From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V2 #301 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Friday, August 14 1998 Volume 02 : Number 301 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, epilogue BUFFYFIC: Cursed (3/?) BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Six: Stepping on Sparks" (6/9) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 06:35:58 PDT From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, epilogue Title: Repercussions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimers: None of these characters are mine,they are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc... distribution: Sure, just tell me where. feedback: I would be very grateful. thanks: To Rachel, who helped me write a much better story than I could have on my own, to Christine, who kept me inspired to finish it, and to Jenn who helped me with grammar and also morale-boosting. :) The Bronze August 23, 1998 The two girls walked confidently into the Bronze, their faces young and worry-free. The blond-haired Slayer followed only slightly behind her red-headed friend, and the sadness that remained in her eyes was well hidden. Laughing overly loud at a joke Willow told, the Slayer wrapped one arm over her companions shoulder as they headed towards the bar to get a drink. Buffy kept a steady stream of chatter flowing as they waited for their drinks, the conversation deliberately light. Asking after the hacker’s summer and how things had been progressing with Oz. Not one serious comment slipped from either of their mouths until they had their drinks and were headed towards a table near the stage. "You're sure you're ready for this?" Willow questioned Buffy as they settled into their seats, her eyes sweeping the room to see if Oz had arrived yet. "I'm sure, besides, I want to see Oz play.” Buffy nudged Willow and grinned at her. “I wanna be a groupie too.” Smiling helplessly, Willow let Buffy pull her back into the lighthearted conversation the Slayer seemed to need. Sipping her drink slowly while waiting for Oz to play, Willow leaned in close to Buffy, her face worried, "What if Xander shows? Are you okay with that?" Buffy stiffened for a moment, her eyes clouding with remembered pain. Then taking a deep breath she relaxed her shoulders and stuck her tongue out at Willow. "He brought my boyfriend out of Hell. How can I hold a grudge after that?" "Buffy! Be serious. Can you forgive him? Have you?" Willow watched Buffy anxiously, her fingers tapping unconsciously on the table. "Have you?" Buffy turned on her, her eyes curious, "He betrayed you too. Have you forgiven him?” The Slayer watched Willow, all traces of joking gone from her face. Staring at the empty stage for a moment Willow seemed lost in thought, then turning back to Buffy she spoke slowly. "When I thought we would lose him...that he would be trapped in Hell...I realized I still loved him. Not in the way I once did, but because he is Xander and he does stupid stuff before he thinks about the consequences. I still think he made the wrong choice, but he more than made up for it. I mean he even defended Angel." Buffy winced as Willow spoke Angel's name, but nodded at her words, "I agree. He certainly tried harder than I did to fix what I had done." "Buffy, you promised, no guilt-trips. You're worse than Angel." She grinned as she said the words, hoping Buffy wouldn't take it the wrong way. "Is that possible?" Smiling sadly she fiddled with the straw in her drink, lost in thought, then looking at Willow she spoke quietly. "Angel suffered in Hell much longer than he would have if I hadn't lost it.” "Buffy, you have to learn to live with it.” Willows voice was cautious, her expression telling Buffy that she would fix it for her if she could. “You can't know the right answer all the time.” Willow watched Buffy carefully, not wanting to say too much and push Buffy away again. “ Now, Oz is going to be playing soon. Willow straightened her small frame and tried to look sternly at Buffy. “So lets lighten up and have fun." Saluting her, Buffy smiled, "Yes, Sir. Having fun, sir." Giggling at Buffy's joke Willow turned towards the stage as Oz's band started setting up. Catching his eye she motioned towards Buffy and flashed a huge smile at him. He blew her a kiss before turning back to the band. Bouncing around in her seat to grin at Buffy, Willow froze as she saw Xander and Cordelia entering the Bronze. She sat there looking like a deer caught in the head lights until Buffy turned to see what was freezing her. Cordelia saw