From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #178 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Monday, May 11 1998 Volume 02 : Number 178 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Four -- (1/1) BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Broken Bonds BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 14) BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 15) BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 16) BUFFYFIC: VampsAnon-Step three -Acceptance (1/7) by Andrea See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 14:35:12 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Four -- (1/1) This is chapter four of thirteen. Please contact me at KylenRevik@aol.com for any inquiries regarding missing pieces and I'll mail them to you. Also, please send any and all comments or questions to KylenRevik@aol.com, as well. Thank you. ~ "Part Four: Shift" Place: Sunnydale University. Time: November 20th, 2002. Wandering across the lawn of Sunnydale U's main strip, Buffy was madly trying to put her thoughts back in order. She had been thinking about her plans for four night's hence, when she had crashed into an older guy-- not too old, and slightly attractive, but still older-- and lost her train of thought. She shivered a little as a cool breeze swept across the grass, then continued on her way-- she was meeting Xander and Willow in the caf‚ by the theater department, and hopefully Cordelia would be able to get a break from designing costumes for the production of "Tommy" the college drama department was putting on. The walk was only a few minutes long, since she'd cut through the computer science building, and she arrived just in time to see Xander and Willow setting up a three-handed game of go fish. She dropped her books next to her chair, picking up her hand. "You two fix the deck?" she asked, only half joking. "Nah," Xander said, grinning from across the table, "'cause I could kick your butt without cheating." Willow rolled her eyes, but let the two friends make cracks at each other. Buffy shook her head. "You need to get your hair cut," she said, "and give me all your twos." Xander shook his head, letting his hair-- which he'd been letting grow for nearly three months-- shake in his face. "None. You don't like the hair?" Buffy pulled a card from the pile and shook her head. "It's too long," she said, reaching out for the hair that covered his forehead and dangled into his line of sight. "I'd say you should chop it off..." She leaned across the table, reaching toward his hair. "Right...about--" "There you are!" Cordelia called from the entrance to the caf‚'s patio. Buffy turned and waved for Cordelia to come over, and Xander dragged a chair up for his fianc‚. Buffy couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of jealousy when her eyes caught the sparkle of Cordelia's diamond engagement ring in the sunlight. For some reason, every time she saw Xander and Cordelia together, she was struck by a feeling of incredible...longing. Aching inside her. That was part of why she was going to confront Angelus, she told herself firmly as Willow got a set of threes, and Cordelia snaked an arm around Xander's. They really were the perfect couple, Buffy told herself, and refocused on her cards. A half hour later, on the third hand of the game, Buffy abruptly sniffed the air. Willow raised an eyebrow. "Buffy? Is everything, you know, okay?" Buffy nodded. "Yeah..." she trailed off, looking over at Xander. "Hey, are you wearing cologne or something?" Xander shook his head. "No," he said, as though it were the oddest question he'd ever been asked. "Why on earth would I be wearing _cologne_?" "Because it makes you smell nice," Cordelia purred. "Not that you don't smell nice already--" "Be_cause_," Buffy interrupted, "I thought I smelled something similar, earlier...weird." She shook her head. "Never mind. Just one of those things." The other three gave her an odd look. "Really," she said. "Xander, your turn. "Okay," he said. "Buffy, give me all your sixes." With a glare, Buffy forked over. * Place: Sunnydale University, Library. Time: November 20th, 2002. "Buffy," Giles spoke up from behind her, "where do you think you're going?" Keys to the storeroom in hand, Buffy turned back with a slight, guilty smile. "I...what?" He nodded at the keys in her hand, and she smiled slightly. "Oh, _those_!" she said. "I thought we had agreed, you were going to ask me about borrowing books from now on." "We did?" She put on her best 'I'm-an-innocent-little-girl' look, wondering if it would work. Of course, it didn't. Giles had been dealing with her for years now, puppy-dog eyes had lost their effectiveness. Unfortunately. She sighed, seeing in his eyes that she wasn't going to get away with it, this time. "Giles," she said, hamming up the politeness to an almost ridiculous degree, "may I please borrow your keys so I can get into the storeroom?" Giving her a semi-satisfied smile, Giles nodded. "Of course," he said. "Just please make sure you don't spill anything in there this time." Buffy felt heat creeping into her cheeks. "You _know_ I didn't mean to drop my coffee cup--" "Buffy," Giles interrupted, "I