go away. That she had left town believing Xander would be blissfully happy with the Slayer and that they would feel no guilt over betraying her because she had made it easy for them. She wanted to tell Buffy everything and watch as the self-righteous look faded from her eyes. But she couldn't make herself do it, because behind the anger and hate in the Slayer's eyes the pain was still there. The loneliness that Cordelia now understood. Telling the Slayer wouldn't take her pain away and it would only make the Buffy's worse. Smiling sadly at Buffy she replied, "Something like that." Turning back to the mannequin she picked up the material she had dropped on the floor and returned to her work. She kept her eyes glued to the work in front of her until she heard Buffy walk out of the room and leave the shop. Leaning her head into her hands Cordelia let the tears slip down her cheeks. She had been surprised by the level of animosity the Slayer had towards her. Wiping the tears off her face she sat rubbing her forehead for a minute, speaking softly into the empty room. "Well, let it never be said that I don't leave a lasting impression." Taking a deep breath she picked up her pins and began working again. ******* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Leslie S." Subject: BUFFYFIC: Buffy, Giles, Joyce and Faith (1/1) Date: 13 Jan 1999 09:54:59 PST TITLE: Buffy, Giles, Joyce and Faith (1/1) (For lack of a better title-If you got a better one, let me know before I archive it!) AUTHORS: LilS, Shalona, Tay and LeTrek EMAIL: leslie_s_@hotmail.com DISTRIBUTION: My pitiful fanfic site. http://beavis.bwave.com/~lilsprout/fanfic.html But if anyone wants it, just let me know and it shall be yours!!! RATING: PG SPOILERS: Nothing specific, but takes place this season. SUMMARY: Just an average night in the life of a Slayer DISCLAIMER: Characters are borrowed from Joss Whedon and crew. No infringement is intended. FEEDBACK: is a good thing. But no pressure! NOTE: This round robin fic was spawned one evening due to the fact that our real-time on-line Buffy role playing game was cancelled due to real life happenings. Great literature it ain’t, but we had fun doing it. If you are interested in Buffy chat or want more info on joining our role-playing group, please check out http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Shores/4145/ ***** Buffy was finishing the last of her dinner, keeping an eye to the clock. The sun had been down for almost an hour now and Giles had been particularly concerned about a prophesy from the codex he had recently discovered. Joyce noticed Buffy seemed to be concerned with the time. "So…new prophesy?" she inquired." Buffy looked blankly at her mom for moment. It was still hard remembering that she knew about her slaying activities. "Sorry mom. I guess you got me. But yes, Giles has his tweed in a bunch over something. I am supposed to meet Faith in about 20 minutes at the Northpoint Cemetery." Joyce nodded. She really hated that her daughter, her only baby went out night after night to face unspeakable horrors. But she had resigned herself to it. "Well take your time. I’ll give you a lift if you want." "Thanks mom." Buffy had to admit, that although she hated that her mom knew, it could be really handy. After dinner was finished, Joyce dropped her daughter at the cemetery and went home to do the thing she now hated most. She had to wait. Joyce returned home, and went inside the house. She glanced at the clock, noting the time: 9:30 PM......and picked up a book to read after sitting down on the couch. As she continued to read, her eyes grew heavy, and before long, she fell asleep. Buffy strolled around the cemetery for a few minutes, seeing Faith at the other end. She wandered over and exchanged the greetings typically teenagers exchanged. "So what does tweedman got going on tonight?" asked Faith. "Something about the codex. More prophecies, you know," answered Buffy. Faith nodded and idly flipped a stake in her hand. Buffy leaned against a nearby tree and casually surveyed her surroundings. Faith let out a heavy sigh and started to wander deeper into the cemetery. "Where are you off too?" Buffy asked. "Just...you know. Looking around, keeping watch. That is why we're out here isn't it B?" Faith turned and offered Buffy a semi smile. She obviously didn't see what had creeped up behind her. Or at least that is what Buffy thought as her eyes grew wide at the sight of the hulking creature looming over Faith. For as Buffy was about to shout a warning, Faith’s arm pulled back and slammed into the vamp. Tall and large just laughed as the stake Faith had tried to impale him with splintered in tiny fragments. He then grabbed her by the neck and lifted her off the ground. Faith flailed about as Tall And Large started squeezing. Buffy came running up into a leaping kick that knocked T&L back and loosed Faith from his grip. "Sooo, not a fan of our local wood products, eh?" Buffy said to T&L. T&L merely growled, baring his fangs. But Faith held up her pocket-cross [tm] and held him at bay. "So what do we do now, B? she asked. "I'm gonna go with kill 'em, F." Buffy yelped. "With mouth that smart you oughta be able to figure out how we do that right Buffster?" She asked. "But of course." Buffy ran over to a nearby grave a grabbed a shovel that was laying nearby. She rushed over to Faith just as TnL lunged forward and knocked the pocket-cross [tm] from Faiths hand. Buffy pressed onward and swung the shovel at TnL's neck. He masterfully dodged and grabbed Buffy by the throat pinning her to a tree. (lotta throat grabbing tonite-Tay) "My turn." He growled and yanked the shovel from Buffy's grip and thrust it forward into her midsection. Buffy yelled just as….. Joyce Summers awoke with a start. "...Buffy..." she whispered. Overcome with a sense of dread, Joyce raced to her car. She was at the gates of the cemetery in 5 minutes flat. She flung open her door trying to decide which way to go. Before she picked a direction, she reached under the driver seat and pulled out the mother of all crosses and one VERY large wooden stake. She took a few cautious steps in the direction of a mausoleum. She remembered a conversation she and Buffy had recently had about certain nocturnal activities that she had shared with Angel on occasion. And that thought made her very mad. Her daughter should be doing "things" with her boyfriend that I shouldn’t approve of . Not risking her life each and every night. As she neared the mausoleum she could hear the sounds of voices. No wait….that was screaming. That was Faith screaming. She quickened her pace and was soon on the scene. She saw Buffy beating frantically at this horrible beast while he had Faith by the throat (poor thing) up against a tree! (gotta love the throat grab-age-LeTrek) Joyce ran toward the group brandishing her Mama-Cross [pat. pend.] "Get the *hell* away from my daughter," she yelled, realizing that sounded too familiar. "And her friend," she added. T&L reeled backward from the large, ornate cross that Joyce had "borrowed" from the gallary. Buffy scrambled over to make sure Faith was okay. "Umm, Buffy," her mother asked. "What do we do now?" Buffy looked between her mother and a very angry, very unhurtable foe and opted for the obvious. "Is the car unlocked?" "Yeah." "Then we run!!" "Run? Slayers never say 'Run'". Faith yelled. "Can't we just lop Ol' Ugly's head off with a shovel or something?" "NO!" Joyce yelled. TnL growled loudly and reached for Faith, scraping her blouse. Joyce stepped forward and kept him at bay. "Okay, well...if you really want to..." The three women made a break for it. Buffy grabbed Joyce's Mama Cross [p.p.] and started racing sideways keeping the cross facing the path behind them. "Oh...fudge." She heard Joyce say. "In so many ways I don't like the sound of that." Buffy said. "I can't find my keys." Joyce cried. "You gotta be kidding me." Faith complained breathing hard. "Well I am not, Faith." Joyce replied equally out of breath. "I must have dropped them back at the mausoleum." "Terrific." Faith wheezed. "Hey! A little less talking and more running." Buffy panted. As the group rounded a grouping of trees, Faith ran right into….. ...the road. "Okay..." Buffy squeaked. "Car is...where, Mom?" "I parked right near the gate. We must have passed it...I..." Joyce stammered. "Well I feel a major 'Who cares?' coming on, seeing as we don't have the keys anyway." Faith sneered. "Point taken Faith." Joyce said somewhat sternly. Buffy grabbed them both. "Can we take this moment to not fight?!" "Why?" Faith retorted. "Not in front of the company." Buffy gestured to TnL who was now standing in the middle of the road. He stalked forward and was about to strike when a rusty old Citroen slammed into him, hurtling him a good 6 ft. Giles threw open the door to his trusty if not rusty car and ran over to TnL who was sprawled in the middle of the road. As the women looked on, they could see that Giles was holding a rather large metal-looking stake. He thrust the stake into TnL’s chest and was moments later rewarded with a cloud of fine ash. "Hello metallic fatality!" Buffy exclaimed as Giles came toward her, Joyce and Faith. He straightened his tie and took off his glasses and cleaned them with his ever present Watcher-Hanky [tm]. "Yes, well that did the trick." Buffy looked between the pile of ash and Giles (played by ASH), "So was this the guy you read about in the codex?" "Codex," he replied, "What do you mean? I wasn't saying Codex...I was saying Kleenex [tm]. I was reading the offer on the back of the Kleenex [tm] box." *sniiiiif* Buffy sighed, "Giles, remind me next time to have someone turn you into a vampire just so I can stake you." Joyce patted Buffy on the back, "It's alright dear. Who's up for some chocolate mousse?" ~end~ ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (2/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 11:24:03 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their new clothes (and yours) by making them come af= ter you. Send it to mace@digitechs.com ***** PART TWO ***** "Faith . . . This is Joyce . . . He came by last night . . . Yeah, I tol= d him . . . He was reluctant . . . Go to step two. . . . Don't worry about = the curse. I have that taken care of . . ." Joyce hung up just as Buffy came down the stairs. She had orange juice a= nd sticky buns waiting for her daughter. "Ooh=97 sticky buns! . . .These weren't made by a certain psycho boyfrien= d, were they?" Buffy asked suspiciously. "No, of course not," Joyce said with a smile. "Good then," Buffy said as she took a bite. ***** "Hey," Buffy said softly. "Hey," Angel replied. "I couldn't. . . . I couldn't stay away from you," Buffy admitted. "You shouldn't be here. You're right, we can't ever be =91just friends.'= Even Spike could tell that we'd never be just friends," Angel said. Buffy looked up into his eyes and planted perhaps the most chaste kiss of his life on his lips. They weren't even touching. "Maybe I don't want to be just friends," Buffy said. "Maybe?" Angel said slowly with an amused glint in his eyes. Buffy crushed herself against Angel, and Angel crushed himself against Angel. And, they held each other. He didn't care what the Watcher or an= y of her friends wanted. She was his. That's all that mattered. "I love you," he whispered. "Angel, I . . ." Angel shot up in of bed and looked around the room. He couldn't believe = it. << A dream? It was a dream? >> He could still feel the kiss on his lips.= << No! No, why? It . . . >> "Buffy," he whispered, his voice filled with pain. ***** "Hey, Cordy," Buffy said. "Hi, Buffy," Cordelia said weakly. "How are you feeling?" Buffy asked as she set some flowers down. "Like I was stabbed in the stomach by a piece of wood, and someone ripped= my heart and crushed it. Oh, wait, it happened," Cordelia said bitterly. "What about you?" "I'm good. I mean, well, my mom knows Angel's back. I'm not friends wit= h Angel anymore, like we ever could be friends anyway. He'll probably leav= e Sunnydale now if it makes you feel safer," Buffy said. "I'm sorry, Buffy," she said weakly. "And, no, it doesn't make me feel safer. I know you liked=97 loved him." "I did," Buffy admitted. "You don't now?" Cordelia asked. "It doesn't matter," Buffy said, cutting her eyes. "Buffy," Cordelia said, "one brokenhearted girl to another, get what you want. You need a little less =91I'm-the-Slayer-and-save-the-world' and a little more Cordelia Chase Queen Bitca of Sunnydale. Do what you want, Buffy." "Last time I did what I wanted, I left town," Buffy said. Cordelia didn't have anything to say about that. It was obvious the girl still cared about Angel, and everyone had practically stoned her to death when they found out Angel was back. Giles should have understood what Bu= ffy was going through. He'd been understanding *until* Angel had come back. He'd lost someone he loved=97 Miss Calendar, and Giles would have done anything in his power to have her back. Buffy *had* a chance to get her love back, but no one seemed to understand. There was a comfortable silence. "Buffy," Cordelia said. "Yeah?" "Out of all the friends I've ever had, you're probably the best. I mean,= I harassed you, called you names, and been a bitca to you. And, you saved = my life so many times. . . . I've never had a friend like you," Cordelia sa= id. << You've never betrayed me. >> "It's okay, Cordy. You've really turned out to be nice. I mean, there w= as that problem with the Homecoming and all, but you're a good friend," Buff= y said. "Thank you. It means a lot to me. You have to go, don't you?" Cordy sai= d. "Why?" Buffy asked. Cordy motioned to the window. "It's dark," Cordy said. "Oh, yeah, patrol." "You'll come back tomorrow?" Cordy asked hopefully. "Yeah, I will if you want me to," Buffy said. "I do." On an impulse, Buffy leaned over and hugged the injured girl lightly. As Buffy left, Queen C could be seen with tears in her eyes. ***** The Bronze . . . Oz and Willow were dancing to a slow song. The Dingoes weren't playing t= hat night, and so Oz had a free night. That was how Xander found the two of them. Strangely, though, he couldn't bring himself to feel upset about i= t. It only deepened the gash in his heart when his Queen was missing. "Hey, Xander," Faith said. "Hey, Faith, you look nice," Xander said. "Thanks, Xander. I'm going to meet someone," Faith said. "Oh=97 Faith's got a love interest?" Xander teased. "So, is he worthy of= the mighty Slayer?" "I would suppose so, but it's not like that. I'm just going to see Angel= ," Faith said. Xander paled visibly. "Angel? Buffy's ex-honey, Angel?" Xander asked. "Yeah. Why?" Faith asked. "He's dangerous!" Xander declared. << And you know you want to follow me, Harris. C'mon. I might get hurt.= >> Faith thought. "It's not really any of your business, is it? I mean, the worst he could= do is tie me up and carry me to his lair. At least, that would be fun," Fa= ith said as she sauntered out of the Bronze. << She's right. She might get hurt. I'm not letting that freak hurt any= one else. . . . Fun? She thinks it would be fun?!? >> ***** "Angel?" Angel's eyes focused on the woman in front of them. << Buffy's mom. >> He dropped his hands to his sides and straightened up. "Hi," Angel said. "That that you were doing. What was that?" Joyce asked. "Tai chi," Angel answered. "Would you like to go for a walk? I want to know what really went on all this time. I ask Buffy, but I know it hurts her to think about it. Rupe= rt is too hung up on staking you to give an objective view. I want you to te= ll me, in your own words, what =91losing your soul' really was," Joyce said. "It's not really safe to go for a walk in the dark in Sunnydale," Angel said. "You'll protect me," Joyce said surely. "How do you know I won't kill you a drink your blood?" Angel asked, narrowing his eyes. "Because you wouldn't have said anything if you were," Joyce said. "Let me get a shirt," Angel said. ***** Faith could hear Xander behind her about a couple of feet. "Angel?" Faith practically yelled. There was no answer, for Angel and Joyce had left about fifteen minutes prior. Faith moved a Queen Anne's chair facing away from the window, so, when Xander eavesdropped (Faith was sure he would), Xander wouldn't be able to tell Angel wasn't there. And, even if he was, Xander wouldn't have been able to hear Angel because he was facing the wall and a good twenty feet away from the window. She surveyed the room and waited until she heard Xander. << Hurry up, Harris, I don't have time to wait on your slow butt. . . . >= > He stepped on some leaves. << Showtime! >> "Look, Angel," Faith began, "it wouldn't be like a serious relationship. You have a seriously good-looking bod, and you seem like a nice guy. I k= now you're worried about Buffy. . . ." "Even if we did =91do the deed,' I wouldn't cause you a moment of happine= ss. I'm not Buffy. You don't love me, and will always love her. . . . I'm no= t upset or jealous. I don't want a serious relationship, Angel. Just some company," Faith said. << Not that way, Faith? Angel is Buffy's . . . >> Xander felt like he wo= uld spit. << Why do I care who Deadboy dates? >> "I don't really know if Buffy still loves you," Faith lied to the empty r= oom and Xander. "But, it can't really work out. You've said that yourself. = . . . Forget you're a vamp and I'm a Slayer. . . . We can just have some fun=97 keep each other company=97 you know, do friend-stuff." << This is pretty fun. Not only do I get to help Buffy, but I get to get Xander back for using me as his personal hit man. >> Faith though. << I can't believe her! She's double-crossing Buffy! >> "Well=97 that's good," Faith said. "You wanna hit the Bronze tomorrow? = . . .Where, then? . . .I don't like surprises. . . . Don't make me stake you= ! . . .I would so!" There was a pause. "I gotta go, Angie. Patrol and all," Faith said. She leaned down as if she was giving the vampire a kiss and left. ***** END PART TWO . . . (He-he-he-he) ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (1/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 11:24:10 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their new clothes (and yours) by making them come af= ter you. Send it to mace@digitechs.com ***** PART ONE ***** From being in the room with Angel for barely ten minutes, Faith knew Ange= l wouldn't help her. He loved her more than life itself and wouldn't ever help her. Xander would laugh in her face. Cordelia couldn't even walk. Willow was having her own problems. Giles would tell her to mind her own business. There was still *a lot* of hatred for the vampire from the Watcher. Oz was in the same boat as Willow. That left the undead population of Sunnydale and Joyce. That wouldn't work. "Hi, Faith," Joyce greeted the Slayer. "Hey, Misses Summers," Faith greeted her. "Buffy's not home, Faith, but if you want to wait . . ." "That's what I wanted to talk about. It's about Buffy. You know Angel's back, right?" Faith asked. Horror and trepidation flitted over her eyes, but it was squelched quickl= y. "Yes," Joyce replied. "I found out about that the hard way." "They=97 they aren't seeing each other anymore. I guess I understand tha= t. But, Buffy broke off their friendship earlier. . . ." Faith turned on the innocence. "I was wondering if you knew of anything I could do to make h= er . . . feel better." "Feel better?" Joyce asked, seemingly dumbfounded. "I mean, I feel kinda funny talking about it to her mother," she offered with a smile, "but Buffy and Angel really loved each other a lot. I wasn= 't even here, and I can see that. I *think* Buffy's still in love with him, and I *know* Angel loves her so much it hurts." Joyce frowned. "So, if Buffy does still love Angel, even after all he did, why wouldn't = she want to see him or even be friends, Faith? I think you're reading it wrong," Joyce said. "=91Cause=97 well=97 because of everyone else. Xander practically had me= murder Angel for him. Giles jumped all down her throat. No one was really supportive of her or what she wanted. No one really knows it, but Buffy'= s used to being=97 well=97 walked on. She saved the world and sent her boy= friend to Hell, and no one thanks her. She's gotta be the Slayer even though sh= e might die. She doesn't get a choice, so she gave in to what everyone els= e wanted," Faith said. Joyce absorbed the dark-headed girl's words. "And what do you want?" Joyce asked. "I've never had any real friends, not like this, and I haven't even been here all that long. Xander got involved in someone else's business, and = I got thrown up against Buff. I've never done anything to hurt her, and sh= e defended Angel against me. People, my fake watcher and Xander, used me f= or their own gain. I just wanna make it up to Buffy," Faith said. "It embarrassed you, didn't it? That someone tricked you into thinking something entirely different that what was happening?" Joyce asked. Faith nodded, wondering where all this was going. "Now, you know how I felt when I found out Buffy was a Slayer. That I co= uld be that gullible, it humiliated me. I guess I've been like that again. = I want Buffy to be happy, and I thought sending her to college would do it. You heard about her SAT's?" "Yeah, she did good," Faith said. "She doesn't want college. She wants that boy, Angel, the vampire that's old enough to be my great, great, great, great . . . grandfather," Joyce said with a sigh. She looked at Faith. "So what are you planning?= " Faith smiled. ***** "Buffy, did you know Faith went to see Angel?" Willow asked. Buffy looked up. "Yeah, she told me. Why?" Buffy asked. "I was=97 uh=97 just wondering," Willow replied. "She said she had gone = to apologize, and I was just wondering if you knew." "Yeah, she told me. So, how's everything?" Buffy asked. "Okay, I mean, I haven't really seen Xander or Oz or Cordelia, but I gues= s everything's okay," Willow said. "What was it, Willow, that made you and Xander . . . you know?" "Betray our boyfriends and girlfriends?" Willow asked. "I wasn't gonna say that," Buffy interrupted. "I know, but it's true. . . ." "Willow. . . ." She quickly interrupted. "It was just . . . that I hadn't. I just wonde= red if he was everything I thought he was. If I had said something, I would have been happy. If he was really who I wanted, or if I was just too stu= ck to the dream," Willow said with a wistful look. "And?" Buffy prompted. "It was all just the dream, and I won't even have Xander =91cause I don't really love him. I just had to know," Willow said. "I really . . . I really really . . . love Oz. I love Oz. I do. He's so sweet and just w= hat I wanted. But, there was always this doubt, and it kept growing and grow= ing and growing until I wasn't sure if Oz was a substitution for Xander or if= I wasn't ready to let go of him." "And now you *want* Oz, but can't have him because you made a mistake," Buffy said with a frown. "Maybe you didn't," came a soft voice from the door. Willow felt a hot blush stain her cheeks. "O=96Oz?" Willow asked softly. "Hey, baby," he said. Buffy slipped from the room softly as Oz approached Willow. No one noticed her anyway. ***** Faith barely escaped Buffy's house before Buffy got home. When, Buffy go= t in, Joyce was setting the table for dinner. Joyce had to hand it to the other Slayer, she was clever. Joyce wasn't sure she liked Angel or wante= d him to get back together with her daughter, but still . . . Faith was right. The beginnings of dark circles were under Joyce's daughter's eyes. Her face was marked with a far away look. Joyce could only guess where Buffy was. Dinner was eaten in silence, not uncomfortab= le silence, but the silence of two women who had much on their minds. Joyce observed her daughter slowly, taking in each minuscule detail and compari= ng it with what she had seen only days before. << Oh, Buffy. >> It occurred to Joyce that Angel now had an all-access p= ass to her house. It unnerved her for a moment before she realized he'd been invited into her house almost since they moved to Sunnydale. It was only after Angel lost his soul that he became a threat. He was really a different person. << What if they . . . do it again? >> she asked. << Somehow, I doubt it. The phrase, =91scarred for life' seems appropriate right now. My poor ba= by. >> "So, aren't you gonna ask?" Buffy interrupted Joyce's thought. "Ask what, Buffy?" Joyce asked. "About Angel. How long he's been back. Why I didn't tell you. What happened," Buffy said. She'd heard it second-hand from Faith. It never occurred to Buffy she already knew. "I thought you'd tell me when you were ready," Joyce said. "Are you?" Buffy sighed. "I guess. Angel's been back since before Homecoming, about mid-October. = I didn't tell you because I=97 I know it was hard for you to deal with the slaying=97 to still have to deal with it. I didn't want to pile this on = you too," Buffy said. "I wish you *had* told me, Buffy. I could have helped *you* deal with it. I was in the dark about your Slaying for so long. I don't want to be in = the dark about your life anymore," Joyce said. Buffy half-smiled. "But, we aren't seeing each other anymore. We=97 we can't be =91just fri= ends' like some people manage to do. It would be just too hard on both of us," Buffy said. "Did you discuss this with him?" Joyce asked. "I told him," Buffy replied. Joyce could see the change in her daughter. It was so startling sometime= s that Joyce wanted to just shake Buffy until she was they way she used to = be. Even as the Slayer, those precious few months after the summer she died a= nd before her birthday Joyce remembered her daughter seeming so alive then. "Do you love him?" Joyce asked. "Does he love you?" Buffy looked up from her plate. "He loves me," Buffy said. "Do you love him?" Joyce was practically on the edge of her chair waiting for the answer. Joyce knew if Buffy could forgive, she could too. Everything that Joyce thought about this boy Angel depended on this. If Buffy thought it was *worth* it. . . . "It doesn't matter that I still love him," Buffy said softly. "It's not what's best." "Best for whom, Buffy?" Joyce asked. Buffy was oblivious to the tears in her eyes. And, she shrugged. "Everyone," Buffy said, though it was more than a question than an answer. ***** An hour after Buffy had gone to bed and Joyce was sure she was asleep, Jo= yce slipped into Buffy's room and sat in a chair out of view of the window. Buffy was usually a heavy sleeper. Joyce suspected it was from all the w= ork and strain her seventeen-year-old daughter faced. A shadow covered the moonlight in Buffy's window. Joyce held her breath = as the man slipped through her daughter's window. He silently approached th= e sleeping girl and barely stroked her face with his fingertips. Buffy lea= ned into his touch, even sleeping. He flattened his palm on her cheek and he= ld it there for a moment. "Buffy . . ." he whispered with great pain. He stepped back about a foot. "Hello, Angel," Joyce said softly. Angel whirled around and looked at the Slayer's mother with wild eyes. S= he offered the faintest of smiles before approaching the vampire. He was surprised she wasn't yelling her head off at him, but he was too afraid t= o move. He'd fought some of the most dangerous vampires, Slayers, and demo= ns on earth, yet he was afraid of this mortal woman. The Slayer's mother. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't scream right now," Joyce dared. He was silent for a moment, wondering what answer would express what he w= as thinking. "You would wake her up," Angel replied, whispering. Joyce nodded in understanding. "I want you to understand something," Joyce said. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to see her. I=97 I'll go," Angel said as he turned. "Wait, I didn't tell you to leave," Joyce replied almost harshly. << Is she insane? >> Angel wondered. << If she is, it's my fault. >> Ang= el glanced at Buffy as she softly moaned in her sleep. He wondered what she was dreaming or what nightmare she was having. "Did Buffy tell you what happened during the thing with . . . Acathla?" Joyce asked. "Not all of it," Angel said. "I kicked her out of the house because I couldn't accept her being the Slayer. She spent the summer living on her own, taking care of herself," Joyce said slowly. Angel looked shocked and horrified. "She=97 she was alone?" Angel asked. Joyce nodded. "None of us knew it was *you* she sent to Hell and not Angelus. . . ." "We're the same," Angel interrupted. "Did you always interrupt your mother when she was talking?" Angel gave h= er a slight nod and a little half-smirk. "If you and Angelus were the same= , you would have tried to kill Buffy instead of watch her sleep. You must really love her to find some pleasure in watching her sleep," Joyce said. "Maybe some perverse pleasure. . . ." "Maybe I ought to slap you where you stand," Joyce threatened. "Maybe *y= ou* think you *deserve* to be tortured. . . . As I was saying, Buffy doesn't have much. I mean, I like to think I provide for her the material things she needs . . . except a car . . . but there's only so much I can give he= r. "You took a little girl, and you fell in love with her. And you made her fall in love, and you changed her into a woman. I'm her mother. I love = her more than I love myself. But, you, you're *her* Angel. And, I honestly don't know if she can live without you. . . ." "She can do fine without me. She's strong, the strongest person I know. It's not just me, Misses Summers. . . ." "Joyce." "Joyce, it's everything. It's just unnatural. I'm a vampire, and she ki= lls vampires. Everything around us goes against it . . ." "Don't you mean every*one*?" "Everyone too. =97It doesn't matter. We can't. Not again. We thought = we could make it work, and it didn't," Angel said. "I want what's best for her. If that's you, then so be it. It's no one'= s business but yours and hers," Joyce said. "There isn't anything to be anyone else's business. It's over," Angel sa= id as he slipped out his lover's window. "There will be. . . ." ***** END PART ONE. . . ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (5b/6) Date: 13 Jan 1999 12:14:59 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their holiday (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to: mace@digitechs.com ***** Part 5b ***** Buffy's mind was too clouded with grief to notice that her mother was sti= ll asleep. Buffy hadn't slept at all from the time she got home until she w= ent to school to confront the Watcher. She was running on pure emotion and adrenaline. The only thing on her mind: Angel dead and Faith about to be that way. "Maybe . . . maybe he's just . . . off someplace brooding," Willow tried lamely. "I=97 I looked everywhere. I=97 I can't find Faith or Angel," Buffy sobb= ed. "Buffy, perhaps you've been a little hasty in your grieving. It is *quit= e* possible that Angel has been soul-searching or . . . avoiding you. . . ." "Why would Angel do that?" Buffy asked, blinded by her anguish. "You did=97 uh=97 sever your friendship, correct?" Giles asked. "Look on the bright side," Xander said, "maybe Faith and Angel ran off together." That only increased Buffy's wailing. Willow sent Xander a look that woul= d have turned Medusa into a mewling child . . . or a stone statue. Fire li= t up Giles's eyes for just a moment because Xander had upset his Slayer eve= n more. Giles had the strangest inkling that something was going on that n= o one knew about, but he didn't have enough pieces to make the picture clea= r. "It's=97 it's all my fault," Buffy whispered to Willow. "I made him lose= his soul, and then I got him killed." << I'm so selfish. >> ***** Angel stifled a moan as his captors threw him into the cage. It seemed, = no matter how old he got, torture was always a favorite among the evil. Sur= e, Trick and his flunkies weren't anything compared to the timeless demons i= n Hell, but it didn't make the pain hurt any less. They hadn't even asked him any questions yet. Trick's minions just beat = and tortured him until he didn't want to move anymore. He wouldn't have even had a problem getting free if not for his summer vacation in Hell. It ha= d made him weak, and he hadn't been able to fight back. He was biding his time until the sun was almost set. The older you got, = the more tolerant you were to the sun. No, the older vampires couldn't *walk= * in the sun, but the pre-dawn vampire warning and pre-sunset twilight was more bearable. Angel was likely to have a massive sunburn on his face, arms, and bare chest << Stupid minions ruined my shirt! >>, but he would still be able to leave before most of the minions would think about following. ((**Yes, I *AM* inventing my own vampire lore. If you don't l= ike it, write your own fanfic.**)) ***** Cordelia Chase was back at school (not that she was too happy about it). After being accosted by Harmony and her clique, rammed into by a jock, an= d being late for her second period class, Miss Chase was feeling not at all perky or thrilled to be at school. She had been avoiding Xander Harris all day, and it was getting annoying. It seemed she was going through closet withdrawal, and it was giving her = a headache. On top of that, she really wanted to see what the *::big, echo= ing voice::* Mouth of Hell *::end voice::* was going to spit at them this wee= k, but she *knew* Xander or Willow would be there. She walked by the library, just to take a peek in, when she heard Xander'= s smart-alec voice make a comment and someone sobbing. << Buffy? >> She loo= ked in the window and found Buffy Summers Super Slayer draped over the edge o= f a chair and bawling in despair. Without a second thought, Cordelia went into the library to see what was wrong with Buffy. Not in all the months as Angelus posing as Angel did Cordy see Buffy so heartbroken. "Cordy?" Xander asked, though she was oblivious. "Buffy, what's wrong?" Buffy looked up at Cordelia and sniffed. "Angel's dead!" "What?!?" Cordelia asked, shocked. "I=97 I can't find Angel! Faith killed him! I know it!" Buffy said. Cordelia felt her stomach and all its contents fall into her feet with a squish. "I=97 I'm so sorry, Buffy," Cordelia whispered. It struck Cordy like a lightening bolt. No one had ever accused her of being too quick. In fact, some people thought she was quite dense, but Cordelia put what she knew together and came up with an answer. Joyce ha= d been by her room, and Buffy thought Faith had killed Angel. It all made sense. . . . in a sense that wasn't sort of way. << Oz, much? >> Cordelia gave her friend a hug in front of Giles, Xander, Willow, and Oz. ((*Boy, weren't they shocked?*)) Then, she tried to put pieces in that we= re still sort of fuzzy and bided her time until she could talk to the Slayer= 's mother. ***** Willow was alone in the library. Buffy had gone home to rest. Giles had taken her. Xander had mumbled something about a Twinkie and left shortly thereafter. Oz and the Dingoes were having practice tonight. And, the Scooby gang would reconvene after sunset. The red-headed hacker was chatting with some of her technopagan friends w= hen she heard the door close. Willow turned to see Joyce Summers standing th= ere with a framed drawing of some sort and a nervous smile. Willow smiled warmly and told her friends that she had to go. Willow wasn't really sur= e why she had to go, but the look on Misses Summers face told her that Will= ow was not going to be able to continue her chat. "Hey, Misses Summers, no one else is here besides me. Buffy already went home," Willow said. "I know. I saw Buffy and Giles heading for my house. =97Buffy tells me you're a witch," Joyce said bluntly. "Or, is that offensive? Should I c= all you a sorceress or a spell caster?" She trailed off. "I don't really practice magic, but I'm not offended by being called a witch. Wh=97 why do you ask?" "I was just wondering actually, and I kinda had this question. I was goi= ng to asked Mister Gi=97 Rupert, but I guess you might know," Joyce said. "Oh, is it about magic? I know about magic, but why would you want to kn= ow about magic?" A frown crossed Willow's face. "I'll just be quiet now." Joyce smiled a motherly smile at the shy (but less-shy than before) girl. "You probably know I run an art gallery." Willow nodded. "Sometimes, I g= et stuff that I don't know anything about." Joyce could be seen with a faint blush. "Like a mask that raises the dead. I got this print in a shipmen= t today. It's probably from Eastern Europe from the style of script, but I was wondering if it was some kind of spell." Joyce frowned. "I didn't wa= nt to put it up if it was." "Oh, I guess I understand that," Willow said. "I could look at it and ru= n it through the translator like=97 Miss Calendar did with Angel's=97 uh=97= curse." Willow scanned it and used the translator on the ancient text. It was cycling through all the possibilities when the phone rang. Willow went t= o answer. "Hello . . . oh, hi. . . . Yes, I'm still at the library. . . . You need = me to come home? Now? What's wrong? =97Oh, okay. . . . No, I'm not . . . = no, I just. . . . Yes, I'm on my way. . . ." "What was that about?" Joyce asked curiously. "My mom found a small cross I keep for protection in my room when she was putting some of my clothes away," Willow said. "What's wrong with that?" Joyce asked. "My parents and I are Jewish," Willow said as she tried to suppress an impish smirk. "Oh," Joyce said. Willow went on to explain what would happen once the work had cycled through. She started to explain how to print and save, but Joyce told he= r that she knew from Ted. Ted had set up the software for the gallery, and Joyce was not completely computer-illiterate anymore. Willow smiled, grateful she didn't have to explain anything and fled the library. Joyce couldn't believe how lucky she was getting. It was quite possible that Joyce would be able to fix things. << I'll have to give that nice ma= n at that shop some cookies or something nice like that. >> The frame on th= e spell (she knew it was a spell) had cost her an arm and a leg. ((*Not in the literal sense.*)) The man at the . . . Gypsy-supply store had been =91courteous' enough to hunt the spell down. Of course, she had to remin= d the man several times that Spike and Drusilla were *not* in Sunnydale, but everything else was great. The man had told her he knew what the spell did, but he didn't know exact= ly how. It was in all the circles that the red-headed hacker had performed = the Soul Restoration spell, and the shopkeeper thought maybe one of them woul= d want it. When Joyce had come in asking for just such a thing, he was onl= y happy to get rid of it. (Though, he pretended to be otherwise. It didn'= t pay to be a known nice guy. He was a business man.) When the spell was finished decrypting, Joyce printed it out and stuck it= in her purse. She deleted any evidence of what had been on the computer and closed the program. The only thing left to do was cast the spell. . . . ***** By all rights, it wouldn't be sunset for another fifteen minutes, but Ang= el knew he had to get out of there, and he had to do it fast. As quickly an= d quietly as possible (though that wasn't very quiet at all), Angel pried t= he wooden slats away from the window and burst through the second-story wind= ow. Angel landed on his feet (sorta) in a shower of broken glass and wood. H= e heard the very audible pop of a bone being broken and cursed the demons t= hat had made him weak. His body had been able to make that jump in February.= << Valentine's Day. >> He stumbled through the alleys in the shadows, trying to find someplace f= or shelter. The closest place was the library, but he knew he couldn't go there. It was *dark* by now, and the vampires would be after him. He wasn't more than twenty or so blocks away from wherever he'd been held captive when several vampires jumped him from behind. Angel was fighting = on instinct and emotion. His only desire, to get far, far away from the minions. Joyce Summers's slightly dented jeep pulled to a screeching halt beside Angel and the minions. She jumped out with a large wooden cross and thru= st it in the face of the nearest vampire. "Get in, Angel," Joyce said, being sure to invite *only* Angel into her c= ar. Angel, too much in pain and only half-conscious to care, dived into the driver's seat and slid into the passenger's side. Joyce stepped in the c= ar and floored it, running over a vamp in the process. She drove to the mansion where she knew Faith would be waiting. Angel was passed out with his head on the window. ***** Angel awoke as a bolt of energy lanced through him. He opened his eyes t= o see the *other* Slayer peering at him nervously and his girlfriend's=97 ex-girlfriend's mother watching him in apprehension. "Angel?" Joyce asked. "What happened? Joyce, what am I doing here?" Angel asked, confused. Joyce held her hand out to Angel. Angel, arching his eyebrow at her, too= k the object, the rose quartz, in his hand. Immediately upon touching it, = it turned to a light purple color. Joyce smiled and looked at Faith. Faith was grinning in accomplishment. "What happened?" Angel asked again. "Good news, Ang, there's no clause anymore," Faith said as she grinned. "Clause?" Angel asked dumbly. "We removed the clause from your curse," Joyce said. "You can have your moment of contentment now." Simultaneously, the Slayer's mother and the other Slayer turned around an= d started to walk away. "Joyce," Angel called. She turned. "You're sure?" Joyce nodded. "How? Why?" Angel asked, utterly bewildered. "=91Cause it was fun," Faith said. "And, because I was tired of people playing games with me. I wanted to do something to make up all the troub= le that's been caused." Angel looked at Joyce, expecting an answer. Joyce shrugged. "I'm just a meddling mother," she said as they left. Angel was too shocked to consider the consequences. He laid his head on = the sofa and promptly passed out again. It had been a really hard week for t= he immortal vampire. ***** END PART FIVE ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (5a/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 12:15:30 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their day (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to: mace@digitechs.com ***** PART FIVE ***** "Buffy!" Xander yelled breathlessly as he ran into the library. Giles was=97 as always=97 researching some demon. Buffy was beating the stuffing out of a dummy. Willow was =91Net surfing, and Oz was content to watch the red-headed hacker. Startled, Buffy didn't pull her kick and br= oke the dummy in half. Its upper body landed somewhere in the stacks. "What?" Buffy asked. "Faith is gonna kill Angel!" Xander said. "WHAT?!?!" Buffy and the gang practically screeched. Giles, however, remained silent. "It's all a plot. Them being *friends,* hanging out together, her apologizing. She's gonna kill Angel night after tomorrow night!" Xander said. "Xander Harris!" Willow yelled. "That is *NOT* funny!" Xander was taken aback. They didn't believe him? "I swear to God and everyone on this earth, Faith asked me to keep you gu= ys busy two nights from now so she can kill Angel," Xander said. Buffy wiped the sweat from her neck, grabbed her Slayer bag, and started walking toward the door. She stopped by Xander and opened her mouth to speak. Giles, however, interrupted. "Where are you going?" he asked. "To find Faith or Angel or both," Buffy said with steel, daring him to sa= y otherwise. "I can't say I'm against it, at all, Buffy," Giles said in his impeccable British manner, though harsh. Buffy's whole face turned cold with barely concealed rage. "*I* *don't* *care,*" she ground out. "He tortured me for hours!" Giles hissed. "*THE* *DEMON* tortured *me* for *six* *months*! Don't you try to tell m= e how much you've suffered, Giles! This is my decision! I *AM* *NOT* goin= g to let Faith murder Angel, no matter how much you may hate him," Buffy sa= id. "You love him," Giles said. "Even now." Buffy said nothing, but turned to Xander. "If you're lying to me. . . ." she hissed as she strode out the door. << It wasn't supposed to happen like this. . . . >> Faith thought as she listened through the stacks. ***** "Faith?" Joyce asked at the Slayer's grave expression. "It didn't work!" Faith said. "She's not going to save him?" Joyce asked, a frown appearing on her face. "Yes, but she's going to kill me too! She and Giles had this *huge* figh= t, pulling out all the stops. And, Buffy left the library in a blaze of fire= , and Giles was shakin' so bad, I though the man was having a stroke!" Fait= h said, more than alarmed. "I'll see if I can find her, Faith," Joyce said, grabbing her jacket, pur= se, and keys. "You stay here until I tell Buffy what *was* really happening.= I can't believe it turned out like this! For God's sake, I only wanted my baby-girl to be happy!" She rushed into the night to find her daughter or the immortal vampire th= at would save everyone a lot of trouble. Oh=97 everyone was going to be fur= ious. Joyce couldn't help but smile at what her meddling had caused. For, if s= he didn't smile, she would probably break down in tears. ***** Buffy first went to the mansion. Angel was not there, and it looked as though he hadn't been there for some time. Buffy was rapidly losing her anger and gaining worry. << Oh, God, don't let him die. I don't care what it takes. I'll give up= my life=97 anything=97 so he doesn't die. I need him so much. . . . >> She knew she was lying to herself earlier. If Angel had said he didn't l= ove her, she thought maybe she would be able to let go. But=97 oh=97 it hurt= so much. Faith was no where to be seen. Her apartment . . . motel room . . . was empty and actually had food in it. This meant that Faith hadn't been hom= e in the last eight or so hours. There weren't any vampires out that night= , but Buffy didn't really pay much attention to the lack of vamps. It had been like that for some time. Angel. Angel was gone. Though it wasn't unusual for him to just disappe= ar and turn up at will, he hadn't done it since he got back. . . . From Hell. Buffy wondered if maybe he was feeling better and back to his old, broodi= ng self. It didn't figure, though. Suffering in torment was more like it. Even though he seemed to be=97 normal (or relatively so), Buffy could tel= l he was in more pain than he was letting on, both physical and mental. << And, I just let him go. I didn't help him when he needed me most? Wh= at kind of girlfriend am I? Or ex-girlfriend? Or just friend? =97Oh, Angel= . . . >> ***** "So, you're the infamous Angelus?" the man asked. Angel's only response was an arched eyebrow. "Not too talkative are you?" he asked. Angel sat silently. "Well=97" he said, "Trick, could you come in here for a second?" The well-dressed vampire walked in. Angel could feel him smirking as he came in. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Angelus. How are you, man?" Trick asked. "What do you want?" Angel ground out. "Well=97 here's the thing," Trick said. "I am a man of business, a man o= f the world. My employer here, he's a sort of a=97 politician." << Oh, God! Demons and vampires and Hell, and now, a politician! >> Ange= l thought. "It's not good business to have *two* Slayers running around, fouling thi= ngs up," Trick said. Angel was silent. "So, we want you to do something about it, Angel," Trick said. "Trick, you obviously should know me well enough to know I won't help you= do anything to either Buffy or Faith," Angel said harshly as he eyed the May= or (though he didn't know it was the Mayor). "Wait! Wait! Angel, my man, before you turn us down, you should listen = to what we want to do. . . ." "*I* *don't* *care,*" Angel hissed. "We'll see," the Mayor said. ***** By the time Joyce got home, it was nearly dawn. She hadn't seen Buffy or Angel, so she assumed they were off somewhere together. It irked her motherly instincts to think her seventeen-year-old daughter was with a ma= n=97 vampire, but this was what she wanted and was willing to accept *some* of the consequences. She would just have to have one of the real . . . semi-real talks other mothers had with their daughters. Faith was sleeping on the couch. It startled Joyce that *someone* was th= ere because usually her house was empty. "Faith," Joyce whispered from across the room. (Generally, it was a bad idea to wake a sleeping Slayer.) "Huh?" she mumbled. "You should probably get home. Buffy will probably be back soon, and eve= n though you didn't do anything, she might be upset," Joyce said. Faith drowsily went home just as the sun peeked over the horizon, so she = was safe from vampires. Joyce trudged up the stairs and practically passed ou= t on her bed from exhaustion. She didn't hear Buffy come in, didn't hear h= er practically crawl up the stairs, didn't hear Buffy collapse into bed, did= n't hear her daughter sobbing. No, things were not going as planned. ***** END PART 5a ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (4/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 12:16:10 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their day (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to: mace@digitechs.com ***** PART FOUR ***** "Hey, Willow," Oz said. "I was gonna say that=97 only without the Willow," Willow said. Oz smiled. << I really love her. >> Even after everything she had done, h= e still loved her enough to accept her apology. He had expected something like this for some time, and he was surprised it hadn't happened earlier. He knew she had a crush on her best-friend, and he knew it was only a mat= ter of time before the oblivious teenager woke up. What he didn't know was t= hat she *really* cared about Oz, and she just had to get over Xander. This infinitely pleased Oz. "The Dingoes aren't playing tonight. And, I'm gonna ask you to go to din= ner with me tonight. And, I'm kinda back to that sweaty-palms-and-barely-able-to-form-a-coherent-thought stage. So, dinne= r?" Oz asked hopefully. Though Oz tended to be a little lacking an emotion except cool, Willow co= uld clearly see the anticipation in his voice. "I'd like that a lot, and you don't have to be nervous. I was gonna say = yes anyway," Willow said. "Where will we eat?" "It's a surprise, but look nice. Not that you don't always look nice=97 really nice=97 but dress up. Unless you don't want to, then we can just = go to the Bronze. Completely no pressure," Oz said. "Willow! Oz!" Xander said as he came through the door. Oz tensed slightly, but he didn't let it show. << Oh, man!!! >> Oz though= t. "What?" Willow asked, fidgety. "Who is here? Giles? Faith? Buffy?" Xander asked as he looked around. "The Fuhrer asked Giles to see him. Faith won't be here until the sunset= s, and Buffy hasn't gotten here yet," Willow said. "It's just you two?" Xander asked. Oz nodded in affirmation. "Good. I saw Faith last night at the Bronze," Xander began. "And?" Willow prompted, slightly disinterested. "She was going to meet someone," Xander said. "That's none of our business," Oz interrupted as he and Willow started to leave. "It was Angel," Xander said. Willow stopped. "I know. They're friends," Willow said. "I=97 uh=97 didn't know that, and well=97 I followed her," Xander said. "Xander!" Willow admonished. "I know, I did *another* very bad thing. But, I eavesdropped, and I foun= d out that they're going to start going out together. They're going out tonight. With each other. On a date," Xander said. "Angel and Faith?" Willow asked. "This is still none of our business. Xander, don't say anything!" "What about Buffy? You know she still loves him, and he still loves her. Someone should tell her before she finds out on her own. I think she'd t= ake it better coming from us that accidentally seeing them together," Xander said. "You kinda had this kill Angel thing going on earlier. How come you're s= o worried now?" Oz asked. Xander had no response. "So, we should just keep this quiet," Willow said. No one said anything for a long moment. "It's not really our business=97 what Angel or Faith does," Oz said slowl= y. "And Angel and Buffy don't go out anymore." "But=97 but it's Buffy," Xander said. "We should tell her." "You just want to get Angel in trouble because you don't like him," Willo= w accused. "I don't like the guy, and he's already caused all of us pain. We should get this over as quickly as possible. Buffy deserves to know, and she's gonna find out anyway. . ." "Find out what?" came the blonde Slayer's voice from the doorway. The three Slayerettes looked like they had gotten caught with the hands i= n the cookie jar. They all tried to come up with some plausible lie, but n= one was forthcoming. Willow stepped out of the midst and approached the Slay= er. "Xander followed Faith last night because she was going to see Angel, and he=97 uh=97 heard Angel and Faith. They're going to start=97 uh=97 going= out," Willow said. Buffy's face contorted in pain. << No, no, no! Not like that! Not pain! Jealousy! >> Faith thought as = she watched from the stacks. << You're supposed to be mad! I'm a terrible person!!! >> "He=97 he deserves something, especially everything's been taken," Buffy = said softly. "Maybe some happiness=97 or less pain=97 is what he needs." Faith slipped out of the back of the stacks and went to Joyce's gallery. ***** "Faith," Joyce said, "did everything . . . ?" "She's as bad as Angel. She wasn't mad or jealous at all. She just deci= ded to let him go," Faith said. "Oh, great," Joyce said slowly. "Now what?" "Well=97 you can get Angel away from the mansion tonight, right?" Faith a= sked. "Of course," Joyce said with a smile, "I'm a mother." Faith nodded thoughtfully. "So what we have to do is figure out what would convince Buffy to go afte= r Angel if she's not jealous of her ex-, soon to be current, boyfriend," Fa= ith said. A smile spread across Faith's face, and soon, it became a smirk. Joyce looked at Faith with an amused expression on her face. "I think I have an idea," Faith said. "What are we gonna do?" "Well. . ." ***** "Buffy, you came!" Cordelia said. "I said I would," Buffy said cheerfully. Cordelia paused in a moment of indecision as Buffy sat down. She seemed = to gain some resolve before asking . . . "How are Xander and Willow?" Buffy paused. "What do you mean?" Buffy asked. "Together. Are=97 are they happy?" Cordelia asked . . . hopefully(?). Buffy wanted to look at Cordelia like she was insane. Xander had been particularly silent about what had gone on between Cordelia and him, but = she wasn't aware that Xander hadn't told Cordelia about Willow and Oz. Buffy glanced around the room before finally settling her eyes on the injured girl. "Cordy, Xander and Willow=97 they don't, I mean, Willow and Oz are still together. I thought Xander would have told you," Buffy said slowly. "I haven't seen Xander since the morning after . . . after they were kissing." There was a pause. "When *I* saw them," she added bitterly. "= I=97 I told him to leave me alone. How come Willow and Oz are . . . I mean, wasn't Oz mad?" Buffy was wondering if Cordelia and Xander might have a chance. . . . "Well=97 He was Oz, but . . . Willow's had a crush on Xander since they w= ere kids," Buffy said. Cordelia nodded. "And, Oz kinda figured that this would happen someday. But Willow was ju= st wondering if she was still in love with Xander or if she just couldn't le= t go of her crush. She found out. She loves Oz," Buffy said. "They're still together." Buffy let Cordelia absorb all this for a minute or two. "Xander was pretty heartbroken, huh?" Cordy asked. "He's pretty okay with Oz and Willow, and there's not really any tension between the three of them," Buffy said. "Oh," Cordelia said emotionlessly. She brightened considerably. "What about you and Angel?" Queen C asked. "Haven't seen him since I told him we couldn't be friends. He and Faith = are getting along though," Buffy said. "Getting along, getting along? Or just getting along?" Cordy asked. "What do you mean?" Cordelia almost sighed in exasperation. << Dense much? >> "I mean are they like gonna go out?" Buffy looked stricken. Cordelia didn't want to do something like this to Buffy, but no pain, no gain. She watched as Buffy gained some order on he= r faculties. Buffy leveled her eyes at Cordelia, and Queen C was disturbed= by the pain reflected there. "He deserves some happiness," Buffy said. "Isn't happiness what started this whole mess in the first place?" Buffy flinched. << Cordy, why won't you just shut up? I was doing just fine! When did you get so insightful? >> Buffy ranted in her head. "Well, a friend then. Or even a girl friend," Buffy replied. << She was right. Buffy really is willing to let him go. >> Cordelia sat there for a second and waited. "Since when did Faith get so pro-vamp? I thought she tried to kill Angel= ," Cordelia said. "Are you sure she wants to be friends?" Buffy was almost too shocked to come up with a response. "I=97 I don't know. She went over to apologize, and I guess they're just friends," Buffy said as she frowned in perplexity. "I could be wrong. I mean, she could just find him . . . good company. Maybe he lead an interesting life," Cordelia said as if she was trying to comfort her friend. "He never told me about his life," Buffy said softly. It seems like it would have been appropriate for her to sniff. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I was just trying to help," Cordelia offered lamely. "No. It=97 it's okay. I *need* to get over him. To move on." Her voice intensified. "Why do I have to be so dependent? So fragile? I'm the Slayer, for God's sake!" << So in love? >> Cordelia wondered. Buffy suddenly figured out she was tirading aloud in front of Cordelia. = A blush stained her cheek bones, and she sat quiet and still for a second. "I=97 I should go, Cordy. I'm sorry for laying all this on you," Buffy s= aid. "Bye." Buffy departed without another word. Cordelia lay motionless for a while= , and someone came in the room. "I still don't understand," Cordelia said. "Why do you want Buffy and An= gel back together? I figured you'd be all psycho-mom when you found out he w= as alive." Joyce smiled. "I'm going to give you a lesson in motherhood. If your child wants it ba= d enough and can't live without it, if it's the one thing that her heart desires, and you can provide it, you had better give it to her," Joyce sa= id. "So what does Faith killing Angel have to do with anything?" Cordelia ask= ed. Joyce smiled as she walked out the door without answering. ***** "Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Joyce asked the Slayer. "I'm too far already to stop," Faith replied. "=91Sides, somebody's gott= a help B and Angie." "Everyone will probably be furious at you, Faith," Joyce said. "Yeah. They'll be mad at you too." "Maybe," Joyce agreed, "but I'm just some meddling old woman." Faith grinned. "You, however, are the *other* Slayer. They'll be more forgiving toward me than you." "I'm willing to take that chance," Faith said as she headed out the door = and toward the Bronze. ***** "Xander," Faith said as he entered the Bronze. "F=97faith," Xander said almost nervously. "I wanna talk to you for a couple of minutes," Faith said. << Yeah, sneak= ing behind my back. You'd better be nervous around me, kid. >> "I guess you were pretty confused when I told you I was going to see Ange= l last night, right? =91Cause, I mean, I don't exactly have any love for t= he vamps," Faith said. Xander nodded. "Well, I went about it wrong last time. Angel is a murderer, and he need= s to die. B doesn't see that, and she won't get over him until he's gone. It's easier now that Buffy and Angel aren't hanging out anymore, but I st= ill need a diversion . . ." "A diversion?" Xander asked. "Yeah, so I can get to Angel without Buffy or Willow or Oz or Giles, for that matter, trying to stop me. And since you probably want him dead mor= e that I do, I figured you might help," Faith said convincingly. "Me? What can I do?" Xander asked. "I need you to keep everyone busy night after tomorrow night. It will be Buffy's night to patrol, so it shouldn't be too hard to keep her busy. W= hen she's finished, try to convince everybody to go to the Bronze," Faith sai= d. "Why night after tomorrow night?" Xander asked. "What about tonight or tomorrow?" "Tomorrow is my night to hunt, and I wanna to *kill* as many vamps as I can," Faith said. "And tonight, I supposed to meet Angel," she finished with a grin. "What about Buffy? I mean, she still cares for the murdering vampire. Don't you think it would be better just to leave him alone?" "You aren't going all soft on me, Harris, are you? Xander Harris the vampire lover? Come on, sweet cakes," Faith said in a teasing manner. "I'm just worried about Buffy," Xander said weakly. << Moment of truth, girl friend. You're likely to give up the best frien= ds you've ever had, >> Faith said to herself. "Who cares what Buffy wants?" Faith said with an air of arrogance. ***** Angel was hunting. It had really been a slow couple of weeks. Since the infamous Spike and Drusilla fled Sunnydale and the sadistic sociopath Angelus had been vanquished by the Slayer, Sunnydale had been deemed uninhabitable by most of the vampire population. Rumors floating around said Kakistos had been wiped out by the new Slayer and the old one only added to the lack of vamps The only thing left in Sunnydale was a few stragglers left from the Acath= la incident and some demons. He really only hunted to hone his senses. Hel= l had really done a number on him. Before, he and Buffy probably could hav= e taken those vamps out with no problems, not to mention Spike was helping. But, he'd hurt himself fighting them, though, he didn't tell Buffy. She = had enough problems to worry about without him adding to them. << Buffy. . . . >> He could feel her=97 somewhere in Sunnydale. The othe= r Slayer Faith, he was getting an inkling of. If he concentrated, he could feel the resident werewolf somewhere. << Isn't he Willow's boyfriend? Oz= ? >> He wondered about Joyce and what she had said. Though he knew there was something going on, he wasn't exactly sure what. First, Faith had come t= o apologize. Then, the Slayer's mother had *talked* to him twice. It was bizarre and somewhat startling. While feeling the earth and the sky and the wind and the moon and Buffy a= nd everyone else, he wasn't concentrating on what was closest to him. He fought hard, but the five vampires overpowered him, and he was trapped in the net within ten minutes. "What?!?" Angel asked through vampire fangs. "Mister Trick wants to see you. . . ." one of the vampires said malicious= ly. "Trick? Why does he want me?" Angel asked, honestly perplexed. "Because, he wants the Slayers," one replied. ***** END PART FOUR ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (6/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 12:17:33 -0000 For anyone who got a preview, I rewrote the second to last scene. You may want to check it out. TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their day (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to: mace@digitechs.com ***** PART SIX OR THE EPILOGUE (it's your choice) ***** After several non-successful attempts at finding Angel or Faith, Buffy wa= s exhausted once again. It was three in the morning, and Buffy hadn't slep= t in over thirty-six hours. She decided she would go home . . . but not before she checked the mansion one more time. She almost couldn't believe her eyes. Bruised, broken, and bloody, Angel was sprawled out across the couch in a heap. << Angel? >> "Angel?" she whispered. He stirred but didn't open his eyes. Buffy walked over to the sofa and s= unk to her knees. The marks of torture Trick had inflicted upon him were qui= te evident. Buffy traced a long red mark on his chest. She noticed that not only was Angel shades darker that usual, but his skin was red and peeling like he had a severe sunburn. . . . << Sunburn? >> Buffy didn't notice that Angel had opened his eyes at her nearness and wa= s watching her. "What did she do to you?" Buffy whispered. "I think she removed the clause," Angel answered softly. "Angel!" Buffy said as she leapt to her feet. She brushed her hands across the healing wounds, and Angel hissed in pain. "Oh, God, Angel, I thought you were dead!" Angel watched her nervously walk around the room in no particular pattern. It was unnerving to see the Super Slayer so nervous. "Why did you think I was dead?" Angel asked gently. "=91Cause Xander . . . he said Faith asked him to help her kill you. He = saw you and Faith kiss a couple of days ago!" Buffy said. Angel would have looked disgusted, but he had the grace to look shocked. "Kiss Faith?" Angel asked. Buffy nodded numbly. Angel got off the sofa, much to the dismay of his muscles, and walked over to Buffy. He was hesitant for barely a second before he wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and sighed. "I did *not* kiss Faith," Angel breathed into her hair. "I don't love Faith." Buffy turned to him with vulnerability in her eyes. "You love me?" Buffy asked. Angel nodded and kissed her forehead. "Angel=97" she said softly. Then, she gained her senses. "We=97 we can'= t, Angel. . . ." Some of what Joyce had said finally sunk through his thick, preternatural skull. He wasn't about to just *let* Buffy go, not yet. "Yes, we can," Angel said slowly. "I=97 I was going to leave. I couldn'= t stay here and not be with you," Angel confessed. He felt Buffy tense immediately and start to pull away. He only held onto her tighter, thoug= h he knew if she really wanted to pull away, he wouldn't be able to stop he= r. "You trust your mother?" Buffy nodded. "What does that have to do with anything?" "She said she got rid of the clause," Angel said. "She said I could have= my contentment." Buffy relaxed and looked into the fire that always seemed to be going. Angel looked over her shoulder as he entwined his arms around her waist. "Stay with me?" Buffy asked before she could stop herself. "Forever," Angel breathed into her hair. "That's the whole point. I'll never leave." << My dream! >> Buffy's mind screamed. << That's what he said. >> She wai= ted for the inevitable harsh words she was sure would come. << Not even if yo= u kill me. . . . >> They didn't. She relaxed against him completely, watch= ing the fire. Angel was amazed. His senses were surrounded by her. It had been so lon= g since he could truly appreciate feeling her completely. He was acutely aware of the worms crawling in the dirt and the moon moving across the sk= y and the fire's temperature changing slowly and of her deep, even breathin= g. She was sleeping, standing in his arms. He wasn't entirely sure what exactly had been going on the past few days, but he had a feeling the other Slayer and Joyce Summers had a lot to do w= ith it. He wasn't quite sure what to do with Buffy. She looked exhausted, he= r muscles were strained and tired, she had dark circles under her eyes, and her hair was a mess. He was fairly certain she hadn't slept in days. He wanted to keep her there and watch her sleep. It might not go over wi= th her mother and friends. He owed Joyce quite a bit more than he owed most people. As a matter of fact, he owed quite a few people. Willow for restoring his soul. Jenny for finding the spell. Joyce for removing the clause. Giles for not ramming a stake through his heart as soon as he fo= und out he was alive. Whistler for giving him a second chance. Buffy. Buff= y just simply because she was Buffy. For loving him. For letting him love her. . . . ***** It was about four o'clock when Joyce went in Buffy's room. Purely out of habit. She did not expect to see her daughter laid in her bed, blankets pulled up to her chin, her boots at the edge of the bed on the floor, a glass of warming water on the night-stand, and her vampire boyfriend (she hoped) sitting in a chair in the corner of the room. << Always the gentleman, huh, Angel? >> Joyce thought. Angel opened his eyes ever so slightly, just to see what he reaction was. He had resisted the urge to jump for joy when he realized he could once again hear her heels hit the carpet of the first stair downstairs. It seemed his senses were back. Joyce smiled just a little before she walked over to the bed and kissed h= er daughter on the forehead. She knew Angel was very much aware she was in there. "Angel," Joyce said softly. Angel opened his eyes all the way. "I know you probably want to know what has been happening that last coupl= e of days. . . ." Angel nodded. "But, now is not the time for that." Angel nodded again. "Did you tell her what the ring meant?" Angel shook his head. "We were watching the fire. She fell asleep stand= ing up against me," Angel said with the barest of smiles. Joyce looked like she wanted to laugh, but held it in for her sleeping daughter. "In a hurry to get a son-in-law?" "I'm like all mothers, Angel," Joyce said. "They either don't wanna give their babies up or want them married off to someone nice." "Someone nice?" Angel asked with a raised eyebrow. Joyce nodded. "Accepting all this pretty well, aren't you?" Angel asked almost suspiciously. Joyce could barely contain her laughter. "My daughter is a vampire Slaye= r. I live on a Hellmouth. Buffy's best friend is a witch. Her boyfriend is = a werewolf. I was sobering up a drunk vampire a few days ago. My daughter being half-married to a vampire seems fairly normal," Joyce said as she walked away. ***** << Angel!!! >> every fiber of Buffy's body heralded. It came out a soft whisper, "Angel. . . ." Angel was at her side in a moment. "Hey," he whispered. "You're still here," Buffy said as if amazement. Angel nodded. She glanced at the window and noticed the blanket duct-tap= ed to the window frame. Buffy gave Angel a Look. He held his hands up in innocence. "Faith and your mother," Angel said. "Faith?" Buffy asked as confusion warded off the coldness. ***** "I'd better go up first," Joyce said to the second Slayer. Faith nodded in agreement. Joyce had told Giles about what was going on with Angel and Buffy. He didn't really seem all that thrilled that Angel was still alive, but Buffy wasn't going to kill Faith. So, that made it a= ll better. Faith waited outside Buffy's door. Joyce was going to walk righ= t in, but knocked instead. "Come in," Buffy said with a hint of a giggle. She found Angel perched in the chair beside Buffy's bed, and Buffy was positioned against a pile of pillows sitting up. Buffy smiled a weak, nervous, and embarrassed smile. Angel grinned. "Hey," Buffy said. "Hello, Buffy. If Faith comes in, will you please try not to attack her?= " Joyce asked with a little teasing. Buffy nodded. ***** "You've been doing all this since when?" Buffy asked, shocked. "Since I found out Cordelia was in the hospital, B," Faith said. She suddenly got quiet. "I didn't mean to mess it up like that. I didn't kn= ow Trick was going to kidnap Angel." Angel nodded thoughtfully. "I guess it's okay. It all worked out for th= e best." Buffy nodded happily, practically bouncing. "Geez, Buff, take a Valium!" Buffy rolled her eyes before grinning again. Angel just observed this silently for a moment, watching her nearly bounce off walls. << God, and = she isn't even out of bed. >> Angel thought. "And you were in on this too, from the beginning?" Buffy asked her mother pointedly. "I was," Joyce said, smiling slyly at her daughter. She looked over at Angel. By the time Joyce and Faith had told the entire story, it was sunset. (Buffy hadn't had any sleep in two days, of course she didn't wake up unt= il very late.) The Scooby gang had begged and pleaded with Misses Summers t= o let them come over, but Joyce denied their request. Faith was in good wi= th Buffy *and* Angel, so everything was just fine there. Normally, Buffy wo= uld have been quite upset with her mother and sister-Slayer, but she had Ange= l, and Angel had Buffy. ((*Awww, isn't that sweet? . . . And so predictable?*)) ***** Angel waited almost nervously for Buffy to come downstairs, and he was ve= ry glad that vampires did not have the circulation to blush, or he would hav= e been a very healthy red color from all the grinning Faith and Joyce were doing at him. Joyce convinced Angel and Buffy to go out for a walk while the Slayers' C= o. came to the house. Rupert Giles (A.K.A. the Watcher) was still very ants= y around the vampire whose body had killed Jenny Calendar. And, she certai= nly wasn't about to let Xander Harris anywhere *near* the immortal vampire. Buffy arrived at the landing of the stairway dressed impeccably as always. Angel lowered his eyes from his girlfriend, once again grateful for his inability to blush. She was smiling and sparkling brighter than any othe= r time he'd ever seen her. When she got to the floor, Joyce grabbed her shoulder and pushed her and Angel out the door. "Mom? What *are* you doing?" Buffy asked. "Out. Both of you. I'd rather this house *not* turn into a war zone. They'll be here soon, and you two should be gone. Out," Buffy said. Angel looked balefully at Joyce. "You aren't getting out of it now. Go!" Angel looked at Faith. She smirked and shrugged her shoulders. The door was quickly shut behind them and Faith could be heard practically cacklin= g in mirth. ***** "Any ideas what that was about?" Buffy asked, breaking the silence as the headed into the park. "She wants me to ask . . . or tell . . . you something," Angel said hesitantly. "Tell me what?" Buffy asked as she gave Angel another Look. "It's nothing, really. I mean, it's really sort of silly. . . ." Angel said, trailing off. "I'll be the judge of what's silly. Now, tell me what?" Buffy asked. Angel muttered something unintelligible and glanced around the park with embarrassment. Even with Slayer super-hearing, she had no idea what Ange= l said. Angel had faced demons and hellfire, but he was afraid to tell Buf= fy about the ring. Buffy grabbed him by the arm and turned him to face her. "Angel, what?" Buffy said with compassion and her trademark Slayer-attitu= de. "The Claddagh ring," Angel muttered, dropping his eyes away from her. He looked over at Buffy and almost felt himself furiously blushing. Buff= y looked down at the circle of silver, heart facing toward her, and back at Angel. "What about it?" Buffy asked. "It means you belong to me," Angel said. "It=97 it means, according to m= y people anyway, that we're=97 uh=97 we're married. . . . There! I hope yo= ur mother is happy." he said, almost snarling. "Married?!?! Really?" Buffy asked, shocked. He nodded at Buffy slowly. "You're married to me? Does anyone else know?" Buffy asked. Angel mistook her last statement as embarrassment or worry and turned awa= y from her, his profile to her. "Only your mother. I don't think she's told Faith or *would* tell anyone else," he said darkly. Buffy was too far gone to notice his dark mood. "How? I mean . . . well= =97 how? =97And=97 and you *want* to be married to me?" Buffy asked, excitem= ent evident in her voice. "According to my laws, anyway, since vampires can't give holy vows. And=97 um=97 yeah, I *want* to be married to you," Angel said slowly. "If you d= o . . . to me." Buffy jumped up and kissed him on the lips happily. Angel was shocked fo= r half a second before he gave into to her kiss and pulled her up. She sto= od on her toes and deepened the kiss. He held her tighter, reveling in her happiness. "Wow," she said as she broke the kiss. "You're happy?" Angel asked somewhat shyly. "Of course. Wow! It meant we were married. Wow. I'm married! And, I have been for nearly a year?!? Why didn't you tell me?!?" "Sorry," Angel said sheepishly. "I was a little predisposed." Buffy nodded slowly. "I guess you're right." She grabbed Angel's hand an examined the ring, heart facing in. Angel to= ok her hand in his and looked her in the eyes. "Do you, Buffy Summers, vampire Slayer, Savior of the world, take me to b= e your lawfully wedded husband according to my traditions anyway, in sickne= ss and in health, not even parting in death?" Angel asked with a small smile. "I do," Buffy said, kissing his ring. "And do you, Angel, the only vampi= re with a soul, who got out of Hell, take me to be your lawfully wedded wife= in sickness and in health, not even parting in death, and promise to love, honor, cherish, and *obey*?" Buffy asked with a smile. "That's not how it goes," Angel whispered. Buffy raised an eyebrow. "I do," Angel put in quickly as he kissed her ring. ((*Okay, so it was sappy. Like I said, you don't like it, finish reading this, and write your own fanfic.*)) "It's going to be hard," Angel said after a silent moment. "There's still= a lot of stuff to death with." Buffy nodded. "Yeah, Giles can't stand you. Xander can't stand you. I don= 't know how they're gonna take all this," Buffy said. "I don't mean just them. I mean, well, you and me too. I did some horrib= le things to you. Even if you have forgiven me, I can't forget, and I don't think you ever will either." Buffy held him tighter. "Yeah, but, at times like these, it hurts a lot less, and it doesn't even seem real. . . . Like it was just a dream," she said. "I can't even really believe this is real. It's like someone is playing a game with me," Angel said. Buffy stopped and kissed him passionately, Angel, not even hesitating. W= hen she pulled back, Angel looked at her amusedly through half-lidded eyes. "It was a game, and my mom and sister Slayer played it. . . . And, it wa= s and is *very* real. . . ." Buffy said. Angel nodded his approval before he grabbed her waist, picked her up, and brought her lips to his once more. ***** "So, when Misses Summers got to the mansion, she told me Angel was passed out in her jeep. And, I carried him in," Faith said. "We cast the spell, and there's not a clause on the curse anymore," Joyce said. "You shouldn't have attempted such a dangerous spell by yourselves. Will= ow could barely handle it the first time. And how do you know you, in fact, removed the clause," Giles asked. Joyce smiled. "How dare you doubt the Slayer's mother? We followed the spell to the letter, and the rose quartz turned a purple color." "That's why you came in to get that picture translated?" Willow asked. "= You didn't have anything to do with them finding the cross in my room, did yo= u?" "No, no," Joyce said. "It just worked out to my advantage." "I knew it!" Cordy said, on the far side of the room, away from Xander. Everyone looked over at Cordelia skeptically. "When I found out Buffy thought Faith had killed Angel, I knew it. You came by my room earlier a= nd told me to lead Buffy's conversation toward them. When I saw Buffy, I pu= t it all together!" "Well, I never would have guessed. You two did some awesome planning," O= z said. "So, Angel can be happy now? Where are he and Buffy?" Willow asked. "Out walking," Faith said. "I still don't trust him," Xander said. "*I* don't care," Joyce said to the boy. "When he dates your daughter, y= ou can rant and rave all you want!" Xander was quickly silenced by the Slayer's mother's sharp tone. Faith *knew* that Xander Harris was getting his just desserts. She thought she had never laughed quite so hard. "Man, you guys are the best!" she said. ****** THE END ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (3b/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 14:55:55 -0000 TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their clothes (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to: mace@digitechs.com ***** Part 3b ***** Angel was as startled by the question as he was the fact that someone was there. He sat there for a silent moment, looked the woman in the eyes, a= nd sighed. "I=97 don't know how to answer that. We=97 we *can't* see each other any= more. It couldn't work out. I'm a vampire . . ." ". . .She's a Slayer. If there was no clause in the curse, if none of th= is had ever happened. You and Buffy had been living happily ever after sinc= e January. Not knowing anything that happened in those six months, would y= ou marry her?" Joyce asked. Angel held up his silver Claddagh ring that glinted in the moon light, heart, pointing toward him. Joyce admired the intricate craftsmanship of the *very* antique ring. She looked at Angel, a question in her eyes. "The hands stand for loyalty, the crown stands for loyalty, and the heart=97stands for=97 love. You wear the heart pointing towards you, and= it means you belong to someone." Angel closed his eyes. "It was a wedding b= and in my time. I *couldn't* marry her legally in a church. I *can't* make holy vows in front of a minister," Angel said. "I never got a chance to t= ell her. I wanted to at the docks, but I thought it would be harder to leave. After that . . ." Joyce breathed a shaky breath. "In your mind, you're already married to her," Joyce said. << I wish I co= uld have found someone that romantic. >> "Was," Angel corrected. "If you love her so much, you're willing to just let go of her?" Joyce as= ked as she got off the bench. Angel followed her, surveying the area for any threats. "I love her enough to let her fly free if she wants it. I'll never own h= er completely, and I wouldn't want to. I love her enough to let her go," An= gel said. Joyce stepped into the car. "You don't want a ride?" she asked. "I'll walk," Angel said. "I want some time to think." "You love my seventeen-year-old daughter enough to let her free, Angel. = But what if she couldn't come back? What if she needed help? What if she br= oke a wing?" "It was my hand that threw the stone, then," Angel said. "Then fix your mistake. Don't leave a broken girl for someone else to pu= t back together. She'll never be truly healed unless *you* do something ab= out it," Joyce said. "I've already done enough," Angel argued. "Whose decision is that to make? You'll have done enough when she no lon= ger has black marks under her eyes and can make it through the day without feeling lonely," Joyce said. "It's not my job anymore," Angel said despondently. "Then whose is it, Angel?" Joyce asked, getting the angry-mother-face on. "I dunno. Scott's?" Angel asked. "Buffy and Scott broke up," Joyce said. Angel looked genuinely shocked. "Why? Is she okay about it?" Angel asked. "He broke up with her because he wanted what Buffy couldn't give: a happy= , perky girl with no problems or responsibilities. He wanted to go out wit= h a kid," Joyce said. "She *is* just a kid," Angel said. "No, Angel, she's not. I told you. The world killed her innocence. It made her into a vampire Slayer and taught her that she had to be afraid. She was a scared child. You took the child, fell in love with her, gave = her comfort, and convinced her she didn't have to afraid. She isn't a child anymore," Joyce said. Angel paused, not sure how to counter the clever woman's argument. It struck him as odd that she ought to be trying to rip his hair out, and, instead, she was trying to pair him up with her daughter. It almost seeme= d like something out of his childhood. "Why are you so anxious to have us back together? I figured you'd come after me with a flaming stake," Angel said as he narrowed his eyes. She *still* sounded like an eighteenth century mother trying to make an advantageous marriage. Angel nearly shiver in disgust. He would have, h= ad it not been so absurd and humorous. "The only thing worse than a scared child is a terrified woman. That's w= hat she is. She's alone now with no one to fight the evil with. Her friends= , Faith, Rupert, even I don't see it. I don't really know what's out there= . I know to be afraid, I just don't know why," Joyce said. "You do, and you understand it." And, with that parting shot, Joyce drove away. She left the vampire to f= end for himself against the darkness. . . . ***** "Mom? Is that you?" Buffy called as Joyce came in. "Buffy? I thought you'd be out patrolling," Joyce said. "I was. I got finished. I was worried. You're okay?" Buffy asked. "I'm fine, Buffy," Joyce said. "Where were you?" Buffy asked. "Nowhere," Joyce said. "Mom? That's not a good thing to say when you live on a Hellmouth and yo= ur daughter's the Slayer," Buffy said nervously. "I=97 I was Christmas shopping. I didn't think you'd be home so . . ." "Christmas shopping?!? What'd you get me?" Buffy asked. "It's a surprise," Joyce said with a faint smile. "Oh=97 please?" Buffy asked, batting her eyelashes. "Go upstairs, Buffy," Joyce said good-naturedly. When Joyce heard her daughter's door slam, she ran to the phone and diale= d the number she was getting to know very well. "It's Joyce. Did you do it? . . .Yeah, I'm not sure. . . . Are you sur= e he heard you? . . .Absolutely? . . .Okay, yeah. I don't think he's quit= e ready, yet, but he's close. Go to the next step tomorrow . . . Bye, Faith," Joyce said. ***** When Angel arrived at Buffy's window, there was no mother watching over h= er. He wasn't entirely sure of Joyce's motives, but he knew she didn't understand. Joyce had only seen the tip of the iceberg. She didn't know how far he had gone when the demon was in charge of his body. She didn't know how hard it was to resist her. She was laid across the bed in all her teenage glory, the moonlight spreading across her bright hair. He could hear the steady thud of her heartbeat and the whoosh of air in and out of her lungs. Her hands were twisting the covers around, and her eyes were twitching. He knew she was having a nightmare. Her heart rate and breathing caught up with her drea= m. He stepped out of the shadows and sat on the edge of her bed. He gathere= d her up in his arms and gently rocked the sleeping girl. She seemed to re= lax a little bit, but he knew the images were still present. "Sh=97 Buffy. It's okay. Sh=97 everything's fine," Angel whispered. She whimpered a little before practically limp. He got off her bed and stepped into the shadows behind her. No sooner than she had been laid ba= ck down did she sit up quickly. "Angel?" she asked with wide eyes. "Angel?" Angel didn't dare move. She surveyed the room as he melted further into = the darkness. "Angel?!?" she asked again. She put her hands to her face and ran her fingers through her hair. Ange= l watched her shoulders shake. He wanted to comfort her, to step out of th= e shadows and kiss her hair, but he was afraid of what she would say. << Wh= y is she calling for you, then? >> Angel asked himself. << She probably fel= t me and is wondering why. >> Right. She grabbed the glass of water on her night stand and drank all the water= , and she seemed to calm down. She practically fell back in bed. When her slow even breathing signaled she was asleep, Angel grabbed the glass, ris= ked going downstairs, filled it with ice and water, and put it back in her ro= om. << If I can't be near her, at least I can offer her some comfort, >> he thought. The strange thing about his reasoning was that he wasn't more t= han four feet away from her. ***** END PART THREE ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: uzenet@videotron.ca Subject: BUFFYFIC: Broken Bonds (Part 11) Date: 13 Jan 1999 16:13:01 -0500 Title: Broken Bonds (Part 11) Author: Northlight email: uzenet@videotron.ca Summary: Giles disappears and bad things start to happen. Disclaimer: What isn't mine belongs to Joss Whedon. Notes: Thanks to all who requested more! Without your replies, this story would have stayed dead :) Buffyfic people, if you can't remember what happened before, go to "http://www.geocities.com/~northlight/buffy.html" Being out at night, Slayerless, was not the most intelligent thing which Rupert Giles had ever attempted. Unfortunately, his Slayer was tied up with a man who set Giles' teeth on edge and who wasn't the most trustworthy of individuals. Giles tried not to wince at the thought of the mess he was embroiled in as he crept through the park, cross in hand. Along with a wad of cash, it had been the only thing he'd had the time to grab before the door to his recently acquired motel room had been busted down. Not only had they scared him tremendously, but his 'visitors' had also left him without protection from Sunnydale's demons. 'They're probably hoping that some vampire takes care of their problem for them!' Giles thought, jumping in surprise when his own foot snapped a twig. He couldn't go back to Simon. The fact that he'd been found once already after Simon had found a room for him implied that someone had gotten to the other man. Once again, Giles felt a stab of guilt for drawing Simon into something which he'd spent years attempting to distance himself from. "Giles!" the voice sent him swirling around, one hand brandishing the cross, the other clutching at a stake. His eyes widened with relief when they focused on the familiar sight of Angel's face. "Thank God..." Giles gasped, his hand abandoning it's search for a stake. The cross was tucked back into his coat pocked and Giles rubbed at his bloodshot eyes wearily. Angel took in the Watcher's less than immaculate appearance, and his concern skyrocketed. "Where have you been?" he demanded, worry colouring his low voice. "Buffy has been frantic with worry!" Giles' drooping head shot up at the mention of his Slayer. "Buffy! Is she well?" "She's worried. And angry," Angel told the weary Watcher, remembering Buffy's less than receptive feelings for Tyler. Giles' lips quirked upwards, almost as if he knew exactly what Angel was speaking of. 'I wonder how Tyler's enjoying his sparring sessions with Buffy?' Shaking off his irrelevant thoughts, Giles drew his attention back to the matters at hand. "I need someplace safe to stay tonight. And I need you to inform Buffy of what's happening." Angel nodded. "You can stay with me. Nobody knows where my apartment is." "Thank you," Giles nodded, relief in his voice. "Now why don't we move along before a vampire _does_ finish me off?" *** "So this is the Hellmouth," Gwendolyn Post said, a predatory smile on her thin lips. "How very... _quaint_." She looked down at the large, unwieldy looking metal glove encasing her right hand, and her smile grew wider. She'd only had this particular toy for a week or so, but she'd learned to use it well enough in that time to recognize the spike of power running through it. That was quite apparently the Hellmouth's doing. For that, she could forgive the town it's less than impressive motel accommodations. Alain looked away from the papers he'd been shuffling through at the sound of Ms. Post's voice. "He has a list," the young man said, nervously watching the twitching fingers of the glove. He would have protested Gwendolyn's acquisition of one of the more powerful objects, but the last man who had done so had been on the receiving end of a well aimed lightning bolt. The woman's eyes narrowed, but the harsh grin remained firmly in place. "It won't do him much good, will it? Mr. Giles is outnumbered and outgunned. He can run all he wants and make plan after desperate plan, but the truth is, he's already lost." She laughed, and the glove continued to twitch. *** Giles paced around Angel's apartment, his agitation growing as he told the vampire of the events which had driven him away from his Slayer and into hiding. "Within the last hundred years," Giles began in his best lecture voice, "a rift formed among the Watcher's Council." Angel nodded mutely, otherwise perfectly still while he waited for Giles to continue. "Some believed that we should continue as we have been doing for as long as our organization has existed. Others believe that we should use the magical artifacts we have gathered over the centuries. These beliefs had manifested themselves as debates, and I had thought that they would remain as such. But recently, the more active faction of the latter group began to _act_ on these ideas." "How so?" Angel asked. "Does their position on this matter truly make them that dangerous?" Giles nodded, "very much so. Most of these artifacts were created for the purpose of evil. Such power cannot help but corrupt those who wield it..." Giles grimaced. "They have the knowledge and the power to shape the world as they see fit." "Where does Tyler fit into this?" Giles shrugged helplessly. "I just don't know." *** The dream was the same as always, except... _worse_. She stood, wide eyed, her boots stained red with the blood she was forced to wade through. Fire raged around her, lapping closer to her. She could feel it's heat against her body, but still could not make herself move. Her senses screamed at her in warning as the vampires surged past her. They brushed right against her body, and still she remained rooted to the ground. The vision that finally broke her unmoving stance was the sight of Giles, tumbling down and down into the darkness, his wide, empty eyes staring straight at her. As Buffy woke, struggling for air, a single word shot through her horrified mind. '_Soon_.' ~End Part 11~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "mace" Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Game Played" (3a/6) by Mace Date: 13 Jan 1999 21:19:10 -0000 Yes, this is part 3a. I'm sorry, but I've been experiencing technical difficulties (I'm sick) all day. I can't think straight, and I only deci= ded to post this because I couldn't sleep anymore. Sorry for all the hassle. TITLE: The Game Played AUTHOR: Mace DISCLAIMER: I do not claim to be affiliated with Joss Whedon, Mutant Enem= y, the Warner Brothers, or Twentieth Century Fox. I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or related characters, topics, settings, or personalities. All this is owned by those mentioned above. Avoid suing me. I would appreciate it and so will you. SUMMARY: Buffy/Angel with some Willow/Oz thrown into it. This takes place after "Lover's Walk." Faith didn't like being used by her 'Watcher' or by one Alexander Harris. She decided it was time other people got what they wanted. With Cordelia in the hospital and Willow and Oz having their own problems, Faith turns to the person who wants nothing but happiness for h= er daughter. AUTHOR'S NOTE: I realize some of this might be off-character. I can't yet write for Faith or really Oz. I'll get better. Upon writing this, I reali= ze that there is very little plot, and it is primarily an emotional piece. I think you like it anyway because it's lacking all that **MUSH** and has s= ome substance. FEEDBACK: The phrase here is 'of course.' I really love feedback. Send as much as possible. Bubba, Snake, and Eugene are my biggest fans. They thin= k *everyone* should send feedback. We *know* you're reading this. Don't mak= e my biggest fans ruin their clothes (and yours) by making them come after you. Send it to: mace@digitechs.com ***** PART THREE ***** "So . . ." Joyce said. "This=97 this wasn't a good idea," Angel murmured. Angel turned around and startled to walk away. << No! You can't leave! Faith isn't finished yet! >> Joyce thought. "Fine," Joyce said, an evil smirk gracing her face, "but if a vampire kil= ls me, it'll be *your* fault." Angel turned around and glared at the completely frustrating woman. He suddenly knew where Buffy got her stubbornness. "Okay, so what do you want to hear?" Angel acquiesced. "I guess I know how you lost your soul," Joyce said. She could have sworn she saw the vampire blush. "I want to know how you actually *got* to Sunnydale, why you came here, a= nd everything that lead up to the actual . . . losing of your soul," Joyce said. Angel sighed. "In 1898, I killed a gypsy girl, the Elders of her tribe found the perfec= t punishment. They restored my soul," Angel said. "They were out of boils and blinding torment?" Joyce asked. Angel couldn't help but smile. "I lived in Europe for about twenty years before the war got really bad, = and I went to America. I went, like so many . . . immigrants . . . to New York," Angel said. "Where are you originally from?" Joyce asked. "Galway, Ireland. Darla sired me in 1753," Angel said. "Darla? The girl that attacked me in my house made you into a vampire?!?