From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #120 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Saturday, April 11 1998 Volume 02 : Number 120 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles of the White Knight (7/?) BUFFYFIC: Chronicles of the White Knight (6/?) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1998 13:04:18 -0700 From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C Tran) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles of the White Knight (7/?) Name: The Chronicles of the White Knight #4 Never the One Author: Taygeta Address: taygeta@juno.com Feedback: Please send Uses in anything: Sure, but tell me first. Spoiler: Not really, might have mentioned a past episode. Description: Buffy's contemplations about Angel and Xander Disclaimer: The Buffy characters portrayed in this story and any other references to Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of its creater Joss Whedon, and its owners Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. Warning: Not really, just kissing, and no major violence or foul language. So, PG ************************ Chronicles of the White Knight #7 Unembraceable You By: Taygeta For the umpteenth time in numerous nights, Buffy found herself again in her White Knight's arms, but this time, they weren't dancing like they had done before. They were truly in an embrace, and this time when Buffy glanced to look at him, she saw his face as clear as day, she had begun to see him not through her eyes, but through her heart. Looking into this dream lover's eyes, Buffy kissed him, and pulled slowly away in a blush because she couldn't believe her boldness, although it was a dream. She looked up at him again and she saw him smile as he brushed a wisp of her blonde hair away from her cheek, kissing her there once, and then his lips found hers. Suddenly, he pulled away and began to walk away, leaving Buffy all alone. She saw him walk towards Cordelia, take her hand, and with his free hand he waved good-bye and all Buffy could think was Xander was gone. Buffy sat up straight and shook her head in confusion. It was still dark out and Buffy peered at the clock beside her and noticed that it was not even five o'clock. She exhaled deeply and thought that it was another perfectly ruined dream of the White Knight, and as she saw it now, Xander. Never did she think she'd be dreaming of Xander, never. No one, not even Willow was aware that she still dreamt of the White Knight a.k.a. Xander. She had never liked walking in the halls seeing Xander with Cordelia, but now that she was beginning to truly care for him, she had begun to hate it. Everything was seemingly getting back to a state of normality, well, as normal as Sunnydale, California could get. And in a Sunnydale norm, Xander and Cordelia were together and they were constantly doing what Xander had described as touchy-feely stuff, and although Buffy wouldn't admit it, she was actually jealous of Cordelia. Buffy could still remember the intensity that she had felt when he had kissed her, and the real thing was a million times better than a dream kiss, but that's all she was seemingly having and that's all it seemed she would ever get from Xander again. She touched her cheek with her hand, recalling how he had so silently, yet romantically said good-bye. Her eyes fell to a cross that glinted on her rack as the moonlight shone upon its metal, it was one of Angel's gifts. She shuddered recalling all the recent wrongs done by Angelus, and although he was and had never been the Angel she knew, she couldn't help but see the good in the bad. Her feelings for Angel had altered somewhat after the revealing of his demonic side, and although she still loved the Angel of the past, she was beginning to come to grips that the past was the past and the present and future nothing like it. She had lost her heart to Angel, but in time she had found it again, and although the scars were still open wounds in need of healing, she knew she had to move on. Yet, to what? To Xander...who was with Cordelia? Buffy shook her head and lay back down on her bed again, as she thought of random thoughts of her heart. They drifted to Angel...to Xander...to Angel...to Xander, etc., and she began to be lulled in a dream with these thoughts. There was Angel, her vampire with a soul of whom she had loved with all her heart and then there was Xander, her white knight who she was beginning to love. Sighing, she mumbled these aimless thoughts to herself, and the last thought that lingered stayed and befell her lips before she went into a rather deep sleep was, "Xander..." _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] - - ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 11 Apr 1998 13:04:54 -0700 From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C Tran) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles of the White Knight (6/?) I hope everyone had the time to read #5 In the Hands of Astarte, the one I couldn't send, but if you didn't, please e-mail me privately and I will send it to you. Now without further ado. - -Taygeta ********************** Name: Chronicles of the White Knight #6 Decisions of the Heart Author: Taygeta Address: taygeta@juno.com Feedback: Please send Using in anything: Sure, but just tell me. Spoiler: Not really, just a few references to the show and past episodes. My own little ideas, but not really anything I think we'll happen as such. If it does occur, I had nothing to do with it. Disclaimer: The characters portrayed in this story and any other references to Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of its creater Joss Whedon, and its owners Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, these characters do not belong to me, and I am just borrowing them. Description: The Chronicles is not really a