From: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com (buffyfic-digest) To: buffyfic-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: buffyfic-digest V3 #22 Reply-To: $SENDER Sender: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-buffyfic@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk buffyfic-digest Saturday, January 16 1999 Volume 03 : Number 022 In this issue: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (9/18) BUFFYFIC: Torn (9/??) BUFFYFIC: My Moira (12/?) See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 17:09:51 PST From: "Andrea Newbery" Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (9/18) Title: Best Intentions Author: Andrea e-mail: anewbery@hotmail.com disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine. spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two. distribution: Sure, just let me know. summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you. Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything. Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's still more I could thank you for. :) August 3, 2006 Cordelia put the finishing touches on her hair, satisfied that she looked as good as she was going to. The dark circles under her eyes were well hidden by make-up and the gauntness in her cheeks actually gave her a more dramatic look. Her hand reached down to touch the slight swell of her stomach as she spoke softly to her child. "When are you going to let Mommy keep down something she eats?" Laughing at herself she walked out into the kitchen, amazed again at how the baby had erased the loneliness from her life. She looked around at the boxes cluttering her apartment and felt a momentary pang of sorrow. She turned away, refusing to think of anything but getting through the auction and then leaving this town behind her. Her baby was going to have a happy life without all the horrors Sunnydale had to offer. Grabbing her coat she headed out into the cool evening. She drove slowly towards Sunnydale High School, not wanting to get there any sooner than she had to. But this would be her last chance to see Xander, her last look at her old friends. She swallowed back the tears that seemed to come over her all the time now. This is it, she told herself as she pulled into the parking lot, it's almost done now. She slid out of the car after taking a quick look around for any monsters that might be lurking around. Nothing seemed to be there so she slammed the door behind her, catching a quick glimpse of Buffy hidden in the shadows before she disappeared again. Cordelia smiled softly before walking towards the building; the Slayer was on the job. Walking up to Harmony she quickly got to work on last minute details, making sure everything was ready to go in the order the program showed. She caught a quick glimpse of Xander laughing with a beautiful blonde girl and her heart stopped for a moment. Turning away she ignored the jealousy and tried to be happy that Xander was moving on. Her eyes caught with Willow's for a moment and she almost thought she saw sympathy in the red-head's eyes before she turned away. She was just finishing up her work when a hand snaked around her shoulders. Spinning around with a rude comment on her lips she stared open mouthed into the cold eyes of her ex-husband. "Hey honey, miss me?" His breath washed over her, the smell of alcohol making her stomach roll. She backed away slowly, her eyes roaming the room to see if anyone had noticed them, but everyone was heading out to watch the auction. Her face hard, she spoke quietly, her voice angry. "Doug. What are you doing here?" He grinned at her; his eyes still cold. "What? I couldn't just want to see my wife?" "I'm not your wife." She spoke quickly, hearing the applause as the auction started. Looking around she realized the room had emptied except for them. She looked back to her ex-husband, at the cold rage in his eyes and she began to be afraid. "Well, there is that." He leered at her, his hands grabbing her arms. "But we could fix that Cordelia." She tried to pull her arms free, but he held her too tightly. "What do you mean?" Her voice was shaky and she cursed herself for letting him see her fear. "Father's going to cut me off. So I need you back." The anger on his face was frightening to see, a child's anger at being told what to do in a grown man's body. "I'm not coming back. Ever." Cordelia whispered the words, her voice disgusted. "You're a drunk and a cheat and you don't love me." "But I love money Cordelia." He spoke calmly now, his fingers digging into her arms. "I can give you money." She hated the fear in her voice, the placating tone she was using. She wanted to hit him and scream at him, but the gnawing in her stomach told her that wouldn't go over well. She just needed to calm him down and get away. She would leave Sunnydale tonight, leave everything behind and just run until he could never find her. Silently she vowed to offer him whatever he wanted in order to get a chance to escape. "But not enough Cordelia. Not enough. Your little dress-making business may satisfy you, but I want more. Besides, you owe me." His voice went from angry to petulant as he spoke. "I owe you?" Her voice wavered as she struggled to remain calm. "Because you loved another man when you married me. And you never stopped loving him." His voice was smooth as he tried to look hurt. "You didn't