From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #185 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Wednesday, May 13 1998 Volume 02 : Number 185 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Ten -- (1/1) BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (1/?) Re: BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (2/?) BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Eleven -- (1/1) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 16:31:55 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Ten -- (1/1) Please see the prologue for all disclaimers and notes. This is chapter ten of thirteen. All comments, questions, or requests for missing pieces to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ~ "Part Ten: Only The Good Die Young" Place: Sunnydale Cemetery. Time: Split Infinities. It was still dark. Standing at the gates, holding a stake in his hand-- the same one he had killed Angelus with, though the thought barely registered-- Xander was waiting. He didn't know why he thought he should wait, and he didn't know why he had finally been able to tear himself away from Buffy's body. He didn't know why the hurting mass inside him had suddenly hardened. But he knew what he had to do. He had to find Buffy. "Candle, guide ye the way for the soul's light to find, bridge ye the gap betwixt the darkness and the beyond and the light that shall lead his soul to its vessel..." She was coming. There was a woman entering the cemetery, and she was alive. Xander swallowed the tears that began to threaten to well up again, barely able to make out her features. Her skin was smooth, there was no blood, no gaping hole slashed through her throat. He braced himself, then walked forward, preparing himself for the worst. She stopped when she saw him, staring as though surprised to see someone there. For a brief moment, Xander thought perhaps she recognized him. But then the moment passed and he realized all she recognized was that there was someone here who might interfere with her mission. He nodded at the candle. "What's that for?" "Nothing," she said, somewhat defensively. "You were chanting something," he said quietly, evenly. He wondered at that for a moment. This experience was taking on the air of a dream, and he wondered if she realized that he had already seen her die twice. Except that she couldn't remember, he reminded himself, because if she was able to remember then she wouldn't come here to die again. But as he remembered the look in her eyes as she had told him she didn't care if Angelus killed her, Xander suddenly wondered if knowing her fate would change anything at all. It certainly hadn't stopped her last time. She shook her head, but the look in her eyes said otherwise. He took a breath. "Buffy," he said slowly, unsure of what words to use. At the mention of her name, Buffy's eyes grew suspicious. "How do you know my name?" she asked. He thought a moment, silent. "I--" He shook his head. "I'm here to help you," he lied. "Why?" she asked, sounding confused. "I don't need your help-- " "I'm a watcher," he broke in. Every lie hurt him more than the last, but he couldn't think of any way to do this than to follow his instinct. And instinct was telling him that the last thing he wanted to do at this point was tell Buffy he was one of her best friends, from so many years in the future. "A _what_?!" she hissed, her expression darkening. She didn't give him time to answer. "Get away from me. You're not _stopping_ me." He shook his head and grabbed her arm as she tried to go by. "I won't try to stop you," he said. "Just tell me what you're going to do with the candle." She shook her head. "Get him back," she snapped. "Now, would you let me _go_?" Xander bit his lip. "Get him back, how?" Buffy stared at him for a moment, and Xander realized he wasn't doing a very convincing job at playing his part. No watcher he'd ever met had ever been quite as aggressive about talking about something as he was being now. Of course, he rationalized, the only watcher he had ever really met had been Giles, and Giles wasn't the pushiest guy in the world, anyway. Finally, the Slayer shook her head and jerked her arm away from him. But this time, she didn't try to go past him. "Why does it matter to you?" she asked softly. "Because," he said. "It matters." She swallowed, staring into his eyes, and Xander wondered if somewhere in there she could see that he honestly meant her no harm, that he would do anything in his power to save her. No matter how many times he had to see her die. "There's a curse," she finally whispered. Xander felt something inside him relax as he realized that, for whatever reason, she was going to trust in him for now. She was going to listen, and he might actually have a chance. "What kind of curse?" he