= " Joyce asked. Angel could only nod. "How old were you?" Joyce asked with a sickening feeling in her stomach. "Twenty-two," Angel answered. "So, you're about five years older than Buffy?" "Joyce, I'm two-hundred-forty five. I'm two-hundred-twenty-eight-years older than Buffy," Angel said severely. "What about the time you were human?" "It doesn't really count. That person is dead," Angel said. "I was twenty-two, and my life was over. I deserved it. I was drunk all the ti= me, stole from my pig of a father, and visited the=97 uh=97 local establishme= nts," Angel said. "No one deserves to have lived through that," Joyce said softly. "I don't want any pity. If you had seen it, you wouldn't have been offer= ing me comfort, Joyce. It's my own fault for being drunk, stupid, and unawar= e," Angel said. She was tired of listening to the immortal << Immortal . . . >> vampire p= ut himself down and was anxious to see what happened to him. So . . . "You were in New York?" Joyce prompted. "Yes, ma'am, New York. I lived on the streets, avoiding any contact with any human beings, living off rats and other vermin that infested the city. I lost my Irish accent and gained this one from New York, primarily Manhattan," Angel said. "It was 1996 before I really spoke to anyone. A demon name Whistler, a g= ood demon=97 or something close to it=97 convinced me to go to Los Angeles. = He showed me Buffy. Most Slayers are trained from birth or close to it. I knew she would have a hard time if she hadn't been training since she was little. I watched her for a little while. She was just so confused=97 I started to care again. I didn't want to care=97 especially about a vampi= re Slayer, but I did. "I was weak, and Whistler trained me, got me in shape. I met Buffy for t= he first time in an alleyway outside the Bronze. She didn't know I'd been watching her since she lived in L.A., and she still doesn't. When I met her, I pretty much acted like an arrogant jerk. I delivered a couple of cryptic messages . . ." And Angel continued to relate the story. . . . ***** Later that night . . . "So you spent three months in Hell?" Joyce asked. "It turned out to be about one-hundred-years. The time is different in H= ell than it is here," Angel said. Joyce was intrigued and terrified at the same time. "What was it like?" Joyce could almost feel the air change. Angel tensed and seemed to shake= a little bit. He sat down on a bench and looked up at the woman. She seem= ed to ooze maternal instinct. "It was bad?" Joyce asked as she sat down. "It was Hell," Angel said. "I don't remember what it looks like, but I remember the pain and the screams and the torment, not just mine. Everyo= ne else's too. It was almost a tangent thing, and I was still alive . . . o= r not just a soul," Angel said softly. "How did you get out?" Joyce asked. Angel looked at the woman with tear-filled eyes. "A miracle? I don't kn= ow. I was just back, insane, but back." "Insane?" Angel looked like he would have blushed. "I=97 I couldn't handle the memories, the pain. I shut down." "How did you get your sanity back?" Angel looked at the woman. She knew more about him than every Watcher di= ary ever written, more than anyone except maybe Whistler. "This . . . thing. It attacked Buffy, and I knew." Angel frowned. << Yea= h, sound like a psychopath to the lady. >> "Buffy=97 she had me changed up i= n the mansion so I would hurt anyone or myself. I knew there was something wron= g, so I broke free. He was attacking Buffy, and I . . ." he trailed off, embarrassed. "You what?" Joyce already knew what he was going to say, but she wanted to hear it. Listening to Angel talk was enthralling. He leaned back on the bench. "I killed him. All I knew was that it was trying to hurt her. She was t= he only thing I think I half-way remembered. I remembered bits and pieces o= f memories, that I'd hurt her. I didn't want her to come near me, in case,= I hurt her. I remembered her, and I didn't want him to hurt her. I killed him, and, suddenly, it's like this fog was lifted. I remembered everythi= ng. I wanted to scream, and all I said was her name," Angel said. Joyce knew he wasn't talking to her anymore. He was talking to himself a= nd to Buffy. She admired the pale countenance of her daughter's love. He looked just like what he was, a man in love. She supposed it wasn't unnatural for Angel to be in love with Buffy. In his time, she was the right age to be married off or even have a child. << Married? >> she wondered. << *Would* he marry her? >> "*Would* you marry her?" Joyce asked. ***** End Part 3a ***** ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Katie Malone Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: New Fiction List (Repost) Date: 14 Jan 1999 23:25:21 -0600 I'm not sure if this came through, so here it is again: It looks like everyone has the fate of the discussion list well under control, but I haven't seen much talk about that of the fiction list. As assistant admin of an already existing Buffy fiction list on xmission (erotica only, sorry minors), the other admin and I decided to create a "sister" list. The new list will hopefully fill the vacuum created by the departure of this list (that is, for the posting of Gen Buffy fic). It is aptly named BUFFYFIC2 and will also be hosted out of xmission: buffyfic2@lists.xmission.com. The new list is ready to go. Anyone interested in subscribing should send email to majordomo@xmission.com with the command: s*bscribe buffyfic2 I know I'm going to miss this list, but perhaps with the new list there won't be too much interruption in service. Katie Malone kamalone@usa.net ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (4b/?) Date: 15 Jan 1999 01:14:44 EST Title: Can't Hide the Past Author: Shadows E-mail: Titanic437@aol.com Feedback: Please? Rating: PG-13 to R Disclaimer: Characters seen on the Idiot Box belong to Joss Whedon & the WB Distribution: Just ask for permission Summary: 15 years after my own season 3 finale, the characters of BtVS find themselves thrown back together under unusual circumstances. Note: The last episode that I have seen is "Amends". I will follow the show from up to there, and then it's my playground. ***** "Okay . . . what exactly is going on here?" This was definitely not his balcony, not his house, and not even *Mexico*. Or, maybe, it was. Just an underground part. This place was dark and gray and full of dust. As Oz ran his long, thin fingers across the wall, the plaster crumbled at the touch of his fingertips. The whole place was rotting away, and a distinct smell was in the air . . . matchsticks? Yes, but faintly. Old, used matchsticks, and the fire that resulted from it. But this was not the only familiar smell. Oz, using his werewolf sense of smell, could detect the residual emotions left in this place, just like Willow could use her empathy to know who was the last owner of whatever she held in her hand. He could smell, in this small hole that he was, he could smell fear, panic, a tang of death, betrayal, and remorse. Pretty powerful smell for such a small place, and such a strong imprint. Then Oz smelled something else. "Willow?" he whispered aloud, noticing her scent on the dead air. There was no answer, for the scent was stale. Stale and old, and strange, yet familiar. Something was up. Up . . . Oz walked over to where he saw a hole in the ceiling, and looked up. Through the jagged opening he could see another ceiling, not too far away, and the faint outline of stairs. He was under the stairs. Plaster cracked under his feet as he stood on tiptoe and tried to peer over the hole, in case there was something there to surprise him that had the ability to trick him. But there was no one there that he could see. He would have to take a risk. He was just about to spring up there when he heard a shriek from behind, and he jumped right out of the hole without even thinking. He caught his left foot on a sharp edge of the hole, and he fell flat on his face. Getting up on his elbows, he dragged himself up to his knees and crawled as close as he could to the hole. He looked down, and as soon as he saw who had shrieked, dropped back into the hole. ***** She was just going to tell Xander about a doodling Annie had done the other day (she had drawn a wonderful picture of the whole family that was so lovingly detailed for a three-year-old) when she felt his hand grow icy. Now, it was cold outside, with it having snowed only a morning ago, but one of things that she loved about Xander was that he was always warm, no matter what temperature. She had turned from looking at the stores on the other side of the road to tell Xander to put on his gloves when she noticed that he had disappeared, and that she was lying down on the ground with a tremendous headache. Cordelia blinked and stretched her face, trying to lift her head off of the floor. Her hair had come undone from its high, fancy bun, and the shoulder- length chocolate-colored strands stuck to her scalp in sweat. She reached a hand up to the back of her head to see if there was blood, if she had hit anything. When she felt no dampness, she lay her head back down and turned to the right. She found herself staring at her rusty reflection. "Wha . . ." Cordelia started, propping herself up on her elbows quickly. The blood rushed to her head, either of the sudden change in position or because of the sudden fright that overtook her. As she stared at the pole in front of her, the pole that still had dried blood in all the right places, she shrieked. ***** "Cordelia, it's me, Oz!" he called as he slid down underneath the stairs. Cordelia was sobbing now, and as soon as Oz came near her she attached herself firmly to his body. "Oh God," she mumbled, burying her head in his shoulder. Oz, glad that she didn't question what he was doing here or where here was, wrapped his arms around her and hummed soothingly, something he did when Willow got like this. "It's ok, it's ok . . ." he sang softly. He wondered about Willow, but right now he had to worry about Cordelia. "What made you scream?" Cordelia pulled back from him and looked at him. Her body language and expression read "stunned." "That," she said, turning around and pointed with one shaking finger towards the pole in the center of the room. "That pole. I was . . . impaled on that pole. I . . ." She didn't finish her sentence, just stared at the pole in silence. Oz looked at it. He couldn't smell the blood, and that worried him. Maybe it was all the dust in the room. But then a bigger worry hit him. "We're in the factory," he said, surprised the words were even leaving his mouth. He thought it wouldn't work, considering the total chaos his mind was currently undergoing. "The factory?" Cordelia asked, her voice thick because her tongue only moved slightly. "But how the . . . I mean, is it . . . what's going on, Oz?" she asked. "What am I *doing* here." She turned towards him, her eyes dancing in fright. "What are *you* doing here? How, why did we get here?" "I don't know," Oz answered truthfully, "but I think that if we go up *there*," he pointed to the hole's opening, "then we might find out." "But the factory is in Sunnydale," Cordelia said, her voice a soft panic. "And you know how Sunnydale is. Five seconds outside and we're the victims of a vampire suckfest. Uh-huh." She shook her head fiercely, and the strands of her hair flew free from her scalp. "I'd rather stay here." "Would you like me to go up there or do you want me to stay up here?" Oz asked, walking over to Cordelia and putting an arm on her shoulder. Cordelia raised her hand to meet his, and they smiled at each other. Oz was so sweet and considerate, and she was happy that he and Willow had gotten back together and everything. Back together even after that pushing-everybody-away thing she went through after Sunnydale had gone down in ashes. "I don't know," Cordelia said, tightening her hold on his hand. "But you're the one with the super-hyped senses. You tell me, wolf-guy." ***** Oz was in the front seat, hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel, which had become slipping from his sweat. Next to him, in the other front seat, Willow said with her hands in her lap and staring at the window. Each of them were to uncomfortable to look at each other, much less sneak some looks in their general direction. The fact that Oz was called the Factory the place he most hated weighed incredible guilt on Willow's part and unpleasant memories on Oz's part. And he thought he had gotten over the whole jealous-of-Xander thing, and then Willow had to turn around and go do *that* with Xander. Oz sighed outloud. "Are we there yet?" F-Xander called from the back, where he was scrunched up against a stack of old records, covered in black cloth and some stale Dorito chips Oz had eaten back there and forgotten to clean up. Next to him sat his younger self, who kept staring at his older self. F-Xander tried to ignore him. "Almost," Oz answered in an odd voice. Willow shifted in her seat and stared out the window a little bit harder. "You sound like an impatient little kid," F-Willow told him, her voice clear in Oz's ear because she was propped up against his seat. Next to her sat Buffy, who had come along in case any vampire activity showed up. "Are you *that* anxious to get there?" "No," F-Xander said with all seriousness. "You know what happened there." Willow frowned. "Hmm," she grumbled, musing over something. There was a pause, and then F-Xander turned towards Xander. "So what's up?" he asked, not wanting to make F-Willow feel too uncomfortable. Xander looked back at him, his gaze not wavering. "You mean you don't know?" he asked, his voice a bit icy. F-Xander shrugged. "I suppose I do," he said, then look at F-Willow. "Guess I forgot." F-Willow leaned towards her younger self and stage-whispered, "He's forgetting things because he's getting old." Then she giggled and wiggled her eyebrows at F-Xander. "I am not old!" F-Xander said indignantly. He looked around, and as he knocked his shoulder on the stack of old records, the few Doritos fell in his lap. He picked one up and threw it at F-Willow. "Am not." "Are too!" F-Willow shot back, and then bent over to pick up the chip, which had landed at her feet. She gathered it with her fingers and then threw it at F-Xander, hitting his stomach. "You are *so* old. You can't even hit me!" She was answered by a Dorito right between the eyes. "Am not." "Are too!" Dorito to the chest. "Not!" Dorito to the chest, sliding into the bodice of her nightgown. Laughter. "I do have good aim, don't I?" At that comment, F-Willow extended her leg and kicked F-Xander's foot "Say that in front of Oz, and he'll beat you up," she warned playfully, settling back into her seat. F-Xander put on an expression of mock horror. {I'd better} Oz thought angrily, and then realized that they were in front of the Factory. His foot slammed down on the brake pedal, and all of the van's occupants lurched forward. "What was that?" Buffy demanded angrily. Something that once was a hat had slid off F-Xander's stack and landed on her head. She peeled it off and put it on the floor next to her. Oz didn't turn around, just turned the key and off went the engine. He climbed out of the car, muttering "Sorry" loud enough for them to hear. "That was wrong," F-Xander said as everyone else stayed in the van. "That *felt* wrong." F-Willow threw another Dorito at him, giggled that he had better shape up, and then crawled across the van to open the doors. As the van door opened and everyone tumbled out, Oz went around back for a moment to collect himself. Sure, he felt emotions, just like any other human being did. But he was *not* good at showing them, or more close to the target, he was afraid of showing them. Like that little scene just now in the van, when he had slammed down on the brakes in anger. What if someone had gotten hurt? What if *Willow* had gotten hurt? {I wish Xander would get hurt. I wish I could hurt him as bad as he hurt me. I hope he never sees Cordelia again, because he deserves to be without her. He deserves to be alone. Now that would hurt him.} "Oz?" He turned around to see Willow right next to him. Her voice was quavering. "can we talk?" "Uh, is there time?" Oz asked. On the other side of the van, someone was slamming the doors shut again. "Short talk," Willow assured him. Then she averted her eyes, settling on the ground. "So this is the spot you most hate?" she asked softly, half-knowing the answer Oz would give her. "Well, we'd, uh, have to go inside and see." Oz could see that the answer didn't cut it for her. "Look, Willow, I'm not hating you. I mean, I could never hate you. 'Cause your . . . well, your Willow, and I love you. "But, I do hate Xander, and I hate what you did. That hurt me a *lot*. I mean, I've liked girls before, but I've never *loved* a girl, and I *know* that's what you I feel for you. Love, is what I feel for you." She was looking into his eyes again, and now Oz had to push his away. "And I thought you loved me back, but I'm thinking . . . that while you were cheating with Xander, and I told you I loved you, and you said it back to me . . . I'm wondering if you meant it. 'Cause for all I know, you were telling the same thing to Xander. And the way you two were on that bed." He drew in a sharp breath. "You guys must've said that to each other already." When he looked back, Willow's eyes were brimming with tears. "I do love you, Oz," she said quietly, "and I keep kicking myself over the head for doing what I did with Xander. And I can't believe I had the *nerve* to stand like that and tell you I love you while I was . . . cheating on you. But I know why I did that." She waited until Oz lifted his head up to continue. "I did that because I love you, with all my heart and soul and . . . you know, that other stuff that people say when they're in love. And I thought I had that with Xander-for such a long time-until you came and showed me what love was really all about." She gave a little smile. "And you hear what I said. It seems that we kind of worked things out." Oz didn't smile just yet, but he relaxed. "Yeah, I guess so." Then he let out that sharp breath he had taken. "You know what, Willow? I love you." Willow beamed. "I love you too, Oz." And she meant it with all her heart and soul and . . . that other stuff. Now he smiled. "Hey, lovebirds?" They turned around to see Buffy standing there. "Um, Xander and Willow-I guess-are waiting out there for you guys to wrap it up." Her mouth made one straight line, a sign that meant she was in a hurry. She knew that once they got Oz, they would have to look for Cordelia next. And then, last but not least . . . herself. Creepy. "O-ok," Willow said, nodding her head. "We're there." Oz reached out for her hand, and she took it. Together they followed Buffy out into the open. F-Xander and F-Willow were engrossed in an argument: F-Xander was holding tightly onto her arm and Willow was struggling to get out of his tight grip. "Let me *go*, Xander!" she was telling him. "Somebody's got to go in there." "Not you. Don't you remember the last time somebody was in there? That person got impaled." "Oh ho, I remember that being under some different circumstances," F-Willow said, arching her eyebrows and rising on tiptoe so that she looked taller. "I'm not going to run out of there because I caught my boyfriend cheating with his best friend." "You know, I seem to remember you being a crucial part in that little fix too." "Oh yeah, well, you were a bigger part then me!" "Oh really? How so?" Willow made an arrogant "hmmf" sound. She made goo-goo eyes at Xander and made her voice sound young and sing-song. "That we're old, old friends. Just very good friends who like to hang out, and can I kiss your earlobe?" Both of them set their jaws at the same time, looking like they were gonna claw each other's eyes out. F-Xander stood his ground. "You're still not going in there." "Well then, Mr. Caution Man, since it's so dangerous, who are you gonna send in there?" "I dunno, little Ms. Resort-to-the-Black-Arts. How about Buffy?" F-Xander suggested, the slightest hint of cruelty evident in his voice. Willow's eyes widened and she made an "ah!" sound. "Well, aren't we the little hypocrite," she started sharply, ready to launch into a lecture. Xander and Willow exchanged nervous glances. "Uh," Willow the peacemaker started, but she was cut off by a sudden, familiar shout of: "So this is *Willow's* fault? Why does everything that happens to me in this Factory has to be because of *Willow*!" F-Xander and F-Willow looked at each other, understanding passing between them, and they both ran into the Factory at once. "*Finally*," Xander sighed as he and the rest of the gang followed close behind. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (4a/?) Date: 15 Jan 1999 01:53:44 EST Title: Can't Hide the Past Author: Shadows E-mail: Titanic437@aol.com Feedback: Please? Rating: PG-13 to R Disclaimer: Characters seen on the Idiot Box belong to Joss Whedon & the WB Distribution: Just ask for permission Summary: 15 years after my own season 3 finale, the characters of BtVS find themselves thrown back together under unusual circumstances. Note: The last episode that I have seen is "Amends". I will follow the show from up to there, and then it's my playground. ***** Buffy watched as F-Faith suddenly turned around and realized that Angel was in the room. In a blur of motion, F-Faith suddenly had Angel pinned up against the wall, and pulled another stake out of seemingly thin-air. Muttering something to him, she pulled back her arm and prepared to plunge it in his heart. Uh-uh, not while Buffy was still in the room. Hurrying to her ex's defense, she ripped F-Faith off of Angel before she could get the job done. Both of them tumbled to the ground, but F-Faith put her leg under Buffy's, and the present slayer fell to the floor, hard. F-Faith did a bellyroll and then sat on top of Buffy, grabbing her by the collar and then leering in her face. "What, are you an idiot," she growled. "Are you still trying to protect your damned little boyfriend. I don't know who I should kill first, him or-" "-no one," F-Xander finished up for her and he nudged F-Faith with the toe of his shoes. Angry, F-Faith bounced back up, her whole demeanor asking for a fight. "Uh, Faith? As much as I'd like to fight with a Slayer, because you know how much I enjoy shortening my life expectancy, I propose instead we have a *talk*," he looked over at F-Willow, "between ourselves before we do anything stupid or drastic." He let the final word hang heavy in the air as his dark brown eyes settled back on F-Faith. F-Faith scowled at him, but crawled off of Buffy and grabbed F-Xander's sleeve. "Then we talk," she grumped, looking towards F-Willow. F-Xander raised his eyebrows in a come-over-here gesture. F-Willow looked back at them nervously, and then her eyes darted from the Gang to Angel, and then back to her fellow visitors from the future. She gulped and then climbed on top of the table, scurrying across it and the room to get as far away from anybody that she could possibly be. While the threesome made their way to a tiny corner of the library, Buffy turned to Giles. "So, what's the deal with the time warp?" Buffy asked brightly, popping up on her heels in a decidedly Willow fashion. Giles was focusing on something over Buffy's shoulders-the empty spot where Angel had stood but seconds ago-but now his eyes focused on the slayer. "Hmm, time warp," Giles mused, bringing a hand up to his chin. He rubbed it thoughtfully. "Could be." Xander shifted nervously on one foot. "So, uh, can . . ." he shot a look at where the three adults were discussing in confidence. F-Xander had one protective arm slung over a trembling F-Willow, and F-Faith, wet and bedraggled as she was, managed to pull herself together and was looking fairly foreboding as she reared up on her heels and yelled something angrily at F- Xander. "Can Willow fix what happened?" It felt strangely odd to be talking about his best friend as though she were not there. But she was, both aspects of her. And his other "aspect" was with his arm around her other, and without even looking Xander could tell that Oz was jealous. "We would have to ask her," Giles said, throwing a glance at the trio. F- Xander was now yelling back at F-Faith, and she had stop her arguing to hear his argument. F-Willow was clinging on to F-Xander's side, and she didn't look up to casting a circle, much less gathering her physic energy to peer into the shadows of the ether. "Don't you think I know that?" F-Xander was yelling at F-Faith, and he had the advantage of being a head taller than her. He looked down at her, and although F-Faith could lick him if she tried, it was still somewhat menacing. "If anyone should want to kill him, it should be me. And Willow. And all of Sunnydale in general. But we're not going to, because we're not going to do some Hellmouth version of Back to the Future 2. Catch what I'm saying, Faith?" "Ok, I get the damn point!" F-Faith yelled back, standing on tiptoe and her fists clutched at her side. "But I say that if Angelus gets within five feet of me, I'm staking that son of a bitch, no matter *what*!" F-Faith was so much into this that the veins on her neck were standing out. "And don't you tell me otherwise!" "Fine," F-Willow said hurriedly, putting one slim hand on F-Xander's chest, stopping him from lunging forwards towards Slayer #2. "If Angel comes near you, then you stake him. But don't *you* go near *him*. Don't you go looking for a fight." She finished off with a comically fierce expression that passed off as pathetic in her current state. F-Faith shook her head, her short mane of wispy black hair fluttering around her face. She sucked on her teeth and tossed her hair back, stomping away from F-Xander and F-Willow and over to the table. She crossed her arms angrily and slammed down into a chair. "The sooner this nightmare is over with, the better," she hissed through clenched teeth. Then she started patting all the pockets in her outfit, mumbling about something. "You know, sometimes it's like we connect, and then other times it's just like we completely bounce off each other. She's so pissy. What makes slayers act as though they have PMS all the time?" F-Xander murmured to Willow as they made their own way to the table. "Maybe the slaying?" F-Willow suggested, sitting down next to him as he pulled out two seats, across from F-Faith and far enough away from their younger selves. "Do, you, ah, think you could do the spell now?" Giles asked, fumbling for his glasses. He looked questioningly at F-Willow, and she stared blankly at him, gathering her thoughts. Xander cleared his throat loudly, nervously. F- Willow was clinging to his future self again. "Well, I would need, hmm, let us see . . ." she trailed off, staring at the ceiling. "I would need a bit of salt, or a bit of earth, a cup of water, a candle-pepper will do, I've found that out, but oh!-" F-Willow's eyes met with Giles', and she started to shake again slightly. "Of course, you already know what needs to be laid out on an altar. Really, all I need is some runes to cast, a crystal ball if you have one or a chalice of red wine, and a stick of sage to burn." She turned her eyes to floor. "That would be about it, really." Suddenly F-Xander gave a yelp and jumped out of his chair, sending it clattering away to the floor. He back away, one hand on the knee of his left leg, and staring beneath the table. Out materialized D-Giles, whom no one noticed had gone missing. He gave a passing glance to F-Xander, but then turned around to face F-Willow. He rested his shaggy golden-haired head on the arm of her chair and stared at her with his deep, mournful brown eyes. They were nerving, and F-Willow scooted closer to the other side of her chair. "Yes, that's it," she said detachedly, lost in the dog's stare. "I-I'll get the materials," Willow said, backing towards the book cage where Giles kept some of her things in stash, in case they ever needed to perform a quick rite. "I know where they are." She closed the door to the cage behind her in a hurry as she flung open the place where Giles kept the weapons, and reached behind a crossbow where the makeshift altar that she had constructed for Angel's re-souling had laid untounched for awhile. "Here's an altar," Willow announced, pulling it out and dusting it off. Her red hair fell in front of her eyes and she shoved it back again with one hand, even though the board was so heavy that she had to steady it on her leg to keep herself balanced. She bumped out of the cage, carrying the altar. "There are some packets underneath that-" "On no!" F-Willow cried out, jumping up and clapping a hand over her mouth, her eyes opening wide. Willow was so surprised that she dropped the board, and it made a loud crack as it split evenly in two. As Willow bent down to pick up the pieces, F-Willow started pacing towards the double doors. "Oh my goddess," she whispered, "this is so serious." She turned back to face the group, hands clutched behind her back. "Don't you see it to? Xander and I are back here, but that's because Xander cast the spell and then I touched the book it came from while it was still resonating with magick-" "Wait, how do you know that?" Xander asked, but F-Willow continued on over his comment and no one paid him any mind. "-so that's why we're here. But that does *not* explain why Faith and the dog are here. I mean, that dog is a puzzle onto itself. But we can only assume that since the four of us are back, then everyone else is too." Her hand appeared, and they were streaked with red marks from where F-Willow had pressed down too hard. "That means Oz, and Cordelia, and . . ." she let the unspoken name hang in the air, and instead concentrated on the floor. "And other people," she finished up quietly. "Then we have to go find them," F-Faith said when nobody else spoke up. "But where?" "Well, let us analyze where we ended up." F-Willow sat down on the floor, unconsciously crossing her legs yoga-style, as though she was preparing for meditation. "Faith, you . . .?" "Ocean," F-Faith said, hissing through her teeth again. She grabbed a bit of her hair, which had dried now and was sticky and smelled like salt. She grabbed a thick chunk between her hands and wrung it out, drops of seawater falling on the hardwood floor. "The ocean," she repeated again, wiping her hands on her leather outfit. "Ok," F-Willow said, and played around with her tongue, letting it climb up the walls and roof of her mind. For some reason, it helped her to calm down and to think. Unfortunately, it also gave her a very grotesque appearance, most of the time. "And Xander, you?" "The library, right where you found me." He put his chin on his hands and stared at F-Willow oddly. "Did Angel *really* 'save' you?" F-Willow rolled her eyes. "Forget the irony right now," F-Willow said. "I'm just glad someone got me out of there. I hate the cemetery, I mean," he voice was reduced to the tiniest bit of sound. "You know how I feel about the cemetery, about what happened there." And then, with that out of her mouth, she gasped. "I have it!" She cried, leaping up. "Again, I mean, I have it again!" She walked quickly over to F-Faith. "I mean, you're terrified of the ocean, right?" F-Faith was not one to advertise her fears, and the slayer just stared back at her with dull eyes. "Ok, don't admit it, but I know the truth." As F- Willow turned around to walk near to Xander, F-Faith's eyes bore proverbial holes in F-Willow's head. "And Xander, you were in the library 'cause of . . . well, you know." She paused uncomfortably. "Point?" F-Xander asked, sighing loudly. "It means that we all came back to a place that we hated. Faith, the ocean. Me, the cemetery. You, the library. So basically, all the others are in places that they hate. So it will be easy to find." "That's just grand, Will," F-Xander said, standing up. He pushed that chair back in and went over to lean heavily on the banister. He wasn't feeling very good. "But just exactly where are we going to find Oz and Cordelia at? Who knows where they hate the most?" There was a moment of silence. Present and future were consumed with trying to find out where they would find the others. Then Oz walked over to F-Willow. He put a tentative hand on her shoulder, and F-Willow felt the touch of her Oz now, and she wanted to feel it again. She just had to find him and see if he was ok. "Um, I think I might know where I am," he said quietly. Then his eyes made the slightest flick towards Xander and Willow, and suddenly it clicked with everyone where exactly they could find Oz. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (6/18) Date: 15 Jan 1999 08:56:35 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) May 30, 2006 Cordelia received her final divorce papers on a Friday, almost a year to the day after she arrived in Sunnydale. She sat in her small impersonal apartment the entire night staring at the walls, not knowing exactly what she was supposed to be feeling. Should she feel some sadness over the failure her marriage had been? Some sense of shame that she had disappointed her family? God knows, her parents thought she should. But she couldn't feel either of those things; all she felt was alone. She had done it, had gotten rid of all the traps she had set for herself in her attempt to leave Xander and the person she was behind. So now that she was free, she didn't know what to do with herself. Her life was empty, filled only by her long hours at work. She had no friends, no hobbies; she didn't even own a t.v. She was twenty five years old and she was a divorced woman. Laughing suddenly in the silence of the apartment, she stood up and went to stand in front of the mirror. Staring at her image she spoke sternly to herself. "It's time Cordelia. You have to find him, try and explain. You have to get past this and move on with your life. Or else you should start buying cats." Making a face at the vision of her surrounded by only cats for the rest of her life, she turned away from the mirror, grabbing a sweater as she left her apartment. She climbed into her car and drove aimlessly for hours, not sure what she should do now. Finally she stopped at the beach, thinking that a walk along the water would help her focus her thoughts. She wandered slowly down the beach, pulling her shoes off so that she could feel the sand beneath her feet. Kicking the sand in front of her she walked with her head down, not noticing that she was alone on the beach until she heard the crash of breaking glass. She froze, remembering suddenly where she was and the trouble she may have gotten herself into. She moved forward cautiously, her breath catching when she saw the figure standing on the beach. Her heart stopped as she drank in the sight of him. She watched him sit down on the rocks they had once sat on together, his pained expression keeping her frozen in place. ************* Sunnydale High School Library May 30, 2006 "So, what's the sitch?" Xander spoke casually as he sat down across from his two best friends, his two very concerned looking best friends. Settling back into his chair he scanned the library for Giles, sure he would be coming out from the stacks any moment, research face firmly in place. He turned back to Willow and Buffy, still not overly concerned. "Anyone?" Willow shared a look with Buffy before clearing her throat. "Um...well, it's not a demon." Xander stared at the hacker turned Watcher with a perplexed look. "Not a demon? Then why the big meeting and the long faces? It's Friday night, I might have had plans." "Right Xander." Buffy spoke sarcastically. "Like a date?" Xander grinned at her, hiding his hurt under a smile. "And you have so much room to talk." Willow held up her hands to silence both of them. "Enough." She turned to Buffy; a look of warning on her face. The Slayer nodded slowly, then turned to Xander and blurted out their news. "Cordelia's back in town. She's been in town for almost a year, but we were afraid to tell you." He sat stunned as Willow turned angrily to Buffy. "We were going to ease into it, remember? Be gentle? We were not going to just throw it at him." "You would never have been able to say it." Buffy accused Willow; her face sad. "You wanted to try and hide it from him forever." "Why didn't you?" Xander's voice sounded like it was far away even to his own ears. He stared at his friends, feeling himself sinking into a dark hole. The same one he had spent four years trying to climb out of. He lashed out at Buffy and Willow, anger the only emotion he could hold onto. "If she's been here for a year and I didn't know...why didn't you just keep it a secret?" Willow held her hand out to him, her eyes burning into his. Her voice was shaking slightly as she answered him. "If I thought that I could keep it from you forever I would have." She grabbed his hand when he didn't offer it to her and held on tightly. Buffy nodded at Willow's words, her eyes full of sadness for him. "But we think Cordelia may try and contact you." Xander felt a surge of hope run through him, but it quickly died. Cordelia would never contact him unless she wanted something. He felt the pain he had known when she left clawing at his stomach, reminding him of the years of torture he had put himself through trying to get over her. Not sure if he could keep his voice from breaking, he spoke softly. "Why would she contact me?" Willow took a deep breath, her face turning slightly red. "I've been...well..." Buffy interrupted Willow's confession, speaking quickly. "Willow's been tracking her. Trying to find out what she's back for, and why." Xander turned to Willow; impressed by the lengths she had gone to trying to protect him. "And you found something today that made you decide to tell me that she was here?" Willow nodded before replying. "Her divorce becomes final today." Xander swallowed loudly, the thought of Cordelia getting a divorce shocking him. He couldn't picture her giving up her perfect life with her perfect husband and running back to Sunnydale. He looked at Buffy and Willow, his expression confused, they didn't actually think that it had anything to do with him, did they? His voice puzzled he pushed them for more information. "And why do you think this will make her contact me?" "She didn't get any money. No alimony, no lump sum payment, nothing." Buffy spoke angrily; pushing herself away from the table and standing up. She stared intently at Xander as if she could make him see what she saw. "She supports herself making clothes." "So?" Xander inquired, still struggling with the knowledge that Cordelia's perfect life hadn't turned out quite so perfectly. "So you have money now Xander." Buffy slammed her hands down on the table, leaning in closer to him. "Don't you see? You have what she wants, what she's always wanted. Money, prestige, you've got it all now." Leaning back in his chair as if he could escape Buffy's words Xander's mind spun as he tried to process everything he had been told. Cordelia was back in town, divorced and penniless. He closed his eyes, picturing the girl he once loved with all his heart, her bright smile and dark hair, the girl who had almost destroyed him. He opened his eyes slowly, looking into the concerned eyes of his best friends. Clearing his throat he spoke calmly. "Well, she's out of luck if she's looking to me for a free ride. The Cordelia I loved was nothing but an illusion, the real Cordelia has nothing to offer me." "You still love her." Willow spoke surely without a hint of judgment in her voice. "I love a dream Willow. I love a girl who cared about other people and didn't care about money or power. I loved a girl who loved me back. That girl is not Cordelia." Xander stared straight at Willow as he spoke, not sure if he was trying to convince her or himself. "We just don't want you to hurt anymore." Buffy offered quietly, the anger gone from her body now. She slipped back into her chair beside Willow and continued speaking. "We almost lost you before because of her and we don't want it to happen again." "It won't." Xander said quietly, anger slowly building in him. "Cordelia will never get a chance to destroy me, if anything I'll destroy her." His voice shook with conviction as his eyes hardened. Pushing his chair back he slowly climbed to his feet feeling suddenly old. "I'll talk to you guys tomorrow okay? I need to be alone right now." He felt their worried looks as he walked out of the library, but he refused to look back. Heading slowly out of the High School he was overcome by memories of Cordelia everywhere he walked, the closets they used to make out in, the bench they had sat together on, all of the memories pushing his anger away and leaving only sorrow. Xander walked slowly along the beach holding an almost empty bottle of rum carelessly in his hand. Since leaving the library two hours ago he had been walking on the beach, trying to make sense of his life. How had he gotten to the point that his two best friends were so worried about his sanity that they had kept this a secret from him for a year? Looking down at the bottle in his hand he wondered if they weren't right to worry. He hadn't taken one drink since his first book had been published, but with the news that she was back in town all his hard won peace had shattered. Throwing the bottle against a rock he enjoyed the noise it made as it smashed. How had he lost her? How had she fooled him? He still couldn't understand after all these years how she had just walked away. He thought she loved him as much as he had loved her. Still loved her. But she had walked away without a backward glance. One night she had been his Cordy, and then in a blink of an eye she had become the bitch again. He had been so stunned at her sudden change he hadn't even asked her why, hadn't fought for her at all. He just let her go; let his love walk out of his life and never look back. He sat down on the sand, his knees pulled tight against his chest, remembering the start of their last summer, when they had sat together on this beach and vowed never to be apart again. ********* June 25, 2000 Xander watched his girlfriend run along the edge of the water, her pants rolled up past her ankles as she yelled at him to hurry up and come join her. He dropped the pile of blankets he had collected from the car and deciding that starting the fire could wait, he pulled of his shoes and ran to the water. Cordelia grabbed him as he came near her, wrapping her arms around his neck as he swung her around, both of them laughing as the water splashed their pants. She leaned against him, laughing helplessly as they spun. He stopped when he thought he would fall, and they held onto each other as they waited for the world to stop spinning around them. He pulled back from her and looking into her eyes he grinned. "So, did you miss me?" She laughed freely then, her joy filling his heart. "Miss you? How could I? I called you every night." Leaning forward she kissed him quickly before pulling out of his arms and running down the beach. He shook his head and took off running after her, tackling her from behind and falling with her into the water. They both went under and came up gasping for breath. Cordelia glared at him, her mascara running in black streaks down her face. He tried his best to look innocent and was rewarded when she pulled him to her, kissing him deeply as the waves crashed around them. They lay in a tight embrace on the beach until Xander became aware that she wasn't shaking from desire, but because she was freezing. Pulling her up they walked slowly to the blankets. "Take off your clothes, I'll start the fire." Xander threw the bag of extra clothes at her as he spoke. "Pervert. I just got home and you're trying to get me naked already." Cordelia spoke, her teeth chattering. Xander turned and looked her up and down slowly before turning away. "Drenched rats don't do it for me honey. Sorry." He smiled to himself, knowing she was glaring at him as he concentrated on getting the fire going. Once it was well lit he turned towards her, wanting to get out of his wet clothes too. Cordelia was standing there, her wet clothes removed, but no new ones added. She grinned at him. "On the other hand, I kinda like a drenched rat." Moving forward she pulled his t-shirt over his head and embraced him. "But I like the no-clothes type of rat even better." He kissed her then, his hands touching her body, feeling her heat burning him. She leaned into his embrace and he picked her up. Carrying her over to the blankets spread out beside the fire he carefully laid her down. Staring down at her in the firelight he spoke in a voice thick with emotion. "I don't really know what trick of fate put the two of us together, but I am so thankful for it. This year apart has only strengthened what I already feel for you." She looked up at him; the tears in her eyes making them shine. She reached up and ran her hand along the line of his jaw. "Me too. Now come here." Her hand slipped around the back of his head and brought his lips down to meet hers. They had made love almost silently, their bodies speaking for them, until much later when they were curled up together under the blankets and the fire had almost burnt out. "Xander." Cordelia's voice was so low he could barely hear her. " I did miss you, everyday. I felt like I had lost a piece of myself. Even though I knew I would see you again, it still hurt. I was so worried that you would forget me, or decide that you didn't really love me." He leaned up on one elbow, staring down at her. "I know the feeling. I worried that you would remember that I was a loser, or a geek. Or that you would decide that it cost too much to love me." "Too much? I've only gained from loving you. And if you're a geek, then I'll shout from the rooftops that I love a geek." Her hands ran over his shoulders as she spoke, her eyes clouding with renewed desire. He leaned down and kissed her, his arms tightening around her as he loved her. They had fallen asleep much later, their limbs tangled together. He had woken as the sky began to lighten, waking her with a soft kiss. "Come on Cordy. If you don't want to make a public show of yourself we'd better get going." She sat up slowly; silently putting her clothes back on and helping him fold up all the blankets. They walked hand in hand back towards the car. He stopped halfway there, her silence frightening him. "Cord, is something wrong?" She looked at him, startled out of her thoughts. Pulling him over to the rocks that lined the beach she sat down and looked at him. "I don't want to do it again." He looked at her, his heart racing. Sitting down beside her, he questioned her. "Do what?" "Leave you." Her voice whispered across the deserted beach. Then speaking louder she said it again. "Leave you. I don't want to be apart from you." "Then don't." Xander said softly, his arm sliding around her. "Except, what about your school?" "I'll figure something out. I just can't leave again." Her voice sounded as if she would cry, but her face was determined. "So then we'll find a way. I mean we've done battle with the forces of evil. This should be a piece of cake." Smiling at his girlfriend he pulled her to him and held her. ******** Xander leaned back against the rock, staring out at the waves crashing along the shore. Speaking to himself he asked the question he wanted to hear her answer. The same thing he asked every time, the question he would never get the answer to. "So then what changed Cordelia? Did you decide that I wasn't good enough for you? Was it pressure from your family? Or did you just stop loving me?" "No Xander. I never stopped loving you." ******** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (7/18) Date: 15 Jan 1999 08:58:35 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) May 30, 2006 Cordelia felt the words leave her mouth before she even considered it. He turned at the sound of her voice and stared blankly at her standing there. She watched him consider her, knew that he hadn't accepted her presence yet. But then his face filled with love and he moved towards her, his hand outstretched. She held her breath, her heart pounding wildly, moving tentatively forward. Xander reached out for her, his hands grasping her tightly as he pulled her to him, mumbling softly in her hair as his hands moved across her back. Cordelia stood frozen in his embrace, caught between enjoying the feel of him holding her again and the knowledge that the smell of liquor emanating from him was probably the only reason he was anywhere near her. She pulled back slightly, fighting the urge to stay in his arms as long as he would let her. Xander stumbled as she moved away, his upper body swaying as he tried to stay on his feet. "Are you real?" The words tumbled from his mouth barely intelligible. He reached out to touch her face, his eyes full of love. "Are you back with me?" She stared at him, realizing he was to far gone to remember that he hated her. Swallowing the tears that wanted to come she smiled at him. "It's me. Come on, I'll take you home." "No." Xander sank to the sand, his arms reaching out for her. "I was just remembering the night we spent here on the beach, when you told me that you never wanted to leave me. Stay with me here. Pretend you never left me." His voice pleaded with her. Cordelia was beside him on the sand before she had time to think, her arms encircling him as if she could protect him from the clarity he would find once the effects of the liquor wore off. "I'll stay Xander. Don't worry, I won't leave." "But you did." Xander spoke brokenly, more to himself than to her. "You left me and you said you never wanted to leave me." Snuggling his head onto her lap he closed his eyes and began snoring softly. Running her fingers through his hair Cordelia cried softly, her heart breaking at the pain he still felt. "I never wanted to leave you. Never." Her arms wrapped around him tightly as he lay in her lap and she watched him sleep. She woke a few hours later, the moon still high in the sky. She was confused for a moment, the feel of someone's arms around her an unfamiliar feeling. Xander moved against her then, his arms holding her a little tighter as he mumbled in his sleep. She stared at his face, so peaceful and unable to help herself she leaned in slightly to kiss his face. Knowing that she shouldn't do it, but also knowing that once he woke he would hate her again. Softly she touched her lips to his, trying to memorize the feel so she could carry it with her always. When his lips began to move against hers she pulled back, but his lips captured hers again and she gave into the kiss. Her mind was screaming for her to move away, to stop this before it went any further, but the feel of him in her arms was too hard to fight. Cordelia surrendered to the moment, the temptation to be with him again impossible to resist. She closed her mind to any thought except the feel of him in her arms as they made love once again. She woke again as the sun was slowly coming up in the sky. Slipping from Xander's arms she dressed quickly, terrified he would wake up before she could disappear. Last night had been her gift from fate and she knew as soon as Xander woke reality would come crashing back. Looking back down at his sleeping form she smiled softly before turning and running down the beach. Cordelia avoided the beach after that night, afraid she would run into Xander again, afraid he wouldn't remember that night. More afraid that he would. She threw herself into her work once again, the loneliness becoming more and more difficult to bear. Most nights she sat alone in her apartment wondering how she was going to survive the rest of her life. Something had to change, she was sure of that. She either had to get out of this town, or move on. Xander wasn't ever going to be a part of her life. Rescue came in a strange form, her old friend Harmony, now a busy socialite in the Sunnydale country club came into her shop one day to ask for her help with a charity auction to benefit the Children's hospital. She couldn't understand why she said yes, but she had, grabbing onto the first semi-friendly voice she had heard directed at her since she had come home. Before she knew it she was on the planning committee and most of her nights were busy. She almost enjoyed the nights spent planning, enjoyed the verbal sparring matches with Harmony, enjoying even more the look on Harmony's face when the only space available to hold the auction was at Sunnydale High School's auditorium. Some days she could almost pretend that this was the life she had always wanted. Everything went smoothly until she received the final copy of the guest list. She had felt her stomach drop out when she saw Willow, Buffy and Xander's name on the list of major contributors. Grabbing a chair she waited for the sinking feeling to pass. She looked over the paper closely, unable to believe that she had walked into the trap Harmony had set, but there it was, hidden on the back page in tiny letters, Alex Harris will be emceeing the auction. Laughing bitterly she stared at the words, finally understanding why Harmony had wanted her to be on the committee. Going into her room she changed her clothes without knowing for sure what she planned to do. Quickly fixing her hair and make-up she stood looking at herself in the mirror. Satisfied that she looked like the Cordelia they all thought she was she spun around and left her apartment once again. Driving much too fast down familiar streets she pulled up to Sunnydale High School before she had time to think about what she was doing. Slamming the car door behind her she walked into the building and headed straight to the gym. There was a meeting of the decorating committee there tonight. She wasn't sure if Harmony would still be there, but she was to angry to think straight. Yelling out Harmony's name she entered the gym, her eyes blazing as she prepared to have it out with her one time friend. "Harmony, why didn't you tell me? I can't do this. Harmony, where are you?" "She's not here." She spun around at the sound of his voice, her stomach clenching. "Xander." She fought desperately to keep her voice sounding normal as the room swam around her. Losing the battle the room around her faded as she fell forward onto the floor. She came back to consciousness slowly, realizing that she was no longer in the gym. Moving her head tentatively she realized she was in the library. And that a very annoyed Xander was staring down at her. Struggling to a sitting position she pushed her hair off her face as she waited for him to speak. "Why did you come back here?" Xander's voice was low and angry. "I...I was trying to find Harmony. I didn't know you were here." Cordelia spoke softly, not wanting to anger him further. "Not here. Sunnydale. Why come back? Haven't you done enough?" Xander's voice was still angry, but she could hear the pain under it, the hurt he was hiding. Swallowing she struggled to sit up, hiding the hurt she felt. "I wanted to explain. To apologize. Xander..." He was staring at her in open horror now, his mouth hanging open. "You are back for me." Cordelia stared questioningly at him. "Back for you? I know you'll never forgive me. I just...I just wanted to say that I was sorry. More sorry than you'll ever know." He began shaking his head, his features hardening into a mask. His mouth was tight as he spoke. "So, now you're sorry. Now that I have the money and the prestige you're sorry. How very Cordelia-like." It was her turn to be horrified as she leaned back against the couch. "No. I...money doesn't mean anything. Xander..." He smiled at her as he began clapping slowly; each time his hands came together the roar in Cordelia's head got louder. "Beautiful Cordy. Beautiful. I might believe you, if I didn't already know you. Very realistic, you almost seem human, your face so pale and your hair a mess. One might almost think that you were being truthful. That you had no idea that I would be here." "I didn't." She choked out. Xander continued as if he hadn't heard her. "But we both know you did. I've been set to emcee the auction for months. You can't honestly expect me to believe that you didn't know that." Cordelia stared at her hands, wondering why she hadn't realized what Harmony was up to. She didn't realize he was waiting for her answer until he spoke again. "What? You thought it would be this easy to trick me? You faint and I come running back. Come on Cordy, put a little effort into it. Put a smile on your face, compliment me, something. Cause this lost soul look just isn't you." Xander's leaned in close to her, the tone of his voice chilling her. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wanting to block out his words. Speaking softly she questioned him. "And what exactly do you know about me?" "I know you're heartless and cold. I know people are nothing more than a means to an end for you. I know you Cordelia. And I won't be fooled this time." Xander glared at her, his arms crossed in front of him. She nodded her head, folding her arms tighter around herself, trying to widen the distance between them. "Like I fooled you before? Is that what you mean? And how did I fool you Xander? By dating you? By changing everything about my life? By loving you?" "Don't." Xander's voice was harsh. "Don't sully the word Cordelia. Call it lust, call it anything, but don't say that you loved me." Cordelia threw her head up and glared at him. "Does that make it easier? Well, I did. So deal with it." "Maybe you did, as much as you can love anything." Xander turned and started to walk out of the library. Cordelia watched him start to leave, but the anger was present in her, for the first time in a long time and she couldn't let it go, even if it destroyed her to see the hate on his face. She sprung from the chair, ignoring the buzzing in her head as she caught up with him, grabbing his shirt to turn him around. "How dare you? How dare you say these things to me? What gives you the right to sit in judgment on me?" He pulled his arm free and spat out. "Because I loved you. Because I believed you loved me. Because you left me, and you never looked back. Because I wanted to die when you left." His face was bitter as he paused, before continuing. "Because I still dream about you, dream of holding you. That's what gives me the right." His voice was louder now, his anger building. "Because after all this time I still want you. Is that what you want to hear?" Cordelia stared at him, her anger fading as she remembered the night on the beach and realized that to him it was only a dream. Her voice was soft as she spoke again. "How do you know I never looked back? Did you ever look for me? Ever call me? Don't lay this all on me Xander. You never once tried to come after me. You seem to think I walked away free and clear Xander." Her voice broke as her words trailed off. "Come off it. Cordelia Chase doesn't miss someone like me. You just went back to everything that being with me made you lose." She crumbled then, feeling her insides disintegrate. Holding herself together by sheer will she spoke again, "How could you have been with me Xander? We were together for over two years and the whole time you were just waiting for me to change back?" "No. I believed you. I believed the lie, totally." Xander's voice was bitter as he stared at her. Cordelia nodded her head at him, her smile bitter. "But I act like a bitch for two weeks and you forgot those two years. You let me walk away. You didn't call, didn't write. You've been so busy hating me, blaming me, that you never asked yourself why. You never asked me why." Her voice was shrill and out of control even to her own ears. "You let me go Xander. I was yours and you let me go. And I've taken the blame for it for much too long, but I'm done now. You can take your hatred and your mistrust and your friends and you can stay out of my way." Xander was watching her, the hatred mixing with puzzlement on his face. He was silent for a moment before the confusion faded away, and the anger burned even stronger. "Cordelia this is low, even for you. You're going to try and blame this on me? And then conveniently forgive me, I suppose. Then we'll fall into each other's arms and live happily ever after. Well then come here honey." Xander reached out and grabbed her before she could react. He pulled her close to him, his lips hovering above hers for a moment before coming down hard on them. Cordelia was engulfed in a storm of emotions, from passion to fear, overwhelming love to the first stirring of hate. She kissed him back frantically; unable to stem the tide of emotions she was feeling. He released her just as suddenly, pushing her away with one hand as he wiped his mouth with the other. "So is it all forgiven honey?" Xander voice was rough, his breath ragged. Cordelia felt the burn in her lips, and the hole that had just widened in her soul. She felt a tear run down her cheek, but she refused to wipe it away. Speaking softly to the man she loved she whispered, "I forgave you everything that happened then. I don't know if I'll ever forgive you this night." Turning Cordelia walked out of the library, wiping frantically at the tears that spilled down her face. She felt her anger burn inside her at Xander, at Willow, at Buffy. At all the people who had found it so easy to believe the worst of her. ******** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (8a/18) Date: 15 Jan 1999 09:05:42 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) July 17, 2006 Xander watched her walk away; her head held high, her shoulders straight. He felt a curious lump in his throat. She was back, finally, after all this time. And even though he knew she was lying he had wanted to believe her. Even though he knew she was a self-absorbed bitch who didn't even understand the meaning of the word love he wanted to chase after her and beg her to forgive him. He sat heavily down in a chair, his hands covering his face. He didn't notice when Willow entered the library and sat down in the chair across from him. She cleared her throat quietly, letting him now that she was there. He looked up into the understanding face of his best friend. "She was here." Willow nodded as she reached out and patted his arm. "I saw her car outside. She looked pretty upset." Xander sat back in his chair and rubbed his hands across his eyes. "Her plan didn't work. She played the damsel in distress to perfection, but I told her I knew what she was up to." "Good." Willow looked at him, her face worried. "You've got to let this go Xander. Move on. Cordelia left you over five years ago and you're still not over it. Buffy's doing better than you." "Buffy's doing better because she knows he loved her. Hell I know he loved her and I can't stand the guy." Xander slammed his hand down on the table. "Why couldn't I have someone who loved me as much as they loved each other?" He stood quickly, walking over to the weapons cage. "Except who isn't a monster." "Xander." Willow's voice held a note of warning. "I know, I know. But I never liked him." Xander busied himself playing with the weapons that were not yet put away. "You will have someone that loves you that much Xander. I'm sure of it." Willow got up from her chair and walked over to him, carefully taking the crossbow from his hands and locking it up. Xander smiled at his friend before walking away from the weapons cage. He didn't look at her as he began speaking again. "I had this dream about Cordelia and I can't seem to stop thinking about it." Picking up a book he feigned interest in it until Willow came around to stand in front of him. Knowing she would wait all night for him to finish he began speaking again. "I dreamt that she came to me on the beach and told me that she never wanted to leave me. And..and then we made love." Xander dropped his head, his face turning red as he suddenly threw the book he was holding. His paced around the library as he continued talking, his voice angry. "I can't stop thinking about it. It was so real, so vivid. I keep having these flashes of her, she's crying or she's holding me, or we're making love. It's driving me crazy, but I can't get it to go away." "Xander..." Willow's voice trailed off as she looked sympathetically at him. Squaring her shoulders she spoke softly. "What if she's not lying? What if she really has changed, realized that she made a mistake? I mean, Xander, none of us has a perfect track record. Maybe she got scared?" "Willow she wasn't scared. She was a bitch. She walked away from all of us without ever looking back." Xander glared at Willow before stalking out of the library. ******* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (8b/18) Date: 15 Jan 1999 09:06:27 PST Title: Best Intentions disclaimers in part 8a. ******** Cordelia sat in her car for hours, sobbing until she had no tears left. The only thought left in her head was anger at the unfairness of it all. How dare he sit on his high horse and judge her? He had failed her too. He was the one kissing another girl in the graveyard. She vowed to herself that these were the last tears she was ever going to cry for him. She drove home blindly, and walked into her empty apartment. Sitting down at her kitchen table she dropped her head into her hands. Xander's words had shown her something she had tried not to face. His touch had proven his words. That had held none of the pain she had seen at the beach, none of the love she had felt in his arms. The sober Xander detested her more than she had imagined. He hadn't doubted her act, not even for a moment. When she had insulted him, he had thought that was the real Cordelia. Slamming her fists down on the table she pushed her chair back. Standing she began pacing around the room, her anger pushing the unbearable pain down so low she could barely feel it. She walked through the weeks leading up to the auction in a daze, barely noticing the world around her. The nausea and the dizziness that seemed to plague her constantly she ignored until she passed out in the grocery store one day and woke up in the emergency room at Sunnydale General. She had tried to sit up, but a wave of nausea forced her to lay back down. She heard a rustling beside her bed and turned to see Willow sitting quietly in a chair. The redhead looked up from her magazine and spoke quietly. "I saw you pass out. I..I don't think anyone should wake up in a hospital all alone." Cordelia stared at Willow; her thoughts still confused as she noticed the air of self-confidence Willow now possessed. Licking her lips she whispered her thanks before closing her eyes again. She lay there, comforted by the rustle of the paper as Willow read her magazine. When she felt stronger she spoke to Willow again, her voice soft. "You don't have to stay. I'm awake now, and I know how you feel about me." "Do you?" Willow spoke calmly, placing the magazine in her lap as she considered Cordelia. "You hate me." Cordelia whispered. Willow nodded her head slightly. "You hurt Xander. He almost died when you left." "And you think I was okay?" Cordelia stared at the ceiling, knowing there was no way to change the actions she had taken. No matter why she had done it, she had still done it and the result had been horrible. But she was also finished pretending that she was something or someone she wasn't. Almost whispering she spoke. "I loved him with everything I was. Do you think it was easy to leave?" "You did." Willow's voice was still calm. Cordelia nodded her head once. "You're right. I did. But he never followed me. Never tried to find out why I left." Willow stared at her like she was crazy. "You were so cold to him. Why should he have? You made it perfectly clear to all of us that we meant nothing to you." Cordelia almost laughed, choking it down at the last minute. Afraid if she started she may just keep laughing until they came with the little white jacket. Her voice was brittle when she spoke again. "And how did I do that? By never asking you what was wrong when you started acting strange? By just assuming that the only reason someone could be bitchy is because they were a bitch? By ignoring someone's actions over a period of two years in favor of how they act for two weeks?" Cordelia stopped speaking suddenly, the tears to close for her to be able to keep talking. Willow's voice was louder now. "Are you trying to say that we failed you?" Cordelia covered her face in her hands, trying to give herself a moment before she answered. Uncovering her face she spoke to the ceiling. "No. I failed. I know that now." Her breath caught on a sob as she turned to look at Willow, her eyes wild. "It was my fault. I thought I was doing the best thing for everyone, but it wasn't. I thought I would make Buffy happy, Xander happy, everyone happy. And no one would feel guilty, because I was just shallow, self-absorbed Cordelia." Not wanting to face Willow's questioning look she continued, talking more to herself than to Willow. "It half worked, everyone thinks I'm a bitch." Willow was glaring at her, her expression furious. "The best thing? You thought losing you would be the best thing for Xander?" Cordelia took in Willow's angry expression and decided she had finally had enough. Her eyes dull, she stared at Willow. "Yes. I thought that would be the best thing. I, Cordelia, tried to be self-sacrificing and all I got for my trouble was a lifetime of loneliness. And the added bonus of ruining Xander's life. I won't ever make that mistake again." Willow laughed then, her voice mocking. "Self-sacrificing? You?" "Yes, me." Cordelia's voice was empty of any emotion. "How dare you even presume to know me or what I would do? I fought beside you for over three years, was your friend for over two. I proved myself to you. I trusted you. I even, and this is the really funny part, I loved you. But you never felt the same, none of you did. You were all waiting for the old Cordelia to reappear. All of you, even Xander!" "That's not true." Willow spoke angrily. "Not true? Did you believe I loved Xander? Before I changed?" Cordelia fired the questions at her. "Yes." Willow spat the word out, her face cold. "Did you believe I was your friend?" "Yes." Cordelia smiled then, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Then why didn't you ask me if anything was wrong? Why did you let me push you away? It was so easy for you to do." She paused, struggling to keep the hurt out of her face. "You've done it for Buffy, for Xander, Oz, Giles, even Angel. But you never asked me, never cared enough to ask." "I'll ask now then. Did you have a reason?" Willow spoke carefully, as if the answer was something she didn't want to hear. "Yes. And it was a stupid reason, and it means nothing now." Cordelia felt all her anger leaving her as she realized how futile this discussion was. She had lost Xander because of her actions, and whether or not Willow had cared for her once didn't really matter anymore. She felt the tears slip down her face, but she didn't care. Smiling sadly at Willow she spoke. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I came back here. I thought...I thought I...I don't know what I was thinking. I just...I never thought I would hurt him Willow. I swear I didn't. I thought he would be happy without me." "Why? Didn't you know how much he loved you?" Willow's voice was cold as she considered her. "Yes. I did. But I also knew how much he had once loved Buffy, and she was so alone, and so sad. I thought if I was out of the picture they would be happy together. But they weren't, so I lost everything for nothing." Cordelia cursed herself for the broken sound of her voice. She wasn't supposed to cry about this anymore. It was done, over; she should just turn and walk away. "Why would you get jealous of Buffy then? Xander hadn't been in love with her for years." Willow spoke softly, her expression slightly less cold. "It doesn't matter now Willow." Cordelia felt a weight lift off her shoulders as she spoke the words. She stared at Willow, seeing the past much clearer now. "What I thought or felt, or even saw means nothing." "How can you say that? Xander loved you." Willow was almost screaming now. "You owe him some explanation of why you left him. Even if it is as stupid as being jealous of Buffy." Cordelia nodded at Willows words, her heart still aching at the pain she had caused him, and the pain she had felt seeing him again. "So you tell him. Maybe then he'll understand, and stop putting all the blame on me." "Tell him what?" Willow took a deep breath before continuing in a calmer voice. "What happened Cordy? What made you think he still loved Buffy? Why?" Cordelia stared at Willow; shocked to hear Willow calling her by the nickname they had used when they were friends. She was silent, feeling hopeful that maybe they could find a way to be friends once again. That they could forgive her for leaving, if they knew that she had thought she was doing the right thing. She opened her mouth to finally tell someone the secret she had been carrying for so long when the doctor walked back into the room. She stared at him, worried suddenly that there was something really wrong with her. Holding her breath she waited for him to speak. "Well Ms. Chase, it looks like congratulations are in order." The doctor smiled at her as he spoke. "You're pregnant." Cordelia stared at him in horror, her mind flashing back to the night she had spent with Xander on the beach. She let out a small gasp, her hand reaching down to cover her stomach. Forgetting that Willow was in the room, or that her life was a mess she touched her stomach, amazed that she was being given a piece of Xander to keep with her forever. The doctor wrote her a prescription for vitamins and told her to take it easy for the next few days before telling her she could go home. She turned then to see Willow sitting with a shocked expression on her face. The redhead slowly picked up her magazine and purse and stood. "I'll wait outside while you get dressed. I can drive you home." Cordelia looked at her in surprise, before speaking. 'Willow..." "Don't." Willow held up her hand to stop her from speaking. "I don't want to hear your explanations. I can't believe I almost thought that you really did love Xander, that you still loved Xander. I'm sure you and the father will be very happy." Cordelia watched Willow walk from the room before whispering softly, "No. We won't." ******* The drive home was silent as Cordelia stared out of the window, trying not to think of what lay ahead of her. She shifted uncomfortably in the seat, desperate to be alone and to be able to think. Her hand reached down to touch her stomach, holding her hand over it as if she could protect the baby from all the mistakes its mother had made. Her eyes filled with tears as she thought of her child growing up without ever knowing its father. She toyed with the thought of telling Xander for a moment before realizing he would never believe the child was his. And what could she say to him, that she found him drunk on the beach and took advantage of him? Even if he believed her, he would never want to be her baby's father. Sighing she leaned her head back against the seat wishing Willow would drive faster. She kept her eyes closed until she felt the car slow and finally stop. Her hand on the door handle she turned back to Willow, wondering if the red-head was going to say anything at all to her, but Willow's eyes stared straight ahead, her face a blank mask. Cordelia slid her legs out of the car, carefully getting to her feet. Her hand still on the door she turned back to Willow. "Thank you. For driving me home and for not letting me go to the hospital alone." She stood straight, preparing to shut the door when Willow spoke. "Why did you move back here?" Cordelia froze, her stomach tightening. "I don't know. Because it was home, because the best times in my life were here. Maybe because I thought I could apologize enough, could make you guys understand that I did love all of you." Cordelia swallowed, the sun shining down on her forcing her to squint to see Willow. When the other girl said nothing Cordelia continued. "When I got your letter, well, that was when I realized how wrong I had been, how misguided. I wish there was some way I could make you understand that the reason I left had nothing to do with how I felt about all of you. Especially Xander. I loved him then, and I'll always love him." "You love him so much that you're barely divorced and already pregnant. What, did you give Xander a few months to forgive you and then moved on?" Willow stared out the window as she spoke, refusing to meet Cordelia's eyes. "How could you do this Cordelia? Xander was getting better. He was happy again, finally moving on and then you came back. And now you want him to watch you have a baby?" "No." Cordelia choked out, her eyes filling with tears. "I didn't mean to do anything to Xander. I meant to make it better." "Whose baby is it Cordelia?" Willow spoke coldly. Cordelia stood silently for a moment, her thoughts spinning wildly, knowing the truth was out of the question. She stumbled over the words, trying to find the answer that would hurt Xander the least. "It's...it's Doug's, my ex-husbands. Call it the modern way to celebrate your divorce." Willow turned to her then, her eyes shiny with tears. "Cordelia, please leave town. Don't do this to him." Cordelia stepped back from the car, reality crashing down on her. Willow was right, she couldn't stay here, couldn't do it to Xander or to her child. "I'll leave before anyone can tell I'm pregnant Willow. I promise." She pushed the car door shut and walked away from the car with her head high and tears streaming down her cheeks. Letting herself into her apartment, she dropped the keys onto the floor and sunk down beside them, sobbing brokenly for the father her baby would never know. Holding her stomach she apologized to the new life growing there for the mistakes she had made. ******* Xander was sitting in the library when Willow walked in, her face pale and sad. He sat up a little straighter in his chair expecting her to tell him that there was yet another apocalypse headed their way. Instead she threw herself into a chair, sighing loudly. Xander sat back, sure now that whatever was upsetting her wasn't catastrophic. He smiled openly at her, "Where's my sunny Willow?" Willow half-smiled at him, obviously struggling to put her dark thoughts aside. "How are you Xander?" Xander looked at her worried face and realized that it was because of him. "I'm good Will. Better than good. No drinking if that's what you're asking. I'm working on a new book, this one's about this crazy vampire who crashes parent-teacher night. Sound familiar?" Willow grinned at him. "Our old buddy Spike. That should be a good one. Can't wait to read your take on the night." "What?" Xander grinned back at her, his face innocent, "You mean how our fearless hero set himself up as an offering to Spike and was nearly killed, but managed to outsmart him?" Willow laughed, "I thought Angel set that up, and saved you. And isn't Buffy the heroine?" Xander laughed with her, remembering that night and amazed that they could laugh about it. "It's funny isn't it Will? I mean we've faced death so many times and we can still laugh about it." He leaned back in his chair, remembering when fighting with Buffy had seemed like an adventure. Willow sat quietly for a while, then clearing her throat and staring at the table she questioned him. "What about Cordelia? How are you doing on that front?" Xander felt his stomach drop, but quickly recovered. "Better. If I could just stop having flashes of that dream..." His voice trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished. Willow considered him carefully before speaking again. "It must have been some dream." "I was drunk that night Will. After you told me she was back I got drunk." Xander stared at Willow, waiting for her to yell at him, or worse, pity him. Willow smiled knowingly before replying, her voice soft. "But you haven't had a drink since that night." Xander started to answer her, but realized it wasn't a question. He nodded quickly before speaking again. "I can't get it out of my head." "Do you want to tell me about it?" Willow queried. Xander looked at his best friend, trying to decide how much he should share. He was silent for a minute before deciding he had to talk about it with someone before it drove him crazy. "I could feel her next to me, even smell her. She looked so sad and alone as she told me that she had never wanted to leave. Then I have this picture of my head in her lap and her stroking my hair. And then I can feel her lips on mine, and her body next to me." Xander stood abruptly, knocking his chair over. He started pacing around the library, the words falling out of him. "It seems so real Willow, even now. Like it's a memory and not a dream. I mean I was drunk that night, and probably hallucinating, but when I woke on the beach that morning I wasn't even wearing clothes." He turned to Willow, expecting to see pity on her face, but she just smiled softly at him. He walked over to the chair, pulling it upright and sitting down again. "That's why I decided drinking is no longer for me. I was drinking to escape the memories, not make new ones." Willow nodded her head, then she pushed her chair back and stood up. Walking over to him she wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "I'm sorry Xander. I wish that it had turned out all right for you and Cordy, that she had been who we thought she was. But I think that you need to move on. Forget the dream." She pulled away from him and walked slowly back to her chair, her eyes still showing her worry. "I am moving on Will. I've even got a date for the Charity Auction. Proud of me?" Xander smiled at her as he spoke, his voice teasing. "For the Charity Auction? Won't Cordelia be there?" Willow spoke quickly, her voice rising as she looked at him. "Isn't that a plus? I mean, she seems to think she can come back and say she's sorry about everything. I just want to show her that I'm fine without her." Xander's voice was defensive as he watched Willow carefully. The red-head looked undecided for a moment before nodding her head. "I guess it's for the best. Now I really have to get some work done. I was delayed this morning." Xander took his cue and stood up. "Okay, got the hint. I'm leaving." He turned to look at her when he got to the door. She was just sitting there, her head in her hands, looking like the weight of the world had just dropped onto her shoulders. He stared at her for another moment, suddenly sure that all of the worry on her face wasn't directed at him, but before he could decide whether or not to try and talk to her about it she got up from the table and walked slowly to the stacks. ********* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (10/18) Date: 16 Jan 1999 17:10:31 PST August 3, 2006 Willow stared down at the man on the floor after Cordelia left the room, her thoughts jumbled. She couldn't believe Cordelia had married this monster, or that she had lied about him being the father. Willow had known when Cordelia had claimed the baby was his that she wasn't being honest, but it had been easier to believe than anything else she could think of. Turning she looked at Buffy, knowing she had to do something. Hearing the police heading down the hallway she whispered to Buffy, "Don't tell Xander what he said." Buffy looked surprised at that, but nodded her head quickly as the police entered the room with Xander nowhere in sight. Willow rapidly filled the police in on what she had seen and who the man was. She told them that Cordelia had been so afraid that she had run. After promising to find Cordelia and bring her down to the station to give a statement they watched as the police took Doug away. Willow stood looking at the floor until Buffy spoke. "Kay, what exactly is going on?" Willow looked at her best friend, her eyes full of tears. "I'm not sure, but I think it's long past time we found out." Buffy looked sad for a moment before she walked towards the door. "So, the library?" "The library." Willow agreed as they headed out of the room. Willow went immediately to the computer as soon as she entered the room, quickly logging on and beginning her task. Buffy wandered around the library and Willow could almost hear the wheels turning in her head. Finally the Slayer walked over to her and looked over her shoulder. "Hospital records? Cordelia's records? What exactly are you thinking?" Buffy inquired. "I'm thinking that I'm so not underage anymore and if I ever get caught you're going to have to perform your first jailbreak." Willow attempted to joke as her eyes skimmed quickly over the file. Finding the information she was looking for she sat back in her chair, the truth finally sinking in. "Oh God. What did she do?" "Who? Cordelia? Why do I feel that I'm totally out of this loop?" Buffy leaned in closer to the computer screen, trying to figure out what Willow had found. "So she's pregnant, we already knew that. Her crazy ex-husband told us, remember?" "I think it's Xander's baby." Willow spoke quietly. "Okay, now I know I'm out of the loop." Buffy said, walking over to a table and sitting down. "I think it's time for us to have a little talk about Cordelia and what exactly you think is going on. Last time I checked Cordelia and Xander weren't exactly on speaking terms, let alone...well, making babies." Willow slowly shut down the computer and walked over to sit across from her best friend. "I think we were wrong about Cordelia." "I got that part." Buffy said, her face sad again. "But I still don't get why she left if she loved him so much. And why you think this baby is Xander's." Willow rubbed her forehead, trying to process all the information she knew. "Xander told me about this dream that's been haunting him. It was about him and Cordelia being together. He was really drunk, but he says that it felt so real. And I think maybe it was. The timing is right; the date of conception was the exact day Xander had the dream. I don't think that's a coincidence." "Oh God." Buffy whispered; her face pale. "So you think Cordelia was on the beach that night?" "I do." Willow said quietly. "She still loves him, she would never have left him alone on the beach drunk." "She really does still love him." Buffy pounded her hands down on the table, suddenly angry. "So why did she do it? Why did she leave him?" "I don't know." Willow said, "I was with her when she found out she was pregnant. She fainted and I went with her in the ambulance. When she woke up we talked. She said she had always loved him, but I didn't believe her." Willow spoke sadly, her expression full of guilt. "She asked me why we never tried to find out why she was acting so mean. She wanted to know why we all just assumed the worst of her so easily. Why did we do that Buffy?" "Because she used to be so mean to us." Buffy spoke softly, her tone unsure. "That's what she said too. That the two years we were true friends meant nothing to us, because we had just been waiting for her to change back." Willow was crying silently now, the tears streaming down her face. "But even if we did that, if we were wrong to let her leave so easily that still doesn't explain why she left in the first place." "She said she thought Xander would be happy without her. And you Buffy. She said she thought you and Xander would be happy. I don't know why she thought that, but she said she wanted to make it easy for you two to be together and that if she was a bitch then you wouldn't feel guilty." Willow stared at Buffy, her face confused. The Slayer stared at the table for a long moment, her face going pale. She slowly lifted her eyes to Willow, her face full of guilt. "Oh God Willow." Willow watched the emotions that ran across Buffy's face and her stomach sank as she began to believe that their failure of Cordelia had been much more than just not asking her what was wrong. She spoke softly to the Slayer. "Buffy?" Buffy began to speak quietly, almost to herself. "I was so lonely and missing Angel and Xander was comforting me." She paused, her eyes filled with tears. "And I kissed him, only for a second before he pushed me away. I didn't do it to hurt Cordelia, I was just so sad. I never dreamed that she knew, but she must have seen us. It happened just before she changed, but I never dreamed, never thought... I mean she was waiting for us outside the cemetery, she seemed fine. Why didn't she say something?" "I don't know." Willow spoke loudly, her hands slamming into the table in front of Buffy. "Why didn't you ever tell me? Why didn't you suspect that she knew something? Why didn't Xander?" "I don't know." Buffy's voice was slightly hysterical. "I felt so guilty after I did that, I just blocked it out of my mind." Looking at Willow she pleaded with her to understand. "I never thought she would do what she did. If she knew, I thought she would have come after both me and Xander, ready to kill us." Willow nodded her head, suddenly almost too tired to continue the conversation. "Cause Cordelia would never do anything unselfish. Even after everything that we had been through, we still didn't believe she really cared about us." "And I didn't feel as guilty because she was being such a bitch. I didn't even consider that she knew." Buffy whispered; her face full of shame. Willow reached across the table and grabbed Buffy's hand. "We have to find Xander. He has to know why she left and that she has always loved him." Buffy nodded her head, one tear sliding down her cheek. "And that she's having his baby." Buffy smiled sadly before speaking. "Xander and Cordelia having a baby. It seems strange." "What?" Buffy and Willow spun around, shocked to see Xander in the doorway of the library. They jumped up from the table, each trying to figure out what to say to him, how to explain it to him. Willow spoke first, her voice calm. "Xander, we need to talk. Come and sit down." Xander glared at her, his body tense. "Why would you think Cordelia was having my baby?" Willow walked closer to him, trying to calm him with her presence. Buffy hung back, the guilt she felt over kissing him fresh in her mind again. Xander backed further away from Willow, standing almost outside of the library, his eyes moving from one to the other. Willow cleared her throat and whispered softly to him, "Xander, the dream. It was real." Xander stared at Willow in disbelief, his mouth hanging open. Then the anger filled his eyes again. "That bitch." "No." Buffy and Willow spoke in unison. Willow glanced at Buffy before speaking again. "She loves you Xander. She has always loved you. It was just a horrible mistake. We all made a horrible mistake." Xander looked at them like they were crazy before turning around and walking away. Buffy and Willow stood there, both of them frozen with indecision. Willow moved first, her eyes meeting Buffy's. "He'll be back, he just needs to process what he heard." Buffy nodded; her face unsure. "So should we try and find Cordelia?" Willow sat down slowly at the computer, her shoulders slumping. "I'll look up her address." ******** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (9/18) Date: 16 Jan 1999 17:09:51 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) August 3, 2006 Cordelia put the finishing touches on her hair, satisfied that she looked as good as she was going to. The dark circles under her eyes were well hidden by make-up and the gauntness in her cheeks actually gave her a more dramatic look. Her hand reached down to touch the slight swell of her stomach as she spoke softly to her child. "When are you going to let Mommy keep down something she eats?" Laughing at herself she walked out into the kitchen, amazed again at how the baby had erased the loneliness from her life. She looked around at the boxes cluttering her apartment and felt a momentary pang of sorrow. She turned away, refusing to think of anything but getting through the auction and then leaving this town behind her. Her baby was going to have a happy life without all the horrors Sunnydale had to offer. Grabbing her coat she headed out into the cool evening. She drove slowly towards Sunnydale High School, not wanting to get there any sooner than she had to. But this would be her last chance to see Xander, her last look at her old friends. She swallowed back the tears that seemed to come over her all the time now. This is it, she told herself as she pulled into the parking lot, it's almost done now. She slid out of the car after taking a quick look around for any monsters that might be lurking around. Nothing seemed to be there so she slammed the door behind her, catching a quick glimpse of Buffy hidden in the shadows before she disappeared again. Cordelia smiled softly before walking towards the building; the Slayer was on the job. Walking up to Harmony she quickly got to work on last minute details, making sure everything was ready to go in the order the program showed. She caught a quick glimpse of Xander laughing with a beautiful blonde girl and her heart stopped for a moment. Turning away she ignored the jealousy and tried to be happy that Xander was moving on. Her eyes caught with Willow's for a moment and she almost thought she saw sympathy in the red-head's eyes before she turned away. She was just finishing up her work when a hand snaked around her shoulders. Spinning around with a rude comment on her lips she stared open mouthed into the cold eyes of her ex-husband. "Hey honey, miss me?" His breath washed over her, the smell of alcohol making her stomach roll. She backed away slowly, her eyes roaming the room to see if anyone had noticed them, but everyone was heading out to watch the auction. Her face hard, she spoke quietly, her voice angry. "Doug. What are you doing here?" He grinned at her; his eyes still cold. "What? I couldn't just want to see my wife?" "I'm not your wife." She spoke quickly, hearing the applause as the auction started. Looking around she realized the room had emptied except for them. She looked back to her ex-husband, at the cold rage in his eyes and she began to be afraid. "Well, there is that." He leered at her, his hands grabbing her arms. "But we could fix that Cordelia." She tried to pull her arms free, but he held her too tightly. "What do you mean?" Her voice was shaky and she cursed herself for letting him see her fear. "Father's going to cut me off. So I need you back." The anger on his face was frightening to see, a child's anger at being told what to do in a grown man's body. "I'm not coming back. Ever." Cordelia whispered the words, her voice disgusted. "You're a drunk and a cheat and you don't love me." "But I love money Cordelia." He spoke calmly now, his fingers digging into her arms. "I can give you money." She hated the fear in her voice, the placating tone she was using. She wanted to hit him and scream at him, but the gnawing in her stomach told her that wouldn't go over well. She just needed to calm him down and get away. She would leave Sunnydale tonight, leave everything behind and just run until he could never find her. Silently she vowed to offer him whatever he wanted in order to get a chance to escape. "But not enough Cordelia. Not enough. Your little dress-making business may satisfy you, but I want more. Besides, you owe me." His voice went from angry to petulant as he spoke. "I owe you?" Her voice wavered as she struggled to remain calm. "Because you loved another man when you married me. And you never stopped loving him." His voice was smooth as he tried to look hurt. "You didn't care that I loved him then and you don't care now. You only care about the money." He glared at her, his fingers digging deeper into her arms before relaxing a bit. Shrugging his shoulders he answered her. "Well, it was worth a try. But you are coming back with me Cordelia. Tonight." She struggled vainly to get loose from his grip, her heart beating wildly, but he just held her tighter. Cordelia finally stopped struggling and just stared at him, unable to think. He took her silence as submission and grabbing her by the waist, he pulled her to him, his mouth covering hers. Her arms now free she pushed at him, desperate to get his mouth off hers. His arms held her even tighter and she was suddenly terrified that he would hurt the baby so when his tongue pushed into her mouth she bit him as hard as she could. He pushed her away, his fist shooting out and connecting solidly with her stomach. She fell to the ground grasping her middle as the pain shot through her. Tears falling down her face she looked up at him, her voice panicked. "Please. Please, I'm pregnant. Please don't hurt my baby." He froze; his face a mask of rage. Backing away from her he stared at her. "Pregnant?" Cordelia held her stomach, not caring about anything but keeping her baby safe. She looked up at him and saw the rage growing. "Please. I'll come with you. I'll marry you again, but just don't hurt my baby." Her voice was choked with sobs. He moved closer again, his voice louder. "Pregnant?" Cordelia struggled to get to her feet, the pain in her stomach rolling through her body in waves. She glanced towards the door and saw a flash of red-hair moving away. She prayed that it had been Willow and that she would get help. Her tormentor was growing more agitated by the second, the liquor feeding his rage. He grabbed her by the throat, his eyes wild. "You're pregnant. Cordelia the ice queen actually let someone fuck her?" Cordelia felt his hands tightening around her neck and suddenly knew that if someone didn't get there soon she was going to die. She whispered softly, "Please. Please don't." His hands tightened around her neck even more and the world started to fade away. From somewhere in the darkness she thought she heard Xander's voice and then she was suddenly free. Her ex-husband was swinging wildly at Xander, who avoided his punches easily. She watched Xander fight her ex-husband; easily subduing him with a solid punch to his stomach that had him falling to the floor in agony. Buffy ran into the room then, followed by a panting Willow. Xander turned to them, speaking quietly. "Not a demon Buffy, I got him. Can you watch him while I go call the cops?" Buffy nodded her head, going over to stand beside the moaning man. Cordelia stared at all of them before her eyes fastened on Xander. He met her eyes for a moment and she choked out a thank you. He looked at her for another moment before he spoke, his voice icy. "Don't think I did it for you. I would stop someone from hitting a dog." Spinning around Xander walked out of the room leaving Cordelia staring after him, her heart shattered once again. She pulled herself together as her husband started mumbling something. Her heart slammed into her throat as she realized what he was about to say a second before he said it. "So dear wife, that was the infamous Alex Harris, the guy you spent every night crying over. He doesn't seem to like you much." His voice was full of pain, but also something very close to happiness. Cordelia glanced quickly at Buffy and Willow, who were staring at her ex-husband with identical expressions of disbelief. Cordelia prayed that the police would arrive quickly, before he remembered about the baby. She answered him slowly, her voice much calmer than she felt. "No, he doesn't like me very much." Her ex looked up at the blonde-haired