care that I loved him then and you don't care now. You only care about the money." He glared at her, his fingers digging deeper into her arms before relaxing a bit. Shrugging his shoulders he answered her. "Well, it was worth a try. But you are coming back with me Cordelia. Tonight." She struggled vainly to get loose from his grip, her heart beating wildly, but he just held her tighter. Cordelia finally stopped struggling and just stared at him, unable to think. He took her silence as submission and grabbing her by the waist, he pulled her to him, his mouth covering hers. Her arms now free she pushed at him, desperate to get his mouth off hers. His arms held her even tighter and she was suddenly terrified that he would hurt the baby so when his tongue pushed into her mouth she bit him as hard as she could. He pushed her away, his fist shooting out and connecting solidly with her stomach. She fell to the ground grasping her middle as the pain shot through her. Tears falling down her face she looked up at him, her voice panicked. "Please. Please, I'm pregnant. Please don't hurt my baby." He froze; his face a mask of rage. Backing away from her he stared at her. "Pregnant?" Cordelia held her stomach, not caring about anything but keeping her baby safe. She looked up at him and saw the rage growing. "Please. I'll come with you. I'll marry you again, but just don't hurt my baby." Her voice was choked with sobs. He moved closer again, his voice louder. "Pregnant?" Cordelia struggled to get to her feet, the pain in her stomach rolling through her body in waves. She glanced towards the door and saw a flash of red-hair moving away. She prayed that it had been Willow and that she would get help. Her tormentor was growing more agitated by the second, the liquor feeding his rage. He grabbed her by the throat, his eyes wild. "You're pregnant. Cordelia the ice queen actually let someone fuck her?" Cordelia felt his hands tightening around her neck and suddenly knew that if someone didn't get there soon she was going to die. She whispered softly, "Please. Please don't." His hands tightened around her neck even more and the world started to fade away. From somewhere in the darkness she thought she heard Xander's voice and then she was suddenly free. Her ex-husband was swinging wildly at Xander, who avoided his punches easily. She watched Xander fight her ex-husband; easily subduing him with a solid punch to his stomach that had him falling to the floor in agony. Buffy ran into the room then, followed by a panting Willow. Xander turned to them, speaking quietly. "Not a demon Buffy, I got him. Can you watch him while I go call the cops?" Buffy nodded her head, going over to stand beside the moaning man. Cordelia stared at all of them before her eyes fastened on Xander. He met her eyes for a moment and she choked out a thank you. He looked at her for another moment before he spoke, his voice icy. "Don't think I did it for you. I would stop someone from hitting a dog." Spinning around Xander walked out of the room leaving Cordelia staring after him, her heart shattered once again. She pulled herself together as her husband started mumbling something. Her heart slammed into her throat as she realized what he was about to say a second before he said it. "So dear wife, that was the infamous Alex Harris, the guy you spent every night crying over. He doesn't seem to like you much." His voice was full of pain, but also something very close to happiness. Cordelia glanced quickly at Buffy and Willow, who were staring at her ex-husband with identical expressions of disbelief. Cordelia prayed that the police would arrive quickly, before he remembered about the baby. She answered him slowly, her voice much calmer than she felt. "No, he doesn't like me very much." Her ex looked up at the blonde-haired girl who stood over him, looking very much like he was thinking of making a break for it. Cordelia spoke quickly, "I wouldn't move if I were you, she's much tougher than she looks." He glanced up at Buffy again and something in her expression must have backed up Cordelia's words because he didn't move. He spoke to Buffy then, his voice conversational, "She blamed the break-up on me, because I drank a little and liked to party. But she was the one who loved another man. She was my wife because she was punishing herself for failing him. Isn't that nice? And when I come and tell her that I'll give her another chance she tells me no." Buffy and Willow were silent, their faces shocked. Cordelia spoke quietly, trying to keep him from talking anymore, "You came to order me to marry you again so your father wouldn't cut you off. The same reason you married me in the first place." He laughed harshly before shrugging his shoulders, "Oops. Forgot about that." He looked back at Buffy, his face full of charm again. "And now I find out she's pregnant. I'm must admit that I'm a little curious about who would sleep with the frigid bitch." He turned to her, his face bitter. "Whose is it Cordelia? The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker? Or did you convince Alex Harris to give it one more go? I take it from his disgust that you weren't much better for him than you were for me." Cordelia stared horrified as Willow turned to her. The redhead's face was uncertain, but then realization dawned. " Oh my God, Cordelia?" Cordelia's head swam as her lie was uncovered. She