asked. She shook her head. "Doesn't matter," she said. "The candle leads his soul back to his body. I have to go _now_ or I'll miss my chance." Xander swallowed, then took a quick breath and gripped the stake he'd used earlier even tighter. His gut twisted as the full realization of what he was planning to do began to sink in. Not waiting for him to speak, Buffy disappeared several seconds later, and Xander stood, meditating on the stake in his hand. She was going to die, he already knew that. Die, or get Angel back. But he had seen what had happened twice already, and knew she would lose her grip on the candle. Now, at least, he knew why she needed it so badly. But she hadn't told him how she was going to use it. Which, he was slowly realizing, was where the stake came in. He couldn't curse her to a lifetime without Angel, he supposed. That would be as bad as, if not worse, than the ten years he had spent missing her and wanting her. But that meant if he saved her, he'd lose her. But she would be happy. And alive. And if he truly loved her, wouldn't that be enough? He hoped so, as he began walking toward the west end monument. Again, as he neared the place, he could hear voices. "I've bound you. That means you can't fight me, Buffy. You don't have a chance." There was a brief pause in Angelus' words, sending a chill down Xander's spine. Then the demon spoke again. "Isn't that lovely?" Xander couldn't quite make out Buffy's reply, and he was too busy trying to decide on his timing to pay much attention to it. Already, he had watched the scene twice. Angelus pinned her down, taunted her, bit her, fed on her, then slit her throat and shoved the knife into her stomach a split second before Buffy drove a stake through his heart. Xander had to time things perfectly, then. If he was too soon, Buffy would live and Angelus would die, and she would never forgive the stranger who had saved her life but killed any chance of happiness she might once have held. If he was too late, she'd die before he could get the information he needed. Finally, he decided that the best time to kill Angelus would be just as he moved to slit Buffy's throat. Xander swallowed, hating himself for thinking like this, but realizing too well that he had to save her. Every time she died, she was like that until he left. If he could save her, then, it only made sense that he could stay with her forever. "In your dreams," came the Slayer's hiss, jerking Xander from his thoughts. He peeked past the bushes in front of him, parting them just enough to ascertain that Angelus was far too absorbed with his prey to notice one more human being walking up behind him. But he still couldn't move, not just yet. So he waited. Angelus leaned down to drain Buffy, and it was all Xander could do to keep from moving. Every muscle in his body tensed, all his impulses telling him to move and save her. Even though, at this point, that would mean she wouldn't die and he wouldn't be able to save both of them the next time around. *Please, God,* he suddenly thought, *let there be a next time around.* Angelus took out a knife, slitting his wrist and moving it toward Buffy's lips. The Slayer finally grasped one of her stakes, and Xander was already moving as Angelus took the knife and swept it quickly across her throat. The blade stopped moving when Xander shoved the stake into Angelus' back, through his heart, and the vampire vanished in a cloud of dust. Xander threw the stake away from both himself and the wounded Slayer. "Buffy," he said quietly, "are you alright?" She wasn't aware of him, he soon realized, and her lips were moving in silent words that could only be one thing. He leaned his head closer to her lips, trying to catch every breath. "Candle, guide ye the way for the soul's light to find, bridge ye the gap betwixt the darkness and the beyond and the light that shall lead his soul to its vessel and..." She trailed off, and Xander shook her slightly. "Buffy," he whispered insistently, "the rest, what's the rest?" "And ex-- expel..." She coughed suddenly, blood spattering past her lips and landing on his shirtfront. "Expel what?" "'pell the 'mon...from...body..." And suddenly she convulsed, and Xander had to hold her down to keep her from hitting her head against one of the tombstones. "Buffy! he shouted, shaking her slightly. "Keep it up, girl, come on, what's the rest?" "Not..." "Not what?" "Angel...m'sorry..." she whispered. "'give me..." With that last breath, Xander again found himself with the Slayer lying dead in his arms. He shook slightly, letting her go and watching her roll back down onto the grass and out of his arms. Then he stood and began looking for the black candle, repeating her words over and over in his mind, hoping in every way he knew possible that he wouldn't forget them before the next time events replayed. The possibility that they might not was a thought banished from his mind, from the realm of possibilities. When he finally found the candle and the lighter, he scooped them up and took them as he turned to walk back to the entrance to the cemetery. ~ All comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please. ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 13:34:29 PDT From: "Black Fire" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (1/?) Title: Mazes of the Mind Author: Black Fire Email: blackfire42@hotmail.com Feedback: If you wish. Summary: Angelus is having some rough times. Warnings: PG13 I hope. I haven't finished it yet. There may be some violence and hard language as this goes on. Disclaimer: I do not own Angel or any of the other Buffy characters that may show up in this story. Spoilers: At least up through IOHEFY, but may include Becoming as I see what happens with the last episode. Mazes of the Mind - Part 1 Angelus woke up in a cold sweat. He had had the strangest dream: In it, he was watching in the mirror (as odd as it was, he saw his reflection) as his face went from human to vampire to something worse. All the while, he was consumed by a terrible pain that was tearing through his body. As he sat up in bed, he could still feel the pain coursing through his head like some warped river of nails. As he regained control of his senses, he looked around. Something was strange. He was in the loft. Why was he in the loft? He hadn't been there for months. And now he suddenly wakes up there. How did he get here in the first place? That's when he heard it. The cold, evil laugh coming from across the room. He found himself looking into an approaching face. Even without the ability to look in a mirror, he knew that mocking look to be his own. But how? "Problems?" his double asked. "What do you want?" was Angelus' reply. "I'm hurt," the other exlaimed, feining the pain of insult. "You don't recognize me?" "Yeah, I recognize you," Angelus answered, rising from the bed. "You're that weaking I got rid of months ago. What do you want?" "Well, if you don't know the answer to that," Angel said, "then I should spell it out for you... I want my body back." "Not a chance," Angelus laughed. "You don't live here any more." "Really?" was the reply. "Then what am I doing here? Oh... yeah... you don't know the answer to that one. Do yah?" "I'm getting out of here," Angelus said, moving for the door. "Be my guest," Angel returned. "The door's right there." Angelus pushed passed Angel and through the door. But as he left the room, everything changed and Angelus found himself falling into oblivion. - -- End part 1 The Black Fire | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat." Blackfire42@hotmail.com | -Angel (IG) http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203 "But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_ "I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde" ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 15:07:00 PDT From: "Black Fire" Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: Mazes of the Mind (2/?) Title: Mazes of the Mind Author: Black Fire Email: blackfire42@hotmail.com Feedback: If you wish. Summary: Angelus is having a series of unending nightmares that would make the ones Buffy has had seem like a picnic. Warnings: PG13 I hope. I haven't finished it yet. There may be some violence and hard language as this goes on. Disclaimer: I do not own Angel or any of the other Buffy characters that may show up in this story. I also make no claims to any of the Literary, Film or Theatrical references I may make in this story. Spoilers: At least up through IOHEFY, but may include Becoming as I see what happens with the last episode. Mazes of the Mind - Part 2 Angelus awoke to the strangest feeling of confusion. He was sitting in a well-furnished, underground room, at an old pipe organ, which he was playing. This was even odder because he didn't know how to play the pipe organ, or even the piano, for that matter. Even so, he sat there playing and the music he produced was so enrapturing that he didn't give these notions much of a second thought. he didn't even think to queston why he saw his human face reflected in the tarnished brass of the pipes, nor the figure of woman stealing up behind him. Angelus simply continued to play, enthralled by the sounds coming out of the organ. Then the moment was gone. A slender hand reached from behind him and tore his face off. As he caught a flash of his vampiric features now revealed, a wave of anger raised him up from his seat and he spun around to face the one who had violated him. He was confronted by the form of a strange woman with dark hair that fell in loose curls over her shoulders. She stared at him in