them before Xander did, her face falling as her shoulder's stiffened. She turned to Xander, grabbing his arm and saying, "We could go see a movie?" He started at her like she had asked him to go to the moon, "You were the one who said you needed to dance. So we're here and we'll dance." He started to walk towards the dance floor then stopped as he saw the two girls staring at him. His face suddenly tense he looked at Cordelia for reassurance. Smiling at him she walked over to where Buffy and Willow sat. Staring at Buffy and Willow with a warning in her eyes she spoke to them. "Buffy, Willow, how nice to see you. Is Oz playing tonight?" "Um..yes." Willow replied, her voice nervous as she waited to see the Slayer’s reaction. Buffy and Xander stared at each other silently for a long minute, Xander's face red and the pulse in Buffy's neck jumping. Then Buffy smiled cautiously, her voice stiff, "You guys should sit with us. We've got much catching up to do." Xander let out a shaky breath and moved to sit down, ignoring Cordelia's glances at the stool in front of her. Willow and Buffy smiled at each other as Cordelia pulled her stool out herself and glared at Xander. "Nice manners, Xander." "What...oh...sorry." Xander said, looking perplexed as Buffy and Willow smiled knowingly at each other. After sitting in an uncomfortable silence for a while, they began speaking slowly, friends who haven’t seen each other for a couple lifetimes. Xander made fun of Cordie’s shopping addiction and Willow bragged about her new computer. They even laughed a few times. stilted laughter that became more relaxed as the night went on. Cordelia leaned against Xander’s shoulder as they talked, her expression wistful. “I wish school wasn’t starting again so soon. This summer was such a bust.” As soon as the words left her mouth Xander’s hand covered it. Shaking his head at her he looked to see Buffy’s reaction. Her face suddenly serious she straightened her shoulders and hid the hurt in her eyes. Speaking lightly she brushed off the issue. “What? Like I had time for school anyway. Plus, I mean, I had a rough summer. I sent my boyfriend to Hell and went crazy. Who needs school after that?” Grinning at her Xander retorted, “See, you get all the breaks when you’re the Slayer. I went to Hell and I still have to go. I think the slayerette’s get a bad deal.” Laughing at Xander’s words Cordelia chimed in with, “I agree, I mean I fell in love with Xander. Shouldn’t I be considered crazy too?” They all sat at the table, truly laughing for the first time in a long time when Willow chimed in with, “Well, I gave Oz a gold star.” Cordelia and Xander stared at her like she was insane while Buffy lay her head on the table laughing helplessly. Standing hidden in the shadows Angel turned to the man beside him. “She’s laughing again.” His voice was filled with wonder. “Yeah, your girl, she sure recovers fast. It wasn’t a week ago that she was screaming in graveyards. Makes you wonder?” Whistler spoke flippantly, trying to cover the anger in his words. “What are you saying?” Angel’s voice was defensive. Shrugging the demon looked from the group of teen-agers to the vampire who stood beside him with his eyes glued to the Slayer. Turning back to the group he answered casually. “I just thought maybe she’d feel a little guilty still.” Angel turned to Whistler his voice angry, “She shouldn't feel guilty. She did nothing wrong." Whistler raised his eyebrows at him, speaking in a voice that was tinted with anger, "Really? You could have been out sooner if we could have found her." Glaring at him Angel spoke in a low voice, "Don't ever say anything like that again. You and I had a choice about this, she didn't. She never got a choice. We should be happy that she even does this. She's only 17. And she feels guilt, more guilt than she deserves." “Touchy, touchy. I wasn’t saying she wasn’t a great girl, I just...” “Don’t. Don’t say anything else.” Turning away from the four teenagers he moved towards the door. "Let’s just get out of here. We’ve got a lot to do." "Well, you were the one who had to spend tonight watching your Slayer. I would have left as soon as the sun had set." Whistler followed him, his step hurried to keep up with Angel’s long strides. “I needed to know she was okay.” Stopping suddenly, causing Whistler to walk into his back Angel turned towards Buffy once more. His face worried he spoke cautiously, "Should I do this? Come back to her? What if I hurt her again?" Shaking his head the man answered him, "You won’t. I’ve got people looking into