suddenly couldn't handle one more word, or look of hate so she turned and ran from the room, leaving Buffy and Willow to clean up her mess. ******* ______________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 17 Jan 1999 00:16:18 EST From: DaniLynn27@aol.com Subject: BUFFYFIC: Torn (9/??) TITLE: Torn (9/??) AUTHOR: Danielle Loughlin aka XandersGirl E-MAIL: DaniLynn27@aol.com FEEDBACK: Always welcome DISTRIBUTION: If I said you could archive it already, go right ahead. Otherwise, please ask. I'll say yes, I just like to know where my work goes. SUMMARY: Willow's stuck between Xander and Oz SPOILERS: through "Lover's Walk" RATING: PG DISCLAIMER: Willow & Co are Evil Joss's & Co. Not mine. Although I sure wish Xander was. Don't sue. I'll be getting this story up on my website as soon as I can. If you're missing earlier parts, just e-mail me and I'll be glad to send them to you. Torn - Part 9 Oz was alone in his room, idly staring at the clock, watching the numbers click by. It was well after midnight. But he couldn't sleep. He couldn't even pick up his guitar and play, which was an action which always soothed his frazzled nerves and helped him work out whatever he was feeling. But he couldn't do it right now. All he could do was sit. And think. About Willow. Very little else was on his mind these days. He could only think about two things. Her, and her and Xander. He wanted so badly to simply take her words at face value and believe her when she said it was over between them. He knew Willow loved him. But he also knew Xander had such a huge part of Willow. A bigger part than he could ever hope for. It was hard for Willow to let Xander, and therefore that piece of her, go. It was never going to be over between the two of them. He could see that. It wasn't something he liked seeing. Oz knew he should be the noble one, the good guy. Step aside. Tell Willow to be with Xander. Let her be happy. Because all he wanted was for Willow to be happy. But Oz was letting the selfish part of him rule his thoughts right now. He wanted Willow to be happy with *him*. Not Xander. He loved her so much. All he wanted was her love in return. But maybe it was too much to ask for. She said, she promised she was his. That all her "stuff" was for him and him only. And Oz knew Willow really meant those words when she said them. She hadn't been lying. But Oz knew that Willow didn't know what she was saying. Well, she knew what she was *saying* saying, but she didn't know she couldn't do it. Oz could see it. Willow could never give up Xander. And it was unfair of him to ask her to. And he wasn't asking her to, per se. He didn't want to destroy the years-old friendship between her and Xander. They had a special thing going. Oz could see that. But what he didn't want was Willow doing the smoochie thing with Xander while she was still calling herself his girlfriend. But even Oz could see it. He didn't know quite what was going on, but recently, the connection between Willow and Xander . . it was more than just teenage hormones. He could tell. This could be the real thing. And the only thing in the way . . was him. Oz sighed and closed his eyes. He couldn't see any way around it. He could either continue his relationship with Willow and always be unsure of her love or feeling like he never had all of her, or he could let her go. But letting her go was going to hurt so much. He loved her. Willow was so different. But it was different good. She was warm and she was sweet and she was intelligent and she was sensitive and she was all those good things rolled up into one pretty red-headed package. She was the kind of girl Oz always dreamed he'd meet. And he had. He wished he'd never seen Willow at the Cultural dance last year. No he didn't. He really didn't wish that. He couldn't imagine his life without Willow in it. She made it all so much better. Everything he felt, he felt it twice as much because Willow shared it with him. But now everything felt wrong, uncertain. He didn't want to always doubt Willow, to wonder if she was thinking of him or of Xander. He also didn't want Willow to play the 'what if' game with herself. If she was always asking herself what if I'd been with Xander, she'd never be completely happy with Oz. He knew what he had to do. But god, he loved her so much. This was going to hurt. He picked up the phone and dialed. ***** Willow picked up the phone on the second ring. "Hello?" she asked, hoping it would be Oz. "Hey." It was. "Hope I didn't wake you up." "You didn't. I was awake, on the computer. What's up?" Willow asked. There was a few seconds of silence, and those few seconds immediately alerted Willow to the fact that Oz had something on his mind. "Oz?" Willow asked again. "Willow?" "Oz? What is it?" Oz's demeanor had her worried. "I think I have to break up with you," Oz said. Willow audibly gasped. "Oz? Why?" she said, tears rising in her eyes. "It's . . hard to explain." "Was it me? Was it something I did?" Willow asked. Then it occurred to her. "Is it Xander?" Oz's hesitation told her she'd hit the nail right on the head. "It's over with me and Xander!" Willow said. "Please believe me." "Willow, I do believe you. But I also know you're not going to be able to stop loving him." "I love *you*" Willow protested. "I know you do. I love you too. But I can't be with you with the ghost of Xander always in my head . . and maybe yours. I