horror. As she did, he noticed, in his anger, that her features were a strange amalgamation of Drusilla's and Buffy's. That realization killed the rage inside him and replaced it with even more confusion. They just stared at each other for what seemed like ages; he with a look of confusion and she with one of terror. The rubber-like mask that had been Angelus' other face fell to the ground unnoticed. He made a move towards her, but she turned and ran away. He chased after her, but she managed to stay ahead of him. They eventually came to the edge of an underground lake. The girl, not slowing down, dove in and started swimming her way across. Angelus followed suit, but as he hit the water, he became paralyzed and sank into darkness... - -- End part 2 More to come. (Soon, I hope) The Black Fire | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat." Blackfire42@hotmail.com | -Angel (IG) http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203 "But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_ "I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde" ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 13 May 1998 21:09:15 EDT From: KylenRevik Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Future Imperfect" -- Chapter Eleven -- (1/1) This is chapter eleven of thirteen. See prologue for disclaimers and notes. Please e-mail KylenRevik@aol.com if you've lost any pieces and they need replacing. ~ "Part Eleven: Streamlining" Place: Sunnydale Cemetery. Time: Split Infinities. The night was cold, but Xander didn't feel the temperature as he stood and waited for Buffy to come walking up the hill and into the cemetery. Every moment that passed without her appearance was another moment in which he asked himself if he should go back and look for her by the west monument, and another moment in which he had to remind himself that she was dead back there, and would be alive here, if only he could have patience. After what felt like an eternity, he saw her coming. He turned the lighter over in his right hand, his palms sweating so badly he could barely keep his grip on the metal casing. The wax candle in his left hand was slipping so badly that he finally gave up and put it in a pocket, then wiped his hands off on his jacket. When he saw her coming, some small part of himself wanted to move forward, intercept her. Stop her and make her _wait_. Try again. Maybe he could save her. The rest of him pushed that small voice back where it belonged, which was buried beneath all the other small, petty protests that had been trying to voice themselves since the beginning of the night. This time, he made no effort to step into Buffy's way as she passed him. Not noticing him, the young Slayer made her way up the walk, away from him. He shook his head. *Buffy,* he thought silently, almost passionlessly, *forgive me.* If this didn't work. If she died again. If anything he could have prevented, happened. Like a stone, he stayed where he was, rooted to the spot while she walked by. Like a stone, he didn't let himself care or think, this time. He simply watched, as she made her way to western end of the cemetery, and the monument by which she would meet Angelus. Instead of waiting once she was out of sight, instead of getting caught up in his thoughts and wondering if there were a possibility that he might fail again, Xander took off in a sprint after her-- staying back just far enough so she wouldn't hear him. He arrived at the monument a few moments after she did. He watched her arranging her things. The stakes were placed carefully behind the same tombstone she'd put them behind the last time, and the time before. Something rustled in the bushes behind him. He shivered and nearly gasped as Angelus leapt from the shadows, striking Buffy to the ground. "_Buffy_," the demon snarled. Xander heard Buffy give off a small gasp as she lost her hold on the lighter and the candle, and he reached back into his pocket to reassure himself that his own were still there. Then he swallowed, entranced, watching the scene before him play out again. Yet again. He would have nightmares of this forever. If this wasn't forever enough, if he wasn't already living in the nightmare that was life. He watched as Angelus pinned Buffy down, straddling her waist and holding her wrists to the ground. Xander felt something akin to fury boiling up inside him, and he had to remind himself that this time, he wasn't going to kill Angelus. He was going to rescue Angel. For Buffy. So he'd save her, then-- Except he couldn't. He wasn't close enough to them, and he couldn't risk getting any closer until there was no chance that Angelus would be alerted to his presence. If Angelus wasn't completely absorbed in the Slayer, if there was any possibility that something nearby might attract his attention, then he might leave Buffy for later and Xander would wind up dead-- unable to do anything at all. "See this?" Angelus asked, his tone a patronizing, self- satisfied one. "Know what it means?" Xander knew. He winced inwardly as the vampire taunted his prey, as Buffy continued to try to struggle and break free of the grip that held her. As she failed. He wouldn't fail, Xander reassured himself. *Not this time, not this time, not this time.