the curse. I don’t think it has a happy-clause. And anyway, didn’t she promise?" Angel’s face was sad as he replied, "That would help me, but it would still hurt her." Whistler shook his head in annoyance. "You worry too much. It’s not your best trait." "I don’t worry too much. If I did none of this would have happened." Angel spoke in a loud whisper, his voice stiff. "I just don’t want to hurt her any more." Angel stood quietly staring towards Buffy, his expression wistful. Looking towards the door Whistler tried to move past the vampire towards it. "Well then shouldn’t we get going? None of this is going to get fixed with us standing here. If we want any chance of doing this your way..." "We have to go now. I know." Angel closed his eyes as a wave of pain crossed it then stared wistfully at the group sitting at the table. "She's amazing isn't she?" His voice was soft with love. Taking Angel's arm he pulled him towards the door. "Yup. But had I known when I met a stinky, starving vampire with a soul that all this would happen I would have taken a vacation instead." "Liar. You like being the new cryptic guy." Whistler smiled at him as they walked out of the Bronze, "Come on then, lets see if we can fix this mess up so you can get back to your Slayer." *********** ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 12:20:04 -0700 From: taygeta@juno.com (Charity C. T.) Subject: BUFFYFIC: Cursed (3/?) TITLE: Cursed #3 The Options of Death AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint) DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG KEYWORDS: Buffy/Angel DESCRIPTION: Someone's out to kill Angel...it's a whole Curse thing... DISCLAIMER: The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Cursed #3 The Options of Death Idea by: Slayer01 Story by: Taygeta "Look…I'm not who you think I am…" Angel tried as he backed away from Leifa warily. "I know who you are…I've been trained for too long not to," she said, "Now…are we going to stand here and talk until sun up and have you die that way, or are we going to fight?" "Can we say…neither?" Buffy said from behind her. Leifa turned around and eyed the petite blonde that had arrived critically, "Who are you?" "I could ask you the same, but figuring that you're trying to kill my boyfriend…I don't really think it matters," she replied and continued with a shrug, "But if intros are your thing, I'm Buffy…the vampire slayer." "Leifa Tidier," she said simply, "Vampire Slayer, huh? I've heard about your kind, but I've never heard of one being in love with a vampire…you do realize that he's a vampire, right?" "Is the word, STUPID, stamped on my forehead?" Buffy replied as she rolled her eyes, "Of course I know that he's a vampire, but no matter what you think you know, he's not a baddy." A frown wrinkled her forehead, "A what?" "Y'know of the bad…bad guy…non-cursed vampire?" she explained with a sigh. The girl looked at her and then glanced at Angel and backed away, "Fine…I'll leave him alone…for now…" and with that, she left as quickly as she had come. As they watched her disappear into the night, Buffy turned to Angel and said, "I'm guessing not a disgruntled ex-girlfriend?" "It's not a joking matter, Buffy…she's been cursed to kill me, or die trying…I've been able to avoid them up until now, but I've guessed that I've stayed put too long," he said as they began to walk to his apartment. "Rewind and rephrase, please, because I'm not getting this and I'd like to get why someone's got bounty on you," she said. "Years before, when I was Angelus, I entered the home of a family that lived in the Hykalr Society…descendents of gypsies, some of who retained their magical powers, and for what I know, still have most of them, today. I stayed with the Tidier family, and back then trust was a big factor of life for the Society, and they trusted almost everyone until after I came along. I arrived late in the night, and any person would have been wary to accept me, but like I said, trust. They were suspicious when I wouldn't eat and came out of my room only at night, but they respected privacy and didn't question my actions. Then, one day a member of the Rtyira family, Mishala Rtyira, came to the Tidier home…seeking for a husband. Back then, to be seventeen in Hykalr Society and unwed, was at the brink of being an old maid." "And obviously this Mishala girl had heard of the dark, mysterious hunk staying with the family across the way," interjected Buffy with a slight smile, "Sorry, go on…" Angel grinned lightly, but his face grew somber, "Yes, Mishala came to