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Beautifully spoken, Deborah! Y amor y paz contigo = tambien!

-M= ike

-----Original Message-----
From: owner-posdis@lists.xmission.com = [mailto:owner-posdis@lists.xmission.com]On Behalf Of DOSC2@aol.com
Sent: Thursday, April 08, = 2004 10:07 AM
To: = posdis@lists.xmission.com
Subject: Re: (posdis) = transitions

Vaya con Dios, Michael. I = celebrate your courage as you surrender to Spirit's flow on the wings of the = eagle.

Love and = Peace,

Deborah = Owen-Sohocki

<= /p>

- ------=_NextPart_000_0090_01C41D54.514D8630-- - - To unsubscribe to posdis, send an email to "majordomo@xmission.com" with "unsubscribe posdis" in the body of the message. For information on digests or retrieving files and old messages send "help" to the same address. Do not use quotes in your message. ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 19 Apr 2004 11:27:14 -0700 From: "Jody McVittie" Subject: (posdis) Re: (certifiedpda) Kind & Firm Exercise This is a multi-part message in MIME format. - ------=_NextPart_000_0061_01C42601.43C6EEB0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Kelly, Here are some of my strategies and ideas: 1. The whole class is about kindness and firmness. In fact I structure = my class around that. First we look at the world from the view of a = child...and learn about how adult behavior invites child behavior. Then = we get a better look at kindness, then a better look at firmness....and = then we put it together. And they get it over 7 weeks. Last Tuesday I = taught the first night of a class..and they too wanted more specific = "hows" and what does it look like? My response is: I smile, and acknowledge that this is really different than what we were = exposed to growing up...and different from what the "common language" of = our culture is. And that I trust that in a few weeks they will = understand that they actually know more than they think they do about = this. I urge them to take baby steps. It is tempting to want to change = everything after one night of parenting class. But the homework is not = to change anything...just to notice. Spend time observing what happens.. 2) I don't go right into the parenting styles activity the first week = because to really "get" that activity (my perspective) it is really = helpful to get into the mind of a child and learn to see from the kids = perspective. So my first week activity (in addition to the intro to PD = and the two lists, and kindness and firmness) is "winning children = over." I love this activity because it is a relatively safe intro to = role playing, because they get to "be" a kid, because they get to "be" = the "unskilled" parent (intentionally) and mostly because they get to = really hear, many for the first time in their life that kids have = feelings, and they "get" that much of the behavior they are seeing is = invited. I also use the kind and firm again when I do PHPPSS the first = night as they struggle to find solutions, I prompt with "what would = "kind and firm" look like here?" 3) The second night of class I use a warm up that plays on that by = having them introduce themselves (using their own name) but as their = child (" Hi, My name is Jody. I'm nineteen this week...and away at = college... and you know...I really am beginning to like my parents." or = "Hi, my name is Jody and I'm 13 and jeeze I wish my mom would just quit = nagging me. She keeps asking me to do my chores...and I'll get to them. = If I forget...I'll get to them the next day...I don't know what her = problem is about having some space in the kitchen during the day. She = should just chill.) Then we go back to the kindness and firmness graph = and do the parenting styles activity. I like how the parents in the = class listen differently the second week...and now they can use it = really effectively in the groups as they brainstorm how a parenting = style invites behaviors from a child. I think the absorbtion time is = really helpful. More ahas. And again more practice during PHPPSS. (What = would kindness and firmness look like here?) 4) After that I do a week on "kindness" (encouragement the language of = love, praise vs. encouragement). This is a fun class for them. The = kindness piece is not so much of a stretch. They feel more skilled. It = is a great stepping stone. I also help them learn to see things they = like in their kids. 5) Then comes the tough part. Letting go of punishment (understanding = the results of punishment) and looking at alternatives. They really = need to be encouraged to take baby steps again here. This is where the = paradigm shift begins to happen big time. The cool things is that by = now (4th week of class) many of the parents are starting to have = success...just from the small changes we have made. That success (which = we make time to share) helps the rest of the class have hope and move = more toward the mutual respect that is kindness and firmness. For the last 3 classes we work on practical tools that review and cement = what we've learned: family meetings, quick parentingtools, curiosity = questions, family jobs, family funm sibling rivalry, ...and each class a = PHPPSS...which is the best tool of all. I really use kindness and firmness (or mutual respect) as the backbone = of the class...something that provides the strength and structure for = the whole class. Way too big an idea for one activity. Maybe others have different approaches. Jody PS. I moved this and the question to the posdisc. list because I thought = it would be of general interest to all the parenting instructors. =20 ----- Original Message -----=20 From: KellyGlenn@aol.com=20 To: certifiedpda@lists.xmission.com=20 Sent: Monday, April 19, 2004 5:03 AM Subject: (certifiedpda) Kind & Firm Exercise I have been doing the "Kind & Firm" graph alot lately and I just LOVE = IT!!! One thing that has come up in our discussions is that of the 4 = different types of families, Kind & Firm seems like the most difficult = to achieve. I have started bringing up that point to help the parents = know that everyone ELSE isn't just cruising along with being kind and = firm and they are the only parents who find it difficult. I bring this = in when I discuss that our world has many models for kindness and many = models for firmness, but few models for kindness and firmness at the = same time. Does anyone have a good idea for where to go from that = point??? Many parents then of course really want to know HOW to be kind = and firm and I want to be able to give some examples or something that = helps them see the difference. When I do the brick, koosh ball activity, then I usually go right into = the role plays about what each style invites. Would that be something = to do as well with the Kind & Firm graph?? What do you all do next = after the kind & firm graph? Kelly Pfeiffer Greenville, SC=20 - ------=_NextPart_000_0061_01C42601.43C6EEB0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Kelly, Here are some of my strategies = and=20 ideas:

1. The whole class is about kindness = and firmness.=20 In fact I structure my class around that. First we look at the = world from=20 the view of a child...and learn about how adult behavior invites child = behavior.=20 Then we get a better look at kindness, then a better look at = firmness....and=20 then we put it together. And they get it over 7 weeks. Last = Tuesday I=20 taught the first night of a class..and they too wanted more specific = "hows" and=20 what does it look like? My response is:

I smile, and acknowledge that this is = really=20 different than what we were exposed to growing up...and different from = what the=20 "common language" of our culture is. And that I trust that in a few = weeks they=20 will understand that they actually know more than they think they do = about=20 this. I urge them to take baby steps. It is tempting to want to = change=20 everything after one night of parenting class. But the homework is not = to change=20 anything...just to notice. Spend time observing what = happens..

2) I don't go right into the parenting = styles=20 activity the first week because to really "get" that activity (my = perspective)=20 it is really helpful to get into the mind of a child and learn to see = from the=20 kids perspective. So my first week activity (in addition to the intro to = PD and=20 the two lists, and kindness and firmness) is "winning children = over." I=20 love this activity because it is a relatively safe intro to role = playing,=20 because they get to "be" a kid, because they get to "be" the "unskilled" = parent=20 (intentionally) and mostly because they get to really hear, many = for the=20 first time in their life that kids have feelings, and they "get" = that much=20 of the behavior they are seeing is invited. I also use the kind = and firm=20 again when I do PHPPSS the first night as they struggle to find = solutions, I=20 prompt with "what would "kind and firm" look like here?"

3) The second night of class I use a = warm up that=20 plays on that by having them introduce themselves (using their own name) = but as=20 their child (" Hi, My name is Jody. I'm nineteen this week...and away at = college... and you know...I really am beginning to like my = parents." or=20 "Hi, my name is Jody and I'm 13 and jeeze I wish my mom would just = quit=20 nagging me. She keeps asking me to do my chores...and I'll get = to=20 them. If I forget...I'll get to them the next day...I don't know = what her=20 problem is about having some space in the kitchen during the day. She = should=20 just chill.) Then we go back to the kindness and firmness graph = and do the=20 parenting styles activity. I like how the parents in the class = listen=20 differently the second week...and now they can use it really = effectively in=20 the groups as they brainstorm how a parenting style invites behaviors = from a=20 child. I think the absorbtion time is really helpful. More ahas. = And again=20 more practice during PHPPSS. (What would kindness and firmness look like = here?)

4) After that I do a week on = "kindness" =20 (encouragement the language of love, praise vs. encouragement). = This is a=20 fun class for them. The kindness piece is not so much of a stretch. They = feel=20 more skilled. It is a great stepping stone. I also help them learn to = see things=20 they like in their kids.

5) Then comes the tough part. Letting = go of=20 punishment (understanding the results of punishment) and looking at=20 alternatives. They really need to be encouraged to take baby steps = again=20 here. This is where the paradigm shift begins to happen big = time. =20 The cool things is that by now (4th week of class) many of the parents = are=20 starting to have success...just from the small changes we have made. = That=20 success (which we make time to share) helps the rest of the class have = hope and=20 move more toward the mutual respect that is kindness and = firmness.

For the last 3 classes we work on = practical tools=20 that review and cement what we've learned: family meetings, quick=20 parentingtools, curiosity questions, family jobs, family funm sibling = rivalry,=20 ...and each class a PHPPSS...which is the best tool of all.

I really use kindness and firmness (or = mutual=20 respect) as the backbone of the class...something that provides the = strength and structure for the whole class. Way too big an idea for one=20 activity.

Maybe others have different=20 approaches.

Jody

PS. I moved this and the question to = the posdisc.=20 list because I thought it would be of general interest to all the = parenting=20 instructors.

----- Original Message -----

From:=20 KellyGlenn@aol.com