was kidding." He sighed. "Is everything all right?" "Yeah," she replied quickly. "Everything's fine. I just have a few things I need to take care of. Which I am now going to take care of, thanks." Not waiting for an answer, she turned back to the door and slipped the keys into the lock, turning it and pushing the door open. Now that Giles was working at the university instead of at the high school, he had more space, and he kept his vampire hunting paraphernalia locked away in the library's storeroom. Not wanting to grant free access to the student body, Giles kept the door locked and asked that the Slayer and her friends check with him before going in-- just in case anyone happened to be around and wondering what they were doing snooping around behind locked doors. Stepping between the first two rows of books, Buffy moved about eight feet into the room. Then the shelf on her left took a left turn into another short row. At the end of that row, the shelf broke off and she stepped into the small space where Xander and Oz had moved a table in for the group to sit at when, invariably, they would have meetings regarding the latest problems with Sunnydale's undead population. Today, the problems she had to think about were nowhere near such a grand scale. She just wanted to have some time to herself, to think. And to research. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a long, black candle, then left it on the table and went to pull the brown book she had borrowed from Giles a few days ago off the shelf. The page she had marked was still folded over-- though she had debated whether or not she should leave such an obvious hint as to what she was planning, she had finally decided she didn't have any reason to think any of her friends would randomly select this one, rather innocuous reference book off the shelf, and she was safer marking the page than relying on her memory to keep track of what page she was on. There was a rustling of pages as she opened the book and set it down on the table, rereading the words she had looked over so many times already. At this point, the book read, it is imperative that the caster of the curse be acutely aware of her surroundings. The candle must be lit immediately after the second stanza of the chant, and the failure to do this will result in the failure of the Buffy sighed, glanced over the rest of the page, then bit her lip and shook her head. There was no way she would be able to memorize this. For a few seconds, she debated taking the entire book with her. Then she shook her head. Giles had made it clear that he didn't want verified books on the occult floating around campus, and if he caught her with one of them he would insist upon her giving him a satisfactory explanation. She took a breath, then grasped the upper corner of the book and tore sharply downward. Quickly, she placed the book back on the shelf and moved to leave, slipping the sheet into her pocket. She stopped moving as she heard someone pushing the door open. Her heartbeat quickened, and she did her best to put on a nonchalant expression. If this was Giles, she couldn't look guilty or make it seem as though there were some sort of problem. But it wasn't Giles. Two adults walked in, a man and a woman, and there was something vaguely familiar about each of them. Buffy swallowed. "Excuse me," she said, "but what are you doing in here?" Neither answered her for a moment, and Buffy fought to try and figure out where it was she knew them from. Her mind ran up against a brick wall. The man reached out for her, and she took a step back. "Uh, no," she said. "Excuse me." She thought she heard the man call her name as she shoved past them and ran out of the library. ~ All comments, questions, or requests for missing pieces to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 16:54:02 -0400 From: Aisha Bewley Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Broken Bonds I really like this story and am eager to see where it goes. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 15:13:20 -0700 From: LadySun Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 14) Charlotte Sometimes (part 14) Drusilla awoke with a smile. Stretching her arms out, she went to slowly stand. Her eyes rippled open, pushing the still sleeping lids awake. Her idle glance widened in shock as she looked at her surroundings, and gradually she remembered where she was. Her jaw nearly dropped. Looking around, Angelus was no where to be found. A small bit of piece to know they *hadn't* slept together. Her mother had told her not to stay out late. She had stayed all night! Drusilla stood up and groaned in pain, taking her less then a second to realize she had slept in her church clothes last night. She wondered tediously how she had even managed to fall sleep in her painfully corseted dress, and found, that as she remembered the night with Angelus. The talking, the laughing, the time spent... She could easily fall asleep on a bed of needles, so long as he were there. There was no light coming in from the thick curtain, She had no perception of what time it may be. Not knowing if it was still the day! ~ His eyes darted from unnatural sleep. Her heartbeat had