visit me…and back then the Rtyira were the strongest magicians in the Society. That and the fact that she wasn't the nicest girl opted her to be desperate for a husband for fear of embarrassing her family. I talked to her, walked with her…pretended I cared, and then when we were far enough, I killed her. I had got what I wanted, the blood of magic…and so I left without a word. From what I heard of the first Tidier that came to me, they had realized I had killed Mishala and her family blamed it on the Tidiers, and as a result, they were cursed. The first child of the main lineage was hexed to try and kill me and when they died…the next was called, and so on. When I was evil, I killed like they were nothing, but once I got cursed, I just ran away, even though I knew that they would suffer the curse's consequences for those that didn't fulfill it." "And what were the consequences?" Buffy asked. He closed his eyes and looked away from her, "To go stark raving mad." "Oh my God…that girl…if she doesn't - " she said under her breath, "Well we can't let it happen…" "No, we can't, but the only way to break the Tidiers from the curse is if I die, but I came to a point in my life when I told them to kill me…told them go ahead and put me out of my misery, and they couldn't. One after the other, no matter how much I pleaded at them to get rid of me; they couldn't kill me…they'd rather have gone mad than kill someone who was innocent. She's the first of the them that I have met in a long while, that doesn't know that I have soul…that I've also been cursed." "So what are you going to do, Angel?" she asked, "Because I personally would like you alive and that Leifa Tidier to not go Looney Tunes." "I'd like that too, but I don't know if that's possible," he said, "Either I'm going to die or she's going to lose her mind…you heard the prophecy…that's the definitive line." Hiding beneath the trees as she followed them, Leifa heard her heart beating hard beneath her chest and she realized that killing him was not an option anymore. She couldn't kill him, despite what a normal life meant for her…she would killing someone who had nothing to claim for in the past, but a demon that was not of his control, but if she didn't kill him, what was left? Only one thing was left, a life spent spiraling into a dark abyss where her mind would be loss…her control would be loss, where in the eventual she would probably do as her ancestors before her had done. A knife to the throat or a gun barrel to their own heads in order to end it all. She didn't want to end it all…she didn't want to lose her mind and by doing that lose her life…she wanted to live, but as it was, she was going to die… _____________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1998 23:30:18 EDT From: Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Six: Stepping on Sparks" (6/9) See part one for notes, disclaimers, and so on. Comments (good and bad) to KylenRevik@aol.com, please, and the same goes for missing-pieces requests. ~ "Part Six: Stepping on Sparks" She had expected it to be hot. She had expected to burn. To feel the searing hatred of everything she had ever touched as it streamed past her. Or perhaps she had expected fire and brimstone, the sort of Hell that crept up from the dark crevices of the human psyche. Perhaps a gathering of demons would have been more in accordance with what Buffy had expected to encounter in the Hell Angelus had sent her to. Whatever her expectations had been, she realized within half a breath that they were far from about to be met. Instead of externally inflicted pain, all she felt was a dull ache in her chest and the stagnant touch of unmoving air all around her. More acutely she felt the searing sensation of harsh, sterile white light, enfolding and surrounding her. Coming directly toward her from all angles. "Buffy?" she heard someone whisper from behind her. She turned immediately, taking an immediate step back when she saw who stood at her side. "Willow," she said softly. The red-haired teen nodded, a bright smile crossing her face. "Are you alright?" she asked. "Do you need help?" Buffy shook her head. "No," she said softly. "No help." "You need my help," Willow said, reaching forward at the same time Buffy shied away. "Buffy," she said insistently, "let me _help_!" "_No_!" Buffy shouted, pulling away. "I can't do this! Not to you, not to anybody, I won't be responsible for destroying any more lives!" For a few seconds, there was a silence between them. Then it began to draw itself out, almost of its own volition, as