multi-part story, but is a series of stories, some of which piece together and some of which don't. #6 involves Xander and his inner conflicts with Buffy and Cordy Warnings: Not really, unless you don't like Xander and don't really want to read about him. So basically the rating is: PG. ********************** Chronicles of the White Knight (6/?) #6 Decisions of the Heart By: Taygeta Xander walked into his room with a sigh, as a million thoughts filled his mind. It would have been easier if Amy had made him forget everything, but despite the decisions he had to make, he wouldn't have wanted her too. Of course, his decisions were second in his mind right then because he had finally kissed Buffy. Only in his dreams had he ever thought that he would have ever done that, but it wasn't really a true kiss despite all the passion and intensity from he had felt. If it had been true, it wouldn't have taken a spell to make it happen. He thought of Cordelia and wondered where did they stand now? He had broken up with her, but that was during the spell and as far as Cordelia was concerned the break up was invalid. What he didn't understand with Cordelia was what made her go through such extremes for him to care about her, when he already did. Honestly, Xander could admit that he didn't love Cordelia, but he truly cared for her. Maybe she wanted more from him than he could even give to her. Maybe she wanted his heart, but to give her that he couldn't do, and wasn't sure if he could ever do such a thing. His heart wasn't his to call his own, and it hadn't been for awhile. Ever since she had come into his life, she had been a permanent mark in all of his thoughts and was almost unified with his soul. Xander knew that for his heart and soul to be found, they had to be found by her because to him, his heart was hers. His heart was Buffy's. He picked up his telephone receiver and was about to dial, but he quickly hung up the phone. He couldn't do it. He couldn't call Buffy. Xander still felt the sting that lingered on-and-off from that still healing wound of the day when Buffy had broken his heart by rejecting him. He wasn't sure if he could take another such blow, and he wasn't sure if his lost heart could either. Besides, despite the fire that he had felt when his lips met hers, he had very little doubt that Buffy still loved Angel and still yearned for his return. Angel, Angel, Angel, it was always Angel! Never was there a barrier so great, than he was, and never was there such a foe. Xander often found himself wondering, if there hadn't been an Angel, would he have stood a better chance to have Buffy to call his own? There were so many supposes and maybes and what-ifs in his life that he always threw that thought in the middle of it all, so that he could think of it later and probe and search for an answer that couldn't be found. Xander scoffed softly thinking that Angel's presence was always going to be the key. When he was there, it was 'Xander who?' And now, since Angel was there, it wasn't any longer, that, but rather like 'Xander, Angel's gone.' Xander minded his shoulder being the one she cried upon, he didn't in the least. He was glad that lately they had a very close friendship, whether it be because of Angel or not, Xander didn't care. He was just glad that they were such good and close friends. His philosophy was that if he couldn't love Buffy, as he wanted to, he could love her, as she wanted him to, as a friend. As he began to think about friendship, Xander couldn't help but think that the girl he was dating had never, ever been his friend in the first place. For long as he could remember, he had hated Cordelia, and in some aspects still did, but what was he doing but having make-out scenes with her? He didn't know how he succeeded in hating and liking Cordelia at the same time, except for the reason that he had some psychological disorder, but didn't anyone that dated Cordelia have one of those? Xander knew that Cordelia wasn't the one, and he knew that she knew it, too, but for now, they had each other. He supposed that had to have some significance, but he did feel like he was lying not only to her, but also to himself while being with her. Sure, they had their moments of passion, but there was nothing between them but that, a passion that would sooner or later burn out. One day, he knew that one of them, if not both of them, were going to decide to blow their flame of desire out...for good. What they had together wasn't even really a relationship, but rather it was only tangible enough to be called one. If they had one to speak of, they would like each other more than they despise each other, and he would have some inclination to want to fall in love with her instead of being in love with a vampire slayer that was in love with a vampire. Yeah, their relationship was awkward, and at times very peculiar, but it was all they had, and having that was better than having nothing at all. Xander reached for the phone and began to dial Cordelia's phone number, but just when he was about to press the last digit, he slammed the receiver down in indecision. No, he couldn't call her either. He would be lying to her if he did, after all, he wasn't in love with her, and he barely liked her enough to say that he liked her. Xander was in a confused state of mind as he fought indecision trying to find logic in love and in passion, but there is no logic in either world, and he was beginning to see that. After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, Xander picked up the phone, and began to dial. He knew what he had to do. ******************* End of #6 What did you think? PLEASE send feedback! _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] - - ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #120 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)