girl who stood over him, looking very much like he was thinking of making a break for it. Cordelia spoke quickly, "I wouldn't move if I were you, she's much tougher than she looks." He glanced up at Buffy again and something in her expression must have backed up Cordelia's words because he didn't move. He spoke to Buffy then, his voice conversational, "She blamed the break-up on me, because I drank a little and liked to party. But she was the one who loved another man. She was my wife because she was punishing herself for failing him. Isn't that nice? And when I come and tell her that I'll give her another chance she tells me no." Buffy and Willow were silent, their faces shocked. Cordelia spoke quietly, trying to keep him from talking anymore, "You came to order me to marry you again so your father wouldn't cut you off. The same reason you married me in the first place." He laughed harshly before shrugging his shoulders, "Oops. Forgot about that." He looked back at Buffy, his face full of charm again. "And now I find out she's pregnant. I'm must admit that I'm a little curious about who would sleep with the frigid bitch." He turned to her, his face bitter. "Whose is it Cordelia? The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker? Or did you convince Alex Harris to give it one more go? I take it from his disgust that you weren't much better for him than you were for me." Cordelia stared horrified as Willow turned to her. The redhead's face was uncertain, but then realization dawned. " Oh my God, Cordelia?" Cordelia's head swam as her lie was uncovered. She suddenly couldn't handle one more word, or look of hate so she turned and ran from the room, leaving Buffy and Willow to clean up her mess. ******* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (9/??) Date: 17 Jan 1999 00:16:18 EST TITLE: Torn (9/??) AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin aka XandersGirl E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Always welcome DISTRIBUTION: If I said you could archive it already, go right ahead. Otherwise, please ask. I'll say yes, I just like to know where my work goes. SUMMARY: Willow's stuck between Xander and Oz SPOILERS: through "Lover's Walk" RATING: PG DISCLAIMER: Willow & Co are Evil Joss's & Co. Not mine. Although I sure wish Xander was. Don't sue. I'll be getting this story up on my website as soon as I can. If you're missing earlier parts, just e-mail me and I'll be glad to send them to you. Torn - Part 9 Oz was alone in his room, idly staring at the clock, watching the numbers click by. It was well after midnight. But he couldn't sleep. He couldn't even pick up his guitar and play, which was an action which always soothed his frazzled nerves and helped him work out whatever he was feeling. But he couldn't do it right now. All he could do was sit. And think. About Willow. Very little else was on his mind these days. He could only think about two things. Her, and her and Xander. He wanted so badly to simply take her words at face value and believe her when she said it was over between them. He knew Willow loved him. But he also knew Xander had such a huge part of Willow. A bigger part than he could ever hope for. It was hard for Willow to let Xander, and therefore that piece of her, go. It was never going to be over between the two of them. He could see that. It wasn't something he liked seeing. Oz knew he should be the noble one, the good guy. Step aside. Tell Willow to be with Xander. Let her be happy. Because all he wanted was for Willow to be happy. But Oz was letting the selfish part of him rule his thoughts right now. He wanted Willow to be happy with *him*. Not Xander. He loved her so much. All he wanted was her love in return. But maybe it was too much to ask for. She said, she promised she was his. That all her "stuff" was for him and him only. And Oz knew Willow really meant those words when she said them. She hadn't been lying. But Oz knew that Willow didn't know what she was saying. Well, she knew what she was *saying* saying, but she didn't know she couldn't do it. Oz could see it. Willow could never give up Xander. And it was unfair of him to ask her to. And he wasn't asking her to, per se. He didn't want to destroy the years-old friendship between her and Xander. They had a special thing going. Oz could see that. But what he didn't want was Willow doing the smoochie thing with Xander while she was still calling herself his girlfriend. But even Oz could see it. He didn't know quite what was going on, but recently, the connection between Willow and Xander . . it was more than just teenage hormones. He could tell. This could be the real thing. And the only thing in the way . . was him. Oz sighed and closed his eyes. He couldn't see any way around it. He could either continue his relationship with Willow and always be unsure of her love or feeling like he never had all of her, or he could let her go. But letting her go was going to hurt so much. He loved her. Willow was so different. But it was different good. She was warm and she was sweet and she was intelligent and she was sensitive and she was all those good things rolled up into one pretty red-headed package. She was the kind of girl Oz always dreamed he'd meet. And he had. He wished he'd never seen Willow at the Cultural dance last year. No he didn't. He really didn't wish that. He couldn't imagine his life without Willow in it. She made it all so much better. Everything he felt, he felt it twice as much because Willow shared it with him. But now everything felt wrong, uncertain. He didn't want to always doubt Willow, to wonder if she was thinking of him or of Xander. He also didn't want Willow to play the 'what if' game with herself. If she was always asking herself what if I'd been with Xander, she'd never be completely happy with Oz. He knew what he had to do. But god, he loved her so much. This was going to hurt. He picked up the phone and dialed. ***** Willow picked up the phone on the second ring. "Hello?" she asked, hoping it would be Oz. "Hey." It was. "Hope I didn't wake you up." "You didn't. I was awake, on the computer. What's up?" Willow asked. There was a few seconds of silence, and those few seconds immediately alerted Willow to the fact that Oz had something on his mind. "Oz?" Willow asked again. "Willow?" "Oz? What is it?" Oz's demeanor had her worried. "I think I have to break up with you," Oz said. Willow audibly gasped. "Oz? Why?" she said, tears rising in her eyes. "It's . . hard to explain." "Was it me? Was it something I did?" Willow asked. Then it occurred to her. "Is it Xander?" Oz's hesitation told her she'd hit the nail right on the head. "It's over with me and Xander!" Willow said. "Please believe me." "Willow, I do believe you. But I also know you're not going to be able to stop loving him." "I love *you*" Willow protested. "I know you do. I love you too. But I can't be with you with the ghost of Xander always in my head . . and maybe yours. I don't want you to always wonder 'what if''?" Oz explained. "But there won't be what if . . I already know who I want to be with. I want to be with *you*, Oz. I love you." "I can't do it, Will," Oz said sadly. "Oz, please?" Willow said, desperate. She couldn't lose him. Not after everything she'd gone through to get him back. "I'll do whatever you need, I'll stop hanging around with Xander." "I won't ask you to do that," Oz said. "It'd be unfair to you. And I guess to him too." "Oz . .don't do this," Willow begged. "I have to. Goodbye Willow. I'll see you tomorrow." Before Willow had a chance to respond, the dial tone buzzed softly in her ear. She slowly replaced the receiver. She looked around her room, trying to catch her breath, which had shortened. It was all she could do to keep from breaking down in sobs. She felt frozen. I lost him. I lost him. She was overwhelmed with that feeling of lonliness she'd woken up to after the haunting dream the other night. The gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach was the same. It had come true. She was alone. Willow let out a stifled sob. There was only one thing she wanted to do. When she waslittle, whenever she was upset or scared or just lonely, she'd climb out her balcony window and run the block and a half to Xander's house. He'd kept a ladder outside his bedroom window and Willow had used to to climb up and sneak into Xander's bedroom in the pitch blackness of the night. And she'd climb into bed with him and they'd sleep like that for the rest of the night, the two of them in Xander's She hadn't done that in years though. And looking back at it, she realized it was a miracle she hadn't been killed by vampires. Willow thought about it only two seconds longer, and then she was out the balcony door. ***** Willow stepped through the place in the chain-link fence at the edge of the Harris property where the fence had come apart from the post. Years ago, she and Xander had tugged the opening wider so that they could squeeze through it. She quickly made her way through the backyard and around to the side of the house. She looked up at Xander's bedroom. A faint glow was coming from the window. He probably had the TV on. She tore her gaze away from the window and looked around on the ground. Yes, it was still there. A few feet away, slightly covered with weeds, was the ladder. As quietly as she could she lifted the ladder and leaned it against the house. The ladder seemed to creak loudly as she made her way up. She came to Xander's window and looked in. Xander was on his bed, his back to her. She couldn't see his face. The TV was on an infomercial on some sort of instant spaghetti maker. He had probably fallen asleep. Willow reached for the sash of the window and pushed up. The window opened easily. A few moments later, Willow dropped softly to the rug of Xander's room. Wait a second . . rug? Willow hadn't even known Xander had a rug. She looked around the room incredulously. It was clean. He'd cleaned his room. She managed to stifle a laugh. She crept over to Xander's bed. He was asleep. His chest rose and fell silently in time with his deep, even breathing. His dark hair fell from his forehead into his eyes. He looked so peaceful. Willow noticed he had something clasped in one hand. A picture. She gently pried it out of his grasp, taking care not to wake him. It was a picture of her. Her and Xander. Right before Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale. They were sitting on the front stoop of Willow's house. Xander had his arm slung around Willow's shoulder and Willow had leaned her head against his chest, comfortably settled in the crook of his arm. Both were grinning. Willow smiled at the memory. She looked over at Xander. Still sleeping. She stepped out of her shoes and lifted the corner of the covers. Wordlessly, she slipped into bed beside him, curling up against his warm body. Xander didn't move. She reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his. Within minutes, she was sound asleep. ***** Xander opened his eyes. Something had awakened him from his sleep. It was still dark and the clock on his nightstand read 2:43 a.m. He started to roll over. There was somebody in bed with him. He froze. Then he caught a glimpse of fiery red hair and relaxed. Willow. He smiled down at his sleeping friend, remembering how she used to always come over late at night like this. Willow's hair had fallen into her face, and she had a slight smile on her lips. Xander reached down and tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear. Slowly, he settled himself back under the covers, taking Willow into his arms. She faced away from him, and he could bury his face in her hair. Letting out a long sigh, Xander gently kissed the top of Willow's head. "I love you, Willow," he whispered, before closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep. ***** Willow worked to keep her face perfectly motionless and her breathing even, continuing to let Xander think she was asleep. He'd woken her up when he touched her hair, but she hadn't opened her eyes, waiting to see what he would do. Her heart had started pounding when she heard his whispered words. After a few moments, when it seemed Xander had gone back to sleep, without even thinking about what she was saying, Willow whispered back to him. "I love you, too." End Part Nine ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: taygeta@juno.com (C. Catherine) Subject: BUFFYFIC: My Moira (12/?) Date: 16 Jan 1999 21:10:11 -0800 TITLE: My Moira #12 AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint) DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG KEYWORDS: Future. Semi-Buffy/Xander fanfic, but more Future Slayer. DISCLAIMER: The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. FUTURE INSTALLMENTS: Since the list is closing down, I'd just like to mention that any future installments will definitely be found at the "My Moira" poriton of my site: http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/network/1038/MM.html *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* My Moira #12 By: Taygeta "So young…so beautiful…so like her mother…" whispered Angelus in the shadows of the cemetery. The dust rose and fell when Moira stumbled and inadvertently staked the vampire in the heart. "Wow," said Moira to Cordelia, who had been following her from a distance, "I wasn't even aiming for that." Her Watcher folded her arms across her chest, "You can't always depend on lucky breaks to help you through your vampire troubles and what if next time, it's not a vampire?" "Then…I…fall over with a machete," the slayer said with her smile that was a strange essence of her mother and her father. "Moira…" Cordelia said with a sigh, "and I thought your Dad was bad when it came to making jokes." "Well, Mom always said that I had Dad's humor." "And that's a good thing?" a voice said questioningly from the shadows. They armed themselves with their stakes and crosses and the slayer said cautiously, "Who's there?" Cordelia stopped her protégé from preceding further, recognizing the voice with an almost nauseating wave of remembrance, "No, Moira…stand back." "You better do as your watcher says, Slayer…you don't wanna mess with me…" Angelus replied as he came from behind the tree in full vampirical form. "Who are you?" The demonic eyes of the long-immortal vampire met the watcher's eyes and grinned with the realization that Moira still did not know who he was in her future and who he had been in her mother's past. Laughing softly as he turned back to the slayer, "My…my…aren't we the innocent. Really, Cordelia…I would have at least thought Buffy would have used me as a pinnacle example for abstinence." "Angel, this is neither the time nor the place…" Cordelia replied stiffly. "And I was never one to defy prophecy, was I?" he chuckled, "200 some odd years in this body, and I never once defied prophecy…maybe it's time I started?" "Prophecy?" Moira asked in a confused tone to her watcher. But Angelus answered in her name, "Prophecy Girl… vampire slayer…headstrong…so much like your mother, you wouldn't believe…" The wrinkle on her forehead deepened, "Who are you?" "Your destiny…" he said, and with that, he disappeared back into the cloak of darkness. "Cordelia?" the slayer questioned her watcher again. She gazed at her slayer for a moment and sighed, "Let's go home, Moira." *~*~* "I still don't understand why you can't tell me," she said exasperatingly when Cordelia stopped in front of the Summers-Harris home. "I can't tell you because it's not my place to tell you. I have to tell you what he represents to you as a slayer, but before I can do that, you have to know what he represented to your mom and only she can tell you that." "So, what do you expect me to do?" she said, "What am I suppose to say? ' Hi, Mom…who's Angel?'" "Moira…" sighed Cordelia. The slayer followed her sigh and replied, "Fine…I'll ask her. Good night, Cordelia." "Good night," she replied and as she saw her slayer walk towards the house, "and good luck…" *~*~* "Mom?" Moira asked looking up from her books on her bed. "Some late night studying?" Buffy said with surprise as she walked into her daughter's room. "A little history homework to finish, that's all," she replied. "Well, I'm glad that you're keeping with your school work, in spite of all this…stuff," her mom said. She kissed her on the cheek and perchance a glance at the latest copy of 21st Era Teen on top of her history book. She took it up and continued, "School work?" "It strengthens my education," Moira justified. Buffy skimmed the cover, "18 ways to tell if he loves you." Her daughter smiled sheepishly as she handed her back to the magazine, "Finish your work and get sleep, huh?" "Yes, Mom. Good night," she said as her mother walked out the room. Contemplating for a moment, she called out, "Mom?" Buffy turned around, "Yeah, honey?" "Who's Angel?" ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (11/18) Date: 17 Jan 1999 10:39:59 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. rating: PG-13, I think. There's a little swearing in this part. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) August 3, 2006 Xander drove aimlessly around town, the knowledge that Cordelia was carrying his child pushing out all other rational thought. He wasn't sure if he was looking for her to talk to her or to kill her. How could she do that to him? Sleep with him on the beach and then run away before morning? His anger built as he realized that she had never had any intention of telling him. If Willow hadn't figured it out, he would never have known his child, never even have known he had a child. The rage was almost spilling out of him when he saw her car parked in front of a run down apartment building. He braked hard, the tires screeching along the pavement. Jumping out of the car he saw Cordelia exiting the building, a large suitcase in each hand. He ran over to her, not noticing the pain in her face or the awkward way she was walking. He was directly in front of her before she saw him, her eyes widening as he grabbed the suitcases from her and threw them towards her car. "Going somewhere Cordelia?" His voice sounded frightening to his own ears as he stared down at her. She made a small sound, somewhere between a gasp and a moan before trying to walk around him. He let her pass him before turning around to speak again. "Ever plan on telling the baby about its father?" She froze for a moment, before beginning to walk towards her car again, her gait slow and wobbly. He caught up with her quickly, spinning her around to face him. "It's my baby Cordelia." She stared up at him, her eyes widening. Shaking her head she backed away from him. "Are you crazy Xander? How could it be your baby?" Her voice struggled to be derisive, but the shakiness was too evident. Xander shook his head, trying to contain his anger. "Don't lie to me. Willow figured it out." Cordelia took a deep breath, then she spoke softly. "I'm leaving town Xander. No one will ever know." "I know." He screamed at her, using all his self-control to keep from shaking her. "This is my baby too." "Xander." She whispered his name, her voice full of pain. "Save the wounded act Cordelia." He spat the words at her, too angry to listen to her try and explain. "I don't know how you did it, but Willow and Buffy are both singing your praises once again." He paced in a circle around her unable to stand still. He stopped suddenly, his voice cold as he interrogated her. "Was it good Cordy?" Cordelia stared at him blankly so he asked her again. "Was it good fucking a drunk man? Did I satisfy you? Or was the thought of my money enough?" "Don't." Cordelia spoke softly, but her voice held none of the fear it had earlier. She considered him carefully before continuing. "I made love to a man that loved me and missed me. A man who gave me more joy in a drunken embrace than I have felt in the last five years." She walked closer to him, and stared him straight in the eyes as she finished. "It wasn't about money, or prestige. It was about love. I know I shouldn't have done it, but I'm not sorry. And I won't let you make me feel guilty for it." She turned then and walked over to where one of her suitcases lay, bending down slowly to pick it up. Xander watched her moving, the anger that had been leading him fading away, leaving only sadness. He walked over to her, gently taking the suitcase from her hand and setting it down beside her car. She said nothing as he collected the other suitcase and brought it to sit beside the first. Xander turned to her, looking at her for the first time without a haze of anger surrounding him. She looked very young standing there, her face pale and gaunt as she waited to see what he would do. He stood transfixed, suddenly wanting to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. Instead he cleared his throat; Willow's words reverberating in his head, and asked her the question he truly feared the answer to. "Willow said you loved me. That you always loved me. Is it true?" Cordelia's face crumbled, the tears spilling down her cheeks as she nodded her head. Taking deep breaths she struggled to speak, her voice trembling. "Yes." He closed his eyes as her affirmation washed over him, stumbling backwards until he was leaning against her car. He stood there for a minute unable to speak before he opened his eyes and looked at her. She stood there, her arms wrapped around her stomach as she sobbed. Walking over to her, he touched her arms softly and looked down at her. Speaking carefully he asked the question he had been haunted by for the last five years. "Why then? Why did you leave me?" She stared up at him, her eyes full of pain, but when she spoke her voice was calm, almost cold. "Why didn't you try and stop me?" "Cordelia." Xander whispered, suddenly sure that no answer he could give her would make it right. "I don't know. You seemed so different, so much like the snob I had always hated. Like what we had didn't matter." She sagged against him, only his hands on her arms keeping her upright. She stared at him; her eyes pools of agony and loneliness as she pleaded with him to make her understand. "Why did you believe me? Why didn't you know that something was wrong?" "What was wrong?" He asked her, knowing in his heart that he had been mad at the wrong person all these years. She straightened up, a look of pain crossing her face before she backed away from him. "Just let it go Xander. It was a long time ago, and it really doesn't matter anymore." She moved towards her suitcases, her car keys jingling in her hand. Xander moved towards her, angry that she could walk away. He spoke loudly, the anger back in his voice. "Let it go? I've spent the last five years in misery because you left me for some reason that you don't even think matters?" She spun around, reacting to the anger in his voice with anger of her own. She threw her head back, her eyes glaring as she spoke calmly and coldly. "I left you because I saw you and Buffy kissing in the graveyard. I was a bitch because I thought it would be easier for you and Buffy if you could be together without guilt. I did it because I stupidly thought that you two would have a happy life. I did it because I loved both of you so much that all I wanted was for you to be happy." Xander stood there stunned, his stomach sinking as the depth of the mistake he had made sunk in. How could he not have known? She had began acting strangely on the very night he had kissed Buffy. He stepped forward slightly, wanting to go down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, but he didn't know what to say. He couldn't even understand why he had never suspected, how could he expect her to understand? So he just watched silently, tears streaming down his face as she fumbled with her car keys and opened the trunk. "Cordelia?" The word was strangled through his throat, his head still spinning. He took a tentative step toward her, not knowing what he would say; just knowing that he couldn't let her leave without at least trying to explain. She was leaning against the car, not reacting to him as he moved closer, his stomach sinking even lower. He touched her shoulder cautiously and she moved slightly, a gasp of pain escaping her lips. He dimly heard another car screech to a stop in front of the apartment building as Cordelia grabbed her stomach and sunk to the ground, crying out in agony. "The baby." Cordelia gasped out, looking up at Xander for help. He leaned down to pick her up, his heart beating wildly and turned to see Willow and Buffy running towards them. He took off towards Buffy's jeep, screaming at them to get back to the car. He ran as fast as he could, the terror in Cordelia's eyes spurring him on. Buffy jumped into the driver's seat as he climbed into the back with Cordelia. "Hospital. Fast." He choked out as he looked down at Cordelia and realized that she was unconscious. He smoothed her hair back from her face, whispering his love to her, promising her that everything would be all right. He looked up once to meet Willow's worried eyes before letting the tears flow freely. "Oh God Willow. What did I do?" His voice was thick with guilt as he stared at the still form in his lap. "What did I do?" "Xander." Willow began, then stopped as she saw the look in Xander's eyes. Buffy drove fast towards Sunnydale General, ignoring every stop sign and red light until she pulled up at the emergency entrance. Xander had the door open before the car was even stopped, running into the hospital with Cordelia in his arms. He quickly explained the situation to the nurse and Cordelia was quickly put on a stretcher and taken away. He stood staring down the hallway they had taken her until Buffy and Willow came to stand beside him. They stood on either side of him, softly supporting him as they led him over to the waiting room and sat him down in a chair. He sat staring at the floor, until Buffy touched his arm and spoke softly to him, her voice frightened. "Xander?" He froze at the sound of her voice, for one moment furiously angry with her, but it passed quickly. His voice was textured with guilt and fear as he spoke. "She saw when we kissed. That's why she left." "I know." Buffy answered softly, her voice sad. "I'm so sorry." He didn't say anything after that; the fear was too pervasive to allow him any words. Willow and Buffy sat beside him silently as the night wore away, neither of them moving. When the first rays of dawn were just beginning to break the nurse came to get him; her expression slightly panicked. She took him down the long hallway explaining as they walked that the baby was gone and that Cordelia was not taking it well. "Where is she?" Xander questioned, his pace quickening. The nurse motioned towards a closed door and Xander sprinted to it, not knocking before he threw himself into the room. He stopped just inside the door, the sight of Cordelia freezing him. She was sitting up in the bed, two nurses holding her down as she struggled to get up. Her hair was plastered to her pale face and she was sobbing hysterically. One of the nurses turned to him, asking him if he was the husband. He opened his mouth to say no, but nodded instead, moving slowly to stand at the foot of the bed. "Cordy?" He whispered, his voice choked with sorrow. She stopped struggling at the sound of his voice, her eyes searching his face. "Xander?" Her voice was terrified as she stared at him. He moved closer to her, the nurses letting go of Cordelia's arms and backing away. Reaching down he touched her face, smoothing the hair back. Whispering her name again, he wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed. Her head pushed against his face as she cried on his shoulder as if she would never stop. He felt his own tears slipping down his face as he kissed her head and murmured meaningless words of comfort. Her sobs finally slowed and she pulled away from him, leaning back against the pillow, her eyes red and swollen. She looked up at him, her voice hoarse as she spoke. "You would have loved the baby." It was a statement more than a question, but he nodded his head anyway, his hand reaching out to cover hers. She stared at him for another minute before speaking again. "The baby was everything to me. It was all I had, all I wanted." "Cordelia." He uttered, feeling totally helpless to comfort her. "I'm here for you." She didn't say anything in response to his words, her expression impossible to read as she stared down at the sheet covering her, her fingers plucking aimlessly at the fabric. When she lifted her eyes again it was only to whisper that she was okay now, and that she wanted to be alone for a while. Xander leaned over and kissed the top of her head before walking away. He moved slowly down the hallway, barely noticing the people who passed him, faces that were blurred by the tears in his eyes. He forced himself to keep moving, to keep the tears hidden, until he could be alone. Willow and Buffy stood up as soon as they saw him enter the room, their faces filling with sorrow as they looked at him. They moved simultaneously over to him, wrapping themselves around him as they cried. He didn't cry though, he couldn't, the guilt he felt overwhelming him. Pushing them away he walked shakily over to the chairs and sat down, feeling the weight of his failure pushing on him. "How is she?" Willow asked, kneeling in front of him, her goodness shining in her eyes. "Sleeping. She wants to be alone." Xander mumbled, before sitting up straight, his hands balled into fists. "I wanted to tell her that she's already been alone too much, but I didn't. What could I possibly have to offer her now, especially after everything I've done, everything I've said?" He posed the question to no one in particular, knowing there was no good answer. "You love her." Buffy offered, her face showing the pain of the guilt she was feeling. "Yeah." Xander laughed bitterly. "I've done a great job of loving her so far." "She needs you now Xander. She'll need all of us." Willow said. "And I'm sure we'll be the first people she turns to." Xander spat out, unable to keep the anger he felt from showing in his voice. He felt as if he would never take another breath without regretting every moment of the past five years. His mind was racing as he remembered every cruel word he had said to her since she had returned, every horrible fate he had wished upon her. "We'll make it up to her." Buffy promised, her face determined. "How?" Xander questioned angrily. "Can you make our baby live?" He stared at Buffy intently, seeing the same guilt that turned his stomach reflected in her eyes. Feeling the tears burning his throat he turned his head from her, covering his face with his hands as he mourned for the baby he had just discovered and lost. A picture flashed in his mind of Cordelia holding their child, her expression full of joy. Sobs finally burst from his body as he thought of the life that could have been, the baby that would have brought them both such happiness. No one tried to stop his tears, they let him mourn for his child as they sat by his side, both of them softly crying. They were silent long after he had finally stilled his tears, knowing that there was nothing anyone could say right now that could make it any better. Xander didn't move from his chair for the entire day, his eyes watching everyone who entered the hallway that held Cordelia. He didn't move when Willow finally went to get something to eat, and he didn't move when she came back an hour later and told him that Cordelia had checked herself out and that she didn't want to see him. He just sat there as another night fell, saying nothing at all. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: uzenet@videotron.ca Subject: BUFFYFIC: After the Fire Date: 17 Jan 1999 13:43:55 -0500 Title: After the Fire Name: Northlight email: uzenet@videotron.ca Spoilers: Gingerbread (that is the title, isn't it? Whatever. The latest one). Summary: Joyce deals with her guilt. Disclaimer: They don't belong to me... but then, we all knew that already, didn't we? Joyce Summers looked around her living room, trying to hold onto some semblance of control. Wide, horrified eyes swept across the couches where she and her fellow members of MOO had planned their next step in an escalating program of fear and retribution. From there, her eyes shifted towards the stairs, where only hours ago, two children had stood urging her to destroy her own daughter. That memory sent Joyce's eyes snapping down to the floor where she had dropped her drugged and horrified daughter. One trembling hand flew to Joyce's mouth, and she clenched her eyes shut. The darkness behind her eyes offered her no reprieve from the memories swirling around her. Fire danced through her mind, as merciless as she had been. She gagged helplessly as she thought of how close that fire had come to claiming three innocent lives. She had nearly _killed_ three children. She had nearly killed her own _daughter_. A mother was supposed to protect her children, not persecute and hunt them down. Joyce's eyes filled with helpless tears. Buffy had hugged her, whispering reassuring words to her, letting her know that she was alive. Joyce had held her daughter to her desperately, even Buffy's form in her arms seeming unreal. Since discovering her daughter's destiny, Joyce had worried constantly about her falling before some demon. She had never thought that she could be used as an instrument of destruction. Joyce had always believed in non-violence and freedom. And yet, she had turned against those ideals with an ease that terrified her. As if sensing what her mother was thinking, Buffy had repeated earnestly that it hadn't been Joyce's fault. It had been the monster, she had said. It had been using everyone. That didn't, _couldn't_ make the guilt leave. She had roused the entire town into a frenzy of hatred and violence. She had helped to set parents against their own children. 'And what if everyone wasn't saved? What if some people decided to act on their own against the witches?' A low moan escaped her at that thought. What had begun as a quest to help make her home a better place for everyone had deteriorated into yet another burst of violence and death throughout Sunnydale. She had eagerly, joyfully burned books at her daughter's bound feet. She had lashed out at her with hurtful words. She had become as great a monster as those Buffy fought. Joyce's eyes peeled open, latching onto the posters scattered around the room. The two demon children who had led her step by step through the witch hunt stared out at her, mocking smiled on their lips. A low hiss broke through Joyce's clenched teeth. Without conscious thought, she was moving forward, her jaw clenched and her hands balled into fists. She reached out towards the nearest poster, her breaths harsh as she glared down at it. "Never again, indeed!" she growled suddenly, the small faces tearing apart beneath her hands. Joyce watched them flutter down to the carpet before reaching out for a pickets. She hefted it up marched towards her office. With a shout, she brought it down against the desk, the papers, the posters, against everything that had been the woman she had become. *** Buffy approached her house warily, weariness and worry making her steps slow. She and Giles had finished up monster cleaning duty, and now she was coming home to an even more strenuous job. Her mother was an emotional mess, Buffy recognized. It would be a long night of talking and crying before either of them would be able to even seriously consider sleep. Buffy stepped into the house and stopped short. She looked around, blinking rapidly in surprise. Someone had been on one hell of a rampage. "Mom?!" Buffy called out softly, moving deeper into her home. She found Joyce in her office, sitting on the floor surrounded by the remains of her office. Joyce looked up and smiled weakly. "You're right, Buffy. What kind of an acronym was MOO anyway?" ~End~ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (4c/?) Date: 18 Jan 1999 05:46:30 EST Title: Can't Hide the Past Author: Anna Perez (Shadows) E-mail: shadows@buffymail.com Feedback: Please? Rating: PG-13 to R Disclaimer: Characters seen on the Idiot Box belong to Joss Whedon & the WB Distribution: Just ask for permission Summary: 15 years after my own season 3 finale, the characters of BtVS find themselves thrown back together under unusual circumstances. Note: The last episode that I have seen is "Amends". I will follow the show from up to there, and then it's my playground. ***** Oz was trying to explain to Cordelia that this might be the indirect cause of a spell he, Willow, and Echo where doing the day before, but only so much could enter Cordelia Harris' head at once. She only heard the words "Willow" and "spell." "So this is *Willow's* fault?" she fumed. "Why does everything that happens to me in this Factory has to be because of *Willow*." Oz imagined that there was smoke coming out of her ears, and he tried not to let a smile appear on his face from the comical mental image. "Cordelia, calm down," he soothed. "Listen to e-ver-y-thing I say-" "Oz!" "Cordelia?" The two separate voice rang out in the emptiness of the factory. "Down here- wait, we'll be up there in a second!" Oz called out, recognized the voices of Xander and Willow. He was glad to see them-if they were stuck in Sunnydale and they were alive, then there was a chance of getting out of this town living and breathing and to find a way out of whatever mess they were in. "Oz?" It was Xander's voice, lined with worry. "Is Cordelia down there with you?" "Yes I am!" Cordelia answered for herself, and Oz winced at the volume. "And Alexander Harris, you better explain what the *hell* is going on when I get up there! Both to Oz and me!" "I promise, Cordy," Xander called from up above. Cordelia relaxed at the sound of her husband's voice. "Hey!" Oz yelled up at Xander. "I'll hoist her up there, and you grab her arms, ok? You don't have to crawl up there. And Willow?" "Yeah?" Her voice was small and sounded like bells. "I'll be up right after Cordy, ok?" No answer. "Everything's fine, baby. I'm here." The answer was a very soft murmur of "I know." Oz paused for a moment to mull over Willow's strange comment, and then shrugged it off. He grabbed Cordelia by the waist and lifted her clear over his head. He noticed that Xander had hold of her arms because Cordelia's body went taut. He pushed her up as Xander pulled and didn't let go until his hands slipped off her shoes. Then, making sure the hole was cleared, he bent his leg muscles and then let them loose, jumping out of the hole. The scene before him so stunned him that he practically fell back down again. ***** What was he expecting? It was hard to put it into words. Maybe . . . a taller version of him. Yes, that was one thing that he was expecting-hoping was a more aptly put word, actually. And maybe he'd have gotten his grown spurt, and not be so damn lanky. And maybe he'd be able to keep his hair color just one shade, and maybe he'd have finally grown a real goatee instead of fuzz. Maybe. Sadly, his hopes were dashed. If the gang had thought both Willow's looked alike, past Oz and Future Oz could be mistaken for twins. They both were rather short; They both were lanky, although F-Oz was slightly thinner; Oz's hair a dulled brown (his original color) and F-Oz's a reddish- brown; they both had fuzz that half-passed for goatees or just the inability to shave. Oz was disappointed. F-Oz was floored. "Ok, is anybody *else* seeing double?" F-Oz asked. F-Willow turned towards him and her arm slinked around his back. Needing some sense of security himself, he hung his arm about her shoulders and pulled her close, like they had been doing on the balcony just minutes ago. Except . . . no jacket. Darn, he had liked that jacket, he'd had it forever; but he loved Willow more and was worried more about losing her than a half-replaceable jacket. He noticed that she was shivering, and he wrapped another arm around her. F- Willow hugged him and they looked like one person. It was sweet. "Yeah," F-Xander sighed, holding his own wife in his arms. "You see, seems my younger self decided to transport all of us back to the past as a 'fluke accident', and we're here, so we're stuck here until we can find a way back." He looked at F-Oz, waiting to see what he would say or do. "That's . . . certainly something," F-Oz said, grasping for the right words and finding none. "And who says things change?" Xander muttered under his breath. Buffy overheard him and flashed him grin, which he sent right back. He was watching F-Xander holding what he was pretty damn sure was F-Cordelia. And however elating, it was also strange and confusing. He had the feeling that an explanation wasn't coming his way any time soon. "So, you're saying we're in the past . . . ?" F-Cordelia said, her voice showing a surprising strength. Xander looked down at her, and she tilted his head up. Her nose met with his chin when they stood like that. "Oh. Ohmigod." "We're not in Kansas anymore," Oz noted, shaking his head at what was going on. "Yeah, well, thanks for the brilliant observation, Toto," Cordelia shot back harshly, and Oz flinched. "I'm sorry," she quickly apologized, and then brought a hand to her forehead. "Ohmigod, this is just too much . . ." She turned to look at everyone in the room, and as soon as her eyes landed on Buffy she whipped Xander around and began a heated and muted conversation. Willow and Oz just stared at the almost-identical couple. They were moving their mouths as though they were speaking to each other, but no sound whatsoever came out. They went like this for awhile, everyone explaining what they were going through, and then F-Cordelia let out a long, "Oh, I get it now. But if I get the chance, I'm still gonna claw her eyes out." "If Cordelia gets it, I get it," F-Oz whispered to his wife, and she giggled. "Well," Buffy said, spinning a stake idly in her hands. There were no vampires tonight, and she just wanted to get the next pick-up over with. She knew she was next, and she knew exactly where she was. "Um, so now what?" Oz asked, and they all turned to look towards Buffy, who obviously would take over as the leader of the group. "Well, I know where I am," Buffy said, trying to keep her voice flat and emotionless, like Faith often did. For all she knew, she might not even be alive still. "I definitely know the place I most hate." "The place you most hate? Wait . . ." F-Oz looked between Buffy and F-Willow, and then Oz and Willow. F-Willow's grip tightened and she nodded in affirmation. They traded meaningful looks. F-Xander turned a strange shade of purple, and then looked away from F- Cordelia. F-Cordelia noted his awkwardness and pushed away her own. She grabbed his chin-stubble, jesus, didn't the man ever take time to shave?-and looked unwaveringly into his eyes. "I forgive you," she told him low and sternly, "and don't you dare think otherwise." F-Xander gave her a wane smile, and she kissed him lightly on the mouth. Xander almost let out an audible sigh. {Cordelia and I . . . back together? But if we're back together, how? The only talking she does to me now is to put me down, I can't believe she'd actually forgive me, and I want to be kissing her right now instead of my other self kissing her. It's no fair that I have to wait that long. Even though it's my fault that I have to wait.} "So we go get . . . Buffy, next?" F-Cordelia asked, after she was done making sure her husband knew she held no grudge. She looked towards the younger generation with her typical "So, am I right?" look. "Well, yeah," Buffy said, itching to get out of this Factory and over to where she thought she'd find her future self. "Then what are we waiting for?" F-Oz asked. In his arms, F-Willow made a small shrug. "Then let's go." ***** It was a tight squeeze-true-and it was a bit awkward-true-but the gang and their future selves tried to make the best of it. Meaning no one was speaking. F-Xander and F-Cordelia had claimed the back of the van, and were sprawled in comfortable positions while engaged in a conversation that included doing some strange version of patty-cake that kept sending them into fits of giggles. Xander was leaning on the doors, looking somewhere between falling asleep and gazing with confusion at the couple playing patty-cake. Buffy was on the opposite side of the doors with knees drawn up to her chin, deep in thought. F-Oz and F-Willow were leaning on the back of Oz's seat, F-Willow in F-Oz's lap, his arms wrapped tightly around her slim waist. He was whispering Shakespeare in her ear, and she had a happy and contented look in her face. Oz was in the front seat, trying to cope with the fact that less than a foot away stood, well, himself. In fact, he was so coping with it that it was the only thing on his mind, and he forgot the very much more important thing. "Uh, Buffy?' Oz called into the back. Everyone looked up from their respective thoughts and activities and looked at him attentively. "Where exactly are we going?" Buffy's jaw dropped but said nothing. That was F-Cordelia's job. "You mean you don't know?" she asked, her own jaw dropping. "Where've we been driving for the past, like, fifteen minutes?" F-Oz scooted over to where he could see out the windshield and craned his neck. "Looks like the city limits," he said, a touch of humor in his voice. "Oh, great one," F-Cordelia said, throwing her arms up. One of them hit F- Xander in the face, and he gently grabbed her arms and placed them in her lap. "Twelve steps," he told her sternly. "Twelve steps." F-Cordelia looked at him cluelessly, and then once getting the point, she gave an exasperated sigh, crossed her arms over her chest, and turned away from him. "I *hate* being a better person," she grumbled, an unhappy expression on her face. "That's funny," F-Xander said lightly, "because it seems you don't have much practice at it." F-Cordelia, astonished, turned to look at him, and then slapped him playfully on the arm. "You are such a smartass, Xander! You better be careful, or I'm gonna be serving you divorce papers" Everyone had a good quiet laugh in the van, and Buffy was about to speak up when F-Willow reached over to her and tugged out the hat-thing she had sat on. F-Willow held it up like a trophy and then waved it in front of F-Oz's face. "We still have this!" she proclaimed proudly, and then gave him a quick kiss on the lips. "What *is* it?" F-Cordelia asked, tapping her fingernails lightly on F- Xander's arm, which was slung casually around his wife's shoulders. F-Willow took one look at the hat-thing and shrugged. She looked at Oz, who shrugged in turn. "I don't really care. I just like it a lot 'cause it earned me a kiss." Oz grinned, and the grin grew wider as Willow grinned back. Ah, she had the sweetest smile . . . "I hate to break this moment," Buffy interrupted, a wistfulness evident in her voice-obviously wishing for happier time-"but it seems our ride has stopped." It had indeed. Oz was turned around with one arm draped over the headrest of his chair, looking over at Buffy. "So, where are we going?" he asked calmly. "You're on the right road," Buffy assured him. "But we're almost the to edge of Sunnydale," Willow pointed out, doubt evident in her voice. "Are you sure we're going the right way?" "I'm sure," Buffy said confidently. "We're headed to the mansion." //**\\ ~~~~Meanwhile, back at the library, a place filled with characters the author has been ignoring thus far, and she apologizes for that very fact . . .~~~~ Giles was seated at the table with the Pergamum Codex in front of him, a surefire way of figuring out what in the bloody hell was going on around here. Buffy, Xander, Willow, Oz, F-Xander, and F-Willow had gone out to round everyone else, leaving F-Faith behind to pretend to help him research. And also leaving that bloody dog here to destroy his library. D-Giles was currently nosing his wet muzzle through some very ancient and hard-to-replace books. "Hey, get!" he told the dog. D-Giles lifted his head to look at him for a second, wet brown eyes meeting Giles', and then the dog turned back to "reading" the covers. "Shoo!" Giles tried again, wanting to drive the dog away but not wanting to put any physical effort into it. This time, when he dog looked up at him, D- Giles gave his namesake a who-do-you-think-you-are-ordering-ME-around-like- that looks that reminded Giles too much of Cordelia to give him the power to keep a straight face. "Just call it by its name." Giles turned his head around and saw F-Faith leaning her chair back on two legs, one wicked-looking black boot sitting on top of the table, and the slayer herself giving it a literal spit-shine. "Call it by its name and tell it to fucking stop it. 