if the lack of noise was something that had suddenly gained a sentience of its own. "It's my fault," Buffy whispered when the silence began to threaten to overwhelm her. Before her Willow gave a slight smile. "No it's not," she said, her tone almost one of encouragement. "Yes it is," Buffy said, feeling her throat constricting and her breath become slightly more labored. "I hurt you," she said softly. "All of you. This never would have happened if it wasn't for me." "You never asked for the responsibility," Willow pointed out, taking a step toward her, reaching out. Buffy flinched away and shook her head. "That doesn't matter," she said, her voice soft. "It just...doesn't matter. It's mine. It's not a choice I have, it's something that has to be done, I'm the only one who can do it." "You're destroying yourself." "Then maybe I should make way for somebody else to take over." A slight chuckle from her companion, and Buffy's eyes drifted toward the floor. "You give yourself too much credit," Willow said quietly. Buffy glanced up. "What?" she asked. "Everyone feels pain. Everyone hurts. Everyone dies." She shook her head. "All we can ask for is to find people along our paths to help us make it through the hardships that fate throws in our way." "But--" Willow shook her head, reaching out to touch Buffy's cheek gently with her fingertips. Buffy fell silent at the gesture, and this time did nothing to move away. "There are others who need your explanations," the red-haired teen, or at least her facsimile, said. "Who...?" Buffy asked, her voice trembling with the words. Willow shook her head. "Look for light in darkness," she whispered, something flashing deep within her eyes as she faded from sight and Buffy realized that once more, she was alone. A few seconds later, she realized that the ache in her stomach had intensified. But at this point she hardly cared, and instead of moving forward Buffy allowed herself to sink to the floor, arms wrapped tightly around herself, sobs wracking her body as the memory of Willow's all-too-forgiving touch melted away to nothing. * "Wake her up," Angel said softly, glancing at Sef. The Garou shook his head, his eyes on his herbs and medicinal tools, not going near the young Slayer. "No," he said. "She is far from ready." Angel winced as Buffy's muscles tightened, and her chest began to rise and fall in short, gasping breaths. "I didn't think it would be like this," he whispered. The Garou dreamwalker turned back to him, anger blazing in his yellow eyes. "And what did you think, Childe of Cain?" he asked, standing and walking toward the vampire. "That it would be simple? Like the medications the humans use? Electroshock therapy, perhaps?" Angel shook his head. "No," he said. "But I didn't want her to hurt..." "It takes pain to alleviate pain," Sef said as small cries came from Buffy's lips. Still, he didn't look at her, his eyes instead focused on Angel. "When they feel pain, their nerves are trying to reroute the damage. It is the same with the tears in her soul. She must walk through them, around them, experience them. She must find the best way to survive with it." "I don't _want_ her to have to live with it!" Angel shouted, the emotions too much for him to control. "I want her to be _happy_ again!" His lips curling back in something akin to a cruel smile, Sef shook his head. "She would be someone else," he said. "Someone you didn't know." Angel looked at him, shaking his head. "No," he said. "She'd be the Buffy I fell in love with." With a cold laugh, Sef shook his head, walking back to his medicines and herbs. "She was never happy when you fell in love with her," Angel thought he heard the wolf-man murmur as he turned away, but the roar of the fire in the corner of the cave was too loud for him to be certain. * "They used to slaughter people as weak as you are," he said from somewhere above her. "Leave them out on hillsides to die. They did that with a lot of girl babies, too. Useless. Just like you. Buff, you think if we left you out on a hillside somewhere, you'd die?" Suddenly, a hand reached down and yanked her up, nearly jerking her shoulder from its socket. Buffy felt her breath catch in her throat as her head was knocked against the wall of the room Willow had left her in. "Come on, lover," he hissed at her. "Just say it. You're weak. You give up." She didn't have the will to fight him on either count. "Leave me alone," she whispered. "You win, you've always won, you've won every time." "Not good enough," he snarled, moving a step closer, shaking his head. "I