don't want you to always wonder 'what if''?" Oz explained. "But there won't be what if . . I already know who I want to be with. I want to be with *you*, Oz. I love you." "I can't do it, Will," Oz said sadly. "Oz, please?" Willow said, desperate. She couldn't lose him. Not after everything she'd gone through to get him back. "I'll do whatever you need, I'll stop hanging around with Xander." "I won't ask you to do that," Oz said. "It'd be unfair to you. And I guess to him too." "Oz . .don't do this," Willow begged. "I have to. Goodbye Willow. I'll see you tomorrow." Before Willow had a chance to respond, the dial tone buzzed softly in her ear. She slowly replaced the receiver. She looked around her room, trying to catch her breath, which had shortened. It was all she could do to keep from breaking down in sobs. She felt frozen. I lost him. I lost him. She was overwhelmed with that feeling of lonliness she'd woken up to after the haunting dream the other night. The gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach was the same. It had come true. She was alone. Willow let out a stifled sob. There was only one thing she wanted to do. When she waslittle, whenever she was upset or scared or just lonely, she'd climb out her balcony window and run the block and a half to Xander's house. He'd kept a ladder outside his bedroom window and Willow had used to to climb up and sneak into Xander's bedroom in the pitch blackness of the night. And she'd climb into bed with him and they'd sleep like that for the rest of the night, the two of them in Xander's She hadn't done that in years though. And looking back at it, she realized it was a miracle she hadn't been killed by vampires. Willow thought about it only two seconds longer, and then she was out the balcony door. ***** Willow stepped through the place in the chain-link fence at the edge of the Harris property where the fence had come apart from the post. Years ago, she and Xander had tugged the opening wider so that they could squeeze through it. She quickly made her way through the backyard and around to the side of the house. She looked up at Xander's bedroom. A faint glow was coming from the window. He probably had the TV on. She tore her gaze away from the window and looked around on the ground. Yes, it was still there. A few feet away, slightly covered with weeds, was the ladder. As quietly as she could she lifted the ladder and leaned it against the house. The ladder seemed to creak loudly as she made her way up. She came to Xander's window and looked in. Xander was on his bed, his back to her. She couldn't see his face. The TV was on an infomercial on some sort of instant spaghetti maker. He had probably fallen asleep. Willow reached for the sash of the window and pushed up. The window opened easily. A few moments later, Willow dropped softly to the rug of Xander's room. Wait a second . . rug? Willow hadn't even known Xander had a rug. She looked around the room incredulously. It was clean. He'd cleaned his room. She managed to stifle a laugh. She crept over to Xander's bed. He was asleep. His chest rose and fell silently in time with his deep, even breathing. His dark hair fell from his forehead into his eyes. He looked so peaceful. Willow noticed he had something clasped in one hand. A picture. She gently pried it out of his grasp, taking care not to wake him. It was a picture of her. Her and Xander. Right before Buffy had arrived in Sunnydale. They were sitting on the front stoop of Willow's house. Xander had his arm slung around Willow's shoulder and Willow had leaned her head against his chest, comfortably settled in the crook of his arm. Both were grinning. Willow smiled at the memory. She looked over at Xander. Still sleeping. She stepped out of her shoes and lifted the corner of the covers. Wordlessly, she slipped into bed beside him, curling up against his warm body. Xander didn't move. She reached for his hand and laced her fingers through his. Within minutes, she was sound asleep. ***** Xander opened his eyes. Something had awakened him from his sleep. It was still dark and the clock on his nightstand read 2:43 a.m. He started to roll over. There was somebody in bed with him. He froze. Then he caught a glimpse of fiery red hair and relaxed. Willow. He smiled down at his sleeping friend, remembering how she used to always come over late at night like this. Willow's hair had fallen into her face, and she had a slight smile on her lips. Xander reached down and tucked the stray strands of hair behind her ear. Slowly, he settled himself back under the covers, taking Willow into his arms. She faced away from him, and he could bury his face in her hair. Letting out a long sigh, Xander gently kissed the top of Willow's head. "I love you, Willow," he whispered, before closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep. ***** Willow worked to keep her face perfectly motionless and her breathing even, continuing to let Xander think she was asleep. He'd woken her up when he touched her hair, but she hadn't opened her eyes, waiting to see what he would do. Her heart had started pounding when she heard his whispered words. After a few moments, when it seemed Xander had gone back to sleep, without even thinking about what she was saying, Willow whispered back to him. "I love you, too." End Part Nine ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 16 Jan 1999 21:10:11 -0800 From: taygeta@juno.com (C. Catherine) Subject: BUFFYFIC: My Moira (12/?) TITLE: My Moira #12 AUTHOR: Taygeta E-MAIL: taygeta@juno.com FEEDBACK: Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint) DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first. RATING: PG KEYWORDS: Future. Semi-Buffy/Xander fanfic, but more Future Slayer. DISCLAIMER: The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright infringement not intended. FUTURE INSTALLMENTS: Since the list is closing down, I'd just like to mention that any future installments will definitely be found at the "My Moira" poriton of my site: http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/network/1038/MM.html *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* My Moira #12 By: Taygeta "So young…so beautiful…so like her mother…" whispered Angelus in the shadows of the cemetery. The dust rose and fell when Moira stumbled and inadvertently staked the vampire in the heart. "Wow," said Moira to Cordelia, who had been following her from a distance, "I wasn't even aiming for that." Her Watcher folded her arms across her chest, "You can't always depend on lucky breaks to help you through your vampire troubles and what if next time, it's not a vampire?" "Then…I…fall over with a machete," the slayer said with her smile that was a strange essence of her mother and her father. "Moira…" Cordelia said with a sigh, "and I thought your Dad was bad when it came to making jokes." "Well, Mom always said that I had Dad's humor." "And that's a good thing?" a voice said questioningly from the shadows. They armed themselves with their stakes and crosses and the slayer said cautiously, "Who's there?" Cordelia stopped her protégé from preceding further, recognizing the voice with an almost nauseating wave of remembrance, "No, Moira…stand back." "You better do as your watcher says, Slayer…you don't wanna mess with me…" Angelus replied as he came from behind the tree in full vampirical form. "Who are you?" The demonic eyes of the long-immortal vampire met the watcher's eyes and grinned with the realization that Moira still did not know who he was in her future and who he had been in her mother's past. Laughing softly as he turned back to the slayer, "My…my…aren't we the innocent. Really, Cordelia…I would have at least thought Buffy would have used me as a pinnacle example for abstinence." "Angel, this is neither the time nor the place…" Cordelia replied stiffly. "And I was never one to defy prophecy, was I?" he chuckled, "200 some odd years in this body, and I never once defied prophecy…maybe it's time I started?" "Prophecy?" Moira asked in a confused tone to her watcher. But Angelus answered in her name, "Prophecy Girl… vampire slayer…headstrong…so much like your mother, you wouldn't believe…" The wrinkle on her forehead deepened, "Who are you?" "Your destiny…" he said, and with that, he disappeared back into the cloak of darkness. "Cordelia?" the slayer questioned her watcher again. She gazed at her slayer for a moment and sighed, "Let's go home, Moira." *~*~* "I still don't understand why you can't tell me," she said exasperatingly when Cordelia stopped in front of the Summers-Harris home. "I can't tell you because it's not my place to tell you. I have to tell you what he represents to you as a slayer, but before I can do that, you have to know what he represented to your mom and only she can tell you that." "So, what do you expect me to do?" she said, "What am I suppose to say? ' Hi, Mom…who's Angel?'" "Moira…" sighed Cordelia. The slayer followed her sigh and replied, "Fine…I'll ask her. Good night, Cordelia." "Good night," she replied and as she saw her slayer walk towards the house, "and good luck…" *~*~* "Mom?" Moira asked looking up from her books on her bed. "Some late night studying?" Buffy said with surprise as she walked into her daughter's room. "A little history homework to finish, that's all," she replied. "Well, I'm glad that you're keeping with your school work, in spite of all this…stuff," her mom said. She kissed her on the cheek and perchance a glance at the latest copy of 21st Era Teen on top of her history book. She took it up and continued, "School work?" "It strengthens my education," Moira justified. Buffy skimmed the cover, "18 ways to tell if he loves you." Her daughter smiled sheepishly as she handed her back to the magazine, "Finish your work and get sleep, huh?" "Yes, Mom. Good night," she said as her mother walked out the room. Contemplating for a moment, she called out, "Mom?" Buffy turned around, "Yeah, honey?" "Who's Angel?" ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] ------------------------------ End of buffyfic-digest V3 #22 ***************************** To subscribe to buffyfic or buffyfic-digest, send the command subscribe buffyfic-digest or subscribe buffy to majordomo@xmission.com. You will need to go through a confirmation process, and the listowners have to manually approve your subscription request, so it may take some time. To unsubscribe, send email to majordomo@xmission.com with unsubscribe buffyfic-digest or unsubscribe buffyfic in the body. Back issues of this digest can be found at: ftp://ftp.xmission.com/pub/lists/buffyfic/archive/ Dalton Spence has also provided an index of the buffyfic archive at: http://www.hwcn.org/~ag775/BUFFYFIC.HTM For help, contact Jill Kirby (jtkirby@mcs.com) or sah (romana@mindspring.com)