'Shoo' ain't gonna cut it, gramps." Giles shook his head at her dirty mouth as he turned back to face the dog, who had taken the Malleus Maleficarum by the teeth. "Giles!" he said sharply, feeling extremely ridiculous. D-Giles looked up at, surprised that this impudent stranger was commanding authority. But that's all it took: a sharp glare, the mention of his name, and a "bad dog! Don't do it again!" verse once or twice. D-Giles hung his head and jumped down from the chair in which he had perched upon, slinking away to sulk in a corner. "Um, thank you," Giles said to F-Faith, who ignored him. He sighed and took his glasses off, running a hand nervously through his hair. "You're welcome," F-Faith muttered, trying to see if it was true, that you could see your own reflection in your shoes if they were shiny enough. She snorted. "Bullshit." "Pardon me?" Giles said, surprised. F-Faith took one look at him and shook her head sadly, wondering why she had to stay guard over both helpless puppies. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: List rules Date: 19 Jan 1999 11:02:48 -0500 (EST) Welcome! This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," both the TV series and the movie. 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Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) & sah (romana@mindspring.com) Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List buffyfic@xmission.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: sah Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN: How to (un)s*bscribe Date: 19 Jan 1999 11:03:01 -0500 (EST) Please SAVE this message-- it contains information on how to uns*bscribe. TO UNS*BSCRIBE FROM ANY BUFFY LIST send a message to majordomo@lists.xmission.com In the body of the message put uns*bscribe buffy (or buffy-digest, or buffyfic, or buffyfic-digest) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Titanic437@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Can't Hide the Past (5a/?) Date: 19 Jan 1999 17:52:25 EST Title: Can't Hide the Past Author: Anna Perez (Shadows) E-mail: shadows@buffymail.com Feedback: Please? Rating: PG-13 to R Disclaimer: Characters seen on the Idiot Box belong to Joss Whedon & the W= B Distribution: Just ask for permission Summary: 15 years after my own season 3 finale, the characters of BtVS fin= d themselves thrown back together under unusual circumstances. Note: The last episode that I have seen is "Amends". I will follow the sho= w from up to there, and then it's my playground. ***** =09God, she love Jonah. She really did. It really was love at first sight = . . . =09She had run away from Sunnydale, again, just wanting to get away from everything she had destroyed, from everyone she had failed. This time, ins= tead of relocating somewhere else in So Cal, Buffy took the train and wen to NY= C, where she got a job as a waitress in caf=E9 in the Village and did nights = at a community college she had long since forgotten the name of. Life was hard = at first, because of all he guilt she continually carried with her. But over = the course of a few months she thought less and less of the happenings in Sunnydale as she settled into the routine of her brand-new life as Anne Summers, once again. =09She really loved working at that caf=E9. At first she hated it, because= it was owned by some raunchy new breed of dickhead that she suspected was also a pimp, because he kept hinting that she ought to worked for him in his "oth= er business," the one he held at night. Then, once he was arrested-narcotics traffickers are the norm in NY, unfortunately-his young niece inherited th= e shabby place. =09Helen-that was the niece's name-was a dear, sweetheart who cam from a n= ot-so- well-to-do part of Brooklyn with a charming accent. She had pretty orange = red hair and freckles that were actually flattering, and not the best body but= not the worst. She had a boyfriend was had supported for 2 =BD years while he = was writing his novel, and just when Helen was going to dump him because she thought he was putting her on, he got published and made millions off his bestselling book. So this poor, dirty, smoky, gothic place was extremely b= elow her new self, but right at home for the Brooklyn Helen, and Helen never fo= rgot her Brooklyn self. =09The place was quickly decomposing on itself, falling to bits and pieces inside and out. Helen had fixed the shoddy construction in a wink, giving = it a fresh look while still keeping that coffehouse, starving-artists-chronical= ly- depressed-poets-come-here kind of place. She had redone the interior keepi= ng the same nostalgic look while making the place look permanently clean, and advertised the place so that they got more customers. Since her boyfriend spent the day writing his other novels and they were living just fine off = his last paycheck, Helen devoted all her time to the Green Leaf Caf=E9. She ho= vered over everyone's shoulders and becoming good friends with the help, includi= ng Anne. =09In fact, Anne was Helen's mission. Helen would not leave Anne alone unt= il she managed to open up just the tiniest bit. Helen thought that Anne was a goo= d girl who had associated with the wrong people and just needed some good influence. Helen thought Anne needed a guy. =09Anne was behind the counter, wiping clean the marble blocks Helen had installed to given the place some class, Helen had snuck up behind her. An= ne, startled, shrieked and jumped up, losing control of all her body parts. He= r hand, flying free, knocked over a full coffee mug- =09****-and Anne watched as the dark brown liquid tipped over cup's mouth = as it clattered onto the counter. The mug crashed down and rolled away, covered = into the coffee. The rest of the drink spread around the counter, and write on = top of the papers it had landed on. =09She hadn't noticed him in front of her. He was about her age, maybe a l= ittle older, as old as Angel had looked to her the first-no, stupid, don't think about him or anything related to Buffy-time she saw him (who?). He looked = like he was in college, or should be in college, with dark black hair that desperately needed to be combed, soft pale skin, oval face, and the most intriguing set of dark green eyes, an unnatural color Anne had never seen before. He looked down at his pages of ruined manuscript, and then looked = up at Anne. Anne had gulped and squeezed her eyes shut, afraid of whatever screaming and shouting session would follow. For sure she might be fired. =09"It's ok," he had soothed instead. Buffy had opened one eye and stared = at him disbelievingly, eyebrow arching. "What, don't look at me like I'm from Mar= s or something." He had smiled, and that made Anne give an attempt at a laugh. "It's just a little coffee stain. It'll come out. Besides, the script wasn= 't winning no Pulitzer anyhow." =09"Script?" Anne asked, interested. "As in a script for a play, or a scri= pt for a movie?" =09"Movie script," he had answered. "I've realized that Broadway is far to= o classy for me, so I might as well make my life as one of the many leeches = in the movie industry." He said this sadly, as though he regretted his choice= in "careers." =09"Oh, there are plenty of good people out there in Hollywood," Anne had assured him, leaning her elbows comfortably on the marble counter. "No one really comes to mind just now"-he cracked a smile-"but there are. And I'm certain you're one of them." =09"Thanks so much, you really don't know what it means to e to have you t= alk to me," he said, all smiles. He looked so debonair, yet homely and nice. "I w= as afraid I was going to use one of those horrible pickup lines, like 'Can I = have quarter? I promised I'd call my mother when I met the girl of my dreams' o= r 'I must have died and gone to heaven, because I'm seeing an angel before me' or"-he mock-shuddered-"the dread 'Have we met before?' deal. You know, all= out to get the girl." =09Anne had laughed, and he took that as a good sign. "My name is Daniel,"= he said, extending his hand. Anne had taken it, shaking it lightly and about = to burst out laughing at his awkward formality. =09"And my name is . . ." Anne paused for a moment. Who did she want to be= in front of Daniel? Did she want to be Anne and have a fresh start? Or did sh= e want to take on the horrible emotional baggage brought along by calling herself Buffy. What to do . . .? =09"My name is Buffy," she said hesitantly, her hand sliding out of his fi= rm handshake. "Buffy." =09Daniel's brow wrinkled. "But you tag says Anne," he said, as though Buf= fy had jus had a memory lapse. =09Buffy blushed and fingered her nametag, which read ANNE in big back let= ters. "Yeah, I know," she admitted. "Let's just say that I though I was Anne, bu= t I really am a person called Buffy." =09"Oh, I get it," Daniel said, slapping his forehead with the palm of his= hand. "You moved here from somewhere, got a new name, and decided you were gonna= get a whole new start on life. But then you decided to be who you really were.= " Buffy was taken aback by his rudeness, but his following comments made sen= se. "You are much more of a man than I am, Buffy." He held out his hand, and B= uffy took it again, this time shaking it a bit more firmly. "I might as well . = . . my name is Jonah. It's very nice to meet you, Buffy," =09"Charmed," Buffy said, looking up into Jonah's green eyes. She smiled dreamily. "Very, very charmed."**** =09Now Buffy had gathered the covers and comforter from the floor and drap= ed them motheringly over her sleeping husband. She then proceeded to slip in = one his side and cudle up next to his warm body. She felt his breath hot on he= r neck, and then his arm slid around her waist. =09"Oh, you're *up*, you dick!" Buffy teased, jutting Jonah in his stomach= . Gosh he had gorgeous abs. Jonah just chuckled and drew her tighter. =09"I just wanted to hold you," he said, nibbling on her ear and stroking = her hair. Buffy smiled and snuggled closer to her husband, sighing contently. = She and Jonah hadn't grown apart during their many years of marriage. They had made sure that they were in love before they had tied the knot. She rememb= ered finding out that she was pregnant with Elisabeth Sarah so soon, but both s= he and Jonah had agreed that they would wait a bit longer to see if they real= ly loved each other, because they just didn't want to do "the right thing." T= he wanted to do "the right thing," but to do it with love. Thank God they had= had love, and they were able to give Elisabeth Sarah love. =09"I love you Jonah. I love you so much." She giggled as Jonah's tongue t= ickled her earlobe. "Christ, Jonah, I think I might've married you just for the s= ex alone." =09"Is that a compliment or not?" Jonah teased back, his mouth moving down= the contours of her neck. "I love you too," he uttered breathlessly, nibbling = on her flesh. "Too, too much for my own good, Buffy." =09"What?" Buffy asked, finding something wrong with his tone of voice. Th= e nibbling of her flesh was turning into biting now, and it hurt. "Jonah!" S= he pushed his face away with her hand, and then she definitely knew something= was wrong. =09She looked at him in horror. His beautiful face had turned into a disgu= sting, demon, ugly-face vampire. At she froze with shock, he lunged towards her a= nd grabbed her arms, burying his face in her neck. =09She screamed. //**\\ =09After the announcement that they were heading towards the mansion, ever= yone in the van quieted down. The silence was suffocating and almost as loud as= the conversation had been. Buffy knew that it had to deal with her, somehow, a= nd she was very uncomfortable. But what was she to do about it? =09Everyone was in their own little world, and Buffy seemed to be off in h= ers. But was she was really doing was watching everyone else trying to guess th= at they were thinking. =09Xander had on a pained expression. He probably thought that all this wa= s his fault, and it was just too strange for him today. He was also probably thinking about this future coupling. No doubt that things between Xander a= nd Cordelia were not very good, although they seemed to have turned out just fine. =09She could make out Willow's outline from where she sat, the lamplight f= rom outside occasionally flicking across her worn features. She looked so old there, probably thinking about her and Oz and the big empty gap between th= em. Probably going over and over in her head the conversation that she and Buf= fy had had the night before over the phone, talking about their totally messe= d-up relationships or lack thereof. =09Buffy couldn't see Oz's face, but she was damn sure what was on *his* m= ind. =09F-Oz and F-Willow were a puzzle. They were in the same position as befo= re, but both of them had their heads hung low and staring blankly at some nonexistent spot on the van's rug. They seemed detached a little, but deep= in thought at the same time. =09F-Xander was staring stonily in silence, his mouth set in one straight = line, occasionally making a "harumph" of disgust, and F-Cordelia had rested her = head on his shoulder. She seemed awfully tired-perhaps time-travel jet lag? Who knew? Things were strange enough as they were, Buffy could just except mor= e weirdness. =09Buffy finished her analyzing rounds just as Oz pulled to a stop. "Well, here's the mansion," he said, putting the van in Park. He opened the drive= r side door. "Anybody coming?" =09Xander came back from wherever he was and snapped to attention. Tiredly= , he opened the van doors and toppled outside. Yet more visitors from the futur= e. Yay. =09The others followed him begrudgingly, and Buffy was beginning to suspec= t that things weren't all that great between her Future Self and the Future Slayeretttes. {Oh God, can that be true? What could've happened . . . ?} =09F-Xander was mumbling something to his wife (girlfriend? No, there were= the wedding bands glinting in the darkness) and Buffy scooted closer and strai= ned to listen with her slayer senses. It was something about her, maybe it wou= ld provide a clue to the sudden silence in the van . . . =09". . . oh please, like we really need to come after that spineless litt= le hussy. I say we leave her to fare for herself, and if she fares really, re= ally badly, then all the better to give me a happy . . ." =09Buffy felt like stopping in her tracks, but she kept walking down the d= irt path. God, what had happened to make *Xander* call her a spineless little hussy. Sure, they had had their past where things weren't all too good bet= ween them, but this was unexpected. She could never be less than a goddess in h= is eyes, and she had always coveted that position, as much as she hated it. S= he *liked* hid admiration, even if she didn't want to take it to another leve= l. She was twisted like that. =09But something had happened, something *big* had happened make F-Xander = think her like that. A thousand possibilities ran through Buffy's mind. And also= a warning Giles had hissed to her before they had left: =09"Don't talk to any of them. Don't ask them any questions regarding even= ts that have yet to happen. Knowing about your future is a very dangerous thi= ng, and we do not want to tamper with it. Enough has been done." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (13/18) Date: 19 Jan 1999 17:20:03 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) September 30, 2006 Cordelia wandered slowly through town, the late afternoon sun helping to chase away the constant chill she felt. The sidewalks were almost deserted as she headed towards Sunnydale High School. She ended up there almost every day now, sitting in the bleachers and watching the cheerleaders practice. The rhythm of the cheers helped her to block out her thoughts for a little while. Leaning back against the hard wood of the seat behind her she tilted her face into the sun and closed her eyes as she waited for the practice to begin. She felt the tears stinging her eyes as she thought of the things her baby would never do, never be a cheerleader or a football player, or a geek. One tear slipped down her cheek as she tried to push her thoughts away, wondering if the pain would ever ease. She heard a clomping as someone climbed the bleachers towards her. Swallowing hard she pushed back all signs of the pain she felt. She was here so often that the cheerleaders had found out who she was and had started asking her for advice, first on cheering, but lately about boys too. In her good moments she considered volunteering for the team, putting her years of expertise as Miss. Popularity to good use, but she never followed through. She couldn't seem to follow through on anything these days, her dress shop sat empty and her apartment was still cluttered with boxes that had never been unpacked when she decided not to leave Sunnydale. Or rather, hadn't decided to leave Sunnydale. Opening her eyes she smiled at the blonde-haired girl sitting next to her, the smile faltering then fading away completely as she realized who it was. She stared warily at the Slayer, dreading anything the other girl would say. She wanted more than anything to get up and run away, but she couldn't force herself to move. "Cordelia." Buffy spoke softly, her usual confidence missing. "I'm sorry I followed you, but you won't return my calls." "I've been busy." Cordelia spoke casually, waving her hand dismmissively in Buffy's direction. Buffy looked at Cordelia, her eyes disbelieving, before she turned to stare out at the practicing cheerleaders. When she spoke again her voice was sad. "I'm sorry about the baby." Cordelia stiffened, pain clutching at her stomach before she forced herself to relax and not respond to Buffy's words. They sat quietly for a while as the cheerleaders practiced and the afternoon faded away. They waved good-bye to Cordelia as they headed for home and left her alone with Buffy. The Slayer finally turned to look at Cordelia with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry about what I did. About kissing Xander. It was wrong, and mean and I'm so sorry for all the pain it caused you." Cordelia nodded her head as Buffy spoke, a sad smile on her lips. "I know." She whispered, not trusting her voice to speak any louder without breaking. "It doesn't matter Buffy. I understand why you did it." "Why didn't you say anything?" Buffy asked cautiously. Cordelia answered her calmly, as if they weren't talking about one of the worst times in her life. "I knew how sad you were, and how alone. I could see it in your eyes even when you pretended to be happy." She shrugged her shoulders as she continued. "I wanted you to be happy. I wanted Xander to be happy. When I saw you together that night, I thought that you would be." "He only loved you. He still does." Buffy said, her eyes pleading with Cordelia. "It doesn't matter Buffy." Cordelia said quickly, her heart screaming out that she loved him too. Standing up, she turned to face Buffy, wanting to cry and scream and beg Buffy to help her deal with the pain she felt. Instead she turned away and started to climb down from the bleachers, not knowing if she hoped Buffy would follow her or not. She was back on the road before she heard Buffy's footsteps coming up behind her. The Slayer placed her hand tentatively on Cordelia's arm as she caught up with her. Cordelia stopped suddenly, looking down at the hand until Buffy removed it, her face flushing. "What do you want?" Cordelia spoke tiredly, her face empty as she waited for Buffy to answer. Swallowing nervously Buffy spoke. "I want...I want to make it up to you. To help you through this. I want us to be friends again." Cordelia stared at her, remembering how badly she had once wanted to be friends with Buffy again, but now when it was offered to her she couldn't imagine ever trusting her again. "Why?" She sad coldly, surprised by the sudden rush of anger that ran threw her. "How am I supposed to forget what happened? How easy it was for you to turn against me? Her voice grew colder as she spoke, the walls coming up quickly to protect her from the betrayal that still hurt. She considered Buffy carefully before speaking again. "You know what's really funny?" Not waiting for an answer she continued. "I made my big sacrifice, prepared myself to give up Xander, and all of you, but I never really thought it would happen. I never thought you would just let me leave. I had this big scene all thought out, where you and Xander confessed and begged for my forgiveness." "I felt so guilty." Buffy whispered. "It was easier to believe..." Her voice trailed off as she stared beseechingly at Cordelia. "That I was a self-absorbed bitch." Cordelia finished for her, her voice full of sorrow. "Cordelia." Buffy pleaded with her. "We made a mistake." Cordelia felt the tears rising in her throat and started walking again, not wanting Buffy to see her tears. The Slayer kept pace with her easily, walking silently beside her. Cordelia ignored her until they turned down the street leading to her apartment. Desperate to be alone before she started sobbing she spoke snippily to Buffy. "Heard from Angel lately?" Feeling Buffy stiffen beside her, she immediately regretted her words. Balling her hands into fists she struggled to keep herself from looking at Buffy. "I know this trick Cordy." Buffy spoke calmly, only the smallest tint of hurt in her words. "I fell for it once, but I won't do it again." Cordelia put her hands over her face as the tears broke free. Turning to Buffy she spoke in a voice thick with emotion. "Do you know how much I wish I could trust you? God, I want so badly to talk to you. You know what real loss feels like, how hard it is to keep going. Everyday it just feels worse, and I feel more alone. Every message from you or from Xander breaks my heart." She stopped speaking suddenly, sinking down to sit on the curb, her knees pulled tightly to her chest. "Why can't you try Cordy?" Buffy asked as she sat down beside her. "You spend time with Willow, talk to her." "It's easier with her." Cordelia answered, her tears muffling her words. "Maybe because she was with me when I found out about the baby. Maybe because I was never as close to her as I was to you. But mostly because Willow loved Xander when I first started dating him. She had more reason than anyone to hate me, and she didn't. She put her own feelings aside and became my friend." She paused, sniffing loudly. "Willow was always Xander's friend first, but I considered you my best friend." "I don't know how to make this up to you." Buffy spoke sadly. "But I'm going to. Because you need me. I've watched you sitting on the bleachers every day, I see you pulling away from reality. I know this. I've lived this Cordelia. Please let me help you." Cordelia stared at the pavement in front of her, realizing the truth in Buffy's words, knowing that she needed something to change. "I feel empty inside." She whispered softly. "I know." Buffy said, putting her hand on top of Cordelia's. "When I found out I was pregnant, I felt like the universe was smiling at me." She turned to look at Buffy, tears streaming down her face. "I had a part of Xander growing inside me. And suddenly nothing else mattered. I wasn't lonely or afraid anymore." Buffy squeezed her hand tightly. "I felt like that when I found Angel. Suddenly my bleak life didn't look so bleak anymore." "And you lost him like I lost my baby." Cordelia whispered. "But I'm still here. And I can go on, and so can you Cordelia. I'll never forget how much you helped me after Angel left. Let me help you now." Buffy whispered. "How?" Cordelia pleaded softly. "You lean on me. On Willow and anyone else you have to. We're here for you. You don't need to be alone anymore." Buffy replied softly. Cordelia stiffened, a short bitter laugh escaping her lips. She turned on Buffy, her face cold and angry. "Do you know how much I hate those words? I hated them when Xander said them to you that night, and when he said them to me on the night I lost the baby." She took a deep breath, glaring at Buffy. "No one has anyone else. You should know this. No one is always going to be there for you." Buffy listened to her rant with a calm expression, waiting until Cordelia's breathing had returned to normal before saying anything. "I'm sorry I wasn't the friend I should have been. I should have had more faith in you, we all should have. But you do have me now Cordelia. I am here for you, and there is nothing that you could do to drive me away. I'm going to be the friend I always should have been." Cordelia sat quietly, all her anger draining away until only sadness remained. "I want to tell you to go away. To make you suffer. I want to scream and yell and cry and curse until I lose my voice." Cordelia paused, her voice barely audible as she continued. "But even more than I want that, I need you. I thought I could get through this on my own, but I can't. I need friends, I need a shoulder to lean on." "I've got two. And they're of the extra strength Slayer variety." Buffy joked carefully before her face turned serious again. "I am your friend Cordelia. I promise you that I'll never let you down again." With that the Slayer stood up and offered Cordelia her hand, pulling the brunette to her feet easily. They stood silently for a minute, before Buffy spoke, looking unsure about what to do next. "So." "So." Cordelia almost smiled, "Do you want to get something to eat?" "Sure." Buffy smiled in relief as they turned to walk back into town. Neither of them said anything until they were settled in the restaurant. Buffy shifted in her chair, her eyes unable to meet Cordelia's. She fiddled with her water glass for a while, until she finally spoke, her voice so low that Cordelia barely heard the words. "What about Xander?" Cordelia sat back, looking around the restaurant to make sure he wasn't there. When she saw no sign of him, she relaxed slightly, turning back to Buffy she answered her, her tone full of regret. "I can't. Not yet." "Do you still love him?" Buffy asked. "Yes." Cordelia replied immediately, "Always. I just can't deal with him now. I can't see how I could ever trust him again. He knew me better than anyone, I thought he knew me better than I knew myself. I told him things I never told another living soul and he still didn't have any faith in me." Buffy was silent for a moment, sipping her water slowly before she spoke again. "Please don't close the door." Cordelia half-smiled; knowing that every minute was bringing her closer to forgiving Xander. "I'm not." She looked down at the table for a minute before giving into her curiosity. "Is he doing okay?" Buffy nodded. "He's sad. And worried about you." "You can tell him I'm getting better." Cordelia offered. "Done." Buffy answered. "Consider me your Slayer powered messenger." "Right now I'd settle for some waiter served food." Cordelia bantered, a real smile flitting across her face as she considered the menu, feeling hungry for the first time in months. ****** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (14/18) Date: 19 Jan 1999 17:43:51 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) January 7, 2007 Cordelia took one last look in the mirror before grabbing her purse and running out of her apartment. She sprinted down the stairs, squinting as she stepped out into the bright winter day. Seeing that Buffy wasn't there yet, she sighed, assuming the Slayer was caught up with a student. She shook her head slightly, the image of Buffy as a teacher, even if she was a gym teacher, still surprising her. Glancing at her watch, she smiled sadly, Buffy was still super athletic although she didn't have the Slayer strength she used to. Cordelia frowned, thinking once again of how close they had come to losing Buffy. If Giles hadn't rescued her, the best friend she ever had would be dead. Shivering Cordelia pushed the thought from her head, telling herself that Buffy was fine. The new Slayer was expected any day now, and Willow was finally going to get her chance to be an on duty Watcher. Cordelia and Buffy had renewed their friendship in sadness. One mourning the child she had lost and the other mourning the duty she had once despised. Cordelia wondered if she ever would have trusted Buffy as completely as she did if the other woman had not broken down one night, confessing that she wasn't as strong as she once was. Cordelia had thought she was joking at first, or that she wasn't getting what Buffy meant, but once she realized it was true, that every vampire Buffy managed to kill was more of a struggle than the last she had put aside her own pain to comfort the Slayer. She had been moved when Buffy asked her not to tell any of the others, that she wasn't ready to admit it yet. The fact Buffy had felt she could share it with her went a long way towards repairing the damage done to their relationship all those years ago. "But if she's much later, I'm going to have to seriously rethink this whole friendship." Cordelia muttered to herself, pulling her collar up as she watched the street for Buffy's car. She shivered, a chill traveling up her spine as she remembered who was going to be at dinner with them tonight. "Maybe late is better. Maybe never is better." She whispered to herself before shaking her head in disgust. "Get over it Cordy. You're past this. There is no reason that seeing Xander Harris should frighten you." Right, she thought, no reason at all, if you can forget how much you love him and how you still can't quite forgive him for not having more faith in you. She sighed in relief as Buffy's car turned onto her street, rescuing her from her thoughts. Climbing into Buffy's car she glared fondly at the other woman as Buffy rambled some excuse about a student who couldn't grasp the concept of Dodgeball. She leaned her head against the seat, letting Buffy's voice drown out the panic she was trying not to feel. The stomach turning, nausea inducing, making her palms sweat panic that increased the closer they got to the restaurant. She closed her eyes, counting to ten in her head as an image of Xander imprinted itself on her brain. Be calm, she told herself, he's probably just as nervous as you are. Why had she ever let Buffy talk her into this? Buffy with her mumbo jumbo about wanting to celebrate the new Slayer's arrival with a party. And Willow, she thought, growing more agitated, Willow, with her innocent face, nodding her head in agreement with every word Buffy said. Obviously forgetting all about the whole 'the Slayer must work in secret' deal. Okay, not forgetting exactly since the Slayer was coming to town under the guise of Giles' niece. And who doesn't throw a party to welcome their niece? How about everyone, she thought bitterly, her fingers clasped tightly together as she tried to stop thinking. "I mean, I explained it to him about a million times." Buffy's voice came back into focus as the car turned into the parking lot of the restaurant. "And he still just stood there every time I threw the ball at him." "Huh?" Cordelia said before realizing what Buffy was talking about. "Sounds rough." Buffy smiled knowingly at her as she parked the car. "It's going to be okay Cordy." Cordelia slumped down in the seat, her hands covering her face. "I know." She smiled weakly as she turned to face Buffy. "Theoretically." Buffy grinned as she got out of the car, coming around to Cordelia's side and opening the door. "I know you can do this." "So do I." Cordelia retorted as she let Buffy pull her out of the car. She followed Buffy towards the restaurant, mumbling under her breath. "I'm just not sure if I want too." Cordelia entered the restaurant just behind Buffy, her eyes scanning for any sight of Xander. She found Willow easily, her bright hair visible even in the dimly lit dining area. Looking at the table where Willow sat she counted only one other head. One head that was covered in blonde hair. Oz, she thought, grabbing Buffy's arm and pointing in their direction. She walked to the table slowly, not knowing if she was relieved or disappointed that he wasn't there. Sitting down beside Willow she smiled faintly, refusing to ask if he was coming. Everyone sat silently for a minute, their usual banter missing. Oz filled the silence with news about his new show, his unflappable nature helping to relax everyone. The waiter came to the table, bringing the wine Willow had ordered. He inquired if they were ready to order and Cordelia held her breath as she waited for someone to answer. "Not yet." Willow finally said, her eyes reluctantly meeting Cordelia's. Cordelia breathed out softly, her stomach beginning to churn again. She picked up her wine glass and filled it, downing the drink quickly. Ignoring the looks Buffy and Willow were giving her she poured herself another, but stopped with the drink halfway to her lips. Setting it back on the table she made a face at them. "One drink for courage, two and I'm on the floor." They smiled sympathetically at her, an uncomfortable silence settling over the table once more. Cordelia sighed, wishing that her panic wasn't affecting everyone else. She forced herself to relax and leaned forward, her voice barely trembling as she spoke. "So, does anyone have any ideas about where to have this party? I'd offer my place, but as you know, it's not much bigger than a tent." She could almost feel a collective sigh of relief from the other occupants of the table as everyone started talking at once, debating the merits of different locations. "I still like the idea you told me the other night." Oz said to Willow, smiling fondly at her. "No." Willow and Buffy answered together, shooting warning glances at Oz. "What was it?" Cordelia asked slowly. "To have it at the Bronze." Oz answered her, when Willow and Buffy said nothing. "The Bronze?" Cordelia blurted in surprise. "But isn't that still a teen hangout?" "That's kinda the point." Oz said, looking nonchalant as usual. "And the point is?" Cordelia stared at her three friends in confusion. "It's a flash back party." Willow replied, her enthusiasm for the idea breaking free. Buffy shrugged her shoulders, as she grinned at Cordelia. "To welcome the new Slayer in the place where we used to have so much fun." Her smiled faded as she continued. "Back when things were happier." Cordelia stared at Buffy, knowing that she was remembering Angel and the nights he would meet her at the Bronze. She smiled brightly, wanting to erase the look of pain from Buffy's face. "Sounds perfect. As long as my clothes don't have to be quite as tight, or as short as they were back then." "Agreed." Willow said, her smile wide. "You can even wear pants." Cordelia laughed before asking, "So, who thought up this fantastic idea?" The table fell suddenly silent as Buffy and Willow glanced at each other nervously before Buffy answered. "Xander." Cordelia nodded, unaware that a soft smile lingered on her face. She felt strangely proud that it was Xander's idea that they had chosen. Looking up, she saw Buffy looking at her with a knowing glint in her eye. Throwing her a dirty look she shook her head before smiling again. The conversation flowed much easier after that, Cordelia almost forgetting to be nervous about seeing Xander. Until Buffy and Willow fell suddenly silent, their shoulders tensing. Cordelia swore she could feel the air change in the room as butterflies congregated in her stomach. Her heart was beating wildly by the time she heard his voice coming from behind her. "Sorry I'm late. I had a flat tire." His voice was nervous as he moved into her line of sight, sitting down carefully between Buffy and Oz. He stared at the table for a minute before lifting his eyes to hers, his expression nothing short of terrified. Cordelia stared back at him, drinking in the sight of him, the restaurant and everyone else fading away. She noticed the dark circles under his eyes, and the spot on his jaw that the razor had missed. She stared down at his hands, nervously fidgeting with his fork. They looked so strong and gentle, tears filled her eyes as she suddenly saw those hands cradling their child. She closed her eyes for a moment, then looked into his eyes, seeing the same loss she felt reflected back. She smiled tentatively, her voice thick when she spoke. "Xander. It's good to see you." "You too." He managed to say, his voice cracking slightly. Everyone was silent as the waiter came back and took their orders. Cordelia felt calmer now, as she realized that she could do this. She knew as she sat at the table that she loved him as much as she ever had. But sitting there, the old gang reunited, she also knew that she hadn't totally forgiven him yet. Maybe she never would. She pushed the thought away, deciding that for now, being able to be sit at the same table was enough. She picked up her wine glass and sipped it slowly. Still holding her wine glass she leaned forward, her tone light as she spoke to him. "So. Flashback party?" Xander flushed, "I thought...well, you know, what with all the..." Cordelia leaned back in her chair, her smile widening as Xander stuttered through his answer. ******* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (12/18) Date: 19 Jan 1999 17:19:30 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) Sunnydale Hospital August 4, 2006 Cordelia woke slowly, looking at her surroundings in confusion. The memory of the night before came back to her slowly, her ex-husband's attack and Xander's rescue. She remembered Xander holding her as she cried for the baby, his tears mixing with her own. Her heart caught as the pain rushed over her again, feeling just as unbearable as it had the night before. She barely stifled her moan, stuffing her fist to her mouth as she tried to grieve quietly. Turning her head she pushed her face into a pillow as she began to sob for the baby that would never be. She lay like that for hours, ignoring the nurses that came in to check on her and their soft murmurs of condolence. She was aware of nothing but her pain until a soft rap on her door was followed by the entrance of her doctor and two large policeman who hovered close to the door.. The doctor came to stand at the foot of her bed, looking at her chart before motioning to the policemen to come closer. The younger of the two cops looked sadly at her before clearing his throat and speaking. "I'm sorry that we have to do this now, but we need to know if you want to press charges." "Charges?" Cordelia repeated blankly before realizing what he was talking about. "Against Doug?" "Yes." The older of the two answered, his expression impatient as he stared at her. Cordelia leaned back against the pillows, wanting nothing more than for the pain to go away. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up, never have to remember that she had been pregnant and that she would have been a mother. Feeling the tears pushing up her throat she swallowed loudly, feeling her anger beginning as she thought about what Doug had stolen from her. Her voice icy she answered them. "Yes. I want every charge you can think of brought against him." Staring directly at the older man until he dropped his eyes and pulled out his notepad. "We're gonna need a statement then." The younger cop said, his voice telling her that he thought she did the right thing. Cordelia told the story in a calm voice, keeping her expression blank as she spoke. They asked her questions for over an hour, the doctor keeping a careful eye on her. When they were finally finished they warned her that her ex-husband would probably be out on bail within the next few days and she should be careful. "Why?" She whispered, "There is nothing else he could take from me." She turned her head away from them, slipping down further on the bed and pulling the covers up and closing her eyes until she heard them leave the room. A nurse came in soon after, offering her a sleeping pill which she took gratefully, slipping into a dreamless sleep. She woke later to the sound of the doctor telling her that she was free to leave whenever she felt up to it and that her husband was still sitting in the waiting room. She thought for a moment about telling him that Xander wasn't her husband, but didn't. She only nodded her head slightly as she told him that she didn't want to see anyone yet. Squeezing her hand the doctor left the room. Cordelia stared at the ceiling for a while, wondering why she wasn't crying anymore, why she didn't feel anything at all. She climbed out of the bed cautiously, feeling much older than she was. Dressing quietly, she pulled her hair into a ponytail as she walked to the door. Peeking outside she saw that the hallway was deserted, so she slipped out of the room and walked down the hallway, heading in the opposite direction of the waiting room. She was almost at the rear doors of the hospital when someone called her name. She paused, wanting to ignore the voice and keep walking, but instead she turned around slowly, not saying anything. "Cordelia...Cordy." Willow whispered; her face full of sympathy. "Where are you going?" "Home." Cordelia replied, wondering where home was. "We can take you. I'll get Xander. He's waited here all day." "No." Cordelia almost yelled, feeling totally panicked at the idea of seeing Xander. "I don't want to see him. Please Willow, just let me go." Willow moved forward slowly, her eyes full of tears. "He wants to help you. We all want to help you." Cordelia backed away from her, not wanting to feel anyone close to her ever again. She stared at Willow, her dark eyes bright against her pale face. "Not now. Please. Let me be." She spoke each word carefully, not wanting any emotion to break free. "But.." Willow said helplessly, before nodding her head. "Will you let me come and check on you?" Cordelia started to say no, but her fear of being totally alone with her pain made her choke out a soft yes. Willow smiled in relief and started to speak, but Cordelia cut her off, speaking in a voice that frightened her with its deadness. "Just you. Not Xander. Not Buffy. No one else." Willow swallowed nervously before nodding in agreement. Cordelia looked at the red-head for another moment, not knowing what they could possibly ever have to say to each other before she turned and shakily moved down the hall to the taxi that waited outside. ******* August 11, 2006 Cordelia stood in the doorway to her kitchen, listening to the phone ring. She made no move to answer it, or to do anything at all. There was nothing anyone could say that would make her feel any better, no words that would take away the horrible emptiness that she felt. The answering machine clicked on and Xander's voice suddenly filled the room, his voice soft as he begged her to pick up the phone, as he apologized once more. She waited ,frozen, until the machine clicked off and then moving carefully she walked over to it, staring down at the message waiting light that blinked on and off. Her finger hesitated over the erase button, remembering when she would have given anything to hear love in his voice for her. As she hit the button to delete the message she realized that the one thing she wouldn't have given had been the thing she had lost. Wandering into the kitchen she slipped into one of the hard chairs, setting her coffee on the table in front of her and staring into it as it cooled. She stared into space as her mother's words echoed in her head, telling her to get up, to get dressed and start living again. She laughed bitterly; wishing it was that easy, wishing she could have told her mother the real reason she hadn't left her house in over a week. But what could she say? Guess what Mom, remember Xander, the boy that you despised, well I found him drunk on a beach and took advantage of him, got pregnant and then Doug came and landed a solid punch on my stomach; I lost the baby and now can't seem to figure out one reason to even get out of bed. That would really go over well with her parents, they still hadn't forgiven her for leaving Doug. Her mother had been shocked when Cordelia had told her about the divorce, pushing Cordelia to just ignore the other women and the drinking. And her Father, his first words after hearing about Doug's assault on her had been to ask her how she had provoked him. She shivered slightly, imagining the phone call she would be getting if they ever found out about the baby. Pushing her cup away violently she listened to it crash onto the floor before she lay her head on the table and began sobbing once again. A timid knock at the door made her lift her head from the table. Staring blankly at the door she waited for who ever it was to go away. "Cordelia?" A worried voice called out to her. "It's me. It's Willow." Sitting back in her chair, Cordelia continued staring at the door, unsure of what she was going to do. She hadn't really expected Willow to come, at least after the first night she hadn't. Don't answer it, she told herself, but the little voice in her head urged her forward, out of her chair and towards the door. Opening it slowly she looked at the red-head for a moment before she motioned her inside. Cordelia walked slowly into the living room, not looking back to see if Willow was following her. She sat down on the couch and pulled a pillow protectively close to her. Willow sat down cautiously in the chair across from her, leaning forward to speak. "I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner. I...it was a Watcher thing. I came as soon as I could." "It's okay." Cordelia heard her voice speaking, but it sounded far away. She pulled the pillow closer, the ever present tears choking her again. "How are you doing?" Willow said uncomfortably, her fingers playing with her hair. "Fine." Cordelia whispered, her voice cracking. Willow smiled sadly at her before speaking again. "You're not fine. It was a stupid question." Willow stopped playing with her hair and stared intently at Cordelia. "How can I help?" Cordelia didn't say anything as she felt the ever present tears spill down her cheeks. She stared pleadingly at Willow, wanting the other girl to say something that would make it better. The new Watcher said nothing, she just stood and came over to Cordelia, sitting beside her on the couch and wrapping her arms around her. Cordelia stiffened as Willow's arms held her, then she relaxed, sobbing on the redhead's shoulder until she didn't have any tears left. Pulling back from Willow slowly, Cordelia wiped the tears off her face, feeling suddenly embarrassed. This was one of the people who had betrayed her and she was crying on her shoulder. Standing up quickly she walked towards the kitchen, speaking as she moved away. "Coffee. Do you want some?" Willow said a quick yes as she followed her into the kitchen. The Hacker said nothing as Cordelia moved through the kitchen making the coffee. She waited until Cordelia had finally sat down before speaking again. "I want to help you through this. I know you probably don't trust me, or even like me, but you need someone to be there for you. I know there is no way to make up for what happened before. All I can say is that I'm sorry. More sorry than you know." Cordelia stared at her coffee cup, thinking that she should tell Willow to get out of her apartment. To go and be with her real friends, but the words wouldn't come. Looking up at Willow she spoke quietly. "Be careful what you wish for." "What?" Willow questioned. "I wanted you all to think that I was a bitch, I shouldn't complain when I got exactly what I asked for." Cordelia said simply. "But we shouldn't have believed you. We should have known something was wrong." Willow replied; her voice full of regret. Her voice totally devoid of emotion Cordelia asked softly, "Why didn't you?" Willow didn't answer right away, stirring her coffee slowly as she looked at Cordelia. "I don't have a good answer for that. I wish I did. The only thing I can think of is because the things you said hurt so much." "What about Buffy? Angel?" Cordelia shot the names at her, and when Willow looked perplexed she continued speaking. "Buffy was a total bitch to you once, and you still were her friend. And Angel, he killed people and you still tried to help him." "It wasn't Angel." Willow spoke weakly, her face flushing. "It wasn't me." Cordelia said flatly. "I know that. It's just, I never expected you to treat me that way again. I was hurt and angry and I couldn't think of a reason why you would act any differently. There was nothing supernatural." Willow spoke quickly, her words tumbling on top of each other. Cordelia sat quietly for a moment, as flashes of how bad she had once treated Willow flew through her mind. Nodding slowly she spoke. "Why did you come to the hospital with me then, when I fainted?" Willow looked surprised, but recovered quickly. "You were alone, and I was watching you before you fainted. You didn't look like the self-absorbed bitch I thought you were, you just looked lonely." "Lonely?" Cordelia said bitterly, feeling the tears creeping