From: Lindsey Merrill Subject: JSF: thought you might enjoy these Date: 10 May 1999 00:01:12 -0600 **** Joseph Stout Family Organization mailing list **** GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED 1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4. Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato. 5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7. Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac. 8. Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time. 9. School lunches stick to the wall. 10. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 11. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED 1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree. 2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires. 5. Families are like fudge...mostly sweet with a few nuts. 6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy. 7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. 8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts. 9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day. 10. You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- To unsubscribe from the joseph-stout-family mailing list, send an email to "majordomo@lists.xmission.com" with "unsubscribe joseph-stout-family" as the first and only line in the body of the message. For information on retrieving files and old messages send "help" to the same address. Do not use quotes in your message. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Lurline Russell Subject: JSF: Fw: Fw: If ... Date: 09 May 1999 21:00:37 -0700 **** Joseph Stout Family Organization mailing list **** --------- Forwarded message ---------- Cc: jl14brown@aol.com, yvonnegriffin@juno.com, rhancock@powernet.org, chatch@acrnet.com, robinpoppe@hotmail.com, jries@merhomes.com, ljshum@juno.com, melpaul1@juno.com, cl_russell@juno.com Message-ID: <19990509.101542.-66797.2.kleinmanpine@juno.com> --------- Forwarded message ---------- "Vince Wigglesworth" , "Turner Family Wakefield" , "Tom and Jeanie Gentry" , "Susan Hulse" , "Steve Towne & Family" , "Stephen West" , "Silva Scott" , "Samara" , "S Pritchard" , "Rosie Collins" , "Richard B Towne" , "Richard & Carolyn Eldredge" , "Posting list Shiela Casper" , "Penny Wilby" , , , "Mike Perkis" , "Mike & Debbie Siswick" , "Michael Riley" , "Melissa" , "Marsha Boggs Kleinman" , "Mark Kleinman" , "Mark & Kelly Burnett" , "Marilyn Smith" , "Margie A Kleinman" , "M.R. Fullwood T9753311" , "Lucinda Marie Lemon" , "Lomand Phillips" , "Lewis & Karen Brownlow" , "Lee Aldous & Judy Brown" , "Larry Rollins" , "L. Sokol" , "Kirt Kleinman" , "Kevin Beaumont (home)" , "Karen Lunt" , "Jon Kyl" , "Joy LDS Timbrel" , "John Platt" , "John McCain" , "John Barnsley" , "Joel Musgreave" , "Jason & Laura Ellsworth" , "Jarrod and Andrea Fahey" , "Janell Nichols" , "Ian Day" , "Helen Hughes" , "Hal Koozer" , "Gene W Parker" , "George Jokl" , "Gary & Lori Towne" , "Galen Grossarth" , "Eric & Melinda Kleinman" , "Emily Beck" , "Elder & Sister PJ Livingston" , "Dixie Allen" , "Denise White" , "David & Joyce Brown" , "Craig L. Marshall" , "Carolyn Eldredge" , "C Iversen" , "Angela Livesey" <105314.1454@compuserve.com> Message-ID: <001301be98ce$5530d0a0$c29493c3@mewdmaxa> Return-path: Received: from mx2.boston.juno.com (mx2.boston.juno.com [207.205.100.55]) by m4.boston.juno.com with SMTP id AAA5VGYHQAQ7LEQ2 for (sender ); Fri, 7 May 1999 17:19:42 -0400 (EST) Received: from sand5.global.net.uk (sand5.global.net.uk [194.126.80.249]) by mx2.boston.juno.com with SMTP id AAA5VGYHQABVU5E2 (sender ); Fri, 7 May 1999 17:19:42 -0400 (EST) Received: from pc1s04a02.client.global.net.uk ([195.147.148.194] helo=mewdmaxa) by sand5.global.net.uk with smtp (Exim 2.05 #1) id 10frws-0005Y2-00; Fri, 7 May 1999 22:14:23 +0100 X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express 4.72.3110.5 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit IF If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can overlook it when something goes wrong through no fault of yours and those you love take it out on you, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him, If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, If you can face the world without lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, colour, religion or politics, Then, my friends, you are almost as good as your dog. ________________________________________________________________ Get secure free e-mail that you don't need Web access to use from Juno, the world's second largest online service. Download your free software at http://www.juno.com/getit.b.html. ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- To unsubscribe from the joseph-stout-family mailing list, send an email to "majordomo@lists.xmission.com" with "unsubscribe joseph-stout-family" as the first and only line in the body of the message. For information on retrieving files and old messages send "help" to the same address. Do not use quotes in your message. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Lurline Russell Subject: JSF: Fw: How to drive people insane Date: 13 May 1999 00:49:50 -0700 **** Joseph Stout Family Organization mailing list **** --------- Forwarded message ---------- jbrought@pinacor.com, judybown@xmission.com Message-ID: 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) 3. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.' 4. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 5. Insist that your e-mail address be xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com mailto:xena_goddess_of_fire@companyname.com>, or Elvis_the_King@companyname.com mailto:Elvis_the_King@companyname.com> 6. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 7. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 8. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'. 9. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 10. Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the break room. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that." 11. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 12. Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 13. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." 14. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way. 15 Dont use any punctuation 16. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 17. Ask people what sex they are. 18. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'. 19. Sing along at the opera. 20. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 21. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- To unsubscribe from the joseph-stout-family mailing list, send an email to "majordomo@lists.xmission.com" with "unsubscribe joseph-stout-family" as the first and only line in the body of the message. For information on retrieving files and old messages send "help" to the same address. Do not use quotes in your message.