sped up. He'd been listening absently to the peaceful pace, but as of now he knew she was awake. He turned himself over, lying on his back. He had to blink his eyes at least a dozen times to convince them to stay open. It'd been a while since he'd woken up during the daytime. But then, if Darla had taught him one thing, it was that a vampire could stay awake for large amounts of time without even thinking of sleep.. His eyes light up as he remembered the particular lesson, and stood up from his make shift bed. ~ She was half way down the stairs, looking around, almost franticly wondering where Angelus was, wondering where she was, having not paid attention when he led her through the woods. She saw him. letting out a deep breath. "Angelus!" She whispered loudly. Angelus nearly laughed at the scene before him, she looked so ragged, and frantic. But still beautiful, still just as perfect as she had been the night before, and the night before that. "Hmm? Your up early, I would have thought you'd sleep through the day." Drusilla suddenly realizing what she was doing, began to smooth out her hair and dress. "I... Umm... I... Umm.. I" her stuttering was so self-conscious... "Woke up" Angelus finished with a smile. There eyes locked again for one more precious moment, each feeling completely safe in the others presence, each hoping for something more. Each having a completely different out look on the situation entirely. "I have to be getting home now" She began to panic. She was at a guys house, looking like a common whore. What would her mother think? What did Angelus think? ~ Beautiful. Soap bubble thoughts exploded once again, and he began to wonder if it would happen whenever she was around. Not that it was a bad thing. Kind of interrupted his plans a bit, but how he loved his precious kid. She should be high upon the largest cloud so all the world may gaze at her beauty. True heaven. But she spoke now, and expected an answer. Go home? The thought made him laugh, what was he to do, go out in the sun? Parents may be worried, yadda, yadda, yadda. "I'm afraid I lack the coachmen to take you anywhere, fair Drusilla, but if we wait a bit longer I may take you home? We could walk." ~ Her face heated up and she was sure her face was scarlet. But he wanted to walk her home, to spend more time with her even after the spectacle she had made of herself last night, and this morning, right now. She nodded. If she came home with a man, her mother would expect that she'd been safe all night. No worries. - -- ~ ` ~ LadySun ~ ` ~ ~ ` ~ Spikette ` Mercenary ~ ` ~ SD - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html FK - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/FK/index.html We look before and After, and pine for what is not; our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught; Our sweetest songs are those that tell the saddest thought...' The Cure Wish) ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 15:52:26 -0700 From: LadySun Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 15) Charlotte Sometimes (part 15) "Ahh, but from what you told me, it does not seem so awful." Drusilla smiled as Angelus moved another branch from her way "You don't live with them!" She laughed. They both laughed. She felt so free. That she didn't have to fit some perfect mold, have some perfect face, perfect manners, perfect ways. That she could be herself, imperfect Drusilla "But I do not mean them ill will. My sister is so darling, her smile could melt your heart." ~ He raised his eyebrow, wondering if it would be a bit *too* forward of him to reach for her hand. They were almost there. At her house. He could have found his way here with his eyes closed. But he allowed Drusilla to lead him, as though he'd never been to her house. "I cannot give my mother marks for her minds, but she's so incredibly gentle. The nicest lady your ever to see." He smiled "oh! Turn here." She smiled back. "I've talked enough for one night. Tell me of your family." He looked down, pausing for a moment. The tension was beautiful. "My parents are dead" ~ His words stopped her heart. She hadn't meant to upset him, or cause him to mourn. "I...I'm so sorry." She followed his gaze to the ground. ~ It wasn't that he cared. Just wondered leisurely what her reaction would be. He wondered again what her expression would be when she found her fathers body. "Where're...here." She said as though afraid to speak "I've upset you" He stopped outside of their families quarters. "I'm sorry Dru. Don't think ill of me" Her eyes flew open "Never" She shook her head. "Was my fault. I shouldn't have.." "How could you know?" There was a pause, as Drusilla considered. She looked up into his eyes, they gazed into hers. And stupid as it may seem, she could see the compassion, see the love in them. And for such a brief second she thought.. she hoped for just that instant, that he might kiss her? But his head turned away. Shyly? "I look forward to seeing you again." he smiled taking her warm hand in his cold. She nodded, as he kissed her palm, turning over her hand. - -- ~ ` ~ LadySun ~ ` ~ ~ ` ~ Spikette ` Mercenary ~ ` ~ SD - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html FK - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/FK/index.html We look before and After, and pine for what is not; our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught; Our sweetest songs are those that tell the saddest thought...' The Cure Wish) ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 16:21:07 -0700 From: LadySun Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 16) Charlotte Sometimes (part 16) She smiled watching him leave down the road. Her stomach just might have exploded from that tension. Oh! But how wonderful! Her head was spinning with glee. She looked at the palm of her hand, thinking how odd it was. She could feel the exact place his lips had touched. If this was love, she wanted more! So much more! She turned to go inside, suddenly realizing, (as she hadn't noticed all night with Angelus) how very chilled it was. The minute she stepped inside her house the nurse came running towards her. "Where have you been madam?!" such words hissed, worried sick as Dru could tell. "You're mothers been so frantic, oh my! We fear the worst! I--" "That'll be enough nurse." Her mother was walking towards her, looking absolutely exasperated, though she managed to control her adrenaline. "Where have you been Drusilla?" Drusilla took off her coat handing it to the nurse, stalling. "I've been with Angelus." Calm, cool, knowing. Her voice sounded so much braver than her insides. "In his bed?" She hissed. Drusilla's eyes widened in shock.. She refused to look down at the ground, she'd show no shame though she had been in his bed.. But under the circumstances and the implication she felt in the right to say "No, we talked" "All night?" Dru nodded. ~ She was taking her daughter at face value. But if she knew her daughter at all, she knew that Drusilla wouldn't sleep with a man, unworthy, unmarried! She let out a deep sigh. Her face lightened up. Drusilla had met a man! And such a handsome fellow! She would have to talk with him, to understand his intentions of course, but so much more. Giddily she grabbed hold of her wrist jumping about and turning her daughter to the couch. ~ She wasn't shocked at all at her mothers turn of character, she was well used to this charade Isabelle loved to play. But she was tired, and didn't feel like answering questions.... Something shook in her. Pushing down her heart, till she felt it might burst, and then it did, she was sure of its' shatter and saw a glimpse of the demon, soaked in blood. The one she no longer could label and angel. "Where's father?" - -- ~ ` ~ LadySun ~ ` ~ ~ ` ~ Spikette ` Mercenary ~ ` ~ SD - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html FK - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/FK/index.html We look before and After, and pine for what is not; our sincerest laughter with some pain is fraught; Our sweetest songs are those that tell the saddest thought...' The Cure Wish) ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 11 May 1998 16:50:15 PDT From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: VampsAnon-Step three -Acceptance (1/7) by Andrea Title: Vampires Anonymous -Step six - Acceptance Author: Andrea Newbery e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com Distribution: sure, as long as I know where. Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: everything up to now, but nothing specific after Passion Summary: Spike angst. This story is set immediatly after Vampires Anonymous. It started out being a Spike and Angel road trip, but Spike kept insisting I explain how he dealt with getting his soul back. If you haven’t read Vampires Anonymous and would like to, please e-mail me and I will send it to you. If you don’t want to read it, you can still read this one. All you need to know is that when Willow restored Angel’s soul she restored the souls of all the vampires in the factory at the time. And the scooby gang formed a support group to help the vampires adjust. Disclaimer: The characters of Angel, Spike et al. are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB and whoever else… No copyright infringement intended. Please don’t sue me I’m already up to my neck in debt! Feedback: Please...good, bad, whatever! "Hi my name is Angel and I have a soul." Spike stared at the front of the room, fingers clenching his cup. His eyes narrowed and he barely held back a snort of disbelief. The anger rose through his body, the demon urging it on. He swallowed and shook his head, his thoughts raging. That's it. That do-good vampire has upstaged me for the last time. His chair practically vibrated with rage. This is MY night. Well, mine and Dru's. Angel can't be doing this again. The same old angst-ridden, oh-so-guilty Angel, who only has to drop his shoulders to command everyone's attention. He has done nothing to deserve everyone's respect. Nothing at all. I, on the other hand, have been turning my world upside down to make amends for all the stuff I did before. So he helps the slayer. He doesn't do it to make up for anything like the rest of us. He does it cause he's sleeping with her. That's the problem with him, no matter what good deeds I do or how well I adjust to being a good guy, Angel is always better. I