into her eyes again. "I thought that what I felt then was the loneliest a person could ever be, but I was wrong." She let the tears slip quietly down her face as she continued. "After I found out about the baby, I didn't feel lonely anymore. And...and since I lost the baby I feel more alone than I ever have." "You don't have to be alone Cordelia. I want to be here for you, to be your friend. The friend I always should have been." Willow promised; her face sad. "Until I say something wrong?" Cordelia asked bitterly. Willow flushed, her face showing the guilt she felt. "Always Cordelia. Even if you never say another kind thing again." Cordelia sniffed, feeling a tiny bit of hope light inside her. Nodding her head slightly she answered Willow. "I hate being alone." "You've got me. And Buffy, Oz and Giles. And Xander, he never stopped loving you." Willow smiled at her as she spoke, her relief plain on her face. "No." Cordelia shook her head, her face going blank. "Just you. I can't handle anything more than that." Willow's smile faded as she took in Cordelia's words. "They love you." Cordelia's face fell as she implored Willow. "And I love them. But I can't deal with it. I...please." Her stomach clenched as she waited for Willow to answer. Not understanding why it was so much easier to deal with Willow, but positive that if she had to face Xander or Buffy now she would break. "Can I tell them how you're doing?" Willow asked. Cordelia looked at Willow, her hands running through her unwashed hair. "Leave out the part where I'm wearing a dirty robe and my hair is a mess." Smiling tentatively at Willow, Cordelia took a sip of her coffee. ********* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (15/18) Date: 20 Jan 1999 15:47:36 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) January 21, 2007 Cordelia found herself giggling helplessly at a remark Buffy made, as they made their way into the Bronze. She shook her head slightly as she waited for Buffy's latest commentary on her Mother and her Watcher falling in love to finish. She grinned to herself again, it really was funny, although Buffy sometimes still didn't see it quite that way. Forcing a serious expression onto her face she looked at the newly retired Slayer, nodding her head as the other girl spoke. "I mean, I love Giles. I really do, but to come downstairs in the morning, all bleary-eyed and confused only to find your Watcher making eggs in your kitchen is just weird." Buffy stated her case with conviction, shaking her head at the absurdity of it all. "And that is saying a lot." Cordelia snickered, feeling more like seventeen than twenty seven as she looped her arm over Buffy's shoulder. "I think it's cute." "It is cute." Buffy muttered, giving in and laughing with Cordelia. "That's what's so icky about it. They are just way too cute." They made their way into the Bronze, their eyes searching for the others. Buffy saw them first, pulling Cordelia towards them. Jostling their way through the crowd, they finally reached their table, sitting breathlessly down beside Oz and Joyce. Cordelia ducked her head as she said hello, afraid if she looked at Buffy's mother she would start giggling again. Turning to Oz, she questioned him. "Why didn't we rent the entire Bronze? I mean, you're loaded." "Atmosphere." Came the answer, Xander's voice sending chills down her spine as he sat down at the table. "So, where's the rest of the gang?" "They're getting Sonja settled in." Oz replied, his fingers tapping out a song on the table, looking slightly wistful as he watched the band play. "They'll be here soon." Cordelia just nodded, not trusting herself to speak as she tried not to look at Xander. Her mind was whirling as she glanced at him, taking in his outfit as Buffy burst out laughing. "Xander, I haven't seen you wear clothes that bad since high school." Buffy shook her head at him, a fond smile on her face. Xander looked down self-consciously, picking at the green and black flannel shirt he wore over an orange t-shirt. "Atmosphere." He repeated himself. "How can you expect to flash-back if I look like a normal person?" "True." Buffy answered, her expression distracted as she caught sight of Willow and Giles leading the new Slayer towards them. "God. She's so young." Her voice was low and tight as she stared at them. Cordelia swung her head to look at the Slayer, who was much taller than Buffy, but carried herself with the uncertainty of a child. "Hard to believe that we were once that young." "That poor girl." Joyce murmured. Buffy's mother had never fully accepted her daughter's destiny, or even understood why fate would pick such a young child. "Mom." Buffy warned, putting her hand on her mother's arm. "I did okay, and so will this Slayer. She'll end up at this table in 10 years, greeting another Slayer as we all complain about getting gray hair." "I already have gray hair." Her mother answered wryly; her face softening as she looked at Giles. The older woman's face spread into an intimate smile as her eyes met Giles. Buffy turned to Cordelia, rolling her eyes as she stood to meet the Slayer. The next few hours passed in a jumble of laughter and talking as the Slayerette's dazzled Sonja with tales of their adventures. They had all laughed hysterically when she shyly confessed that Xander was her favorite author. Laughing even harder at the look on her face when they told her that every story he wrote was completely true. Cordelia was having so much fun that she almost forgot that she had ever left, that there was ever a time when she hadn't been part of this group. Until she caught Xander staring at her, his eyes dark and inviting. Her stomach clenched as her eyes clouded over with tears. If only, she thought longingly, if only she had never left. If only he hadn't let her leave. She slipped from her seat quietly, heading towards the bar for another drink and a moment to clear her head. Leaning against the counter for a minute, she turned in surprise when someone whispered her name. "Xander." She said slowly, feeling her knees go weak. "Dance?" He asked nervously as he held his hand out to her. She stared at him for a minute, not knowing what she would do until she felt her hand reaching out to him. He led her silently to the dance floor, his arms encircling her like they had never stopped. Letting him lead her around the dance floor she closed her eyes, pretending that it was still High School, and all that mattered was him. He released her slowly as the song ended, his eyes searching hers. She stared back at him, afraid of the feelings that being close to him awakened. Breaking away she walked quickly back to the table, avoiding everyone's eyes. She sat down shakily, her breath loud in her own ears. Staring at the table in front of her, she let the laughter of her friends wash over her, trying to forget the emotions Xander still aroused in her. She refused to look at him when he finally came back to the table, ignoring the pleading looks he gave her. Buffy watched both of them carefully, before pulling Xander from the table, heading down with Willow, Oz and Sonja to the dance floor. Cordelia looked up, smiling wanly at Giles and Joyce, her fingers twirling the straw in her drink absently. Joyce murmured something about getting drinks and left the table, leaving Giles alone with Cordelia. Turning slightly, she stared at the dance floor, watching Xander dance with Buffy, his movements stiff. She pushed down the voice in her head that whispered that it should be her in his arms. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she leaned back in her chair, her eyes meeting Giles. He smiled understandingly at her, his face knowing. "How are you Cordelia?" "Fine." She said bravely, putting on her best smile. "Great." "Cordelia." Giles began, pulling his glasses off his face and cleaning them with a napkin. "I know the past few years haven't been the best for you. I'm sorry that I didn't see what was going on when it happened. You children are all very important to me, and I regret being to caught up in my own pain to see what was happening." "Children?" She replied, her eyebrows arched. "Cordelia." He warned, refusing to be put off by her. "I see that you still love Xander." She stared at him silently for a minute, struggling against the urge to cry on his shoulder. Finally she shrugged, answering bitterly. "So?" "He is also still in love with you." Giles continued calmly, his eyes affectionate as he glanced at Xander. Turning back to Cordelia he considered her carefully. "So why are you not with him?" "Giles." She started, then stopped, not knowing how to explain the empty place inside of her, the darkness that held her back. That every time she thought of Xander, she remembered how he had let her go. How he had believed that she was a bitch, self-centered and shallow. Her stomach churned with memories as Giles waited for her to answer. Taking a sip of her drink she swallowed slowly before speaking in a low voice. "I can't forget." Giles looked sympathetic, putting his glasses back on before he replied. "But can you forgive?" He spoke sadly, his eyes full of regret. "Sometimes people we love do things that hurt us, sometimes more than we think we can bear. But we do. And even if we can't forget the betrayal, we try to move past it. Because love is a gift." Cordelia stared at Giles' face; at the sadness that still lingered in his eyes. "Ms. Calendar." She whispered softly. Giles's looked startled, his hands flying to his face, fiddling with his glasses. "Well, yes. Jenny betrayed me, all of us actually. And I would never have forgotten, but I did forgive, and I thank God every day that I did." He looked up, his expression regretful as he watched Buffy dancing with Xander. "But I was thinking more of the cost of not being able to forgive. It steals a piece of you, and of the people you love. It colours everything that happens afterward." Cordelia followed his gaze, watching Buffy laugh with Xander and Willow, her arm slung protectively around the new Slayer. Her eyes returning to Giles, she was surprised by the bitterness on his face. She opened her mouth to ask him why he couldn't forgive Angel, but the question died on her lips. He already felt bad enough, she couldn't press him on it. Instead she took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she spoke. "So, any suggestions?" "Yes." Giles answered, looking relieved. "Talk to him. Give him a chance to explain. Keep in mind Cordelia, that you were still very young when this happened. People, especially young people make mistakes." She nodded her head, her eyes filling with tears. "Thanks Giles." "It is good to have you back with us Cordelia." Giles said, his face lighting as Joyce walked back towards them. Cordelia grinned at the happiness they had found with each other, then summoned all her courage and headed towards the dance floor. Giles' reassuring smile following her. She tapped on Buffy's shoulder, a nervous half smile on her face. Buffy turned, her eyes happy as she moved out of Xander's arms. Cordelia stood silently staring at Xander, unsure of what to do next. He held out his arms and she stepped into them, her fingers curling around his neck. Leaning her head on his shoulder she felt the familiar desire at his touch. His hands traced slow circles on her back, his touch light. She stopped moving suddenly, pulling back to stare into his eyes. He smiled hopefully at her, and she smiled back. Moving in closer, Xander's lips touched hers in a chaste kiss. She felt the electricity first, the passion she had always felt when he kissed her, but following quickly on its heels was the memory of the last kiss they had shared. Of Xander kissing her in anger and hatred. Struggling out of his arms she backed away from him, every cruel word he had said to her echoing loudly in her head. Her hand over her mouth she turned and ran, her coat and purse forgotten. She was standing on the street taking deep gulps of air by the time Xander caught up to her. He handed her coat silently, holding her purse as she struggled into her coat. She grabbed her purse from him, her voice on the edge of hysteria as she spoke. "Buffy drove me. I don't have a car." "I'll drive you." Xander offered, a forlorn look in his eyes. "No." She said much too loudly. Composing herself, she spoke again, in a lower voice. "I'll walk." "I'll walk with you." He said adding quickly, "It's Sunnydale. No one should walk alone after dark." She didn't reply as she began walking, her entire body aware of the man at her side. Her step was quick as she headed towards her apartment, away from Xander. She wanted to close herself into the safety of her apartment and forget that there was a man she loved. Forget that there was a man who didn't have any faith in that love. Some corner of her mind whispered that she was being unreasonable, that she had made mistakes too. Telling that corner of her mind to be quiet she walked even faster. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she barely heard Xander speak, her head turning to look uncomprehendingly at him. "Cordelia. Please." He repeated. "Talk to me." His voice was low and muffled almost as if he was afraid for her to hear him. "About what?" She spoke quickly, hoping to keep the tears from falling. "About the last six years? About the hell I went through? The Hell you went through? The jerk I married? The baby I lost?" "I know how hard losing the baby was on you." He whispered. She stopped walking, turning to stare into the eyes of the father of her child. She was speechless, trying to think of an answer, something that could convey how much she missed the baby. His eyes answered hers as he let her see the pain he felt. She ducked her head, not wanting to see Xander as a father, as her child's father. She had spent the last few months trying to find some peace, and with one look into his eyes her loss felt new again. "Was it hard for you?" She asked unwillingly. She didn't want to know that he mourned, that he could picture a small child running towards him, or see traces of what could have been in other children. Xander took a shaky breath. He exhaled slowly, his breath brushing over her as he spoke. "Yes." He took a step closer to her and stopped. He looked down at her, his expression gentle as he spoke. "I wish we could have mourned together." She tensed, taking a step backwards. "I couldn't." "I know." He said sadly. "I hurt you too badly." "Everything hurt too badly." She sighed, wrapping her arms tightly across herself. "But Willow and later Buffy, they helped me through it. And I know they helped you too." "They're good friends." "The best." She smiled weakly at him. And what are we, she asked herself. Where do we go from here? Do we share the same friends and never become friends ourselves? She turned from him and began walking again, feeling him fall into step beside her. They didn't say anything else, until they were standing awkwardly in front of Cordelia's apartment. She turned to walk into the building, but his hand on her arm stopped her. The sensation of his arm on her flew through her, reminding her of everything she once believed they would have. Everything they didn't have now. Whirling around to face Xander, she spoke desperately. "What do you want from me?" He looked startled for a moment, his hand falling to his side. He cleared his throat, seeming to sink into himself. "I love you." Cordelia heard a ugly laugh come from her mouth before she spoke. "That's not what I asked." He was quiet again as he looked down at the pavement in front of him. "I want to be in your life." He finally answered. "In my life how?" She answered, feeling the pain of the last six years form into anger. "As my friend? My lover? What?" "Cordy..." He pleaded softly. "I'll tell you what Xander. You come up with a reason why you turned your back on me and we'll talk." She was almost shaking with anger as she glared at him. "Cordy..." He said again, his eyes welling with tears. "Don't. Don't you dare be sad. Don't you dare look at me with those eyes." Her voice broke as she felt tears swelling in her own eyes. How could she love him so much and still hate him? How could he love her so much and still have no faith in her? "Don't you dare make me feel this again Xander. Don't make me love you." "Isn't there any way Cordelia? Anything to make this better?" He implored her brokenly. "Tell me why you let me go." She whispered softly, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I don't know." He replied, his hands flying into the air as he paced around her. "Don't you think I've asked myself that question? "Not enough, obviously." Cordelia uttered, feeling the emptiness of her life rise up around her. "I couldn't believe that you loved me. You were so perfect, and I always thought you would realize what a mistake you were making. Being with me." Xander continued as if she hadn't spoken. She sat down heavily on the steps, folding her arms around herself as she cried. "Why? I was crazy about you. Adored you. How could you have doubted that?" "I don't know." He said, sitting down beside her, his eyes full of tears. "I don't know. You were a dream to me, and I was always afraid I would wake up." "You didn't trust me." She looked at him, imploring him to say something that would make it better. "I loved you." He offered, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I loved you." She sobbed as she climbed to her feet. "I loved you more than anything. I told you every secret, every thought I had. I ran to you when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I made love with you, and laughed with you. I was there for you." "Cordelia." He begged, despair in his voice as he looked at her. "Please forgive me." She reached out to touch his face, unable to help herself as she wiped the tears of his face. She loved him as much now as she ever had. Nothing was going to change that. "I forgive you." She watched as hope lit in her eyes, and felt something harden inside her as she spoke again. "But I can't figure out how I would ever trust you again." He fell back as if she had hit him, the hope dying. "You trust Buffy and Willow." "Yes." She answered simply. "But you were my everything." "And you were mine." He said slowly, his eyes burning into hers. "You talk about me not having any faith, but were was yours?" He stood up, moving closer to her as he continued to speak. "Were was your faith when you decided that I would be happy with Buffy? Why didn't you fight for me?" "You were kissing her." She said accusingly. "And you didn't wait to see what happened next." Xander spoke in a tone as accusing as hers. "What? I should have stuck around for the second act?" Cordelia spat at him. "Yes." Xander retorted angrily. "You should have stuck around. Then you would have seen me push her away, tell her that I loved you." "You should have told me." Cordelia threw back at him. "Admit it Cordelia." Xander said, his tone biting. "You were afraid. You didn't trust my love. You actually thought that I would leave you for Buffy." Cordelia stood stunned, the truth in his words chilling her. She had been afraid that if she challenged him he would pick Buffy. Taking an unconscious step backwards she sat down heavily on the steps, her thoughts jumbled. Looking up at him she whispered. "Maybe." She stared down at her hands as she continued. "But I also thought that you wouldn't just let me leave. I thought you would force me to tell you what was wrong." "I was afraid." Xander stated. "I thought that you decided that your parents were right, that I wasn't good enough for you." "You hated me." She forced the words through frozen lips, the thought of the hatred she had seen on his face that night in the library still fresh in her mind. "I never hated you, not even when I thought you would be happy with Buffy." "I know." Xander knelt down in front of her, taking her hands in hers and pleading with her. "I wish I had a reason better than my stupid pride. I wish that I could take back every mean thing I said to you, but I can't. I'm just asking you for a chance to make it up to you." Cordelia looked down at her hands in his, tears spilling down her cheeks as she pulled away. What if he failed her again? What if she did something that made him leave? She didn't think she could bear to lose him again. "I can't." She whispered under her breath, the sharp intake of air he took telling her that he had heard her. He stood up slowly, tears shining in his eyes as he turned and walked slowly away, his shoulders slumped. She sat on the step crying softly as he left, wanting nothing more than to call him back, but unable to say a word. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (16/18) Date: 20 Jan 1999 15:48:03 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) February 17, 2007 Buffy's room. "They finally set the trial date." Cordelia spoke casually, trying to hide the fear she felt as she pulled clothes from Buffy's closet, and threw them into two piles on the floor. "What?" Buffy's voice was muffled as she climbed out of the closet, almost tripping over one of the boxes that cluttered her floor, her expression surprised. "When?" "Ten days." Cordelia replied shortly, a grimace crossing her face as she stopped working for a moment and stared at her friend. "I was starting to think that he was going to be able to delay it forever." Buffy said, her face showing the anger Cordelia was trying not to feel. "Well, he"s got the best law firm in town defending him." Her voice was bitter as she began emptying the closet rapidly, flinging the clothes onto the floor, not wanting to turn and see the pity on Buffy's face. But why shouldn't she pity me, she thought angrily, how many people get to have their Father defend the man who tried to kill their daughter and did kill their unborn grandchild? Taking a deep breath she struggled to control the anger she felt. 'I still can't believe he's doing that." Buffy said softly. Cordelia shrugged her shoulders, throwing the last of the clothes onto the second pile. "My Father would never turn down the kind of money Doug's Father was offering, not even for his daughter." Turning, she faced Buffy with a bright smile on her face which faltered as she met Buffy's eyes. Her face was sad as she spoke again. "I've never had the closest relationship with my parents. And once I left Doug...well, lets just say I am not their favorite person." She closed her eyes, remembering her Father's angry words and the disappointment on her Mother's face when she had told them she left Doug, but that scene was nothing compared to the visit she had received after her parents found out she had been pregnant. She sighed loudly, bending over to grab a handful of clothes and stuff them into a garbage bag. "And when they found out about the baby being Xander's..." "They were never that happy about you dating him in High School were they?" Buffy asked. "Nope." Cordelia answered lightly, refusing to spend the day thinking about her lack of relationship with her parents."Now, I thought we were packing." "We are." Buffy replied, getting up from the bed and walking over to the piles of clothes. "Two piles?" "This stuff." Cordelia said with a grin, motioning towards the pile she was putting into a garbage bag. "Is going to the homeless shelter." She grimaced as she held up a pair of wildly patterned leggings. "These should have been left in the 90's where they belonged." Buffy laughed, "What's wrong with The 90'S or my leggings?" Cordelia stuffed the pants into the bag with distaste. "With the pants, everything, as for the 90's, move on. It's a new century." Looking at the much smaller second pile she put her hands on her hips as she considered Buffy. "Now, my housewarming present to you is going to be an entire wardrobe of clothes." "Cordelia Chase Originals? Synder will think I've robbed a bank." Buffy said, her face pleased as she took the last picture off her shelf. "Where is Willow with the truck? We've almost got the entire room packed." "Excited?" Cordelia questioned her friend with a grin. "Torn." Buffy said with a shrug. "I'm glad to finally have my own place and get away from Giles and Mom mooning at each other, but..." "But this is your home." Cordelia finished for her, sitting down on the edge of the bed and looking around her. "I don't blame you. I really love this house." Buffy turned, staring at Cordelia in surprise. "Really?" "Yes." Cordelia said, nodding her head decisively. "It's a happy house." She stood up, walking over to the window and peering out into the yard. "Although if my child slept in this room, I would cut that tree down. I know how easy it made it to sneak out." She felt the pain flow through her as she said the words, her grief for the child she had lost still fresh, but somehow bearable. She stared out the window for a moment, lost in thoughts of the baby that would never be, not realizing that Buffy hadn't responded. Cordelia was pulled out of her thoughts when she saw Willow's car pull up to the curb. Turning to Buffy with a smile, she froze; the look of despair on the other woman's face frightening her. "Buffy." She spoke worriedly, as she crossed the room towards her. "What's wrong? I was only talking, I don't want your house." "It's not that." The retired Slayer said, struggling to smile. "It's just...the window...Angel." Buffy shook her head as if she could erase the memory. "I'm sorry." Cordelia watched her friend, her face full of sympathy. Buffy had gotten so much better at hiding her loneliness that the brunette sometimes forget that Buffy had never fully recovered from losing Angel. Grabbing Buffy's hand she pulled her over to the bed, sitting down with her she said softly, "Tell me about it?" "It's fine. Really , I'm fine." Buffy answered, smiling weakly. "Liar." Cordelia murmured, her expression firm. The smile faded from Buffy's face as she looked at Cordelia. "What? Do you really want to hear that I still miss him every second of every day? That sometimes I think I would trade the rest of my life for one glimpse of him." Buffy glared at her; tears filling her eyes. "I made this choice. I know why we did it, and I know it was the right decision. For Giles, I sent Angel away, and for Giles, he left. End of story." "Not the end Buffy, not if you love him the way that you do." Cordelia whispered. "And I do want to hear. And I want you to tell." "It still hurts so much." Buffy sobbed, her expression defeated. Cordelia pulled her friend close to her, rocking her in her arms as Buffy cried. She looked up when Willow entered the room, mouthing, "Angel" to her. Willow's face was sad as she walked over to the pair. Her hand softly touching Buffy's shoulder she spoke. "He still loves you as much as you love him." Buffy's sobs began to lessen, and pulling away from Cordelia she questioned Willow. "You've heard from him? Lately?" Willow looked guilty as she explained to Cordelia. "I still get an anonymous e-mail every few months. Telling me that Angel is fine." The Watcher smiled sadly at Buffy. "I never know if I should tell you." Buffy was silent for a minute before answering. "Maybe you shouldn't, but I'm glad you do. As long as he's okay." Her voice was wistful as she turned to look out her window. Cordelia looked helplessly at Willow, wondering how they could help Buffy. The room was silent for a while, as night covered Sunnydale, leaving the room dark. Cordelia moved finally, reaching over to turn on the bedside lamp, catching sight of the silver cross Angel had given Buffy nestled in a box on the bedside table, the Claddagh ring sitting on top of it. She took a deep breath, feeling her eyes sting with tears as she began to speak. "I remember when I was so desperate for Angel to notice me. I mean, there I was, the most popular girl in school, and the hottest guy I had ever seen wouldn't give me the time of day. Preferring to spend his time mooning after someone I considered a freak." Her voice was light, as she made fun of the person she used to be, trying to make Buffy remember the good times. Buffy turned slowly from the window, her face lit with love. "I remember the first time we tried to have a normal date." She looked at Willow fondly as she continued. "For coffee." The Watcher grinned at the memory. "The non-relationship drink of choice." Buffy laughed softly, the pain on her face fading as she reminisced. "And of course, I got delayed by slaying. I was a mess by the time I got to the Bronze." Cordelia smiled at the memory. "And I was so not happy to see you walk in. Not that Angel was looking at me even before you got there." Willow arched her eyebrow as she spoke to Cordelia. "The first one that got away?" Cordelia laughed as she recited, Buffy chiming in along with her. "When it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer." The three woman laughed at the memory, as Buffy walked away from the window and sat down cross-legged on the floor. Cordelia glanced at Willow before slipping off the bed to sit on the floor with Buffy. The redhead grabbed a pillow and threw it on the floor, flopping down on top of it. "Of course, by the time Halloween was over, I understood that there was no way Angel was ever going to look at anyone else." Cordelia said ruefully, shaking her head as she remembered the disbelief she had felt that anyone would chose Buffy over her. "He did love me, didn't he?" Buffy whispered. "Even then." "God yes." Willow and Cordelia replied together. "And we had some good times." The once Slayer whispered. "Of course." Cordelia answered her, feeling the pain of Buffy's loss surge through the room. Willow spoke quickly, trying to keep the mood light. "I wonder if Xander's planning on writing the Halloween story?" Cordelia's stomach swirled, reacting to his name even though she tried not to. Dropping her eyes, she stared at the floor, waiting for Buffy to speak. "He should." Buffy answered, her face growing sad again. "Have you talked to him lately Cordelia?" Stiffening, Cordelia looked up at Buffy, her eyes hurt. "Not much. Not really since the party." "Why not?" Buffy pressed, her eyes hardening. Cordelia stared at Buffy, her expression begging the other woman to drop it. When Buffy continued looking back, her eyes refusing to let Cordelia off the hook, she spoke. "I...I can't. It hurts too much. He hated me. I can't get past it." "Do you love him?" Buffy shot at her, her shoulders tensing as anger grew in her eyes. Cordelia nodded slowly, her stomach churning now, not understanding why Buffy suddenly looked so furious. Buffy nodded back, climbing to her feet and staring down at Cordelia. "Then you just do it. You forgive him. You give him a chance to prove that you can trust him. You fight for love Cordelia, you don't just throw it away for one mistake, no matter how big the mistake is." Tears were streaming down her face as she stopped speaking, her face flushed red. Buffy took a deep breath as she averted her eyes from Cordelia, and walked over to sit on the edge of her bed. Her voice was much softer when she spoke again. "I'm sorry. I know it's hard. But, Cordy, the only thing I know for sure is that if the things holding you away from Xander were the only things keeping me from Angel, I wouldn't be sitting here with you." Cordelia stared quietly, shocked at Buffy's outburst and at her anger. She thought about arguing with her, telling her that it wasn't that simple, but sitting there with a woman who had lost her love forever she couldn't figure out why it wasn't. Climbing to her feet, she smiled reassuringly at Willow, who was sitting in shock on the floor. She moved towards the window staring out into the night as she spoke. "I'll try." "How?" Buffy asked. "Maybe I'll see if he wants to go to a movie some night." Cordelia offered slowly. She was silent after that, they all were. Cordelia knew she hadn't given Buffy the answer that she wanted, if she was honest, it hadn't been the answer she wanted either. But the betrayal she still felt whenever Xander was near wouldn't leave her head. She leaned her forehead against the cool glass, praying that someday she could look at him with only love in her eyes and in her heart. ***** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (17/18) Date: 21 Jan 1999 14:15:42 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) Special thanks to Wirchler, for reading the whole thing, and for all the helpful comments. "Okay, I can do this." Cordelia muttered to herself as she surveyed the destruction of her apartment, clothes strewn over every available space. Picking up a short black dress she eyed it critically for a minute before dropping it in a heap on the floor. Sighing with frustration she walked over to her full length mirror looking at the rumbled reflection with dismay, wondering what had possessed her to even think of asking Xander to go out with her. "It's just a movie Cordelia." She told herself harshly, spinning away from the mirror to grab another outfit from her closet. Pulling on the simple blue dress she refused to look in the mirror again. Walking into the living room, she twisted her hair into a knot and pinned it. Slipping on her shoes she stared at the door, willing him to hurry up before she totally lost her nerve. The doorbell rang at exactly eight o'clock and she felt the butterflies in her stomach multiply. She moved towards the door with all the enthusiasm of a criminal walking to his execution. Her fingers hesitated on the doorknob for a split second before she took a deep breath and opened the door. Xander smiled nervously as he looked at her, his voice low as he spoke. "You look beautiful." "Thanks." She answered stiffly, grabbing her coat and moving out of her apartment quickly. She bumped against him in her hurry to get outside, causing the knot in her stomach to pull tighter. Moving away she headed down the stairs, thankful for once that her building didn't have an elevator. She was worried enough about sitting next to him at the movie theater. Xander went ahead as they exited the building, opening the car door for her and shutting it behind her. She snuck a look at him as he walked around the car, taking in his well cut pants and obviously expensive shirt. He looked gorgeous, she admitted to herself, with a strange feeling of loss. An ache formed inside her as she wished for a moment that he had shown up wearing something that didn't match. That Xander she knew, this Xander who opened car doors and dressed well was a stranger to her. "So." Xander started, clearing his throat nervously as he drove towards the theater. "How are you?" Cordelia swallowed, amazed at the layers that simple question had. How was she about the baby? How was she about the fact that her ex-husband went on trial in three days? How was she about her parents betraying her to protect Doug? Or the fact that her parents had told all their friends that their daughter had a breakdown? Or maybe, he just wanted to know if she was healthy. Sighing softly, she wished for just one moment of clarity, just a short second where she actually knew what she was doing. "I'm fine. You?" "Same. I've got a new book coming out soon." "Really?" Cordelia asked, eager for something to talk about that didn't involve her. Funny, it used to be all she wanted to talk about. "What's it about?" "Spike and the parent-teacher night." Xander answered with a faint smile. "God." Cordelia leaned back against the seat as she remembered the night she had spent praying in a closet with Willow. Shaking her head at the memory she turned to Xander. "Poor Willow, stuck in the closet with me." "I don't know." Xander replied slowly. "I always enjoyed being in the closet with you." Cordelia felt the butterflies swarm as her cheeks turned red. She must have made out with Xander in every closet in Sunnydale, as well as every empty room with a lock. They had been insatiable in those days, never able to wait to be alone. Cordelia couldn't count how many classes she had been late for or missed all together because of him. "I still can't believe we did that." Her voice was soft as she spoke. "We must have been insane." "Or in love." Xander whispered, his expression hopeful before turning his attention back to the road in front of him, his fingers tapping nervously on the steering wheel. Cordelia couldn't speak after that, the lump in her throat was too big to allow words through. Not that it mattered, she thought, because I can't think of anything to say. She stifled a sigh as she leaned back against the cool leather seats. They were at the theater quickly, both of them uncomfortable as they walked in and took their seats. It didn't really matter that she hadn't seen any of the previous Star Wars movies, because Episode three or whatever it was called passed by in a blur for her, as she couldn't think of anything but the man sitting next to her. She stood quickly when the movie was over, not looking behind her to see if he was following. She was almost back at his car when he spoke. "Cordelia?" Xander's voice was low and shaking slightly as he spoke. "Do you, will you...um, do you want to go for a walk?" Cordelia spun around to stare at him, his expression familiar to her. This was the Xander she knew, the Xander she loved. The guy who always expected to be rejected but tried anyway. She nodded slowly, a weak smile appearing on her face. "Sure. But lets keep to Main street, I haven't seen one vampire since I moved back, and I like it that way." "Done." He said, his expression relaxing as he smiled at her. Turning they walked down Main street, moving slowly as Cordelia peered in shop windows and watched the people walking by. "Are you still making clothes?" Xander asked, finally breaking the silence. "Not really." Cordelia answered, shrugging her shoulders slightly. "I couldn't open the shop...after. But I'm doing a new wardrobe for Buffy. And I have some regular clients that I still do clothes for." Xander looked at her with pain in his eyes, but said nothing. Cordelia felt a chill run through her as she realized that every word they spoke was like walking in a minefield, trying to avoid the pain of the last few years. Her stomach tightened as they continued walking, not knowing how they could ever make it any better. "This isn't working, is it?" Xander said finally, his voice defeated. "No. It isn't." She replied, her voice suddenly thick with emotion. Tears clouded her vision as she realized how badly she had wanted it to work. That she had actually believed that somehow they could just step back into the past and everything would be as it was. She had been able to fool herself somewhat when they were with the others, letting their friends act as buffers to the pain that was between them, but alone together the pain was too deep and too raw. She stopped walking, standing silently on the street as he looked at her, his face a reflection of her loss. Making up her mind, she forced a light-hearted smile on her face. "Let's start over." "Huh?" "Let's pretend that we have no history together. That we just met." She said, her voice getting lighter as she spoke. "Hi. I'm Cordelia. And you are?" "Alexander Harris." He replied, a smile beginning on his face. "But everyone calls me Xander." "Xander." She repeated him, feeling more comfortable than she had all evening. "Well Xander, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?" "I would love to." He answered, the smile fully formed now. He took her arm as he led her into the coffee shop, finding them a table by the window. They sat down on the high stools, the coffee steaming the window in front of them. "So." Cordelia began, stirring her coffee. "What do you do?" "I'm an author." He replied slowly, looking at her like she had possibly lost her mind. "Really?" She answered with teasing disbelief. "Published?" "Of course." He said in an injured tone. "They're young adult novels though, so you've probably never heard of them." Cordelia pretended to be thinking for a minute, before making an expression of shock cover her face. "Alex Harris?" Her voice was full of mock surprise as she continued. "I've read all of your books. I love them. It's amazing the way you write these outlandish stories so that they seem to be true. And your characters are so alive, so three-dimensional. My favorite has got to be Joss. He has no super powers and he's not a computer whiz, or a good vampire, but he still throws himself into helping. I loved it when he saved the cheerleader from getting her head cut off and becoming Frankenstein's bride." Xander was laughing openly by the time she finished gushing. He leaned towards her and spoke in a low whisper. "The cheerleader is my favorite." Cordelia felt herself blushing as she looked into his dark eyes. She felt herself drowning in them as they stared at each other. Averting her eyes she concentrated on her coffee as she spoke again. "Why? She's so self-centered and mean." "No. She isn't." Xander spoke confidently. "She's changed with every book, growing into a wonderful person." Cordelia felt warmth spread through her as she smiled at him, shaking her head slowly. "Getting a little to involved with your characters?" Xander grinned defiantly back at her. "I'm in love with her." Cordelia's smile froze as she struggled to catch her breath. "Why didn't you make her truly despicable? I mean, you hated me, and I really was awful in High School, so why not?" Xander looked shocked for a minute at the swift return to reality. He swallowed slowly, his hands wrapped around his coffee cup. "I tried. Believe me I tried, but I couldn't. Every time I tried to write it my fingers would freeze. Because however much I hated you, I loved you more." Cordelia felt her eyes filling with tears as she sipped her coffee. "It always comes back to this, doesn't it??" She continued without waiting for a response. "That you hated me. I never hated you, not even when I thought you would be happy with Buffy." Xander didn't look at her as he answered. "I was just so hurt. I thought everything we had didn't mean anything to you. That you wanted the perfect life, with the rich husband and the country clubs." "Why didn't you wish me well then?" She spoke wistfully. "When I saw you kissing Buffy I wanted to kill you, kill Buffy. I wanted to make you hurt, but I never hated you. I let you go because I loved you. That's what I can't get past. You hated me so much that it almost destroyed you." Xander looked up at her then, his eyes sad. "I wish I had an answer for you. I wish I had an answer for me, but I don't. You were so perfect, we were so perfect together. You know how bad my childhood was, that I never felt loved or wanted, but when I fell in love with you, none of that mattered. You accepted all of me, gave up your friends and defied your parents to be with me. And it changed everything, I finally felt whole. But when you left, everything came back, all my parents taunts about being worthless felt like they were true, and it hurt too much. So I hated you because it was easier than hating myself." Cordelia was crying silently by the time he finished speaking, her hand reaching out to cover his. Her other hand reached out to touch his face, her touch gentle as she looked at him. "That's an answer." Pulling her hand back softly she smiled sadly at him. "We did a lot of damage to each other." Xander looked at her, his face a mixture of hope and pain that almost made her break into tears again, her throat constricting as she continued. "I'm afraid to try again." "I know." Xander whispered, his eyes glistening as he waited for her to continue. "I don't know if it could ever be what it was." Cordelia spoke softly, her heart pounding in her throat. "It might be better." Xander smiled tentatively at her, his fingers reaching out for hers. Taking his hand in hers Cordelia held on to it tightly as she nodded. They left the coffee shop soon after, holding hands as they silently walked back to Xander's car. He moved to open the door for her and she stopped him with a grin. "I'm sorry, but you being the gentleman is just too strange." Xander laughed as he pulled the door open. "I was trying to impress you." "You forget, I fell for you when your clothes didn't match and your idea of a date was sharing a ho-ho with me." Cordelia laughed softly as she stepped into the car. Xander grinned at her, his relief almost palatable in the close confines of the car. She leaned back against her seat and stared at him as he drove, allowing herself the pleasure of looking at him. It seemed like seconds before they were parked outside her apartment. She swallowed, suddenly nervous again as she spoke. "Will you be at the trial?" Xander nodded, his eyes bright again as he looked at her. "Yes." "Good." Cordelia murmered, sliding out of the car and moving towards her apartment. "Maybe after it...maybe we could talk?" "I'd like that." Xander said, stepping out of his car to watch her walk into the building. She nodded, ducking her head as a small smile crossed her face. Turning she watched him get back in his car and drive away. She stood in the doorway for another few minutes, the smile lingering. "Me too." ***** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (18a/18) Date: 22 Jan 1999 17:24:58 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) Special thanks to Wirchler, for reading the whole thing and giving me many helpful comments. Sunnydale Courthouse March 4, 2007 Cordelia took a deep breath before stepping out of Buffy's car, her face pale as she turned to face her friends. Smiling wanly at Willow she reached out to grab the redhead's hand, Buffy's arm looping over her shoulder as they walked silently towards the courthouse. Cordelia hesitated just outside the courtroom, nervously smoothing her skirt before she walked into the room, her friends flanking either side of her. She flashed a nervous smile at the prosecutor before she slipped into the seat behind him, trying not to look at the other side of the room. She kept her head down, fiddling with the hem on her skirt as she heard her Father whispering instructions to the lawyer handling the case. Looking sideways at Buffy she tried to smile as her eyes filled with tears. "I guess I should be grateful he's not actually arguing it himself." Buffy grabbed her hand squeezing it gently as she turned to glare at Mr. Chase. "I'm sorry Cordy." "Don't be." Cordelia answered, swallowing back the tears. "My whole life I was taught that appearances and money mean more than anything. You were supposed to marry a rich man and maintain the picture of a perfect life, no matter what the cost. As far as they're concerned, I'm the problem, not Doug." "But they're your parents." Buffy's voice was frustrated as she watched Cordelia's parents. "And according to them, they're doing what any parent would do, protect their daughter from making a mistake." She answered Buffy, her tone resigned. "I think they've been telling their friends that I had a breakdown." Buffy squeezed her hand even tighter, her face sympathetic. Willow leaned in close then, her face worried. "Are you sure you want to be here?" "Yes." Cordelia nodded firmly. "Anyway, I'm the star witness, I have to be here." She glanced quickly at the back of the room, wondering where Xander was, torn between wanting desperately to have him with her and wanting him far away where her father couldn't get to him. She swallowed, feeling nauseous as she wondered what exactly her Father would do to keep Doug from being convicted. Anything, she answered herself, closing her eyes as her stomach clenched. He had said as much when he had called her the night before, giving her one last chance to drop the charges. It had been like talking to a stranger, his voice cold and formal as he threatened to ruin Xander's career if she didn't stop this madness. Her stomach rolled a little faster as she tried to imagine what her Father could possibly say about Xander, or about her. She looked up, her eyes locking with her Mother's, the older woman's eyes hard as she stared at her daughter. Cordelia shivered slightly, breaking eye contact. She knew her Mother, knew that whatever the outcome of the trial that her Mother would still expect her to show up at their weekly dinner on Thursday. Her Mother wouldn't understand that she had betrayed her daughter, and she would be properly teary as she forgave Cordelia for making Doug stand trial. Cordelia had been through this too many times for it to even hurt anymore. By the time she was eight she had figured out that her Mother was never going to be there for her, not in any ways that mattered. Buffy's grip on her hand tightened as the blonde turned to greet her Mother and Giles. Cordelia swung around, a surprised look on her face. "I didn't know you were coming." Giles patted the top of her head awkwardly as he sat down in the row behind them. "We're here for you." He said