already know I'm the shit, Buff, so now what I want you to admit is that you _are_ shit-- in my world, your world, and any other world that happens to pop into existence." Offering barely any struggle, Buffy remained silent. "You know what this is?" Angelus asked, moving so that his face was only centimeters from her own. "This is _pathetic_." He shook her hard, once. "That you're in here, you're crying, you're letting that little red-headed bitch get to you and you can't even make yourself admit it!" He shifted his weight slightly so he was pressing her up against the wall with not only his arms, but his entire body. Buffy felt a shudder of disgust, sick and violent, run through her body. He laughed at that, shaking his head and running his hands up her arms, then jerking her neck so she had no choice but to look straight at him. "Why do I even bother with you?" he asked. When she said nothing, he shook her and shouted into her face, "_Well_?" Buffy didn't answer, letting her eyes fall shut instead. Through the darkness, she felt Angelus' weight suddenly move again, his cold fingers wrapping themselves around her arms, and then suddenly the wall was no longer at her back and he had cast her down on the floor. She didn't open her eyes until she had hit the hard ground, and then only to look at the floor. Her hair trailed in her eyes, dirty and stinking of the street. Beneath her fingers, which were suddenly chapped and cracked, there was dirt and grime, and cement. Her clothes, wet from the rain, had plastered themselves to her body. From the periphery of her vision, something caught her eye. The glint of steel, shining in the moonlight. She felt her breath catch in her throat. Not here. Not tonight. Not like this. Not back to this. Not to the weak thing she had been when she had lost all hope, when she'd been unable to stop herself from spending her last few dollars on a couple razors from a shooter, a boy a few years younger than herself who had been more than happy to take the money. She smelled like death, Buffy realized. She smelled like a rotting corpse, and she didn't want to die. She didn't have a choice, she realized as she reached out, picking the razor up and holding it in the moonlight. So weak, she thought, almost abstractly. Watching her body move, having no control over the actions. She was the spectre now, a viewer as someone she no longer was took the razor and placed it on her wrist. And more than worrying about the way the razor tickled her flesh, she worried about what she knew what was coming next. A hand fell on her arm, suddenly and sharply. "_Buffy_!" he screamed. At the voice, the sobs broke loose, and her knees buckled. She felt herself sink into him, the yielding body of the man who would tell her later how much he had missed her, that he loved her, that he had never wanted her to hurt like that, and how could she have even thought of doing such a thing, didn't she know how upset everyone who cared about her had been, and yes, they still all cared about her, no one hated her, they wanted her to come home, he wanted her to come back, he didn't blame her, he loved her, he always would. "Buffy," Angel whispered, for now content to just hold her, pull her close, kiss the hair she hadn't washed for weeks. Content just with the closeness. Her body betrayed her, and despite the protests she made to herself, Buffy could feel herself melting against him as he whispered her name over and over, stroking her hair with one arm as the other wound itself around her waist and pulled her as close as they could come without becoming one being in fact, as well as spirit. "I'm sorry," she heard herself saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." "Shhh," Angel soothed, shaking his head. "It's alright. Thank God I found you in time, thank God you're alright..." And though she wanted to protest, wanted to tell him she wasn't alright and that things would never be alright again, Buffy could find no strength but what it took to let him hold her. * "What-- what's going on?" Angel asked hesitantly, glancing at Sef as Buffy's sobs, which had intensified only a few seconds earlier, suddenly shifted and became shallow breaths. There was no answer from the Garou. Alarm rising in his chest, Angel took a step toward the Slayer, reaching out to put a hand on her arm. "Buffy?" he whispered. There was no response. Angel swallowed, then looked back at the dreamwalker. Sef was still engaged in the ritual-- another break in events must not have come yet. Softly, Angel swore, then glanced back toward