guess by virtue of the fact that the slayer loves him. I wonder if he ever told her he slept with my girlfriend during his 'change'. Probably. He is forever going on about all the horrible things he has done. Like the rest of us have never done anything horrible? And the ' I should never be forgiven' stuff he's always going on about. It's enough to make me want to endure the guilt of driving a stake into his heart. Does he ever listen to anyone? It wasn't our fault, our souls were not in control of our actions. Yadda Yadda Yadda, get over it! It's his girlfriend and her gang preaching the stuff. It's not like I'm trying to convince him of it. Everyone felt guilty when our souls were first restored, but I'm not going to waste the rest of my life crying over spilt blood. Like I always say, let pretty boy have his angst, I'm having fun. Not that I'm having fun right now, the rest of this night isn't going to be exactly as I had planned it. Though whatever does anymore? Since our 'change', life has become something of an experiment, which if done in a lab would have resulted in several small fires and one indescribably awful stench. Too bad it was done in my life. Spike could feel the ridges threatening to appear on his forehead. He reached out to grab Dru's hand to calm himself but she pulled away, still fascinated by Angel after all this time. What did that guy have anyway? Why was he so fascinating? Spike swallowed, disgusted suddenly by the taste of cow's blood and cake lingering in his mouth. It was so unfair, really, because he had dealt with his guilt he was somehow less than Angel. Like not dealing with it was better. He suffered after his soul was restored. Done more than suffer; he actually tried to end it, to end his existence. The pain had been so horrible, feeling bad for all the things he had done. The only thing that kept him going, in the first weeks, had been Dru. He had a responsibility to her. She was the one thing he hadn't done wrong. Even as a demon he always tried to do right by her. He held onto that when the pain of his reality got too bad. But after the first few weeks, after the first meetings, listening to innocents speak about forgiveness, the pain became almost unbearable. At one time or another he attempted to kill the whole lot of them or at least wanted to. And they forgave him. Not even forgave, absolved. It wasn't his fault. Too bad they didn't have the memories of the demons' pleasure running in surround sound through their heads. They had no way to understand what it was like. He didn't understand how Angel could have done it, could have lived with what he had done. For a hundred years when he couldn't imagine living with his memories for another month. And he had never been as vile as Angel, not even at his very worst. He finally decided to end it. Knowing the slayer and her gang would take care of Dru, he got into his car, that he actually had to pay for, and took off. Planning to drive into the sunlight, instead he drove into the only salvation he would probably ever know. Spike looked at Angel still running off at the mouth and slipped into his memories of that time. He remembered driving until almost dawn, then spotting a rundown church at the end of a gravel lane. It sat inviting him in. He laughed thinking it only fitting his life should end there. Parking the car he walked up to the doors and pulled on one of the handles. He remembered his surprise that it wasn't locked. Walking into the lobby he stared down the aisle to the altar. He looked around at the wooden pews covered in dust and the blood-red carpet worn and fading. Dropping his head into his hands he started to moan. He stumbled blindly towards the altar convinced, for a short moment, if he could get there he could be saved. Tripping on the landing he fell awkwardly to the floor. He lay there staring up at the cathedral ceiling and the stained glass window with its intricate coloring. Grabbing the altar he pulled himself up and stopped in shock. It was set as though a service would be starting shortly. Surprised, he looked around to see if anyone was there, but he was alone. Picking up the cross that lay there he held it between his hands as they burned. It didn't hurt; he was beyond feeling pain that insignificant. He knelt before the altar still holding the cross, taking it and touching it to his forehead. The sizzling as his flesh burned away was reassuring to him, proved to him that he understood how evil he was... this body was. He wanted so badly to become part of the dust that covered this church. Putting his hands together he began to pray, stumbling over forgotten phrases, but slowly becoming surer in his plea. "Our father...who...Our Father who art... art...in heaven...hallowed be thy name. This is just wrong...You know what I've done, the people I have killed. I have no right to ask anything. I want to say sorry. I wish I could take back what I have done. I want to end it now; I can't deal with what I have done. Probably I should continue to exist, like Angel, to suffer more, but I can't. I'm not strong enough..." ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #178 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)