simply, his smile comforting. Joyce leaned in and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear. "Your parents are idiots if they don't realize what a wonderful daughter they have." Cordelia felt her eyes swim with tears as she turned back to the front of the courtroom, knowing that she did have parents still in Giles and Joyce. Buffy smiled knowingly at her, tilting her head as she replied to Cordelia's unspoken thought. "We're family." The tears flowed out of her then as she nodded in response, her lips trembling as she looked at each of them. "I know." She caught a glimpse of the door opening as she turned back around, her heart beating louder as Xander pushed past Willow to sit next to her. He grabbed her hand and held it tightly. Cordelia stared at her hand in his before looking up to meet his eyes. Xander stared back at her, his expression hard to read. His voice was determined as he spoke. "Let me do this. Let me be here for you and for our baby. We'll worry about the rest after." Cordelia stared at him for a long moment, biting her lip to keep from crying again. She finally nodded, unable to speak and laced her fingers through his, as they turned to stare at the front of the court. Doug entered then, followed by the elder Mr. Foster who glared icily at Cordelia before greeting her Father warmly, his loud laugh ringing out in the quiet courtroom. The Judge entered then and jury assembled as the room was called to order and the charges read. The assistant District Attorney spoke first, painting a picture of a loveless marriage and a cheating, drunken husband who had only chased his wife to keep from losing his inheritance. A man who would have killed his ex-wife and did kill her unborn baby out of spite that she had refused to return to him. Then her Father's lackey stood, his voice smooth as he countered the prosecutor, telling a much different tale, of a woman who had almost driven her husband crazy by her love for another man. A woman who had denied her husband any love and driven him to drink. He pointed Cordelia out, commenting on her beauty and poise, wondering aloud how any man could bear to lose such a woman. Then, with a frosty smile he had thrust, telling of a woman who had pretended to be attacked to try and win the love of another man, a woman who had made up a story about her ex-husband to get back at him for not giving her any alimony and the friends who had agreed to help her with the charade. He pointed to her parents, speaking of the worry of a Father who knew his daughter had lost her grip on reality. Cordelia was in shock by the time he finished speaking, staring helplessly at her Father with tears streaming down her face. Her fingernails were digging into Xander's hands as she turned to look at the jury, seeing them watching her with mistrust. Buffy grabbed her other hand, whispering in her ear. "It's okay. No one is going to fall for that." "You don't know my Father." Cordelia replied, her voice hopeless as the prosecutor called his first witness, the doctor who had treated her when she lost the baby. The doctor was calm and cool as he described the injury that had caused her to lose the baby as being a severe force to her midsection. He also described the bruising around her neck as being the imprints of fingers. The defense had stood then, asking if the bruises were definitely caused by his client, to which the doctor had to say that they weren't, and that the force to her stomach couldn't be proven to come from a punch. Cordelia shivered as the doctor was excused, her fingers icy as Willow was called to the stand. The Watcher was a good witness, her voice confident, as she related seeing Doug strangling Cordelia and how she had run for help. She was calm as she repeated Doug's words, telling the court that he had admitted to her that he only wanted Cordelia so he wouldn't lose his trust fund. Willow's eyes got teary as she related the loss of the baby and how hard it was on Cordelia. The defense lawyer stood then, his smile broad as he moved close to Willow, asking why she had broken off contact with Cordelia for five years. The Watcher faltered, her eyes locking with Cordelia's before mumbling softly that they had a misunderstanding. The lawyer's smile broadened as he asked his next question, seemingly pondering almost to himself if Willow felt bad about the misunderstanding. The Watcher admitted she did, her voice uneasy as she sensed his intentions. The lawyer had asked his next question quickly, knowing that the prosecutor would object, and also that the jury would remember the question even without an answer. "So, Miss Rosenburg, you wanted to make things up to your friend? Maybe by helping her to frame an innocent man?" He smiled confidently as he withdrew the question and walked back to his seat. Cordelia turned to Xander, her face drained off all color. "How could my father have known? I never said anything about it to him, I swear." Xander gripped her hand even tighter, looking her straight in the eyes as he answered. "I know." Cordelia stared back at him, feeling a tiny surge of hope flow through her at his belief in her. Her mind continued racing as she tried to figure out how her father had figured out that she hadn't left six years ago for the reasons she had told them. She looked across at her parents, who stared back with fake concern, their expressions clearly telling the jury that they loved their poor insane daughter and only wanted the best for her. Breaking eye contact she turned away, catching sight of Doug as she turned, her stomach sinking as she remembered the journals she had left in the apartment in her rush to escape, the journals that had held her every thought about Xander, Buffy and Willow. The journals had been her only outlet, her only escape from her loneliness. And now they would be used to help the man who had killed her child. Lifting her head she locked her eyes onto Doug, rage spilling through her as she watched his relaxed demeanor. Breathing quickly Cordelia turned away, her rage changing to guilt as she spoke quietly to Buffy and Xander. "My journals. I'm so sorry. I left them behind when I left Doug. He knows everything." Xander nodded grimly without looking at her, his eyes fastened onto the district attorney. The attorney stood and asked Willow one more question. "Miss Rosenburg, did you lie for Cordelia Chase?" "No." Willow stated loudly. "At the time of the attack Cordelia and I were still estranged. I had no reason to lie for her." "No further questions." The assistant District Attorney said as he returned to his seat and waited patiently for Willow to leave the stand before calling Buffy as the next witness. The retired Slayer smiled at Cordelia before she walked to the stand, her voice clear as she promised to tell the whole truth. Sitting down in the chair Buffy watched the defense table with the same expression she had once reserved for demons about to meet their fate. Buffy quickly related the same story Willow had told about Doug and the venom he had directed at Cordelia after Xander had subdued him. The district attorney returned to his chair glancing worriedly at Cordelia before sitting down. Then the defense stood, the lawyer wasting no time, throwing his questions at Buffy with a distasteful look. "Miss Summers, isn't it true that Cordelia Chase saw you kissing Alex Harris and that is the reason that she left Sunnydale six years ago?" "Yes." Buffy replied slowly, her face flushed as she stared straight at the lawyer. "So you would like to make up for that mistake, especially considering the fact that you blamed Ms. Chase for her leaving and the subsequent problems that Alex Harris encountered?" "If you mean, would I like to make it up to her by lying, then no." Buffy answered, her eyes flaming. "I did not lie for Cordelia." "And yet you are friends with Ms. Chase now. How did you manage to get her to forgive you for kissing her boyfriend if not by helping her ruin her ex-husband?" "I apologized." Buffy said softly, her glance meeting Cordelia's. "Really?" The lawyer said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "And after six years of misery that was all it took?" He didn't wait for her to answer before stating he had no further questions. Buffy slipped from the stand, her back straight as she walked back to sit beside Cordelia, her hand grabbing the other girls. Leaning in close to Cordelia Buffy whispered. "I don't like him. At all." Cordelia smiled at her friend, her attention going back to the prosecutor who was calling Xander to the stand. She turned to him, her voice panicked as she spoke. "You don't have to do this. I can drop the charges. They know everything Xander. I wrote about your family life and about the letter Willow sent telling me about your drinking. There was everything in those journals." "I'm doing this." Xander declared, his voice harsh as he slipped his hand from hers. Lifting her hand to his mouth he kissed it softly. "They can't hurt me." Walking confidently to the stand Xander turned and was sworn in, taking his seat with a grace that was new to Cordelia. The brunette turned to Buffy, whispering urgently. "He doesn't understand. I wrote about his drinking and how Willow said he wanted to die. This will ruin him." "No it won't." Willow answered, sliding closer to Cordelia, leaning in so that Buffy could hear as well. "Xander went to the District Attorney weeks ago. He told him everything about his past, about the two of you and why you were estranged. He was worried about something like this happening, but he swore me to secrecy." "Why?" Cordelia mumbled, her voice choked as she stared up at Xander. "Because he loves you." Willow replied slowly. "And he wanted to protect you. He still feels so guilty about everything and he blames himself for losing the baby." "Blames himself?" Cordelia repeated dimly, turning to look at Willow. Nodding, the Watcher took her hand, pressing it tightly as she spoke. "Because if he had let you explain things to him before the auction, he would have been there to protect you from Doug." "He saved me from Doug." Cordelia whispered, tears falling unnoticed down her cheeks. "It wasn't his fault. I have to tell him." She moved to get up, but Buffy's hand stopped her. Turning to the blonde with a questioning look she sat back down. "You have to let him do this Cordy." Buffy uttered. "Doug killed his baby too." Cordelia's eyes swung from Buffy to Willow, every instinct in her screaming for her to do something to keep Xander safe. To keep him from sacrificing himself for her, she had done that once and all it had brought was misery, she couldn't let Xander make the same mistake. Breathing deeply she turned to Giles, knowing he was listening to everything they said. "Giles?" She begged, needing him to tell her what to do. The older man smiled calmly at her, leaning slightly forward to answer her. "It's not a sacrifice Cordelia. He's not giving anything up. Not anything that is important to him." Cordelia nodded, turning back around she fastened her eyes on Xander, straightening her shoulders and letting the pride she felt show on her face. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (18b/18) Date: 22 Jan 1999 17:25:22 PST disclaimers in 18a. "Mr. Harris, are you telling the court that on the night of the attack you were still under the impression that Ms. Chase had left you because she felt that you weren't good enough for her?" The prosecutors voice was gentle as he spoke. "Yes." Xander replied, his regret evident. "We have heard from Miss Summers that the real reason Ms. Chase left town was due to witnessing a kiss between Miss Summers and yourself. Is this true?" "Yes." Xander spoke painfully, as if the word had ripped through his throat. "And when did you realize that this was the reason Ms. Chase had left town?" "After Doug attacked her. Willow and Buffy told me that Cordelia was pregnant, and I left to go look for her. She told me then." Xander's voice was agonized, his eyes bright with tears as he spoke of that night. "I see. And this was after the police had arrested Mr. Foster?" "Yes." "So at the time you subdued Mr. Foster and called the police, you had no reason to want to help Ms. Chase?" "No." Xander whispered, his eyes full of pain and guilt as he met Cordelia's eyes. The district attorney stopped there, sitting down as the defense stood and began to speak. "Mr. Harris, you were in love with Ms. Chase at the time of her departure six years ago, were you not?" "Yes." "And what was your reaction to her departure?" "I was hurt and angry." Xander said nervously. "I see. And how did you show this anger?" The defense continued at Xander's confused look. "Did you, by chance, start drinking to deal with your loss?" Xander sat back, taking a deep breath before nodding slowly. "Yes." "I see." The defense lawyer smiled, his voice disarming as he asked his next question. "Do you know who the father of Ms. Chase's baby was?" "Yes." "Was it you?" "Yes." Xander said quietly, his voice a mixture of pride and pain. "And how did Ms. Chase manage to become pregnant with your child if you were still estranged at the time of the attack?" The pulse in Xander's neck jumped as he looked to Cordelia. She smiled back, her gaze trying to tell him that it was okay. "I was drunk and we made love. I didn't remember it in the morning." "So Ms. Chase took advantage of your weakness?" The defense attorney said coldly, turning to look at his client. "As she took advantage of her husband's weakness." "No." Xander shouted, almost leaping from his chair before regaining control. The defense attorney smiled, walking back to his seat. The district attorney shuffled through his papers for a moment before standing again. Walking toward Xander he spoke in a conversational tone. "Mr. Harris, do you blame Ms. Chase for your drinking problem?" "No." "But you started drinking to deal with losing her, how could you not blame her?" "Cordelia didn't make me drink. I did. It was a choice I made." Xander replied calmly. "What do you remember about the night your child was conceived?" "I remember Cordelia crying and telling me that she loved me. And telling me that she hadn't wanted to leave me." Xander said slowly, his eyes locked on Cordelia's. "Do you think Ms. Chase took advantage of your weakness?" "No. She stayed with me when I was to drunk to get home. And I made love with her, because I love her not because I was drunk." "Thank you, Mr. Harris." The prosecutor said, dismissing him as he turned to Cordelia. "I call Cordelia Chase to the stand." Cordelia stood shakily, her hands slipping from Buffy and Willow as she walked towards the witness stand, her fingers brushing against Xander as he passed her. She spoke firmly as she was sworn in and sat down, careful to avoid looking in the direction of the defense. The district attorney was gentle as he took her through the events of the night of the attack, and through the loss of her child. Cordelia managed to keep from crying, her voice thick as she spoke of the loss of her child. "Ms. Chase, tell us about your marriage? Was it happy?" "No. Doug drank all of the time and he cheated on me from our wedding day." "Did you love him?" "No." Cordelia answered clearly. "But you stayed with him while he cheated on you and through his drinking. Why did you finally leave him?" "Because he told me that he had only married me to keep his trust fund intact." Cordelia replied, her face red as she stared down at her hands. The district attorney stopped questioning her there, letting the defense begin. "Ms. Chase, I know the loss of your child has been very hard on you, and we all feel your pain. I know you want someone to blame, but sometimes these things just happen." He paused there, smiling sadly at the jury. "Let's talk about your marriage. Is it true that you spent most nights in your room, crying for another man?" Cordelia hesitated, her eyes pulled unwillingly to her parents, unable to comprehend how they could do this to her. "Yes." "And you denied your husband your marriage bed?" "Yes." "Do you deny that you were cold to your husband, pushing him into the arms of other women to find the love he should have had at home?" "Push?" Cordelia repeated incredulously. "He slept with my maid of honor, how did I push him into that?" "Ms. Chase, please answer the question." "Yes. I deny that I pushed him to other women. I was a good wife. I was always there for him, he just preferred to be with his friends or his women." Her voice was angry now, her eyes hardening as she stared at the defense attorney. "When you married Mr. Foster, did you love another man? Did you love Alexander Harris?" "Yes." She answered proudly, refusing to feel guilty for it. There were many things she regretted, but loving Xander wasn't one of them. The defense attorney stopped questioning her there, obviously surprising her Father, who leaned forward to whisper furiously to the man. The district attorney didn't ask her any further questions and Cordelia walked from the witness stand back to her seat in time to hear the judge call for lunch break. The entire group walked out into the hallway quietly, the events of the morning draining them. Cordelia pulled away from the group, slipping into the bathroom. She stood staring at her reflection in the mirror, taking in the dark circles under her eyes and the paleness of her skin. Dropping her head she began to cry, her sobs echoing in the empty room. The door pushed open and she lifted her head to see who had entered. Willow and Buffy walked over to her, pulling her into a hug. Cordelia leaned on her friends, sobbing brokenly. "I did this. If I had remembered about those stupid journals Doug wouldn't have had a chance and they never would have been able to hurt Xander." "Cordelia. Stop this." Buffy said firmly. "Doug will be found guilty, and Xander doesn't blame you." Cordelia pulled back, her breath coming in short gasps as she tried to regain control. Nodding at her friends she let them pull her from the bathroom, not even noticing that her make-up had been washed off by her tears. They rejoined the rest of the group in the hallway, no one mentioning the trial as they walked to a nearby restaurant. Cordelia hung back slightly, afraid to come to close to Xander. What could she say to him? She had messed up everything by not remembering the journals. Xander slowly drifted back to her, walking silently beside her. She snuck a glance at him, unable to read anything from his expression. A small ache formed in her stomach as she longed for the days when his face had told her everything. Her voice was small as she forced herself to speak. "I'm so sorry about the journals. I was in such a hurry when I left Doug, I never even gave them a thought." Xander stopped, turning her to face him. "It's not your fault. And it's nothing you have to be sorry for. They would have found out about my drinking anyway, lots of people knew about my problem." "But...but I did that to you. I left you and I made you drink." Cordelia whispered. "I meant what I said on the stand. Drinking was my choice, not yours. I don't blame you for it." Xander spoke softly, his voice determined. "Just like marrying Doug was mine." Cordelia replied bitterly. "And because of me, he's going to get away with what he did." "Don't." Xander said harshly, his fingers digging into her shoulders. "Doug attacked you. Doug killed our child. It is no one's fault but his." He released her shoulders, his arms dropping to his sides as he continued. "And mine." "No." Cordelia replied firmly, her hands reaching out for his as she finally admitted to herself, and to him that he had lost as much as she had with Doug's attack. Her eyes were bright as she stared at Xander, seeing him for the first time as not only her High School sweetheart, or the man who had hated her, but as the father of her child. The man who had been denied the right to know that child, first by her, and then by Doug. "Nothing that happened with Doug was your fault." "If I had listened to you...if I had one ounce of faith in you..." Xander spoke angrily. "If I had taken one minute to think of why you were leaving, instead of the fact that you were leaving." Cordelia interrupted him, her voice loud. "Stop. Right now." She pronounced every word clearly, flinging her hair off her face as she considered him. "Nothing that I did or that you did made it okay for Doug to attack me. Nothing that we did made us deserve to lose our child. Nothing." As she spoke the words she felt a huge weight floating from her shoulders. It wasn't her fault that the baby had died, and it wasn't her fault that Xander had started drinking. Just like it wasn't his fault that she had left and married a miserable bastard. Her hand was gentle as she touched his arm. "Xander, when I found you on the beach, you told me that you had always loved me. Maybe I took advantage of you, but I don't regret it. It was a beautiful night where the past had no place. We loved each other that night and our baby was created from it. That baby would have lived a wonderful life if not for Doug." "But..." Xander started. "No. That's all there is Xander. It is not your fault." Cordelia took a deep breath as she finished speaking, looking ahead of her to see the group waiting for them at the edge of the parking lot. "We can assign blame for a lot of the things we did, but this isn't one of them." Pulling his hand she began walking towards their friends. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (18c/18) Date: 22 Jan 1999 17:25:40 PST disclaimers in 18a Everyone was quiet at lunch, thinking of the afternoon ahead of them and wondering what the defense had in store for them. They headed back to the courtroom in the same silence they had left it. Sitting quietly into their seats and waiting for the defense to begin calling witnesses. Doug's father was called to the stand first, the older gentleman firmly denying that he had threatened his son's trust fund at any point. He was smooth and convincing and Cordelia felt herself sinking as she listened to him speak. The prosecutor tried to break his story, but was unsuccessful. Her father took the stand next, his voice breaking as he told of his daughter's descent into her own reality. His voice shaking as he told of the wonderful daughter who hadn't been able to handle her husband's infidelity and had therefore made up a world in which the boyfriend she had dumped after high school was the perfect man. The prosecutor had better luck with him, asking him why he had agreed to defend the man who had allegedly attacked his daughter. "Because we knew that it wasn't true." Mr. Chase replied smoothly. "And how do you explain the bruising on her neck and the loss of her child?" The prosecutor countered. "Her so-called friends must have helped her." "So, you are in fact accusing your daughter of killing her unborn child to frame her ex-husband?" "No." Mr. Chase mumbled, his face flushing at the implication. "She must have lost the baby and then concocted this plan." "I see. So your daughter was lying in a hospital bed, having just lost her child and her husband was already under arrest for attacking her, yet somehow she made a plan up. How do you explain Mr. Foster's presence earlier in the evening?" "He came to talk to her. To see if she would give their marriage another chance. He did not attack her." Mr. Chase's voice was unsure now, his face still flushed. "Are you sure?" The prosecutor said gently. "Yes." Mr. Chase answered looking directly at Cordelia for the first time. She met her father's eyes slowly, his gaze burning through her. When her Father spoke again, his voice was thicker. "No. I am not sure." The defense table began buzzing, Doug's father leaning close to the lawyer and speaking quickly. Her Father left the stand, his eyes bright as he walked back to his wife. Cordelia watched him with tears in her eyes, reaching out unconsciously for Xander's hand. Lacing her fingers through his she turned to him, seeing the same relief she felt in his eyes. Smiling tentatively she turned her attention back to the trial. The defense called Doug to the stand next, gently questioning him about his drinking and affairs. Doug confessed to them all tearfully, his voice regretful as he told of the mistakes he had made in his marriage. The defense then led him through his recollection of the night he was arrested. "I came to Sunnydale to try and reconcile with my wife. It had been over a year since she left me and I had spent that time straightening out my life. I was no longer drinking or out all the time. I knew from her parents that she was working on a charity auction so I went there, thinking that a public venue was a good place to see her for the first time. She was so cold to me, throwing her love for Alex Harris in my face, telling me that she had never loved me and that she would never come back to me. Then she told me she was pregnant. I am ashamed to admit that I begged for her forgiveness, pleaded with her to give me another chance, I even offered to raise the child as mine, but she just laughed at me. I finally gave up, turning to go when all of a sudden she pulled me to her, screaming for help. Mr. Harris ran in and attacked me. Then Miss Summers watched over me until the police arrived." "Did you at any time hit Ms. Chase?" "No." Doug replied tearfully. "I still love her. I don't understand why she's saying all of this." The defense sat down then, and the prosecutor stood, his face cold as he walked towards Doug. "Mr. Foster, you have admitted that you were unfaithful to Ms. Chase on numerous occasions. And also that you overindulged in alcohol. Why did you think that she would be willing to take you back?" "Because I love her." Doug answered, smiling self-consciously. "I see. And do you still love her?" The prosecutor was friendly as he spoke. "Yes." "That must be hard." The prosecutor commiserated with him. "To love a woman who loves another man, who has always loved another man." Moving closer to Doug, he continued speaking. "Having their wife love another man would enrage some people, cause them to act in ways they wouldn't naturally. Are you sure this isn't what happened?" "No." Doug replied, leaning forward in his chair, his self-conscious smile disappearing as his eyes flashed with anger. The prosecutor nodded, shrugging his shoulders as he continued. "You've always lived in luxury haven't you?" "Yes. I was very fortunate." Doug smiled, the genial personality back. "And yet you've never worked. How is that?" The prosecutor prodded gently. "My Father has set up a very generous trust fund." "And if not for that trust fund, you would be penniless?" "Yes." "So, if your Father had threatened to cut you off, you would have been very desperate to stop him?" "He didn't." Doug replied, a thin line of sweat breaking out on his upper lip. "I said 'if' he threatened. Hypothetically, if your Father had told you to remain married to Ms. Chase in order to keep your trust fund, you would have done anything to get her back. Is that not true?" "Yes. If he had, but he didn't." Doug spoke rapidly, his face white. "Thank you Mr. Foster." The prosecutor dismissed him, walking back to the table smiling confidently at Cordelia. The defense stood and asked a few more questions, before resting. The judge called a short recess before final arguments. Cordelia didn't move from her seat, her fingers gripping Xander's tightly as she waited. She felt the movement before she saw her Father, his large frame looming over her. "I would like to speak to you." Cordelia nodded, slipping her hand from Xander and following her Father into the hallway. Clearing his throat her Father began speaking. "I thought I was doing what was best for you." Cordelia remained silent, waiting for him to continue. "I will admit that I may have made a mistake. Maybe Doug did hit you, but Cordelia you have to understand that he was upset about the divorce. He wasn't thinking straight." A bitter laugh escaped from her lips as she considered her father. "Upset? That's reason enough for you?" "Cordelia." Her Father warned, his expression hardening. "I'm trying to figure out a solution that will satisfy everyone." "Doug in jail for a long time is good for me." She shot back, her face angry. "You were as responsible for this as Doug was." Her Father replied. Cordelia stared in shock at her Father, the rage she felt surprising her. Clenching her fists to her sides she took a deep breath before speaking. "I will not do this with you. Doug married me for money and he wanted me back for money and when I refused he killed my child and tried to kill me." "Alex Harris's child." Her Father accused her, his expression full of distaste. "Yes, Xander's child." Cordelia spat at him, her rage growing. "And my child. A child I loved and wanted." Her rage lessened as she stared beseechingly at her Father. "Your grandchild Daddy." "He's not the right man for you." Her Father answered, his expression softening slightly. "And the man who hit me was?" "Cordelia..." Her Father warned. "No Dad. That's all I'm going to say." Cordelia spun around and walked away, not looking where she was going. She ran into a man, and murmuring an apology tried to move past him. The man blocked her easily and she looked up to see her ex-husband blocking her path. "We meet again." Doug said, his smile bright while his eyes shone with hate. "You've really made a mess of things." Cordelia continued staring at him in stunned silence, unable to speak or to move. She had waited for this moment since she knew she was losing the baby, had spent hours planning what she would say and how she would destroy him, and know that it was here she felt nothing but fear. Taking a half-step backward she opened her mouth to try and force something out when Xander appeared at her side. "Walk away." Xander spoke quietly to Doug, but the look on his face was fierce. "She married me." Doug spat at him, his face losing its mask of kindness. "But I loved him." Cordelia answered, finding her voice. Doug's face hardened, the rage she had seen on the night he attacked her flowing across his face. "You bitch!" "Name-calling?" Cordelia smiled sweetly. "What's next? Telling your Daddy?" Doug moved then, coming forward towards her, but Xander stopped him easily, pushing him back until he was backed against the wall. Cordelia watched them, feeling like she was rooted to the spot. Xander moved back towards her, his face calm. "Don't do this Cordy. He'll pay for what he did, it's not up to us to do it." She crumpled then, letting him support her as they walked back into the courtroom. She managed to hold her tears back until she sat down again. She reached out to grab Xander's hand, not caring about the distance that was still between them. He held on tightly, pulling her close to him and letting her cry on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, that was stupid. I was just so afraid and so angry. I wanted to rip him apart with my bare hands." "I know." Xander said soothingly. "So did I. And if he's not found guilty..." His voice trailed off as he smoothed her hair and let her cry. She was just composing herself when the judge began the proceedings again. The prosecutor standing first to give his closing statement. He was eloquent as he spoke of the desperation Doug had felt at the thought of losing his trust fund. He spoke of the empty marriage that Cordelia had left behind, and the lack of respect Doug had given her. He finished by speaking of the pain Cordelia had suffered due to the loss of her child. The defense lawyer stood then, walking around the room as he painted a picture of a spoiled rich girl who had married a man to spite her ex-boyfriend and then had tormented him with the knowledge that she still loved the other man. He told of a woman who looked beautiful and poised, but inside was delusion, living in a fantasy world she created. He pointed to both Xander and Doug, speaking sadly of the two men she had driven to drink by her actions. Then he had bowed his head, and spoken in soft terms of a woman unable to deal with the loss of her baby, be it by her own actions or natural causes, a woman who was desperate to have someone to blame. He looked at Cordelia as he finished, saying sadly that she should be pitied for her actions, and an innocent man set free. Cordelia sat back as the jury exited the room, her face blank as she tried to figure out what to do next. Xander leaned in close, whispering in her ear. "Are you okay?" Cordelia looked blankly at him for a minute before speaking. "Well, not according to that guy." Buffy laughed softly, her arm swinging over Cordelia's shoulder. "As long as you can make fun of things..." Cordelia smiled back, feeling strangely calm, as if this was all happening to someone else. "It's almost over. That's all I care about, that it's over. Then we can get on with our lives." She felt Xander's fingers tightening on hers as she spoke. Squeezing back, she tried to reassure him that she wasn't going anywhere, not for today at least. They changed the subject then, trying to talk of happier things, like Buffy's new apartment and the clothes Cordelia had designed for her. The next few hours passed in a blur, Cordelia refusing to leave the courtroom in case of a verdict. It took the jury only a little over three hours to come back. The courtroom filled quickly as the judge and jury reentered the room, the judge taking the verdict from the jury and reading it. He passed it back to the jury with a nod as Doug stood beside his lawyer and the foreman began to read the verdict. "Count one: Attempted murder. How do you find?" "Not guilty." Cordelia let out a small gasp, her fingers holding onto Xander's hand tighter. "Count two: Aggravated assault. How do you find?" "Guilty." Cordelia leaned onto Xander's shoulder as a smile crossed her face even as the tears fell from her eyes. She hadn't failed her child this time, Doug was going to pay for what he had done. Her smile didn't falter as the judge passed sentence, giving Doug ten months in jail, to be served at a minimum security prison. Ten months isn't long enough, she thought vaguely before being swept into the joyous arms of her friends. Letting herself be caught up in their celebration she was caught off guard when her parents appeared in front of her. "Cordelia Chase, you will come with us." Her Father ordered, not even glancing at Xander. "No." Cordelia whispered, her hand unconsciously reaching out for Xander. He took her hand in his, squeezing gently. She straightened her shoulders, her tears drying as she took strength from his touch. "Cordelia." Her Mother pleaded, her eyes teary. "Your Father did what he thought was best." "My Father defended the man who hit me." Cordelia spoke without emotion, her fingers laced tightly with Xander's. "Because they offered him enough money to betray his daughter." "I'd hoped you would come to your senses." Her Father said condescendingly. His glare spread to encompass Xander. "But I see now that you haven't." Cordelia stared down at her hand entwined in Xander's then looked up into his eyes. She was silent for a minute, all the love he felt for her shining in his eyes. She smiled as she turned back to her father, feeling her heart lighten. "Actually, I think I have." Her father spluttered something, but Cordelia wasn't listening to him. She was too busy staring at Xander, feeling all the love she had for him flow through her. Her parents gave up finally, walking away with a final warning that she was ruining her life. Once they were out of earshot she spoke again. "So, you mentioned something about wanting another chance. Still want it?" "Yes." Xander replied quickly, a smile spreading across his face. "We have a lot to work through." Cordelia warned, trying to keep her face blank. "I know." Xander nodded, his smile fading slightly. "We can do it." Cordelia smiled then, letting everything that happened in the past fade away as she stepped closer to him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. He grabbed her, holding on tightly as she lifted her face to his. Their lips met slowly, the kiss gentle, holding more promise than passion. She broke away from him, her face glowing as the rest of the gang swirled around them, their faces happy. "Finally." Buffy smiled as she looked at the two of them. "It's about time." Cordelia grinned at her, leaning her head on Xander's shoulder as they walked out of the courtroom. She paused on the steps of the courthouse, her smile bright as she looked at the people surrounding her and the man at her side, knowing that she was finally home. ****** Just the epilogue left. :) ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, Epilogue Date: 22 Jan 1999 17:27:25 PST Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) Special thanks to Wirchler, for all the helpful comments. Cordelia and Xander's house May 21, 2012 Cordelia sat wearily down in her chair, knowing she would be on her feet again in minutes. Her eyes wandered impatiently around the room, wishing that Xander would hurry up and get home. Catching a glimpse of her favorite wedding phote she smiled, leaning back against the chair as she picked it up. Everyone looked so happy in the photo, Willow and Oz joined at the hip as they always were when they could be together, Sonja staring dreamily at Xander, Buffy standing between Giles and Joyce, their arms wrapped around each other and Xander and her in the middle, their faces wreathed in smiles. Sighing, she traced her fingers fondly over the images captured there. It was hard to believe that two of the people in the picture were no longer with them. Sonja had fallen to vampires only a few months ago. It had been hard on all of them, but especially Willow, the redhead was still struggling to deal with the loss. She was spending the summer touring with Oz, letting him help her to heal. Her fingers lingered on the faces of Giles, Joyce and Buffy, looking for all intents and purposes like the family they were. Giles and Joyce had been the parent figures to the whole gang for so long, it had been unimaginable that something would happen to one of them, but it had. Something that none of them had expected, a car driving much to fast and a woman in the wrong place at the wrong time. Losing Joyce had devasted the entire group, but Buffy and Giles had barely made it through. Buffy had risked her life fighting vampires again, unable to accept losing both her parents so early in their life. It had been Giles who finally got through to her, helping her to accept the loss. She had moved from Sunnydale a few months ago, needing to escape the town that held so many memories for her. Giles left soon after her, escaping with his grief to England taking a job in the Watcher Archives, preferring to spend his time with his books. Cordelia sighed, wiping the few stray tears that had fallen from her cheeks. Checking her watch she struggled to her feet again, wandering around her living room. A half-smile crossed her face as she thought of her home, Buffy's home, that the blonde had sold to her and Xander soon after her Mother's death. Cordelia had worried at first that Buffy would feel uncomfortable having people she knew living in her house, but the retired Slayer had reassured her, saying that she preferred to have them in her house, that way she could come back anytime she wanted, and that the house was for families, not for just one person. She smiled, rubbing her stomach softly, it wouldn't be long until their family had three members. Walking over to the couch she lowered herself carefully, hearing the front door open as she did. "Xander, I'm in here." Cordelia shouted, flopping her head against the back of the couch. "Look who I found." Xander said, coming into the room and planting a kiss on his wife's forehead. "Buffy!" Cordelia smiled, letting Xander help her into a sitting position. "I didn't think you were coming until Friday." "I wanted to surprise you." Buffy replied, walking over to sit beside Cordelia. Placing her hand on Cordelia's stomach she grinned. "You're huge." "I know." Cordelia grimaced. "Don't remind me, I'm repressing." "When is everyone else getting here?" Buffy asked. "Willow and Oz should be here soon, and Giles plane arrives tomorrow afternoon." Xander answered, hovering anxiously around his wife. "Do you feel okay?" "Other than my back, I'm fine." Cordelia answered, shaking her head at Xander's mother hen routine. He had been wonderful throughout her pregnancy, but the memory of the baby they had lost had haunted him. She set her hand lightly on her stomach, rubbing the taunt roundness with a sad smile, the baby they had lost would never be replaced, but this child growing in her stomach was wanted very much. The three of them spent a happy evening catching up, Buffy filling them in on her new job and new life. Cordelia almost forgot about the pain in her back as they reminisced, the past a much less painful topic for them now. Buffy complimented them on the changes they had made to the house, teasing Cordelia about cutting down the tree before their child was old enough to walk. Cordelia went to bed long before Buffy and Xander, the pain in her back forcing her to lie down. She woke in the middle of the night, unsure of what had woken her until the pain hit again. Gasping softly she reached out for Xander, shaking him awake. "Xan? Are you up?" "Huh? What?" Xander said, sitting up slowly and rubbing his eyes. He turned to her then, his face panicked. "Is it time? Now?" Bounding from the bed he pulled his pants on, throwing a shirt over his head as he asked her if she was okay. "Calm down." Cordelia ordered, climbing slowly from the warm bed. "We've got loads of time." "I'll get Buffy." Xander answered, running from the room and down the hall, yelling for Buffy as he went. Shaking her head, Cordelia dressed carefully, and walked down the hall towards the nursery. She stepped into the room, leaning against the doorway and imagining her baby in the room. Buffy stepped up behind her, rubbing Cordelia's back lightly as she looked at the room. "Its nice." Buffy murmered, smiling at the transformation of her old room. "I'm glad the baby will sleep in here." Cordelia nodded, grimacing as another wave of pain washed over her. "I think I'm going to want a lot of drugs." Buffy grinned as she wrapped her arm around Cordelia as Xander ran down the hallway with the suitcase. Turning to Buffy she smiled ruefully. "Think he'd listen if I told him we didn't need to go yet?" "Not a chance." Buffy answered, laughing as Xander flew down the stairs and out the door. He was back inside in moments, bounding up the stairs to stand beside his wife. "Come on. Do you want me to carry you?" Xander blurted, rubbing his wife's stomach gently. "We're not going now. It's going to be hours before we need to go. Now we can go downstairs and have some tea, or maybe we should try and get a little sleep." Cordelia spoke calmly to her husband. "I'll put the kettle on." Buffy offered, heading towards the stairs. "And I'll call Willow and Giles and see if they can get here any earlier." Cordelia watched her go, her hand resting on Xander's arm. She looked up into the panicked face of her husband, reaching up to kiss him quickly. "Can you believe it's here?" "No." Xander replied, wrapping his arms around his wife and pulling her as close as her stomach would allow. "But I can't wait until our daughter is here." "You don't know it's a girl." Cordelia whispered, pulling back to look at him. "It could be a boy." "It's a girl." Xander replied with certainty, supporting his wife as they walked down the stairs. They walked into the kitchen as Buffy was getting off the phone. She turned with a smile. "Willow and Oz are in town. They got in a few hours ago. They'll be here soon." "They don't have to come right away." Cordelia said laughingly. "They'll just be bored waiting." "It's our first baby." Buffy said happily. "We all want to be here for it." "Giles?" Cordelia questioned softly, hoping that he would get there in time for the birth. He was the Granddad, he needed to be there. "I couldn't get him." Buffy said sadly. "But he'll be here by this afternoon, hopefully the baby won't be born before then." "This afternoon?" Cordelia said weakly as another pain hit. "How many hours is that?" Willow and Oz arrived in record time, everyone talking in excited tones about the baby. They left for the hospital as the sun began to rise, everyone scrambling into one car. Buffy sent Xander to the back seat, deciding that he was in no condition to drive. The nurses had been taken aback when the group of them entered the hospital, ushering Cordelia quickly into a private room and shyly asking Oz for his autograph. "Drugs." Cordelia panted, holding Xander's hand tightly. "Where are my drugs?" "They'll be here." Xander soothed, wiping her forehead with a cool washcloth. The doctor came in soon after, kicking everyone but Xander out of the room. After examining Cordelia the doctor looked up with a smile. "Well, it looks like it's time." "Time?" Cordelia echoed him weakly, moaning as another contraction hit. "But...drugs?" The doctor smiled as he watched the couple before him. He'd heard it many times before. "It's a little late for that Mrs. Harris. Just a few more minutes and you'll be holding your baby." "Is Giles here yet?" Cordelia panted, her fingernails digging into Xander's hand. "I don't know Cordy. He'll be here soon." Xander whispered, moving behind her to support her shoulders. "Now lets have our baby." "Easy for you to say," Cordelia panted. "You're not the one on the table." Xander wiped his wife's face with a cool rag. "Concentrate Cor. It's almost over now. Everyone is waiting outside, probably pacing holes into the floor." "The hell with the floor! I'm dying here! Oh God, here comes another one." "Okay sweetie, breath. You're doing fine." "I can see the head. One more push. Wow, what a head of hair. Mr. Harris, why don't you come down here so you can cut the cord." Giving his panting wife a quick kiss, Xander went to stand next to the doctor. "Here she comes!" "She? It's a girl?" Cordelia asked. "You were right." The doctor smiled as he lay the baby on Cordelia's stomach. "You have a beautiful baby girl with all her fingers and toes. Now Dad, would you like to do the honors?" Smiling, Xander took the scissors and cut the cord. Returning to his wife's side he beamed down at her sweaty, glowing face. "You're wonderful. You look wonderful." Cordelia pushed a stringy hunk of hair out of her face. "Right." Staring down at her daughter she smiled happily. "She's perfect." "Well with such a handsome Dad..." Xander laughed, leaning over his wife's shoulder to touch the baby's cheek. "You should go get everyone. I want her to meet her family." Cordelia whispered softly, not looking up from the dark-haired baby on her stomach. "I'll go out in one second. After I do this." Xander leaned down and gave his wife a passionate kiss. "I love you," he whispered. "You too." She replied, smiling up at him. "Go." "Gone." Xander said, walking rapidly from the room. Cordelia turned back to her child, running her fingers along the soft cheek and feeling her eyes well with tears. The door opened quietly and her friends swept into the room, coming over to stare down at the baby in awe. "A girl." Buffy said wistfully, staring down at the baby. "She's beautiful." "Adorable." Willow echoed, crowding in to see the baby better. The door opened again and Giles walked in, Buffy flying to hug him. He hugged her back fiercly then walked over to Cordelia's side. "I see the little one has already made an entrance." "It's a girl." Xander proclaimed proudly. "Does she have a name?" Oz asked, wrapping his arms around Willow's shoulders. Cordelia looked at Xander for a moment before nodding. "She does. We wanted to find a name to express what she meant to us." She hesitated for a moment as her daughters hand wrapped around her finger. "And also to convey what all of you mean to us, and will mean to her. You're her family, her aunts and uncles and her Grandfather." Cordelia stopped again, her voice to choked with emotion to continue. Taking a deep breath she smiled at Giles and Buffy. "So we decided to name her Joy." "Oh." Buffy breathed while Giles fiddled with his glasses, his eyes suspiciously bright. The room was silent for a while as everyone was reminded of the people they had loved and lost. Buffy broke the silence first, leaning in close to the baby to whisper. "Welcome Joy." Cordelia leaned back against Xander, her eyes teary as she smiled down at her daughter, feeling the truth in Buffy's words flooding her body. Welcome joy. ~fin Thanks to everyone who has written such great fic in the time I've been on this list. It's been great. ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com