* He knew, he supposed in an only half-conscious way, that if he failed this time there would probably be another chance. And another. And another. Until he saved her. He wasn't sure of how he knew that, but he did, and he knew it with all his mind, body, and soul. Waiting, still waiting. "I've bound you." *"We're all bound by something. It's only a matter of what it is that binds us, what keeps us where we are. I can't let this place bind me anymore, Cordelia. I love you, and I thought that was enough. But love can't overcome memories. And there are too many painful ones, here."* He swallowed as the perfectly-remembered lines from the letter he'd left for Cordelia flashed across his mind. *"I hope you don't wind up hating me for this. Though I'll understand if you do."* His hand closed around the lighter, drawing it from his pocket. Angelus was focusing on Buffy now, an maybe action would banish the memories. Make him forget what a coward he'd been when he had let everything he'd ever cared about drift away. He should have faced the memories back then, when they weren't so strong. Now they were too strong, too much. "See, Buffy?" he heard Angelus hiss, somewhere outside the world his mind was fast erecting around him. *"You're losing your mind, Alex. I won't stand by and watch."* Anna-Marie. The night before she'd gone. Xander pulled the candle from his pocket, and his thumb moved over the switch on the lighter that would spark the flame. "Candle," he began, whispering so softly he could barely hear his own voice, "guide ye the way for the soul's light to find." *Candle,* he thought, as memories began to assail him faster than he'd have cared to go through them. *Guide me to some sort of solace.* "Bridge ye the gap betwixt the darkness and the beyond." *Bridge the gap from my past to my future.* He felt something wet hit his cheek, and ignored the tear as it continued its journey. He was broken, too broken. He had no business doing this, trying to fix things in an elsewhere he'd removed himself from. *Be strong, coward,* he thought, his mental voice harsh and cold. *Save her.* He moved the flame to ignite the candle, then sheltered the wick with a cupped hand to keep the sudden gust of wind from blowing it out. "And the light that shall lead his soul to its vessel," he finished. *Lead me to some sort of sanity,* echoed the prayer in his own mind. *Lead me to something I can live with. Lead me to some sort of peace.* In front of him, Angelus had frozen with his lips against Buffy's neck, and Xander could see no sign that the vampire was moving at all. Buffy lay motionless, pinned beneath Angelus' body, and Xander could barely breathe to finish the curse: "And expel," he finally continued, "the demon from the body." *Expel this inability to deal with my own demons.* As the wind began to pick up, Xander kept his hands around the flame of the candle, pushing it into the ground across from where Angelus was still on top of Buffy but no longer a threat. A moment passed before Buffy shoved the vampire off her, and when she did Angelus doubled over, howling in pain. Xander took a few steps away, watching as wind blew Buffy's hair in her face and she moved toward the vampire she had been trying to save for so long. Angelus was writhing on the ground, his arms wrapped tight around his midsection, and the wind was picking up. By the time the howls had become so similar Xander could no longer tell them apart, a fine mist was descending over the cemetery, and Buffy had moved to where Angelus lay. Xander could barely hear her whispering more words over him, words she hadn't told him earlier but which it was quickly becoming clear were the end of the curse. The wind kept picking up, louder and harder, crashing in around him until Xander could barely keep on his feet. He glanced toward the candle, and realized that the flame wasn't even flickering. He took a sharp breath, his gaze turning back to the Slayer and her vampire, as she pinned him down and held him there while he howled along with the wind in pain. Xander took a step toward them. *Candle, bring me hope.* Then the world descended into blackness. ~ Please send all comments to KylenRevik@aol.com. ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #185 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. 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