the doorway. Giles had been here earlier. Angel had heard shouting outside the room where he and Sef were trying to heal Buffy. Giles' shouting. Laisa, Quirin...his extra-sensitive hearing had compensated for the thick rock walls of the caverns. Giles. He had to talk to Giles. Explain what had happened. Pray the Watcher might forgive him for this, for taking the offer of help when the Garou had made it. He glanced back at Buffy and Sef, but neither paid him any attention. Buffy, because she was unconscious. Sef, because he was in the herbally-induced trance of a dreamwalker, existing only mentally, and then only on some plane between this one and the one Buffy was caught in. Existing alongside her, guiding events as carefully as he could. Taking the Slayer past her fears, past her pain. Shaking his head, turning away from the scene, Angel pushed open the heavy door of the room and moved into the outer room, catching the eye of a few of the younger Garou. "Where's the Watcher?" he asked. One of them pointed the way, and Angel walked quickly past the group, through a few dozen feet of cave tunnels, until he reached a heavy door. Taking a breath, he pushed it open. "Giles?" he asked softly. "You." The voice was bitter. Icy. As cold as any Angel had ever heard, and over his lifetime he had been given quite a few brush-offs. "Yeah," he said softly, moving into the room, pulling the door shut with a soft _click_ behind himself. He turned to Giles, not meeting eyes with the Watcher, keeping his gaze trained firmly on the floor. He didn't want to see the kind of hatred that would be in the other man's eyes, if the tone of his voice was any sort of measure. "Look at me, damn you," Giles snapped harshly, his tone full of disgust and anger. Slowly, Angel forced his gaze upward-- and met with not only all the anger and hatred he had expected, but more. Immediately, he moved to apologize. Giles cut him off, his voice full of ice. "This is your fault, isn't it. Don't-- don't answer. I don't want to hear your voice." He paused, then shook his head. "So help me, but if anything happens to her--" "If anything happens to her, I won't be around long enough for you to do anything," Angel broke in gently, softly. His throat ached at merely speaking, but he did so anyway. "I didn't know it would be like this." "What were you _expecting_?" Giles demanded, in an uncanny echo of Sef's earlier words. "A healing ritual isn't all sunshine and-- and _lollipops_, especially not when done by a society that feels pain is beneficial and strengthens the soul and body!" "I didn't _know_!" Angel protested. "I thought it would help her!" He swallowed, shaking his head, trying to find the words to tell Giles how sorry he was, how much he wished he had simply brought Buffy home and then left again. "I didn't think, and that was stupid of me. But Sef says she'll be alright, if he has enough time." "How reassuring." The tone was chillingly even. Staring at the Watcher, barely able to keep his eyes level with Giles', Angel finally gave up and shook his head. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "That's all there is for me to say anymore. But I..." He shook his head. "I love her, Giles. I can't watch her being in pain and not letting me help her." "It would help her a touch more if you'd listen to her wishes and leave her alone." "You don't believe that!" Angel exclaimed, shaking his head and stepping close to the other man. "You don't-- you _can't_ believe that, you've said so to me, to Willow, you've said you think if she would just open up, just trust me again, it would be okay again!" "I believe my exact words were more that if she would trust _anyone_ again, she might begin her recovery." The Watcher shook his head, his eyes narrowing. "But I wonder if it isn't something you tore away from her, the ability to trust." The words cut through him, and Angel shook his head. "I didn't mean to hurt her." At that, Giles' expression softened slightly, and he sighed. "Intent was never an issue," he said quietly. In the time it took for a few seconds to pass, Angel realized that was all the Watcher had to say. All his intentions, everything he had come here meaning to say, had fled his mind, and he shook his head. "I'll let you know when she wakes up," he murmured softly as he turned and walked out of the room. ~ Comments to KylenRevik@aol.com, please! ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V2 #301 ****************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. 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